Instant Orgasm: Excitement at First Touch (35 page)

If you wish to study with us we would ask you to put the old thing in moth- balls and actively participate in your own training. You could always bring it back into use after you’ve finished with your training, though we doubt you would want to at that point.

•

Q

My questions surround antidepressants and sexual desire. I have long suffered from severe depressive episodes, and, thankfully, with the grace and love of the divine, I feel back in the game again.

I have such a devoted, adorable, loving, and supportive fiancé. He’s seven years

younger than me and has a very active sex drive. We have been together for five and a half years, and in the beginning our sex life was very
hot
. I love, adore, and cherish him, but sometimes I just don’t desire sex, and I feel like

there is something wrong with me. Although he acknowledges the fact that my libido may be low because of the meds I take, he also wonders if he just doesn’t have it like he used to. He desires to adore me and give me pleasure, but sometimes I’m just not in the mood. In fact, I’m more not in the mood than in. Any thoughts on how I can spice up our sex life again?

— Wanting More

A

Dear Wanting More,

Thank you for asking. You can have pleasure if you decide to. Your libido is part of you, but you are the one who has the final say. You

are the decider of your desires. Read what we wrote to Libidoless Mom. You are in a similar place, and so are many women. Set aside some specific time and make it a priority to have some form of a sensual experience with your

guy. You can do different things each time. For ideas, you can use some of the exercises in
To Bed or Not to Bed
. And don’t forget to stimulate other parts of your bodies besides the genitals. Make it a fun game, not something you will

want to avoid. Watch each other masturbate; think up fantasies that you and your partner will enjoy. Be creative, and don’t wait for the libido fairy. Take a class in learning how to expand your orgasm and how to control one in some- one else’s body.

•

Q

Could you give us some information about the G-spot orgasm?

— Ms. Gee

A

Dear Ms Gee,

The term G-spot was coined in 1950 by Dr. Ernest Gräfenburg. Whether he found it on his wife or in the laboratory we are not

sure. It refers to the spongy tissue in the front of the vaginal wall. The surface of the vaginal wall itself lacks specific nerve receptors for pressure, but the nerves that innervate the clitoris run through this area. These are the nerves that are stimulated when stroking the G-spot region.

Imagine the vaginal entry as a clock, with twelve o’clock at the top of the opening and six o’clock at the bottom, where it meets the perineum. The G- spot area would be found just inside the vagina, on the twelve o’clock side. If using two fingers, slightly spread them to avoid stimulating the exact center, which is where the urethral canal is located. Stimulation in this area can be painful to some women. On the other hand, some women actually enjoy be- ing stroked here, so check things out and experiment. Position the hand palm up, with the pads of the index and middle fingers penetrating about one and a half to two inches inside the vagina, about up to the second knuckle. Stroke the spongy, bulbous tissue on the roof of the vagina with a come-hither motion. Sometimes you can place the two fingers deeper inside the vagina and then crook them, pressing the back of the fingers against the top of the va- gina to stimulate the G-spot. In either case, continue stimulating the head of the clitoris while you stimulate the G-spot. The head of the clitoris is where the highest concentration of nerve receptors is found, and the G-spot is one of the few areas inside the vagina that can be fun to stimulate after the head of the clitoris is engorged and orgasming. In our DEMO class we stimulate only the head of the clitoris for the first thirty minutes; then we penetrate with our fingers and include stimulation of the G-spot region. It can be a lot of fun to

stroke these two areas simultaneously.

The G-spot is highly overhyped and was actually originally promoted in order to sell certain dildos or vibrators.

•

Q

You wrote in your last message to me that just because my man does not want to do a session, it doesn’t mean that
I
can’t. Hmm. I’m not sure how to navigate that one. We’re married, and, um,

well, having someone else rub on my clit, even for training purposes—I don’t think it would fly. If you recall, in the session we had with you, you coached him through it. Steve did not touch me.

That session with you changed my body forever. It awakened pleasure that I am still very much enjoying. I can only imagine what regular sessions would do to me. I want more. And, yes, there is a part of me that feels that it is my body and my right to awaken more—a part that is annoyed that I have to tip- toe around him. How have other students of yours successfully navigated this issue? Do you have any advice for me?

— Wanting More

A

Dear Wanting More,

Now this is a fine question. It is one that a number of women face in more ways than just this specific scenario. For example, is it

okay for a man other than your husband or boyfriend to buy you presents and to want to give you things? Is it okay to flirt with other men?

Many women who come to us have husbands who understand what we do and who do not feel threatened by it. They want their wives to have all the goodies that are available because they understand that having them will make their wives more fun, more appreciative, and kinder to them.

For the guys who resist this, it is usually about their egos. They think that because we are such experts they will compare unfavorably. This is not true. In fact, they will benefit from the opening up and blossoming of their beloved. It is their conditioning that gives them this narrow viewpoint. The issue is re- ally about the state of your relationship and exactly how you want it to be, with both of you winning and getting what you each want. This is not only possible; it is really the only way to build the highest bond and intimacy that is achiev- able between two people. You do not want to have to “tiptoe”; you want to be able to speak and do as you see fit. You do not want to hurt him. You want him to want what you want. You want him to trust that your feelings are inclusive and beneficial to both of you.

So how, then, does a woman go about getting her guy to see the value of her goals? First of all, she must continue being nice. Getting angry at him won’t help. Remember that it is the viewpoints that are getting in the way—not him. People think they are their viewpoints. But actually we are viewpoint holders. We can have multiple viewpoints, even on a single topic.

One way to cause a man to win, especially when he thinks he is going to lose, is to put him at cause for the goodies in your life, including the expan- sion of your orgasmic potential. That is, embrace a viewpoint that makes him a co-creator in this pleasure adventure, and communicate your appreciation to him regularly. Include him in what is happening with your goals and ideas; ask him for his input on how to get the things you want. Approach this as part of a team, and communicate better and more often in all areas of the relation- ship.