Instant Orgasm: Excitement at First Touch (33 page)

the gold.” I may have been wrong: There is one prisoner you get to keep (if you get my drift in the context of my answer to the last question), so make sure it is more like summer camp than a concentration camp.

Thanks for the great questions. They were fun to answer. You definitely have some wonderful appetite.

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Q

Can you describe a good way that I can give my boyfriend a really gratifying ejaculation with my hands?

— Raggedy Handy

A

Dear Raggedy,

We love this question because we have noticed that many women can get a guy off without any problem, except they kind of space

out when he starts to squirt. We included some information on this topic in Chapter 7 of this book (“The Pleasure of Peaking”), and we just want to re- mind you that when you are ready to squirt him, keep feeling your own plea- sure and keep communicating with him. Let him know that you are ready to squirt him or make him come or whatever words you like. I remember one woman who said to me, “I am no longer fooling around; this time I’m taking you all the way.”

A good stroke to use is to place one hand fully around his penis, milking it all the way from bottom to top using whatever speed he likes. Although the emphasis is on the upstroke, do not remove your hand when going back down to the base of his penis but feel his penis all the way down, too. You can use your second hand to stimulate his engorged “hidden” cock by stroking your fingertips along his perineum, under his scrotum, again placing the empha- sis on the upstroke, moving in the direction from anus to scrotum. This stroke can synchronize with the one on his penis—that is, both hands stroking up- ward at the same time and at a similar speed. I like fairly light pressure on my penis and a little more pressure on my perineum area. You will have to find out from your partner what amount of pressure he prefers.

Besides this stroke, you can use almost any pleasurable stroke on his penis, a long or short stroke, with one hand or two. Once you’ve established a good stroke, don’t peak him here by changing the stroke; perhaps use more inten- tion and maybe a little more speed as you approach the point of no return. As he starts to ejaculate please do not stop stroking him, which we have noticed that some women do; maintain as much contact between your hand and his penis as you can. If anything, increase your attention on the pleasure in your hands as he begins to ejaculate. You can let him know, “Here it comes; big gobs of ejaculate landed on your belly” (or the ceiling). Keep doing the same stroke for the first few explosions. After the early bursts continue with the same mo- tion, lightening up and slowing down a little with each stroke. Keep doing this as long as he has sensation and is being pleasured. This can last for quite a few strokes as long as you keep reducing the pressure. Then you can wipe him off by lightly dabbing the towel against his penis without including any rubbing or friction.

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Q

My brain’s libido is stuck desiring a man who has no desire for me. Currently I have resigned myself to remaining friends with him rather than continuing to be occasional lovers. My body and soul

loved having sex with him. I love his smell, his sweat; his vibe sends me into sublime revelry. I am so turned on when I walk five steps into his apartment that I can barely contain myself. But he is currently involved with someone else, and I need to move on.

I have had other men since him, but my brain lingers on thoughts that compare these lovers to him. So far, other men smell sour or not right, the vibe is not there, and sometimes certain parts of them make me absolutely gag. When I was with him I loved being covered with his sweat and his being. I haven’t seen him in nearly a year, but I just can’t move on. Trying to find some- one to re-create those feelings with has been so difficult, yet I am trying super hard to have an open mind. When he pops into my brain (which seems to be every day), I even whisper a mantra to myself to get him out of my head: “He has no love for me, and this is not working well.”

I have been doing my best with self-pleasuring, but after months and months I still feel that I am not moving forward. I am ever so tired of this one- sided love affair.

— Ms. Victim

A

Dear Ms. Victim,

Poor baby, such a victim! Unfortunately your plight is apparently shared by a number of women, some of whom call themselves

Goddesses. We feel conflicted responses, such as wanting to hug you and put your head in our lap and say, “There, there,” but also wanting to smack you and say, “Wake up and live.” But you are living and you’re making the choice to lose, yet you are looking for help, which is a good sign.

The past is the past, and it is time to move on, as you say. First of all, do not go out anymore with anyone who smells sour. Next, you can do a spring cleaning on the old guy to remove all that charge. (Read Chapter 4 in our book

To Bed or Not to Bed
for this and other exercises.) Finally, do a better job on

your self-pleasuring, which means placing more emphasis on setting up your space. Create a worthy environment in which to cherish yourself and fall in love with yourself by doing the mirror exercise with unabashed lustful love for yourself and your exquisite body. The more love you heap upon yourself, the less neediness you will project and the better the guy you will attract.

You are responsible for your life, and everything that has led you up to this moment was perfect just the way it was. You are now ready for the best time of your life. Take the bull by the horns; take the tiger by the tail. Come out to Cali- fornia and learn what orgasm is really about. Take enjoyment from whatever you do, including thinking about your past. It is your destiny! It’s up to you.

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Q

I have done some meditating and visualizing, and I hear and see desirable outcomes to my situations. These serve as crystal-clear confirmation that what I desire is coming to me, particularly when

I’m not looking for it. (I’ll be visualizing about furniture or career, and a great guy will show up, unbidden.) I also have a level of intuitive knowledge that I

am beginning to learn to listen to, but occasionally I’m very quick to draw conclusions about how to get there. I lunge at what I see coming to me (be- cause I can see it), and I suspect I get in the way of its arrival.

What I have difficulty with is my ego surrendering the “how” to allow for greater co-creation. I’m an electrical engineer, and I’m often a creator all by myself. I feel like I’m getting in the way of the universe delivering my desires to me, because I keep peeking in the oven to look at the soufflé.

— Confused

A

Dear Confused,

This sounds a lot like psycho-babble, yet we see a real question hidden here. Yes, your doubt will clog up the works and slow the

delivery. In your case, it sounds as though doubt and uncertainty are showing up in the form of impatience. It’s like you’re planting a seed and then digging it up every day to check on its progress.