Instant Orgasm: Excitement at First Touch (34 page)

You have to get your desires straight, prioritized, and pleasure-oriented, and you must appreciate any movement toward your goals. The soufflé com- ment is a cute analogy. It’s okay to look in the oven; maybe get a glass window so you don’t have to open the oven door. And don’t forget to enjoy the aroma as the soufflé is baking. Feel your mouth moisten and salivating as it antici- pates a great feast. It’s all in the attitude.

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Q

It has been a very long time since I have been in an open sexual arena. I’ve been divorced for two years, and I’ve had no sex for the last five years. I have had a close male friend for seven years. I don’t

know how to make the jump into letting him know of my passionate desires for him. I feel like I am fourteen, with the blazing appetite of a fifty-year-old woman. How do I switch gears with him without coming on too strong? There is a tremendous static in the air—like a crackling energy. What do I say? What do I do? I know that I am on the cusp of something really big.

— Fallen

A

Dear Fallen,

Ain’t love great? Being that you are fifty and not fourteen, you can communicate your feelings to this man without worrying what

the heck the rest of the world thinks. The meek and timid may inherit the earth, but do you have time to wait? We do not know his story—is he mar- ried, divorced, what? And we do not know what his feelings are for you. He may have the same feelings for you as you do for him, and he may have his own reasons for not talking about them to you. On the other hand, maybe he just wants to be friends and does not have the same feelings. You have to find out.

You can ask him directly how he feels toward you. You can slowly tell him of your passionate feelings, being alert to his responses, so that if he shows any resistance you can play with it. You know, use the old push-pull game. You can let loose your feminine charms and your turn-on and play with his male re- sponse. What man would not want to hear that some Goddess is hot for him? You can seduce him if he is reluctant but shows some interest in you. You can talk to his friends about him to find out more. You can ask him out on a date,

maybe a walk in the park, and get to know him even better. Read our book
To Bed or Not to Bed
for more hints on how to seduce this lucky guy. The worst

that can happen is that you strike out with him, but if you don’t take some swings you will never know. Go for the fun.

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Q

I’m a little confused by your discussion of female orgasm. I didn’t learn how to have an orgasm from a man. I learned it from self- pleasuring on my own as a preteen and teenager. My orgasms,

both by myself and with a man, do sometimes have the build-up and then re- lease—what you describe as a “crotch sneeze”—and sometimes I suppose I am tensing up as I move toward them. But I didn’t learn that from anyone, just from my own body. My orgasms are quite pleasurable, and I sort of enjoy the intensity of the build-up and release, especially with a partner.

I have always been able to have orgasms during intercourse, and I love them. I suspect that I naturally created some of the connections you describe in your books, because I don’t think my clitoris is particularly close to my

vagina. In addition, I have noticed that manual and/or oral stimulation before and during intercourse make a difference for me.

Of course, I am definitely intrigued by the idea of having the feelings of pleasure go on longer than they do, as in an EMO, and I can completely un- derstand that if a woman felt pressured to come the way that her male partner does it could be problematic, so I commend you for setting things straight. But my question is: Do I need to change the way I do things? Am I missing out on something? Is there something wrong with crotch sneezes?

I really enjoy the feeling of connection that I experience with a partner during intercourse, and though I certainly feel connected during other types of stimulation it’s not the same feeling. Is this normal? Is it okay to enjoy inter- course as much as, and possibly more than, manual stimulation?

Basically, I feel in agreement with my own sexuality, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me, but after reading your books it appears that there’s another perspective and experience out there that I wasn’t aware of.

— Crotch Sneezeophiliac

A

Dear Sneezeophiliac,

You are in a very good place. You have orgasms and you can have them with intercourse. The only trouble with being in a good place

is that it is difficult to get to a better one from there, as you do not have the bad chasing your ass down the block. Dealing with getting from good to better is our forte, so we appreciate your question.

First of all, we do not do amputations, so you get to keep everything you al- ready have, including your “crotch sneezes.” We
do
offer women a way to have a different, and we think important, new perspective about what is possible in

the arena of orgasmic potential. This will not require that you give anything up, but rather that you include a new discipline or practice that takes time and attention, hopefully of the fun variety, as you explore your body’s ability to feel. You can practice on your own, practice with your partner, or for the quickest results practice with us (pricier than the first two options).

There are plenty of women who love to have intercourse—maybe not as many as truth will tell, but still plenty, and our work only enhances this ability. At this time, you may enjoy intercourse more than manual stimulation. There

are intimacy and conditioning factors that prejudice many people toward in- tercourse, and, again, we do not want you to give it up. We would, however, remind you that you have not yet enjoyed great manual stimulation, so you can hardly compare the two at this point in your life. This may turn out to be a great competition, with you as the direct beneficiary!

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Q

I have been wavering back and forth between going cold turkey from vibrator to manual, but I can’t seem to bring myself to cut the cord. I have had a plug-in for twelve years that gives me orgasms

galore. Yet I have had an orgasm only once while being stimulated manually by a guy. At age thirty-three, I feel quite overdue for many more, but I also feel so enlivened, balanced, and nourished by the many I have received from my vibe. I’m curious to know your opinion. Do you believe vibrators to be valu- able to a woman’s pleasure?

— Like My Vibe

A

Dear Like My Vibe,

As we told Sneezeophiliac, we do not perform amputations. You can continue with your vibrator. That being said, if you are to be-

come a serious student of sensuality your vibrator will have to be replaced by your hand, someone else’s hand, and additionally a water-hose attachment. The vibrator is great if you want to use it to relieve tension with a short blast; however, it often numbs the nervous system, making it more difficult to re- ceive lighter, more finessed touches. Perhaps you can wean yourself off it by doing exercises from our books and then only occasionally using it for old- time’s sake.