Instant Orgasm: Excitement at First Touch (31 page)

We receive e-mails from all over the world, yet the questions posed in them are often very similar. The best kind of question to ask is one that reveals some- thing about you and that feels risky to ask. Simply by asking questions you will open new doors to creating more pleasure. The root of the word itself comes

from the Latin word
questare,
which is also the root for the word “quest.” Here

are a few quests we have gone on with our readers in the past couple of years.

•

Q

I am attached to the idea of “loving” the man I surrender to, but I fear I create a kind of catch-22 for myself. I fall in love very, very rarely and thus enter long periods of sexual aloneness. I desire to

have many satisfying sensual and sexual experiences, but that is so difficult when I have to feel a lot of emotional attachment in order to surrender.

Can you advise me of any concrete (baby) steps that I could take to make my life more fun and satisfying until my legendary love appears?

— Baby Steps

153

A

Dear Baby Steps,

Remember that you are not surrendering to any individual; you are surrendering to your own pleasure. That means if you let some

man take control of your nervous system, he is not defeating you; he is serv- ing you.

We believe that we are all responsible for our lives and that we pick and choose according to our greatest desires. You have to decide what your prior- ity is: pleasure or waiting for Prince Charming. Meanwhile, we suggest that you practice pleasuring yourself with your own hand or with a water hose; you can find appropriate exercises in this book.

Vera and I started out as research partners. She was married, and I was in love with another woman. We created great pleasure together without a whole lot of emotional attachment, and then we began to fall in love with each other, slowly yet continuously. Today we have one of the best relationships we know of. Deciding what to do is up to you. It is okay to wait for the right guy, but from your question we wonder if you may want to go more in the other direction.

•

Q

Until last year, I had a very healthy libido, having experienced many years of enjoyable sexual encounters. Oddly, since getting

married and having a baby,
nothing
turns me on any longer. I real-

ize a woman’s libido can be reduced after childbirth (and I do still breast-feed), but it’s been seventeen months and I have absolutely no interest in sex of any kind.

You say two of the biggest enemies of turn-on are anger and doubt. I don’t feel particularly “angry,” though I’ve always wished my husband had a higher sex drive and was more demonstrative. I’ve considered “doubt,” but all I can come up with is the fact that I might be a little detached from my pussy since childbirth. My son weighed nine pounds and I had lots of stitches. Not that I’m afraid sex will hurt (we’ve done it; it doesn’t). It’s more of an awareness that my body has changed slightly.

I do get a reasonable amount of sleep, for a mom. I’m not overly stressed and I like the way my body looks. I just started reading
To Bed or Not to Bed

and I made an appointment for a blood test, just in case. Overall, I love my life. In many ways I’ve never been happier, but I know that I’m not being true to myself by living without sex and being so out of touch with my sensuality.

— Libidoless Mom

A

Dear Libidoless Mom,

We have met many women who have refrained from sex after birthing, often for as long as two years. If you want to have more

sensuality in your life you will have to be more deliberate. People find lots of reasons
not
to have sensual experiences. You will have to look a little harder and deeper to find reasons to have them. We call these things “assigned au-

thors,” and they can come in the form of a friend, a book, a course, or what- ever excuse you can use. People (women) do not have to feel in heat or totally aroused in order to have a pleasure experience. They do have to admit that they feel kind of flat sexually yet would like to go for it anyway. Once you start, the juices will flow and you will have fun no matter how little you felt like it at first. On the other hand, you do not have to have sex; it is not necessary to life, like breathing and eating. By just asking this question you are on the path to more pleasure.

By the way, from your letter and knowing what we know about women, we would say that you do have anger toward your husband. You do not have to. Choose pleasure. Talk to your husband nicely (use the training cycle) about making more offers to you, and be receptive in your responses to them.

Q

Thanks so much for your elegant response. I would love to have a bit more clarity, if I may. I understand the “assigned authors” to be things/people I can use to stimulate my interest in sex. Is this cor-

rect? How would this work?

A

You can use our answer as your assigned author. Think of it as a homework assignment. Arrange a date for you and your husband to get away to someplace nice. Buy some pretty underwear or a

lacy garment that you feel would turn your guy on, and more importantly that turns you on. Create a little basket of goodies, such as chocolate or berries or

whatever both of you like to taste, and include something to drink. Make sure you have some music, flowers, and the like—items to stimulate all five of your senses. Imagine a fantasy that you can use to turn each other on. Create the space, arrange the time, and handle all his resistances, because there surely will be some. We recommend reading about how to create an all-day pleasure

experience in our book
Extended Massive Orgasm
. Although it is designed for

pleasuring a woman, you can use it to inspire ideas about how to pleasure a guy, too. Give him the most erotic, fun time he has ever had.

In addition, we also want you to get off in whatever way you want to at least once a day. These are your assignments, and we are your assigned authors. If you do not follow our instructions, it means you are not giving us enough power and we will have to charge you. Does this make it clearer?

•