Instant Orgasm: Excitement at First Touch (16 page)

You want to create a safe and pleasant environment for your pleasure ac- tivities. Whether it is the bed or a soft rug in front of the fireplace, take time to set up the space so you have all your accessories nearby, such as extra pil- lows, lubricant, and something to drink. Follow the guidelines that we pro- vided in the self-pleasuring exercises in Chapter 2. The goal is to make sure that both you and your partner are very comfortable. As part of creating the atmosphere, it is a good idea beforehand to talk about the impending expe- rience. This should help to get your partner into the mood and to accept the feeling of being attended to.

Y More on the Importance Z

of Acknowledgment

When being pleasured, it is best to be at total effect. Basically, this means we want you just to lie there and feel. There is one important exception to this rule and that is to acknowledge any and all positive feelings you experience, a topic we introduced in the previous chapter and wish to expand on here. This is one of the most difficult yet important parts of learning how to receive great plea- sure. It is difficult because, as we have said, we have been conditioned by our society to avoid talking during a sensual encounter. It is important for at least three reasons:

1. to stay in Present time
   

   The first reason to acknowledge your pleasure is because it keeps you in pres- ent time. The more you can connect the pleasure in your genitals with your brain by speaking appreciative words, the more you will be focused on the present moment rather than drifting into your head and leaving the scene.
   

   Speak up and acknowledge pleasant sensations, yet do so without think- ing too hard about what to say. Simple statements such as “That feels great,” or “Yes,” or “Keep doing that” are all that is necessary. Once a person learns to speak easily when being pleasured, they can get a little more creative. Com- ments like “That light stroke on my clitoris is so fine,” or “Your finger is on the perfect spot,” or “I can feel the electricity go down my leg to my foot” are some examples.
   

   As we said in the previous chapter, the pleasure giver is also well advised to acknowledge the pleasure they are experiencing. Doing so will help to keep them in present time and prevent them from drifting into their heads. Say things like “Your contractions feel so good against my thumb” or “Your pussy feels so delicious.” You can also report on what you notice in the body of the person you are pleasuring. Try statements like “Your face and neck are fully flushed and look beautiful” or “I just felt your clitoris become harder and more engorged.” This sort of verbal appreciation works for any person of either sex while receiving or giving pleasure.
   

2. to Create more Pleasure
   

   A second reason for verbally acknowledging the pleasure you are receiving is that the act of appreciating enables you to finish a cycle and go on to the next level. We call this part of the pleasure cycle “swallowing.” It is a form of con- sumption that is often overlooked, which causes more problems than any- thing else in life, especially during sensual activity. If you were to eat without swallowing, you would find it impossible to keep eating. It is equally impor- tant to chew the food properly. Sensually speaking, this means you want to taste and relish each morsel, and it applies to receiving the next great stroke as much as it does to eating.
   

   So by verbally acknowledging your pleasure, you are actually committing a selfish act—in a good way, of course. People who are too angry or lazy or
   

   whatever to communicate their positive feelings actually hurt themselves the most. They cannot go to the next pleasurable level, and, in fact, actually create a downward cycle leading to decreased pleasure.
   

3. to Keep Your Partner Interested
   

A third reason to verbally acknowledge your pleasure is to communicate that you are enjoying the experience so the person giving you pleasure knows they are succeeding. Most men, especially, have some doubt about their ability to produce pleasure in a woman’s body. Your reassurance that you like what your partner is doing will make him or her want to continue doing it, and they will feel good about themselves and about you. Men are success junkies, and a lit- tle approval will make them want to give you even more pleasure. If you fail to show much approval or to communicate your appreciation for their ac- tions, they will doubt that you are enjoying yourself and will probably want to stop—even if you are secretly loving the experience. Moaning and making sounds is sometimes effective, but it is much better to use specific words.

Men can have a tendency to overproduce. A man has to learn to end the action or take a break before the person he is pleasuring stops wanting more. We will describe how to do this in Chapter 7, “The Pleasure of Peaking.”

A lack of acknowledgment is probably the single most problematic thing in lovemaking and in relationships in general. If more couples verbally ac- knowledged and appreciated each other, there would be far fewer divorces. A doubt that your partner appreciates you can and often does turn into some form of anger, which often shows up as an avoidance of confrontation or a lack of attention to the relationship. Things will not get any better until at least one person starts to talk. Again, by acknowledging the fun you are receiving you reward your partner, which will ultimately benefit you, too.

Y Addressing a Negative Occurrence Z

Of course, sometimes a negative occurrence has to be addressed, a topic we touched on in the previous chapter and that deserves another mention here. During our sessions with students, we ask them to let us know right away if there’s anything they want to change. If they experience any negative feel- ings or physical discomfort we want them to speak up immediately instead

of hoping the situation will magically take care of itself. Whenever possible, it is best to use the three-step training cycle (positive acknowledgment—re- quest for change—positive acknowledgment) to address any negative con- cerns. However, if something is really injurious or harmful we would hope the person would speak up quickly. A person who is feeling negative, for whatever reason, will have little attention left for pleasure.

Y Dealing with the Verbally Challenged Z

If during a sensual session the pleasure recipient shows resistance by failing to verbally approve of the experience, there are a number of things the pleasure giver can do. The most reliable is to stop touching the person right away. Tell them that you would love to give them pleasure and that you will if they show some kind of acknowledgment or appreciation. Let them know that when they do not communicate their pleasure, you are unsure if they like what they are getting, which makes it less fun to try to pleasure them. If you address this issue before beginning the experience, then while you are pleasuring them you can remind them to speak up, and they will know why and what to do and will not become surprised and/or hurt.

A reverse-psychology trick we sometimes employ is to tell a student who is verbally challenged that for the next peak we forbid them to do any kind of acknowledging. We say we want them to be totally quiet until we tell them they can acknowledge again. We continue to do this, or we switch back and forth between voice-off and voice-on, changing the rule with each peak. A third method is for the pleasure giver to do all the verbal acknowledging for both parties. You can inform the pleasure recipient that they do not have to say anything, although they can if they so desire at any time, and that you will do the talking for both. The recipient will likely want to start talking if doing so seems fun, especially if they do not have to.

Y Feel the Heat Z

Here’s a preliminary activity that will greatly intensify your first touch on your partner’s body, enhancing the instantly orgasmic sensations. After a woman student has lain down, or sometimes when she is still standing, I may hold my

hand over her genitals and ask if she can feel the warmth emanating from her genitals to my hand. If I feel heat coming from her genitals, I point it out to her. If I do not feel any heat, I may instruct her to send some heat down to her genitals or “pussy.”

While still not touching her, I may place my hand above her throat, which is a place where sexual heat can get stuck, and ask her to direct that heat down to her genitals by focusing her attention. I then slowly lower my hand toward her genitals, moving past her breasts and belly, asking her to follow my hand with her heat.

This almost always works to some extent, and I reward her by telling her that I can feel more heat now emanating from her genitals. You can repeat the process if you want an even greater result. This sort of activity helps a person increase the feeling in their body and helps them shift their attention to where you want it to be.

Y Point-and-Feel Orgasm Z

Before getting to the bed, or maybe after the heat demonstration, I may point to a woman’s clitoris and instruct her to feel my intention. Intention is the power to manifest a desire. During this activity, it is generally a good idea to tell her in advance of each step what you are going to do next, as surprises usu- ally bring a person down. If you point to her clitoris, do it with a lot of inten- tion and focus. Most women will admit that they feel something, but some women who aren’t used to feeling much sensation will deny any feeling. De- pending on how she responds to you and on how you feel, you can determine whether to continue or stop, to back off or go full steam ahead.

We have used this technique a number of times in our sensuality classes, where everyone is seated and fully clothed, and it almost always get a positive response from the woman selected. First we tell her to uncross her legs. Then, using a lot of intention, we point an index finger directly at her clitoris and ask her to feel the attention there. You can sense the excitement in the room increase. This may be the first time she has been able to feel a reaction in her genitals without contact. She will often admit to feeling contractions and a lot of pleasure there, the first signs of an instant orgasm. You may notice her face

flushing, and you may experience a tingle and even an erection in your own genitals when she feels the pleasure of her clitoris. Then stop pointing. She will feel less sensation and you can sense the excitement abating. We ask the stu- dents to notice how we were able to control the whole room’s level of excite- ment without any touching.

A man who wishes to use techniques like this that can have a strong effect on a woman must be confident in his skills. Attempting these activities with- out being skillful at pleasuring a woman can result in her becoming agitated rather than turned on. We do not recommend that a novice in pleasure pro- duction try the “point-and-feel” orgasm until he has gained some certainty about his abilities. It is so important for a man to learn about pleasuring oth- ers. The art of giving pleasure is both a serious and a fun educational pursuit. It will take time and lots of practice; reading books such as this one or taking a class will benefit a man greatly. Unfortunately, men are generally expected to know about sexual matters innately, and it is not easy for a man to admit that he is no sexpert. Many a man thinks that all he has to do is stick it in, and the woman will feel as much pleasure as he does. If you are a man, it will be a posi- tive sign to a woman that you are reading this book.

Y Performance Anxiety Z

For many a woman new to IO or EMO, we have found that it is all fun and pleasure while playing and teasing around her genital area, but once the plea- sure giver puts a finger directly on her clitoris she turns off the sensation. If you sense this happening, immediately tell her that you are going to remove your hands from her body, and then do so. Let her know in whatever words you wish what fantastic sensations you felt in yourself and noticed in her as you approached her clitoris, and how she was already getting off before you went to the source, but that she froze as soon as you put your finger on her most sensitive spot. Reassure her that this is nothing to worry about. It has to do with performance anxiety. Before you touched her clitoris you were both just fooling around, both enjoying yourselves. Then when you put your fin- ger on her spot, she felt pressure to take things higher. Go back to being more playful, and start touching her again for your own pleasure.

Y One Stroke at a Time Z

Now may be a great time to introduce the idea of instant orgasm to your part- ner. Hopefully your partner is aware of this possibility and of the reading you’ve done on the subject. If necessary, describe what you’ve learned so far, and try to do so in a way that won’t place increased pressure on your partner to perform. Let her (or him) know that you will be touching her body using a single stroke at a time. Because she was able to feel sensation in her genitals even before you touched her clitoris, you know that she can be instantly orgas- mic. All she has to do, when her clitoris is touched, is focus her attention on the pleasurable feelings there.