Instant Orgasm: Excitement at First Touch (29 page)

Y Peaking by Changing the Stroke Z

Remember that changing the nature of the stroke in any way will usually re- sult in a peak. During a session, you can alternate between cycles in which you use slow strokes and cycles in which you use quicker ones. As you con- tinue alternating, notice how your partner responds, and tell them what you notice. You can also alternate between lighter and firmer pressures with each cycle. You can vary the length of the peaks, stroking lightly for a good number of strokes, then stroking more firmly a very few times, and so on. You can also mix up hard-stroke and slow-stroke cycles with fast-stroke and light-stroke cycles. The possibilities are nearly endless.

We want to reemphasize the importance of the pleasure giver’s intention in creating heightened sensation in his or her partner. This means that the stroke itself is less important than what your intention is when giving it. The same stroke with different intentions can be used to take someone higher or to bring them down. Usually light and fast strokes increase tumescence, and hard and slow strokes decrease tumescence, but with the proper intention one can use any stroke to go in either direction. Sometimes you can even use a spe- cific stroke to bring your partner down quite a bit. The right combination of your intention, a firmer and slower stroke (usually), and perhaps moving off the spot can take your partner down. Sometimes when Vera and I are doing demonstrations, her arousal level gets so high that the spectators are unable to keep up. By deliberately bringing Vera down a little, I can help the spectators notice and learn more.

Y Peaking and Control Z

As we have repeatedly stated, to experience the most pleasure a person must surrender her or his nervous system into someone else’s care. To make this

happen the pleasure giver must manifest control over the partner’s tumes- cence. By peaking someone at the right time you demonstrate that control. Control is really about doing what the other person wants, and doing it even before they may realize they want it. We’re not talking about forcing someone to do things they don’t want to do. It is more about noticing the other person’s frame of mind, getting into agreement with where they are, and staying one step ahead of them when possible.

This is where peaking is so important. If one were to keep stroking beyond the point where the pleasure is rising to the point where it is actually falling, then the pleasure recipient will not feel taken care of and will balk at surren- dering. By stopping on the dime, by paying close attention and noticing when it is a good time for a break, you stay in the driver’s seat and increase your con- trol. Imagine dancing with your partner. You want to make it fun for both of you, so you swing your partner around and around, yet if you keep doing that same movement both of you will probably get dizzy and your partner will start wondering when you are going to stop twirling her. However, if you twirl your partner a couple of times, catch her, do some two-stepping together, and then twirl her again in a slightly different pattern, you will keep your partner interested. Your partner will look forward to getting twirled instead of dread- ing it.

Y Know When to Break the Rules Z

We have stressed how it is better to peak your partner too soon than too late. That is a good rule of thumb, but like any rule it can be overdone, because it is equally true that people like a consistent, dependable stroke that increases their pleasure with each stroke. To repeatedly peak your partner too early could put a damper on the possibility of more sensation. It is of utmost im- portance to pay close attention to your partner and to notice whether they are still appreciating your continued, reliable stroking, and to keep delivering that stroke for as long as you can. The closer you can get to the point of dimin- ishing returns, the higher you will be able to take your partner. This is where experience and practice will make you a better judge of exactly when to peak someone.

A pleasure giver has to learn to trust his or her own feelings. Whether the feelings emanate from your gut, your genitals, or your brain, know that you should follow them. Notice that we listed the brain last. That’s because when you start thinking too much while you are pleasuring someone, your atten- tion has already wandered away from their pleasure and your pleasure. You must remain aware of your gut feelings, which are evidenced by your mind realizing whether it is time for a break or time to continue stroking. As we’ve stated, if you are unsure, or if you are questioning whether or not to peak your partner, then it is a good time to do so or at least to tell them that you might. Words are very powerful, and the precise communication of a gut feeling will more often than not get your partner back on track. By talking through what you are feeling you remain in control, and you allow your partner to thor- oughly surrender.

Y Training Peaks Z

Early in your training with your partner, you may ask your partner to let you know when to peak them, when you have gone too long, and how they wish to be peaked. If you are the one being pleasured, before your partner even starts touching you, you can let him or her know that you will be offering sug- gestions about when to take a break, for how long, and what change of stroke you prefer. Remember to give lots of acknowledgments along with your in- structions and suggestions. The more appreciation you verbalize, the easier it will be to give an instruction that your partner will gladly fulfill. Just say, “I’d love a break” or “This is a perfect point to peak me.” Earlier in the chap- ter we described how it is far more fun to have someone peak you than to tell them when to do so. When you are training someone to learn when and how to peak, you will usually have to take a more responsible role and coach them till they get it. After a while you can tell your partner that they are to trust their own intuition and peak you as they see fit. Tell them you will give them feed- back about how well they are doing. At any time, you can still request what- ever you desire, including when to peak you.

These peaking suggestions are valid for pleasuring men and women. It is especially tricky for men to learn to pleasure women, as touching a clitoris

precisely is more difficult than touching a penis. To complicate matters, mas- tering the timing of peaking is not easy at first. This is why it is so important for women to know their own bodies and be able to communicate to their partners exactly how they want to be touched and how to peak them appro- priately.

Y Peaking Before Ejaculation Z

Although penises are easily located and usually quite simple to manipulate and to pleasure, they can present a challenge regarding when, how, and how often to peak a man who is about to ejaculate. For a man, there is a point of no return, and peaking him at the right moment before this occurs can add to his pleasure. Each man is different with regard to what it takes to make him ejacu- late and what it takes to keep him from ejaculating. Some men have trained themselves to hold off from ejaculating through Tantric practices or other means. Some men are either so sensitive or perhaps so horny that just a little stimulation will trigger them to start squirting. Most men lie somewhere in between. To enjoy the most pleasure possible, a man, like a woman, has to sur- render his nervous system and go for as much sensation as he can so that his partner can take full control of his arousal. He must train his partner about when to peak him at the right moment in order to extend his pleasure. Once she gets the timing down, she will be able to pleasure him much more than he ever realized was possible.

One of the signs of a man’s imminent ejaculation is a secondary erection, in which the head of his penis becomes more bulbous and turns a purplish color.

There are a number of ways to peak a man; that is, to stop him from ejacu- lating. The easiest and perhaps the best way is to stop stimulating him close to but before his imminent release. Just take your hand off of his penis for a short time. Then when you start stroking again you can take him even higher with the next peak, which may be quite short, as his level of arousal may not have dropped very far. A few strokes may bring him back up to where he was or even higher. The longer you wait between peaks the farther down he will go, yet the next ride up may still be quite quick in comparison to the earlier one.

A second way to peak a man is to squeeze the head of his penis in your hand—firmly but not too tightly, and without using any up-and-down or side-to-side movement. This action will usually bring him down, though some men like it so much that they will ejaculate. You have to experiment with the right pressure and communicate with your partner to find out what pres- sure and timing work best. Don’t feel bad if you mistime a peak and he either squirts (because you were too late) or did not get high enough (because you were too early with your stopping and squeezing).

A third way to peak a man is to press his ejaculatory duct through his perineum using two or three fingers. Firm pressure is required, and you will only have to press for a second or two. Do not press so hard that it hurts, just enough to stop the urge to ejaculate from continuing.

We suggest that you talk to your partner before and during the act, and then when he is close to squirting he can let you know. He can say, “I’m getting really excited now” or “I will ejaculate in a few strokes” or “I’m really close” or simply “Please stop.” Then he can let you know when he has calmed down enough for you to begin again.

You will have to choose, or he can recommend, the best technique to use to peak him. While you are learning, you can ask him, “How close are you to ejaculating?” After a while you will become familiar with his bodily responses and pretty much know where he is. At some point he may ask you to stop. If you want to ejaculate him, you can respond with, “That’s nice, but I’m taking you all the way this time.” You can also keep peaking him even if he is asking for you to ejaculate him; let him know that you are in control and will squirt him on your own timetable. You will learn how long to wait between peaks, that is, when to start stroking again. You can deliberately restart quickly after a very short break, knowing in advance that it may only take a couple of strokes to get him back to the point of no return. Play with that edge for a few peaks, stop briefly, deliver a couple more strokes, and so on. Most guys really enjoy this technique.

You can peak a man anytime—even if he is not on the edge of ejaculation— because you want to take a break, in order to readjust your hands or body, or, very importantly, when his attention is about to wander or is already wander- ing. Peaking him will keep you in control of his nervous system, allowing you

to take him to a higher place than he would otherwise go. Other excellent rea- sons to take a break are to move stray pubic hairs out of the way or to apply more lubricant. Tell him what you are up to so that there are no surprises and he can surrender to you fully without wondering what you are doing. Good communication is just as important when pleasuring a man as it is when plea- suring a woman.

Y Go Peak Yourself Z

The more thoroughly you understand the intricate nature of your own body’s ability to use peaking to increase your level of tumescence, and the more ef- fectively you can communicate this to your partner, the better your orgasms will be. For this reason it is important to practice peaking your own body, whether you are a man or a woman. It is fun to do, allows for more intense sen- sation, and gives you skills to apply with your partner as both pleasure giver and pleasure recipient.

Most men—and many women, too—masturbate just to relieve tension. With the peaking exercise we deliberately build as much tension as we can be- fore releasing it. Every time we stop and start again we increase the amount of intensity we can feel. I remember when I tried peaking myself after having

taken my first sensuality class. Using a
Playboy
magazine calendar, I peaked

myself to each girl of the month, and then when I decided to ejaculate I went back to my favorite photo to finish myself off. I came close to ejaculating with each fantasy girl and stopped myself either by removing my hand for a few seconds (I had to turn the page) or by pressing my ejaculatory duct through my perineum and then removing my hand for a few seconds (see Figure 24 on the next page).

Most women do not have to worry about ejaculating (some women can ejaculate, of course, but this will not necessarily signal the end of their or- gasm). As long as they relax their bodies, they can continue stimulating them- selves to whatever level of arousal they can attain before their mind starts to wander and the intensity decreases. Practice on yourself by experimenting with all the different ways of peaking that we have described in this chap- ter. Find out which methods you like best, how long you like to wait between