Instant Orgasm: Excitement at First Touch (27 page)

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technique early in their sensuality education. The key word, again, is “prac- tice.” It takes some time to become a master at peaking. The ability to be instantly orgasmic is beneficial here, as each new peak presents a new oppor- tunity to feel the first stroke with as much of your attention as you can.

Y Slowing Down and Taking Breaks Z

As Milan Kundera writes in his novel
Slowness,
“Everything is composed, con- fected, artificial, everything is staged, nothing is straightforward, or in other words, everything is art; in this case; the art of prolonging the suspense, better

yet; the art of staying as long as possible in a state of arousal.”

And, later, “The haste that loses them that sweet slowness, both of them in- stantly see as an error, but I do not believe that this is any surprise to Madame de T., I think rather that she knew the error to be unavoidable, bound to occur, that she expected it, and for that reason she planned the interlude in the pavil-

ion
a ritardando
to brake, to moderate, the foreseeable and foreseen swiftness

of events so that, when the third stage arrived, in a new setting, their adven- ture might bloom in all its splendid slowness.”

The novel continues, “By slowing the course of their night, by dividing it into different stages, each separate from the next, Madame de T. has suc- ceeded in giving the small span of time accorded them the semblance of a marvelous little architecture, of a form. Imposing form on a period of time is what beauty demands, but so does memory. For what is formless cannot be grasped, or committed to memory. Conceiving their encounter as a form was especially precious for them, since their night was to have no tomorrow and could be repeated only through recollection.”

And, finally, “In existential mathematics, that experience takes the form of two basic equations; the degree of slowness is directly proportional to the intensity of memory; the degree of speed is directly proportional to the inten- sity of forgetting.”

How can we relate this idea of “slowness” to pleasure? The answer, it seems, is to create a “form,” as Kundera calls it—an intentional, defined encounter. We can do this by taking breaks during the sensual episode. The slow and de- liberate creation of the experience will benefit our efforts to grow more con- scious and aware of our sensuality.

By taking breaks you create spaces—and therefore forms—in which to experience the sensual activity in a more defined way. In this way the experi- ence will not be like a run-on sentence. It will be a series of short, well-defined statements. Breaking the episode into small intervals will create a better mem- ory of the experience. It will provide an opportunity for both participants to “swallow” the pleasure. It will allow partners to be ready for the next short cycle. It will help the pleasure recipient feel one stroke at a time. It will result in an instant orgasm. It will lead to an extended massive orgasm.

Taking breaks doesn’t mean going down all the way to the beginning af- ter each break. It is different from a multiple orgasm, which is like a series of crotch sneezes. Rather, you start each cycle from a higher point than you started the previous cycle. Each cycle does not have to last a certain amount of time. Sometimes, if it feels right to do so, you may continue for a longer cycle. But be aware that most people tend to err on the too-long side. We think it is more fun to have shorter cycles, take more breaks, and restart when the desire builds again.

Working with students, we sometimes divide the session into different segments. Recently, we were training a man to give pleasure to his girlfriend. We didn’t follow our usual routine, in which I first demonstrate on the woman by teasing her genitals, then lubricating her genitals, eventually getting to her clitoris with some stimulating strokes, and then handing her off to her part- ner. Instead, I showed him how to tease her genitals and then had him do it. Then I lubricated her all over, still teasing her but not yet touching her clitoris, wiped her off, and then had him do the same. Next, I got back in the saddle and showed him how to stroke her clitoris. I then handed her off to her part- ner so he could replicate my strokes. This sequence allowed him to pick things up much faster, so now we will use this teaching technique in all of our ses- sions with men who want to learn how to give women great pleasure.

We split up the sessions with our female students in a similar fashion. We may first talk to our student in the living room. Then we may go to the bed- room, where I demonstrate on Vera while the student watches and feels her owngenitalpleasure. Then Iwillplaywithandstimulatethestudent’s body. For another cycle, we may go into another room and give her a peak on the mas- sage table, and then take her back into the bedroom for some more pleasure.

This divides the experience into individual segments, allowing her to develop a better memory of the encounter. For each cycle we expect her to focus all of her available attention on her genitals and on her orgasmic sensations. Be- cause the orgasm is continuous, although divided into discrete segments, she can start each cycle from a higher place. She can get used to starting higher and feeling more intensely. Then, at the next session, she remembers how she was able to start orgasming and feeling strong sensations from the get-go. It is a way of improving her ability to become instantly orgasmic.

We tell you about our teaching strategies because the same training prin- ciples apply to any sensual encounter. Especially when a lover, whether the giver or receiver of pleasure, is new to these techniques, the rule of thumb is to break events down, take them slowly, and create distinct little episodes, or “forms.”

Y Specific Frames Z

Another great training tool is for partners to describe to each other some spe- cific “frames” that each one recalls from the session. Specific frames are defin- able memories, comparable to a single frame from a film. Imagine watching a movie you enjoy and pressing the pause button at a particularly beautiful or interesting camera shot to linger on that single, still moment. In your con- versations with your partner following a sensual encounter, describe to each other that kind of memory. The more specific detail you use in your descrip- tion, the more turn-on you will create and the more pleasurable sensation you will feel. When someone relates an event from a very specific and detailed frame of reference, the person listening will feel like they were actually there. That is partially how turn-on can be created.

In the book
I Am a Strange Loop,
author Douglas Hofstadter writes about

how his friend described a trip to Europe in such fine, specific detail that years later Hofstadter thought it was he himself who’d gone on that trip. He actually argued with his friend about which of them had really taken the trip.

This technique is very valuable if you want to learn to feel more and to be more conscious. One of the best ways to remember a specific frame is to ver- bally acknowledge a pleasurable moment while it is occurring. What you are

really remembering is one single stroke at one single point in time and the precise sensation it creates in your body. Describing specific strokes greatly aids the process of becoming instantly orgasmic. As we have written, ongo- ing verbal appreciation is extremely important to remaining in present time and to allowing a person to go higher after they have “swallowed” a certain amount of pleasure. The recollection of this wonderful moment further in- creases one’s consciousness and enjoyment of it. It is like getting two fun mo- ments for the price of one.

To recap, the combination of dividing sessions into parts or segments, even into individual strokes, and verbalizing one’s appreciation of these fun moments, both during the encounter and again later, is a great tool for feeling more on the first stroke and any strokes that follow.

Keeping a Pleasure Journal

Here’s another teaching technique we use that can be easily incorporated into your sensual play with your partner. Our students keep a journal of their ac- tivities with us and often read journal entries from earlier sessions aloud to us. When the journal is filled with specific frames of intense pleasure, the simple act of reading aloud causes our female students to become easily turned on and begin to feel pleasurable sensations. When they write in generalities, no matter how well they have written, the effect is dramatically lessened, in di- rect proportion to the loss of specificity. Male students who are learning to give IOs and EMOs also gain skill much more quickly when they speak and write in specifics versus in generalities. With men, it is not so much that they turn themselves on, but that the effect of their words on the female teacher (or partner) can be beneficial to the ensuing session. To increase the passion in your relationship with your lover, consider keeping separate journals of your sensual encounters and reading your journal entries aloud to each other. Whether or not you keep a journal, learning how to speak and write about your sensual experiences with great specificity will promote your ability to notice, to appreciate, and to keep your attention on your partner (when you’re the pleasure giver) and on your own pleasure (when you’re the recipient).

Learning to speak about pleasure is contraindicated in our society, where a pain-oriented way of talking and thinking is the norm. Notice how often

people talk about their painful or negative experiences. Even having sex or enjoying sensual pleasure is difficult for some. Some people still think of sexual pleasure as sinful. Besides just getting our students to talk, we have to constantly prod them to be more specific. The better their journals become, the better they are able to express themselves while receiving and giving plea- sure. When a person is relating an event from the past in great detail, it feels like you are virtually there. You become integrated with that pleasurable mo- ment and are able to live the experience yourself. To paraphrase Kundera, the degree of memory correlates with the degree of slowness. By slowing things down and isolating one specific moment, you create a treasure chest of memories.

Y Are You Peaking? Z

Knowing when to peak your partner and for how long is an art. You will de- velop and improve this skill over time, yet even as a novice you can still learn to peak someone at a suitable moment and for an appropriate length of time. There may be an exact best time to peak someone, but there are plenty of other points when it may be a fine time to peak someone. You can never know for sure when that exact point is. There are no bells or whistles or flashing lights that go on when you reach that precise moment. In general, however, it is bet- ter to peak someone too early than to peak them too late—or, as we tell our students, to quit them before they quit you. This means that as long as the pleasure is going smoothly, increasing, feeling wonderful, it is okay to keep stroking. But you want to stop stroking before the pleasure dips, before your partner goes down, before they slip even partially into their head and stop feeling as much as they were feeling before.

It will not make much difference in the long run if you quit someone a bit too early on any one peak. Maybe they could have gone a little higher for a lit- tle longer, but it is also true that they will be that much more eager to have you start stroking again. Sometimes you may be unsure whether it is the right time

for a break. This uncertainty is actually a sign that it
is
time to take a break. If

it were not the right time, you would not even be contemplating it. The person being rubbed on always has the option to ask you to keep stroking.

A number of years ago I was giving a woman pleasure and she started complaining that I was taking too many breaks and changing my stroke too often. (Changing strokes is another way of peaking someone that we will dis- cuss in more detail shortly.) She never said, “Don’t stop” or “Keep doing that” or even “This is so great.” She only raised objections. I was deliberately peak- ing her because it felt like her arousal wasn’t increasing, and I was giving her an opportunity to take it higher during the next round of stroking. I proba- bly could have communicated better by informing her that I would keep the peaks short until she felt more. Whenever the person whom you are pleasur- ing finds you or your activities wrong, it is an indication that it may really be him or her who is not getting off as well as they might. I gave this student some longer peaks to see if that would make her happier, but that didn’t work either. We were both fairly new to these techniques, so I did not take full control and she certainly did not surrender. Years later, when she had learned to have an EMO, I was able to give her longer peaks, yet at that point she would not have complained even if I had kept the peaks short.