Instant Orgasm: Excitement at First Touch (24 page)

finished). There can be a pillow available to place under her thigh when she gets into position. I also like to have music playing and water or another bev- erage within arm’s reach, preferably with a straw so I can administer a few sips without her having to get up or move. Make sure the phone or a knock on the bedroom door will not disturb you. These preparations are useful even if your partner is experienced.

One can use a number of different positions to manually pleasure a wom- an’s genitals. Our favorite is the perpendicular sitting position (see Figure 18). It usually works best if the pleasure giver gets into position first. Making sure that the pillows are firm against your back, straighten out the bath towel and invite her to lie down at a ninety degree angle to you so that her head is toward the side of the bed and on the side of your dominant hand—your right side if you’re right-handed, or your left side if you’re left-handed. What follows are instructions for a right-handed person; reverse them if you’re left-handed. Place your right leg over her abdomen and your left leg under her legs. Make sure her legs are bent and spread as far apart as possible. Place the extra pillow under her outside leg for support; position her inside leg comfortably over your left thigh. Your right leg is bent over her abdomen with your knee facing upward so you can rest your arm on it.

Figure 18.
sitting position on bed (what’s depicted

is for a right-handed pleasure giver)

You can modify this position by sitting Indian style or using a chair with the woman still perpendicular to you (
The Illustrated Guide to Extended Mas- sive Orgasm
depicts many positions); however, the one described above is

the best we have found. It allows both of you to remain comfortable for an extended period of time, it provides excellent visibility of her genitals, and face-to-face communication is easy. We recommend using adequate lighting, especially direct light on her genitals, so that you can see what you are doing. Some women do not like to have bright lights on during intimate activity; if this is the case she can always wear a blindfold or lightly position the edge of a pillow over her eyes if that would make her feel better. With the lighting fo- cused directly on her genitals you won’t have the problem of it shining in her face. We have found that after a number of times of doing this with the lights on, almost everyone gives up their old preference for doing it in the dark.

Sometimes I will ask the woman to lie down first. Then I can stand at the side of the bed and talk to her some more to get her to relax. I can squeeze or rub her feet and sensually stroke her legs toward her crotch, coaxing her to start feeling. Then I climb over her and get into position. I readjust her body, pulling her as close to me as I can while staying perpendicular. I make sure her legs are bent and that I can easily place my hands on her genitals.

Y Challenges Z

Whether they’re trained or untrained, some women who are quite overweight will have body fat in their thigh area that obscures the view of their genitals. If your partner is easily orgasmic this won’t prevent you from sensing her plea- sure, but it may present more difficulty if you’re pleasuring someone who is new to these techniques. You can still separate the legs with both hands to see the genitals. Unfortunately, once your hands are removed it will become dif- ficult to see them. When you start stroking, you will have to use your sense of touch. During pauses and breaks, you can always separate the folds of flesh again to view the beautiful crotch and to observe the engorgement and other signs of orgasm.

Any of the resistances we’ve already discussed are likely to occur when someone is just beginning to tap into her sensual potential. She may resist by

trying to help you out (moving her hips), or she may have a sensitive clitoris that cannot be touched directly. She will probably use any chance she gets to test you. Prepare for the worst (even though you can hope for better) by re- reading the sections in this book on handling resistances.

We have heard from a number of men whose partners, new or established, did not like the idea of just lying there and being the recipient of all the plea- sure. (Of course, there are also many women out there who would love to be the recipient of this kind of pleasure.) These women thought that they would perhaps owe the man the same treatment, or they felt too exposed—two types of feelings that were forms of resistance that prevented them from being at total effect. Men, if you are in this predicament, you will have to learn how to seduce your partner into wanting to receive more pleasure. You will have to

determine what her specific resistances are and play with them. This can be a fun game, and we recommend reading our book
To Bed or Not to Bed
for fur- ther edification on the topic.

Y Touching Z

So now you are both in position. You can tell her that you are going to touch her body with your hands and arms. If you have not done so already, find out if there are any places on her body that are off-limits and what parts of her body are most responsive to touch—for example, whether she likes her nip- ples played with or her neck caressed. Remember to use a touch that you en- joy; the goal as pleasure giver is to touch for your own pleasure. Remind her to let you know if she is enjoying the touches using simple comments such as “That feels good” or “Yes, I like that.” It’s very important to keep your finger- nails short and trimmed of any sharp edges, and also to keep your hands as soft as possible by using moisturizer regularly.

When I’m working with a student I am fully clothed; whether you are fully or partially nude is a matter to discuss beforehand with your partner. You can start by playing with her nipples if she likes that, often using a little lubricant. You can rub them lightly one at a time with your wrist. I love women’s legs so I will often lightly stroke them. You can use any kind of stroke that feels good to you—large circles, small circles, up and down, full palm, fingertips, the back of your hand, your fingernails, or whatever. Most women prefer a light

touch. At this point you can start teasing her genitals by moving toward them from the thigh and then backing away, and then returning even closer the next time. You can let her know how great it feels to you to stroke her thighs, what soft skin or nice muscle tone she has—whatever it is about her that you find pleasing.

At some point you will want to spread her labia, exposing her introitus and clitoris to get a better view, as normally the two inner labia are touching one another, kind of sealing up the area. You can also feel the heat more strongly when the lips are spread apart. Let her know how pretty and pink her pussy is; women really like to hear that. Don’t shower her with empty compliments, of course. Be honest. You can always find something to appreciate.

If she is still at all nervous, ask her again to relocate that energy to her geni- tal area, assisting her by moving your hand from the top of her body down- ward toward her genitals, never touching her but hovering close enough to feel any heat or energy she is producing. Once the heat is emanating from her genitals you may have to go back and spread her labia again. This is usually fun for the recipient as she is receiving full visual attention on her most private area. It is important to acknowledge how much you enjoy the sight. Describe all the nuances you notice, such as different colors, and describe and compli- ment any engorgement or bodily lubricant. You can tell her how wonderful she smells, too, if you enjoy her fragrance. Now that she is opened you can put some lubricant on her genitals, or you can go back to teasing the area by lightly running your hand or wrist over or through her pubic hair (see Figure 19 on the next page) or by playing some more with her thighs or her lower abdo- men, which is also sensitive.

You want her to feel everything you are doing. Place your full attention on her, and be deliberate in your actions even though this is a go-with-the- moment experience rather than one that’s been fully planned in advance. Stay in communication with your partner and look at her face occasionally for tips about how she is appreciating your attentions. If she isn’t enjoying things, find out what is going on. Is she apprehensive? Staying in her head too much? By talking with her, you often will be able to help her feel more, get back into her body, and have more fun. You can tell her that it is okay to enjoy herself and to smile.

Figure 19.

Playing with her
pubic hair

At some point, once there is more heat coming from her genitals, you can hold your hand slightly above her clitoris and ask her to feel your attention and to feel the closeness of your hand. Use the many techniques we’ve out- lined in earlier chapters to play around the clitoral area itself before making direct contact. As always, let her know what you are going to do before doing it so that she will not be kept wondering or feel threatened.

When you are ready to put lubricant onto her genitals, let her know that you will be doing so. Remember that it is more than okay to be lustful and to enjoy touching her genitals during the act of spreading lube. Instruct her to feel each stroke. Again, the best way to insure that she does so is for you to take as much pleasure as you can with your fingers. Linger over any part that you especially enjoy touching. Avoid getting lubricant on the hood of the clitoris.

Y Finding the Right Pressure Z

Once you’re ready to make contact with the clitoris, tell her what you are going to do right before doing it; for example, say, “I’m going to pull back your hood

with my thumb now.” Use any of the techniques we’ve described for doing so. You may use a firm pressure to retract the hood, but make sure that your part- ner likes the pressure you’re using. Avoid exerting excessive pressure with your finger under the hood; you do not want her to become defensive or feel any pain. On the other hand, it can be difficult to dig your finger under the hood without using pressure. The more you practice, the better you will be at feeling your way through the process.

Some women like a lot of pressure, but most prefer less. Many of our women students complain that their partners use too much force on their clitorises. We ask them if they have told their lovers of their preferences, and most say they have but that their partner still uses too much pressure. So in re- ality they have not communicated their preferences to their partners explic- itly enough. They tried once or twice and then decided to find their partners at fault or inadequate rather than communicating precisely how they want to be touched. Furthermore, a person who is unfamiliar with a woman’s genitals and whose touch is tentative or lacking in confidence will often get a negative response no matter what sort of touch or amount of pressure he uses. Again, it is a matter of her surrendering to whatever he is doing, and the less she trusts his attentions the less pleasure will result.