Instant Orgasm: Excitement at First Touch (21 page)

Figure 14.

applying pressure to
his perineum while
squeezing his penis

You can begin by touching his penis through his clothes, which can feel great if you take pleasure in doing so. You do not have to use much motion— sometimes the less activity the better. I have leaked semen on more than one occasion from sensing a woman’s desire without her even having touched my penis. When she does touch me the feeling can increase, but if she didn’t want to touch me yet and did so anyway, the feeling can subside. You can put your hand down your guy’s pants or open his zipper. You can undo his belt and pull down his pants, or request that he do so. Guaranteed he will enjoy the attention.

You can also try just holding the naked penis in your hand, without using any motion. Play with different amounts of pressure by lightly squeezing the penis with your full hand, and then incrementally adding more pressure till both parties find their favorite levels of pressure. Once you know what level of pressure he prefers, you can squeeze for a few seconds and then stop. In this way you can get him to feel more intensely using just one stroke or one squeeze, while communicating what you are doing so he will not be left won- dering. Repeat this sequence one squeeze at a time, as long as both you and he stay interested. Try pulling at the same time that you are squeezing. Of course you’ll need to find out how much pulling he prefers before it hurts. Experi- ment to see how much squeezing goes best with how much pulling. You can have a wonderful time doing this research.

Take his scrotum, or his balls, in your hand. Just put your hand around the balls and feel them. If you do it with hands pointing down, your finger pads can either curl up behind the scrotum or can touch his perineum area. At first simply hold the scrotum in your hand without applying too much pressure— just enough so that you do not appear tentative or hesitant. They are yours to play with; all you have to do is keep the communication lines open. Just hold and feel and report anything to your partner that you notice. You can place your wrist over his penis so that you can touch his whole genital area with one hand. You may notice some engorgement or some movement of the testicles. Keep letting your partner know what you are sensing.

At some point you can play with applying varying amounts of pressure to his perineum. You can pull on the scrotum, again starting with light pressure and incrementally adding more, after asking him if he would like more. Most

men enjoy having their scrotum played with, and as long as you avoid push- ing the testes into the body you can experiment, using lots of communication to find out what feels best. Press your fingers against his “hidden penis” (the engorged area that you can feel through his perineum), his prostate area, or any other place that you wish to touch.

Get creative. You can wrap your hand around his penis and pull. Of course you should ask him if he would like more pulling, and increase in small incre- ments until you know exactly how he likes it. He may prefer different amounts of pressure on different days, so it is always a good idea to ask if you aren’t sure. At the same time, it is also important to touch him as though you own his genitals. You can place one or both hands anywhere down there, positioning them in any way that feels good to you. Tug his scrotum downward while pull- ing his penis in the opposite direction. A fun little exercise is to hold his penis for him while he urinates, just to see what it feels like. The object here isn’t to turn him on too much, only to gain more knowledge about his penis.

Y More Ways to Touch a Woman Z

We’ve talked about the importance of starting your sensual play with a woman by touching her genitals in areas other than the clitoris itself. First do so with- out lubricant and with light stroking, maybe using the back of your hand or wrist, tickling her pubic hair. Then add some lubricant and touch very lightly, avoiding getting too much lube in the pubic hair. Be playful and touch her in any way you want, as long as she remains responsive. Use your forearm, fist, or elbow, with or without lubricant. Touch around the lips, and press your arm, hand, or elbow against her entire vulva. Include the clitoral area or not, depending on how you feel. When a person is very excited, touching them in this way can bring them down a bit, back into their bodies, so to speak. You can press and release, repeating as many times as it is appreciated. One of our students, when first experimenting with our EMO techniques, liked having an elbow pressed against her vulva more than she liked direct clitoral stimu- lation. When you are being playful with your partner and doing things like touching her with an elbow or forearm, she can relax and feel less intimidated, which will allow her to receive heightened sensation.

Take your time. Move close to the clitoris and then back away. Ask if she can feel your finger hovering above her clitoris. Repeat this as long as it is fun for the both of you. Women can play with a guy’s penis in this way, too, getting close to it without touching it and communicating to him while doing so. This is a good way for the pleasure recipient to learn how to place more attention on her or his genitals. It is the path to instant orgasm.

To build trust, you can spend an entire session enjoying this delicate, slow dance, getting close without quite getting there. If you sense that she would appreciate a little touch on the clitoris, let her know that you are going to pull back her hood and touch her lightly with a little bit of lubricant for just one stroke. See how that goes; if direct contact goes well then do it again. If it is too much, then back off and return to stroking the labia or elsewhere. Some- times I will hold my finger very close to her clitoris and ask her to reach for my finger. We do not want her to move her body, and we let her know this in advance, but the clitoris can engorge and at times will actually come toward my finger.

Y Lubrication Z

Lubricating someone’s genitals can trigger lots of pleasure, even orgasmic sen- sations. You can tease your partner by saying that applying lubricant may be all you do today. I usually like to start at the perineum and work my way slowly toward the clitoris, without actually applying any lube directly onto the clito- ris until after the whole genital area is lubricated and I am ready to stroke it.

It is very important to apply the lubricant in a sensual fashion. I know for myself that a good application of lubricant makes a huge difference in how well I am able to surrender to the person hoping to pleasure me. When there is no special tenderness or attention being focused on me as my partner ap- plies lubricant, it does not bode well for the rest of the session. However, when a woman applies lubricant with finesse and caring gentleness and takes plea- sure in doing it, I can completely surrender myself into her hands and let go of all my resistances. The same is true when applying lubricant to a woman’s genitals. The more confident and attentive you are, and the more you enjoy

the act, the easier it will be for her to relax and surrender to what you
are
do-

ing and what you
will be
doing to her. I also know from my own masturbation

experiences that I may not feel all that turned-on before I apply lubricant to my genitals, but if I take my time and pleasurably spread the lubricant I can immediately go into a state of great anticipation. This is true if you are doing it to yourself or to someone else. Spreading lubricant is therefore one of the most important parts of the sensual cycle and is not to be taken for granted or done with incomplete attention.

Since the main goal of this book is to get you to feel more from the very first moments of the sensual encounter, you can understand how important it is to apply lubricant with as much enjoyment and attention as possible. When you’re applying lubricant, encourage your partner to experience the process with as much sensitivity and abandon as they can. Do this by communicating your own enjoyment as you are spreading the lube. The act itself is so sensual that if you want your partner to get as much as possible out of it, they need to feel totally taken care of.

I usually get a large dab of lubricant from the jar and put it on the back of my second hand. This way I do not have to go back to the jar after touching my partner’s genitals or anal area. As we’ve said, this technique works best with a more viscous, oil-based lube.

I lubricate a woman’s genitals somewhat differently every time, depend- ing on the circumstances and how I feel, even with the same person. I may stay on the perineum for a couple of minutes, stroking up and down, or I may quickly coat the area with lubricant and move on. I then start playing with her labia minora or inner lips (see Figure 1 on page 33). I will often put a little lube on the tip of my finger, and then lubricate and stimulate one side at a time. I may go from the bottom to the top of the labia, noting how smooth and won- derful it feels. Up and down, up and down, with light teasing pressure I move closer to her clitoris and retreat. I will then go to the other side and do the same kind of playful stroke. When I rub on Vera this way she is already having strong contractions and enjoying it tremendously. New students often enjoy this kind of teasing a lot, though the contractions, if any, may not be strong. It may be a good idea to ask your partner to “feel the lubricant being spread.” You can even get more specific and say things like “Feel your left labia as I slowly glide up its length.”

After spreading lubricant on the inner labia, I enjoy spreading some on the introitus, the opening to the vagina, which lies just inside the labia. With a bit of lubricant on my fingertip, I like to start from the base of the introitus and work my way toward the clitoris, and then slowly retreat back downward. I continue going up and down as long as it is fun for both of us. When I get close to the clitoris I often notice my partner’s level of sensation rising. Af- ter the introitus is well lubed I may place my entire middle finger lengthwise along it, pads down, moving the finger slightly or applying a little pressure. At this point I may do the Michael Douglas stroke (see Figure 7 on page 62), ap- plying pressure till I can feel the clitoral shaft against my finger. By applying slightly more pressure I can often feel the shaft engorging. By releasing and pressing again, I can often trigger a high degree of pleasurable sensation, even orgasmic contractions. As always, remember to use incrementally increasing amounts of pressure to learn her preferences.

Or I may take a small glob of lubricant and quickly lubricate her entire genital area, starting from the perineum. I almost always leave the clitoral hood and the clitoris itself dry. The reason we do this is to make the clitoris the focal point. When it is not touched or lubricated, it remains the center of attention, which creates desire in the woman to have it touched. Further- more, you never want to lubricate the hood, because eventually you want to pull it back away from the clitoris, and lubricating it would make it too slip- pery. For the same reason, I don’t put any lubricant on the thumb of my strok- ing hand—it is often used to pull back the hood. If you forget and spread lube on the clitoral hood or on the thumb of your stroking hand, just have a towel close by and dry it off.

The most important thing to remember in applying the lubricant—or in employing any sensual technique—is to have fun doing it. You can make up your own ways to lubricate, using one finger, two fingers, or even the whole hand.

Some people, both women and men, really enjoy having their anal area played with. If that is the case make sure your partner cleans up back there be- fore entering the bedroom. Then you can apply your favorite lubricant. Again, enjoy the application, communicate about what you are going to do before

doing it, and ask questions to learn your partner’s preferences. You do not have to use any insertion at this point—or at any time, for that matter.

Once you have finished lubricating her genitals, you are ready to begin the stroking in earnest. You don’t have to, however; you can continue to play with her genitals, still avoiding her clitoris till she is really ready to be touched there. The entire genital area is well lubricated now, so you have a whole play- ing field available; don’t be in a rush to get to the clitoris.

Y Lubricating a Man Z

As I said above, I love it when a woman takes her time to sensually lubri- cate my penis. Before starting, it is a good idea to brush all pubic hairs, loose or attached, out of the way. If your partner is not circumcised, pull the fore- skin down away from the head of the penis and remove any stray hairs from that area as well. Let him know what you are doing, and take pleasure in the process.

I like it when my partner applies a glob of lubricant directly to my penis. Other men may prefer that the lubricant first be warmed up in their partner’s hands. You can start slowly on the top side of the penis with a light, up-and- down application. Then, using a little more lubricant, apply it to the under- side, working your way slowly to the apex or frenulum, the corona, and the head or glans, making sure to cover every square millimeter with lubricant.