Instant Orgasm: Excitement at First Touch (9 page)

Another way to put attention on your genitals is to touch yourself. This is es- pecially useful for men, who tend to require more direct stimulation. Touch yourself either through your clothes, or while naked, or with an additional barrier such as a pillow on top of your genital area. You can play with different amounts of hand pressure, or just allow yourself to feel the pressure of the pil- low. You could also put the pillow between your legs and squeeze it. You may have heard of girls who get pleasure from riding a horse. Vera, who grew up in Europe, says that when she was around twelve years old she would ride the trains and would feel pleasure in her genitals from the vibration of the seat. Our genitals are stocked with nerve endings, and a little bit of sensation can go a long way.

I remember a history teacher who would put his leg over the back of a chair and rub his genitals back and forth as he talked. This may not be such a great idea these days, with all the fears about child molesters and indecent ex- posure; however, he was certainly enjoying himself, perhaps out of habit, and he may not even have known he was doing it. Nowadays he would probably be better off doing it in the privacy of his own home.

In the Bedroom

The privacy granted by your own bedroom makes it one of the best settings for touching yourself. You can use fantasy or not, depending on how you respond to it. You can use pornography, if that floats your boat, or just use mental im- ages and ideas. Again, the goal is not to sustain the pleasure for any length of time but to feel as much as you can from the first placement of attention on your genitals. Men do not have to be erect to feel pleasure, and, in fact, the more mental pressure they put on themselves in this regard the more difficult it becomes to get hard. Women do not have to be steaming hot either; they just need to be in the feeling mode and to approve of all sensations. Again, you can do this through your clothes or naked, or start with your clothes on and then peel off your pants or skirt. Then touch yourself through your underwear, and eventually take those off, too. You do not need any lubricant for this exercise, as you are not stroking, just touching.

A useful idea, prior to touching yourself, is to first focus all your energy and attention on the area to be touched. Make that area ready, anticipating, and eager for any touch. Be experimental. Check out as many different types of touch as you can think of—from light to firm pressure, using only a finger- tip, then your whole finger, then your whole hand. Touch a small area and then a larger area. Touch for a split second or longer, keeping the pressure on any pleasurable area of your genitals for as long as you like—that is, for as long as it keeps feeling wonderful.

For guys

If you are a man, try putting your hand around your penis and giving your- self gentle squeezes, releasing and squeezing again. Again, this can be done directly on the skin or through your clothes. By doing it through your clothes you place less stress on yourself to take the pleasure to a certain place; you are just doing it for the fun of the moment. As we stated previously, an erection isn’t necessary; however, if one does occur that’s fine too. I’ve touched myself through my clothes without any expectations—just some repeated, gentle, one-second squeezes and releases. It feels so good that I often become erect and sometimes even leak a significant amount of semen. Although this is not an ejaculation, it might be even better than one. You can continue to squeeze or do other pleasurable things to your penis because you are not overly sen- sitized as you would be if you had fully ejaculated, in which case you would not want to continue being touched there. By stimulating yourself without ejaculating, if you were to have some fun in bed with another person later on, you would be easily aroused and would not have any discomfort. As men get older they generally do not ejaculate as often as men in their teens or twenties. One ejaculation a day is enough for most, and even that might be pushing it for some men. When they have more ejaculations than their bodies can ap- preciate, men can actually feel pain or become desensitized. Merely touching for the pleasure of it, not stroking to reach ejaculation, is another way to ap- preciate sensuality. At some point in your training you may want to check out

squeezing, with the addition of some lubricant
.

As we have repeatedly stated, an erect penis is not necessary for experi- encing a great deal of pleasure, except during intercourse. Nor is ejaculation

necessary for orgasm (as we define it). Ejaculation is only the end of the or- gasm, not the whole orgasm. Ejaculation is only crucial for fertilizing an egg, which is not essential to orgasm and pleasure. In fact, it can be detrimental to extended pleasure. Of course, a really splendid ejaculation via a fully erect pe- nis, with insertion or without, can feel wonderful and can be a fitting end to the sexual experience. It just is not necessary.

I have to admit that throughout my life I have been an ejaculator; that is, I’ve almost always finished a sexual act, whether with my partner or with my- self, by ejaculating. Since I’ve been writing this book I’ve been practicing not finishing every masturbation session with an ejaculation. This has enabled me to masturbate more often for short periods, and when I have sex with Vera I actually feel more than ever before. In one sense I’m not really masturbat- ing, as I am not doing any stroking, just using the touches we have described. I guess some people would call it fore-masturbation. There is a time and place for all kinds of sexual and sensual experiences, and hopefully we are adding to what you are already doing by giving you some new and different options. If you are doing these things already, we are certainly putting our stamp of ap- proval on them.

For gals

As we’ve stated, women can feel a lot of pleasure and even be orgasmic simply by focusing their attention on their genitals. Of course, this does not preclude touching themselves, whether with their own hand, water, or some other ob- ject. Here we present you with a few ideas for practicing various touches. Create a space where you will not be disturbed so you can play with yourself without anyone bothering you. Bear in mind that it is still important to focus your attention on your pleasure areas when you are touching yourself.

A woman’s clitoris has more nerve endings than any other place on her body and therefore has the potential for generating the most sensation. In addition, there are other areas nearby that have a lot of nerve endings, too; these include the perineum, the inner vulval lips, the introitus, and the anus (see Figure 1). Really, a woman’s entire genital region is quite sensitive, and a woman can play with any one of these areas.

Figure 1.

Female genitals

mons clitoral hood

clitoris

introitus inner labia

outer labia perineum

anus

Through your clothing, through your panties, or directly on your naked body, you can touch whatever area you feel like touching. Again, the goal is to feel as much as you can for a short time and then to remove your hand. The more you can approve of any positive sensations you feel, the better your abil- ity to increase the amount of sensation. So touch, feel, remove, and enjoy. Re- peat this sequence for as long as it is fun to do so. You can touch the same spot over and over or move to a new spot whenever you like. If touching a specific spot feels great, it is okay to keep your hand there for as long as the wonderful sensation lasts.

As we’ve said, a woman can direct pleasure to her genitals without having to fantasize or be touched. You can combine this pleasurable, targeted atten- tion with touches to make the sensations even more exquisite. Turn on an area or spot by placing your attention on it, feel the sensations, and then touch it to add even more feeling. Approve of all sensation you experience. Then remove your hand and start over again, if you would like to do so.

Another activity is to squeeze your clitoris through the hood, using two fingers (see Figure 11 on page 94), to squeeze and release. The clitoris can

actually receive a great deal of pressure and still feel fantastic. Do not squeeze with too much pressure at first; gradually increase the pressure each time you squeeze. You do not have to remove your fingers after each squeeze; just back off and then repeat with added pressure. Learn which amount of pressure you most prefer. Notice if you have any engorgement in the area.

Some women feel that their clitoris is too sensitive to be touched at all. Some of these women can accept having the clitoris touched through the hood, while others may be afraid to do even that. In our research we have not met any women who, after some training, continued to reject having their cli- toris touched directly or through the hood. Reaching this point can take time, so if you feel very sensitive, go slowly and cautiously and you will learn to ac- cept more and more sensation there. This is your time to experiment. Go as fast or as slow as you wish. Use as much pressure as feels good to you. As you treat yourself respectfully with regard to your feelings, your attitude about your sensitivity will begin to change.

Try pulling and stretching your genitals in any direction and using any amount of pressure that feels good. You can spread apart your inner labia (la- bia minora) using two hands (see Figure 2), or you can put pressure on your mons pubis, above the clitoris, pulling upward and pushing into the body us- ing varying amounts of pressure (see Figure 3). You can pull your hood back and expose your clitoris with one hand or both hands, using one or more fin- gers (see Figure 4). Again, this is your playtime, so experiment with every method of exposing the clitoris that you can think of. Feel the air flowing over your clitoris as you reveal it from its covering.

Figure 2.

spreading apart the

inner labia

Figure 3.

applying pressure

to the mons area