GLBTQ (20 page)

Studies, including the “Health and Risk Behaviors of Massachusetts Youth” report, consistently show that GLBTQ teens are up to four times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers. The American Academy of Pediatrics cites a survey in which 28 percent of gay and bisexual teenage boys and 20 percent of gay and bisexual teenage girls had attempted suicide. These statistics reveal the strong need for GLBTQ teens to be aware of the
warning signs for depression
and to get help if they need it.

Been There:

“So many innocent teenagers end their own lives because of the ignorance out in the world. I mean, if high school is like this, what is the rest of the world like?”
—Amar, 15

Unfortunately, GLBTQ people often are not treated equally in our society. Homophobia and transphobia may take the form of overt harassment. Prejudice can also appear in more subtle forms. It's important to recognize when this kind of negativity starts to take a toll on you. Here are some common thoughts that can lead to depression and some words of reassurance that can help you remember that you are fine just the way you are.

I am the only GLBTQ person in the entire world.
Feeling like you're the only one can really bring you down. It can help to remember that commonly accepted statistics suggest that roughly one out of every ten people is GLBTQ. With billions of people in this world, that's a whole lot of queer folks.

Been There:

“I had my youth group to go to every Tuesday night when I was in high school. I had three adults to talk to if I ever needed something from them, and I had the whole group. We would discuss our problems and get advice from each other on what we could do to help our situations.”
—Ivana, 19

There is something wrong with being GLBTQ.
Maybe because you've heard that it's wrong to be GLBTQ for so long that part of you is starting to believe it. Many teens worry that it's bad to be queer. But being GLBTQ is completely natural. It doesn't make you wrong or bad or mentally ill. A lot of medical and mental health groups say the same thing. Here are just a few:

• American Academy of Pediatrics
  
• American Counseling Association
  
• American Psychiatric Association
  
• National Association of School Psychologists
  
• National Association of Social Workers
  

These groups collectively represent about half a million health and mental health professionals. They all maintain that queerness is not a mental disorder and it's not wrong to be GLBTQ.

I can never have a normal life.
GLBTQ people can live the most “normal” of lives—no matter what your definition of that word might be. We can be doctors, lawyers, politicians, construction workers, artists, teachers, parents, counselors, clergy, executives, military service members, business owners, factory workers . . .anything we want to be. We can have families. We can own homes. In our lifetimes, we experience joys and sorrows, love and heartbreak, pleasure and pain just like anyone else.

I'm popular and I have friends. I
should
be happy, but I'm not.
Even if you have great friends, get good grades, and have a great family, that doesn't necessarily mean that your life is easy. When you are trying to understand your sexual orientation or gender identity, you can feel like you're alone and out of sync with the rest of the world—even if everything looks good from the outside. And while occasionally feeling blue is normal, speak with an adult at home or at school right away if you feel this way a lot of the time.

Most mental health experts agree that the source of some people's depression has little to do with outside factors. Instead, their depression is related to imbalances in the chemicals in the brain that regulate their moods. Some people may be more prone to depression if it runs in their family. Speak with a mental health professional to help you figure out the source of your depression.

Everybody hates me because I'm GLBTQ.
It might feel like that at times, but the truth is a lot of people care about you. For many people, it probably doesn't matter whether you're queer or straight. The following numbers might give you a more positive perspective.

According to GLSEN research:

• In the United States, 80 percent of parents favor expanding existing antiharassment and antidiscrimination policies to include queer students
  
• 80 percent of parents also support teacher sensitivity training on tolerance that includes instructions on dealing with harassment of GLBTQ students in schools
  
• 63 percent of parents favor including positive information about gay and lesbian people in middle and high school health and sex education classes, and 60 percent also favor including positive information about transgender people in those forums
  

According to the Pew Research Center for People and the Press, public acceptance of homosexuality has increased in a number of ways in recent years:

• Opposition to gay marriage has fallen across the board, with substantial declines among both Democrats and Republicans
  
• 46 percent of those surveyed support gay and lesbian adoption (up from 38 percent in 1999)
  

It's important to be aware of what's going on with your emotions, especially if you notice that you're feeling sad or upset more of the time. Even though family members and friends care for you and want to be sure you're healthy, they might not notice the kinds of changes that can signal depression. Depression is a serious condition in which people experience extreme feelings of sadness or hopelessness. These moods are more severe and last longer than the typical ups and downs of adolescence and can have a big impact on how teens behave. Experiencing any of the following symptoms for more than two weeks may be a sign you are depressed:

Emotional changes:

• anger
  
• guilt
  
• anxiety
  
• feeling emotional numbness
  
• feeling hopeless
  
• irritability
  
• indifference
  
• loneliness
  
• sadness
  
• bitterness
  
• feeling worthless
  
• feeling helpless
  
• loss of motivation
  

Physical changes:

• sleeping problems (too much or too little)
  
• overeating or loss of appetite (often with weight gain or weight loss)
  
• headaches
  
• indigestion, stomachaches, or nausea
  
• aches or pains for unknown reasons
  
• fatigue or lack of energy
  

Changes in thought:

• difficulty remembering or concentrating
  
• confusion
  
• believing that no one cares about you
  
• loss of interest in things you used to enjoy
  
• pessimism (negative thinking about things)
  
• believing that you don't deserve to be happy
  
• believing that you're a burden to others
  
• blaming yourself for anything that goes wrong
  
• thoughts racing through your head
  
• thoughts of harming yourself
  
• thoughts of death or suicide
  

Changes in behavior:

• aggression
  
• moving and talking more slowly
  
• poor hygiene
  
• acting out (skipping school, unsafe driving, running away, taking part in risky sexual behaviors)
  
• using/abusing drugs (including alcohol and nicotine)
  
• crying more than usual
  
• underachieving or overachieving
  
• spending most of your time alone and withdrawing from friends or family, or fear of being alone
  
• hurting yourself (such as cutting, bruising, or burning yourself)
  

The previous checklists were adapted from
When Nothing Matters Anymore
by Bev Cobain, an excellent resource for young people going through depression (see “
Resources
”).

Make a deal with a trusted friend or family member. If you're ever feeling really low, you can call him and he'll be there for you any time you need to talk. Likewise, promise you'll be there for him, too. You might never end up needing to call him in the middle of the night, but it can make you feel better to know you always have someone to lean on.

We, [insert your name] and [insert your friend's name], hereby swear that we will henceforth, from here on out and into infinity, be there for one another. We know that, at any hour of the day or night, if we really need to talk, we can call and the other will listen. Also, we swear that if we ever have thoughts of doing ourselves harm, we will call the other person for help.

Signed:

Person #1 ______________

Date ____________

Person #2 ______________

Date ____________

Being a teen means making a lot of tough decisions about alcohol, nicotine, and other drugs. It's your body, and those choices are yours to make. You'll have to live with the outcomes, so it's in your best interest to make the most informed decisions possible.

While overall use of alcohol, drugs, and tobacco has declined somewhat for teens in the last several years, overall substance abuse rates are still much higher for GLBTQ teens than for their straight peers. A 2008 article published in the journal
Addiction,
which analyzed data from 18 different studies conducted between 1994 and 2006, reported that GLBTQ teens are 190 percent more likely than heterosexual teens to use drugs or alcohol. The numbers are even higher among subgroups. For example, bisexual teens are 340 percent more likely to use drugs or alcohol than straight peers, and lesbians are 400 percent more likely.

Why are these numbers so high? Dr. Michael Marshal, a researcher from the University of Pittsburgh and the main author of the study, said, “Homophobia, discrimination, and victimization are largely responsible for these substance use disparities in young gay people.” Still, he noted, “It is important to remember that the vast majority of gay youth are happy and healthy, despite the stressors of living in a . . . homophobic society.”

Realizing and accepting that you're GLBTQ can be incredibly stressful, especially when it's combined with the general everyday stresses of being a teenager. The verbal and sometimes physical harassment that many queer teens deal with can increase stress levels, too. That stress can contribute to depression, which may lead to substance use. Many teens looking to escape stress and worries turn to alcohol and drugs, thinking those will cheer them up, mellow them out, help them fit in, or numb them to issues they're dealing with.