GLBTQ (24 page)

Q: I'm fine with my religion. What can I do to help others who are struggling?

A:
If you have been able to reconcile your religious or spiritual beliefs with your sexual orientation or gender identity, you have a tremendous opportunity to help others. It doesn't matter whether it was easy for you or the result of intense soul searching. Many people have a tough time accepting themselves because of their religious backgrounds or beliefs. Sharing your experiences with them can provide the encouragement and help they might need on their own journeys.

You could become part of, or even form, an outreach group within your own congregation. Such groups offer those who are struggling an opportunity to talk with and hear from others who have had similar experiences. You could also look into working with an interfaith alliance that addresses issues related to GLBTQ people. These groups offer many opportunities to volunteer. Or you might join or start an Internet group for those who are struggling with religious issues.

Cultural traditions, like religious ones, could be a big part of your day-to-day life. Culture is composed of many things—race or ethnicity, religion, where you were born or raised, the language(s) you speak. Specifically, it might influence family traditions, holiday celebrations, how your family relates to one another, nicknames, what language you speak at home or with friends, the music you listen to, and the food you eat. Culture also can be a strong influence on gender and sex role expectations such as how you're supposed to behave, dress, and talk. It could even affect expectations for dating.

Reconciling your cultural and family traditions with the need to understand and accept your sexuality or gender identity can be a complex and sometimes painful process. You could feel like you're being forced to choose one identity or the other. For example, it might feel like you aren't allowed to be queer
and
a person of color. To make matters more complicated, GLBTQ people who belong to ethnic, racial, or social minorities are sometimes viewed as having “two strikes” (or more) against them in society. These individuals could face discrimination for being queer and for being African American, Latino, Asian, Pacific Islander, Arab, Native American, and so on.

Been There:

“I was born in Singapore. Until recently, I had not understood cultural differences from a theological perspective. Instead, I recognized cultural differences through my own experiences as a queer woman of color. My innate understanding of cultural differences left me unable to integrate all parts of my identity in certain spaces. For example, being half Asian and half Caucasian, it is often difficult to integrate my Asian identity when in the company of only white peers. In virtually all spaces, my queer identity is not integrated or even understood.”
—Tammy, 20

Part of the struggle can be invisibility. You might feel like your culture doesn't have a place in it for openly GLBTQ people.Those who are queer are forced to keep a low profile. In many cultures, family and community are central parts of life. Your identity is influenced by how you relate to these groups and the roles you play within them. You might feel isolated or invisible in the queer community if you don't see others from similar backgrounds. Role models, community, and seeing yourself reflected in the society around you are important factors in being able to accept yourself.

No matter where you're from or what your ethnic background, there have been and are queer people in your culture. How they've been viewed and treated varies widely. Some GLBTQ people find that their racial or ethnic backgrounds make being queer, or at least being out, difficult for them.

For some, it's because many of their cultural traditions are tied to religious beliefs. For others, it's because being GLBTQ is seen as going against strongly held cultural beliefs about sex roles and gender expression. In some cultures, being queer is seen as undermining the family by not carrying on the family name or by going against family expectations. Coming out can be difficult in some cultures because it's seen as embarrassing or bringing shame on a family because it makes public something that is considered to be private.

These influences can form some powerful barriers to understanding and accepting GLBTQ people. Unfortunately, many queer people of color might feel isolated from their communities for these and other reasons.

Been There:

“Being an African-American woman has made it more difficult to be GLBTQ. People make it an issue that I'm a lesbian and black—some say I won't succeed because of those factors combined. I know who I am. My culture and its negativity just make me stronger, because there is nothing worse than being ostracized by people you can identify with on many issues except this one. I've grown to not care how they feel about it because it doesn't matter how they feel, as long as I love myself.”
—Patrice, 20

“To address the issue of my heritage, I do identify with my Cherokee heritage. As does anything, it has shaped my character, but in small ways. My heritage and my sexuality were never at odds with each other.”
—Scott, 19

The traditions of other groups could have a very different impact on how you feel about yourself as a GLBTQ person in that culture. Some Native American cultures, for example, have a history of recognizing and accepting their GLBTQ members. Navajos have a word for people who are considered neither men nor women—
nadle
. The Lakota also have words to describe males and females who lived outside of typical gender roles—
winkte
and
koskalaka
. The Omahas have a word that means either someone who is neither male nor female, or for a transformation from a man or a woman to the opposite gender—
mexoga
. Certain societies don't just accept transgender people, but even look upon them with reverence.

While religion and culture have a strong impact on personal identity, many other factors can affect how society sees you—and how you see yourself, both as an individual and as a queer person. Resolving identity issues can be difficult for GLBTQ people. It can be even more challenging for queer people who are seen as “different” in another way.

Anyone who does not fit with what society calls “norms” (but what are actually just averages) and who is also GLBTQ could be dealing with issues of identity, fitting in, and visibility on many levels. Just as there are norms in society, there are norms within the GLBTQ community that can lead you to have expectations about who's queer and what queerness supposedly looks like.

If your school has a GSA, think for a moment about all the different people who are members. You all could have a lot in common, but there are probably plenty of differences, too. And those differences, whether they're in the form of divergent interests, disabilities, economic background, or other things entirely, might leave you wondering where you fit in. They could leave you confronting the norms within society and also within the GLBTQ community.

For example, maybe you're in a wheelchair. Do you think people would be surprised to see you at a GSA meeting because they'd never thought about someone being disabled
and
queer before? You might face a similar reaction if you came out at a meeting of a disabled students group. This is just one example of what it can be like to try to figure out who you are and reconcile that with the many different communities of which you could be a part.

It can be a complicated process—one that will likely continue as you mature and experience different things. But diversity is a positive thing. It enriches our lives and the lives of those around us. If you think of yourself as a mosaic, and each aspect of who you are as one more colored tile, you'll see that each color contributes to creating the intricate and beautiful picture of who you are.