Girl (16 page)

His name was Ian and he was English and he was the singer of the Astral Planes. We told him we were friends of Color Green, besides being big fans of his of course, and he said Color Green was playing right now and it was almost over. He knocked on the door and asked the man if the supporting act was over yet and the man said yes. And when they opened the door we could hear Todd saying good night to the audience. And then Ian told us to wait in the truck because we were going to catch cold. So we squeezed into the truck and we were all wet and I looked down and I had this huge rip in my cow dress.

It got worse. When Todd and Luke and everybody came out there was an extra person and it was female and it was Jessica. I knew it was her. She was dressed like she was
grunge but it was totally fake because she was super clean and her face was creamy smooth and you could tell she was
a star
and probably a total bitch. And I was so embarrassed and jealous of Jessica I didn't want to get out. But Ian had told Todd we were there and he opened the door and very slowly and very reluctantly we came down from the truck. And Todd looked at us and Jessica looked at us and they said we looked like drowned rats. I stayed as far away as possible from Todd but he saw me and smiled at me and I just turned away. And everybody was looking at Jessica and she knew it and she just laughed at us and told Todd we were his fan club and weren't we cute? And it was so embarrassing and Matthew was stammering to Todd about what a big influence he was and finally Cybil took charge and asked Ian if we could leave through the club so we wouldn't have to climb the fence. Ian got a bouncer to escort us and we said goodbye to Todd and the bouncer marched us through the club. It was hot inside and loud and packed with people and then we were outside again, back on the cold sidewalk and we were all wet and Jessica was right, we were like drowned rats.

But at least Matthew wasn't so stoned now. We got in his car and cranked up the heat and we didn't know what to do and I suggested going to the University of Washington. So we asked some people and we found our way there and we found the main drag of coffee shops and stuff and we went into a cafe and had tea. And then Matthew talked to this girl with a Cyanide T-shirt and she told us about this lounge on campus where we could maybe sleep. So we tried to find it and we got lost and then we found a party of the University Hiking Club and it was all these drunk guys with beards. And then we found this passageway to another building and we walked around and looked at all these classrooms and offices and read the cartoons on the doors. And then we met two hippie guys and they told us about another party and we tried to
find it but we got lost. And then we found these women with dreadlocks and they were checking us out like they didn't believe we were prospective students because we were so dirty and wet. But they showed us where the party was and we went in and it was this dark room with all these cool people dancing and a band playing and we were like,
wow
. And the people were dressed like HOP! except even better and it was like Outer Limits minus the skinheads and the jerks, and just the coolest people. And even Cybil was excited and we pushed up toward the front and the band were these cool punk boys with sunglasses and ripped shirts. And we started jumping around and dancing and all the college guys were noticing us and trying to meet us but we ignored them and it was so fun!

Cybil found some girls who were in a sorority and me and her slept there and Rebecca and Matthew slept in a lounge somewhere and had wild sex all night. According to Rebecca. And back at school she told everyone about our wild adventures, which freaked me out because I didn't want Mr. Perry to hear about it. And I told my parents that I liked the University of Washington but I didn't know if it was good enough academically and it seemed like too much of a party school.

And then a couple weeks later Cybil was downtown and she thought she heard two girls talking about Todd and it sounded like he was back and living with Carla. I had not heard from him or written to him and I had gone out with Kevin a couple times and we had pretty intense sex. But I didn't love Kevin. I loved Todd. Maybe not in a practical way but definitely with all my heart. And in a way it was easier to love him because he was safely out of reach and always in Seattle and I didn't have to worry about loving him too much or playing hard to get. I went to Taco Time with Cybil and I
asked her what I should do and she told me not to get my hopes up because Todd was a big shot in cool Seattle and we were nobodies in stupid Portland.

Then Sins of Our Fathers got their first headlining show at Outer Limits and Matthew was so excited and we all went to his house to help make posters. We picked out cool pictures and lettering and then the next day we went postering downtown and we ran around and stapled the posters on telephone poles. And I swear, if you want to meet people putting up posters is the best because pretty soon these two skater boys were helping us and letting us ride their skateboards and then we met their girlfriends and these other boys came and pretty soon there was a whole mob of us. And everyone loved the poster, which was this Vietnamese guy shooting another guy in the head and beneath it huge letters that said: S
INS OF OUR
F
ATHERS
. And other people came up to us and we gave them posters out of the stack to put up in their rooms. And then Rebecca came running up the street and she had just given posters to Carla, and Carla said Todd was in California seeing about his record but he'd be back and she'd bring him to the show.

The next day was Matthew's seventeenth birthday and we celebrated by putting up posters at school but of course the teachers ripped them down immediately and Mrs. Katz made an announcement saying there would be no unauthorized political advertisements allowed at Hillside. But we had already given out a bunch so some people had them in their lockers and in general it seemed like people at Hillside were finally noticing that something cool was happening. At lunch we had a little birthday party for Matthew at Taco Time but he was really stoned on pot and it was sort of weird. And then after school I went over to Cybil's to try on some miniskirts and help her figure out her outfit for the big show. And we listened
to Girl Patrol and talked about school and going to Seattle and it was the nicest time I'd had with her in a long time.

The show was on Friday night and Outer Limits was total chaos. There were four other bands, Party Hats, Curmudgeon, Nation of Pain, and Drano. And there were people running all over and everyone was nervous including Richard and Greg, who were arguing with another guy about where they could put their stuff. Me and Rebecca sat outside on the curb and there were all these skinheads across the street and some redneck flannel boys and one boy kept puking in the bushes and it was definitely not a University of Washington party.

And then when Party Hats played we went inside and Jerry Kruger was there. He was in the front and he was slamming and so was Bobby Wingate, who was a Hillside football player, and they were totally smashing people. And me and Rebecca exchanged looks like,
What are they doing here
? And everyone was bumming out and trying to get away from them and Elaine of Party Hats even said in the mike that they were assholes and to go back to the suburbs. And me and Rebecca were so embarrassed because if it wasn't for our posters around Hillside they wouldn't have even known about it.

And then Todd and Luke and Carla showed up. They were outside on the sidewalk and I was afraid to go out there but then Matthew wanted to smoke pot and Rebecca wanted to go with him so I went too. We went out and walked down the street a little ways and I didn't even look in Todd's direction. Matthew found a doorway and he lit his pipe and smoked it and Rebecca smoked some too. And I just watched and then Todd and Luke came running over and it was so embarrassing because I thought they were coming to talk to me but they just wanted pot. And Todd was ignoring me and smoking pot and Matthew was trying to ask him
about record contracts and how did he meet Buzz Mitchell. And then Todd offered me the pipe. I shook my head but Matthew was like, “Go ahead, Andrea.” But I had tried pot once and it made me so stupid I couldn't talk. And then Rebecca took it from Todd and told them I was allergic and that saved me. And meanwhile Jerry and Bobby Wingate had come outside and some girl was yelling at Jerry and he just laughed and when her hippie boyfriend tried to say something Bobby Wingate pushed him over a car hood and dropped him in the street.

Jerry Kruger and Bobby Wingate
had found freak paradise. There were hippies and faggots and punkers in every direction. And then they saw the skinheads across the street and they started saying stuff to them and then they saw Matthew and they were like, “All right, look who's here!” And we were heading back inside and Matthew whispered to Luke and Todd to watch out and I thought something would happen for sure but Jerry just said, “You guys better be good, we want to slam!” And Luke sort of pushed past Bobby Wingate and
nobody
pushes Bobby Wingate but the way Luke did it, so casual, like he didn't even notice that Bobby weighed about a thousand pounds, Bobby didn't even do anything.

·    ·    ·

I tried not to look at Jerry but there were all these people jammed around the door and I was stuck and Jerry was grinning at me. So finally I said, “Why don't you just go home.” And Jerry was like, “But Andrea, we like it here!” and I was like, “You do not!” And I turned away and tried to ignore him and then I saw the skinheads. They were coming through the crowd and they were bouncing and whooping like Indians and they were going for Jerry. And then this other boy backed into me and people were pushing to get out of the way and then I saw Jerry's head jerk down and all the other skinheads swarmed around and then everyone was falling over and I got tripped and a girl fell on me. And I was trying to get up and then Matthew appeared and he grabbed my wrist and yanked me up so hard I thought he was going to break my arm. And then someone screamed and everybody ducked and Matthew grabbed me around the waist and dragged me inside. And everything was in total confusion and everyone outside was trying to get in and everyone inside was trying to get out. And then it was like this electric shock went through the crowd, like something really bad was happening and we all knew it together at the same instant. Our fun night was gone. And Matthew let me go and I was rubbing my arm and looking around and everyone had the same horrible look on their face. And Todd was looking for Carla, and me and Rebecca went back to the dressing room and Cybil took one look at us and said, “What? What is it? Andrea,
what is it
?” I just shook my head and said it was a fight. And then we all went to the front door but the commotion had moved down the street and the Outer Limits guys were trying to keep people inside and then Todd came running down the street and he couldn't find Carla and his face was white as a ghost. And Rebecca was in shock and I turned back and looked at the stage and all I wanted was for Cybil to sing and everybody to dance and have fun and why did boys always have to wreck everything?

·    ·    ·

And then police came and ambulances and the Outer Limits guy told us to stay calm but he was so freaked out he was scaring people worse. Matthew stashed his pot, and Todd and Luke went looking for Carla. Rebecca and I stayed in the dressing room with Cybil and everybody talked about who got hurt and what happened and if someone got killed or not and it was so awful. And then Todd came in and got us all together and he told us that he couldn't get in trouble with the police and that they would ask us everything that happened and we should tell the exact truth but don't mention his or Luke's or Carla's names.

And he was right. The police kept everyone there and we got trapped in the dressing room. Todd found Carla and of course they all got away. And then the police wanted someone who knew Jerry and Bobby and we had to talk to them. And the police were such assholes because they wouldn't tell us anything. But they made us talk and I said that I knew Jerry and Bobby from high school but I wasn't friends with them and they were pushing people and being obnoxious and everyone was getting mad. After that, Matthew and Greg got the station wagon and loaded their stuff and all this time Richard was sitting on a bench in the dressing room and not talking to anyone. And the police took everyone's names but he was so quiet they missed him completely.

Jerry Kruger was dead and Bobby Wingate was in critical condition at the hospital. By Monday Bobby was in stable condition and it was so horrible because everyone at school asked me what happened and all I could say was they got in a fight with some skinheads. And everyone acted like this confirmed how bad Outer Limits was and it was so depressing and Darcy and Wendy Simpson even came up to me and they were like, “Are you still going to hang out there?” And everyone's parents freaked out and there was an editorial in
Hillsider
by Cynthia Carmichael about how violent and hopeless our lives were. And a reporter from
The Oregonian
called me at my house and asked me a bunch of questions. My parents hadn't heard about it but after that I had to tell them and they were so shocked and my mom said how much she hated the whole idea of Sins of Our Fathers and how I wasn't going to associate with those people anymore. But I just shrugged and said I didn't associate with people like Jerry Kruger. Those were exactly the people I was trying to avoid.

Then in the middle of school on Wednesday the police came to school and took Matthew away for questioning. After school me and Cybil and Rebecca waited for him by his car in the parking lot and people stared at us as they went home. We waited an hour and then another hour and it was six o'clock when the police car finally came back and let him out. He looked so tired. We didn't even say a word, we just all gave him a big hug and held it for a long time.