Girl (19 page)

And then Rebecca had this idea that we should all go to Monte Carlo and look for new boyfriends. Cybil was not
into it and she hated Monte Carlo because it was just a bunch of girls like Wendy Simpson. But it was summer and there wasn't anything else to do or any place to go since Outer Limits closed. So we all went and it was Rave Night and everyone was dressed British and trying to be fashionable. We sat in a booth and boys immediately started coming over and asking us to dance and Cybil was being such a snot. But when girls came over and asked her about Sins of Our Fathers she was totally nice to them. This one girl stood there for fifteen minutes telling us about the band she was starting and how great they were going to be. Then Lisa walked in. I hid behind Rebecca. And then Kevin came in with his new girlfriend, Celeste, who was the most beautiful blond hippie spirit you ever saw. And I was trying to be mature and be happy for them but I sort of hated her. And the music was totally pounding and all the boys were jumping up and down like monkeys and Monte Carlo was okay but compared to being with Todd it just seemed like a big waste of time.

Then Carla walked in. She was by herself and Cybil waved to her and she came over and she acted really shy even though she was the coolest person in the whole place. She asked if she could sit with us and we were like, “Of course!” So she got in the booth and then she looked straight at me and said that Todd had been arrested in Seattle and he was in jail. We were all in shock and then she looked at Cybil and said, “You're Cybil.” And Cybil said, “You're Carla,” and then they had mutual admiration society and Carla said how much she liked Sins of Our Fathers and Cybil said how much she liked Carla's fashion ideas. And I told Carla how I loved her apartment and how cool she was to let Todd stay there. And Cybil asked her about her hair and where she shopped. And Rebecca was getting pissed and she finally blurted out, “I thought we came here to meet boys!” And Carla looked around and said, “Are
there any interesting ones?” And Cybil said, “No.” And Carla lit a cigarette and me and Rebecca both took one but I was coughing and I couldn't really smoke it.

Rebecca found a boy. He was from Learning Center and Kevin sent him over and Rebecca danced with him. And Carla turned to me and said, “I don't know if you know this but when Todd goes to Seattle he stays with a girl named Tori and if you want to call her and find out if he's out of jail, I'll give you her number.” I said okay and I took the number and sat back and we all watched Rebecca dance. And all these boys kept coming up to us and it was annoying and Carla wanted to go outside. So me and Cybil went with her and it was a lot better outside because everyone leaned on cars and sat on the curb just like at Outer Limits. And I asked Carla what Tori was like and how old was she and Carla said she was pretty weird and she was twenty-five and she was manic-depressive. And all the time we were talking guys were staring at us and girls too and I remembered Outer Limits and how Carla was always the coolest girl and whatever people were with her were always the coolest people.

The next day at work I wrote Tori's number on my calendar. But I didn't call her. I was too scared. I called Cybil and she agreed that it would be too weird for me to be dealing with Todd's Seattle girlfriend. Like we were the various chapters of the Todd Sparrow girlfriend club. And she hadn't said it before but she thought my relationship with Todd was definitely bordering on groupiness. So we talked about what I could do about it and we decided it was just the nature of Todd and the only thing I could do was not act like a bimbo. And then we talked about Carla and Cybil said she really liked her and I told about her apartment and how trashed it was and how much cool stuff she had.

·    ·    ·

Then some skinheads beat up two black kids in the neighborhood by the radio station and then the next night some black guys beat up some white skateboarders I guess because they couldn't find any skinheads. And then at the radio station everybody was all upset about it and having big arguments and screaming at each other right over my desk. And everybody was there even when it wasn't their shift and Jamaal did the news and went on these rants and the white news guy was having tantrums and Ms. Caliban was on vacation and for once I wished she was there.

The next day Cybil called me and she had gone shopping with Carla and I was so pissed, like why didn't she call me? She said Carla was a genius at a clothes rack and how Carla told her about going to Los Angeles, where her sister lived, and all the incredible shops they had down there. And Cybil was wondering if she was a lesbian because she had never had sex with Todd. And it was so weird because it seemed like Todd
adored
Carla and they must have had sex at some point. But it scared me too because what if Todd liked her more because she didn't have sex and that made her more mysterious and exotic? Like he just wanted me for sex and she was his soul partner and the one he really loved.

Meanwhile Doug was back in town and he and Rebecca started going out and having sex all the time. Then she called me and Doug had a friend and she wanted to double-date. I didn't really want to but I said okay. My date was named Trevor and he thought he was so cool with his Astral Planes T-shirt. So I told him how we met Ian of Astral Planes in Seattle and the whole adventure with Color Green. And he had heard that Color Green were really good but he hadn't heard them so I told him about Todd and Color Green and how they were up in Seattle but they were coming back except Todd might be in jail. And then I told about Buzz
Mitchell and how I helped Todd with his cover art and how Todd and I had talked about getting old and how Todd kept a journal so he would always remember. And I guess it was bumming out Trevor's ego because he was getting cranky and he didn't want to hear any more about Todd and when they took me home he didn't even try to kiss me.

The next day Cybil called me at KBAN and Carla had told her that Todd had
not
gone to jail but just got hassled by the cops one night walking back from the studio and Buzz Mitchell was trying to exaggerate it and make it into a controversy so Color Green would get in the music papers. Carla also said that Todd might come to Portland a couple days before the show. I was ready. With my first couple paychecks I had gone straight to HOP! and also Ragtime, which was a new vintage store, and I had a great new dress that was like my cow dress except it had fishes and it wasn't falling apart at all. And I had these white-and-black saddle shoes which were pretty daring since the only girl in Portland who wore saddle shoes was Carla. And every day I wore my best clothes to work and had all my stuff and plenty of money and everything I would need if Todd called. But he never did.

The big Color Green/Sins of Our Fathers show was on a Friday night and it was a drag because I had to work and the funnest thing before a Sins show was to go to Cybil's and help her get dressed because then when she came on stage you could see all your decisions and you could see the audience's reaction. But I didn't have time to get the bus all the way home and then come back because the show was early because it was in a Youth Center underneath a church. And when I got there at seven, it was still hot and nobody wanted to go inside and poor Party Hats were playing to no one. And then Rebecca and Doug and Trevor came and Trevor was acting
surprisingly nice. So I went with them and we drove to the store and got some beer and listened to tapes and it was fun in a college sort of way.

When we got back to the church Greg's station wagon had arrived and Fiona had her old smashed-up Toyota and they were moving all their stuff and there was still no sign of Todd or Luke or Carla or anybody. So we stood around and then Lisa showed up with her friend Vanessa. Lisa made a big deal of introducing me but Vanessa just glared at me and then asked me if I had heard the new Color Green record yet and of course I hadn't and she just rolled her eyes at Lisa like,
Who is this idiot
? I just tried to get away from them. But Lisa followed me around and then Trevor came over and Lisa sniffed at him like he was
so uncool
which was true. And as soon as I talked to Trevor she lost all respect for me and walked away but I was glad to get rid of her.

Now I just had to get rid of Trevor. I pretended like I was going to the bathroom and then I snuck over by the stage where Cybil was and hid in the back hallway until Trevor went back outside. Then I hung out there but Cybil was being cranky and Fiona was arguing with Matthew about which side of the stage she was going to stand on. And poor Greg was trying to get his drums ready and everybody kept knocking his stuff over and ignoring him. So I helped him and talked to him and I asked him what he was doing over the summer and he said, “Nothing.”

Then I felt something. It was like a sudden tingle in the air and it meant that Todd Sparrow was here. I stuck my head around the corner and I saw two guys carrying a big amplifier and it had C
OLOR
G
REEN
stenciled across the side. But I stayed where I was. I watched them put the amplifier on the stage and go back to the door. And then Fiona came barging
through the hallway with her huge bass and I had to back up to the stairs. And since there was nothing else to do, I went up them. I wandered through some hallways and up some steps and then I opened a door and I was standing on the stage of the church. It was huge. It had tall arching ceilings and my first thought was, I sure hope none of the skinheads find their way up here. And even though you could hear the noise below, the room was so big it kept its own silence. And the rows of wooden benches looked so orderly and everything was so neat and clean and polished. And I sat down on the steps by the pulpit and rested my head on my hands and just sort of enjoyed the silence and not knowing what was going to happen with Todd or with school next year or going to college. And it was probably totally sacrilegious but before I left I thanked God for Todd and the music scene and for all the fun I was having and at least my youth wasn't being totally wasted. At least I found someone to love. At least when I was old I'd have one good thing to remember.

Carla met me
coming down the stairs. She had just got there and she was looking for the bathroom and I had to go too so we looked for it together. The one we found was really nice and it must have been where the priests put on their robes and stuff because it had a lighted mirror and it
was really fancy. After we peed Carla was doing her lipstick and I was sort of watching her and she said, “Todd's here.” I said, “I know.” And she put on more lipstick and she looked at me in the mirror and she said that what Todd really liked on girls was big hair. And I complained how boring mine was and she started grabbing it and bunching it up on my head. And then she said I should do darker lipstick and she gave me some and then she held my hair up and started putting pins in it. After that she put some eyebrow pencil on me and she was standing so close her breasts were touching my arm. And when she tipped my head forward to fix my bangs I could feel her breath on my forehead. And I was worried she'd think I was too much of a groupie so I said I didn't really care what Todd liked. She said, “I know, it's just an excuse.” And I watched her face while she fiddled with my hair and I thought what a strange and mysterious girl she was.

Downstairs things were not going well. It was so packed you couldn't even see back to the door and Sins of Our Fathers were on stage and Matthew and Fiona were yelling at the sound guy and the P.A. was all screwed up. And when Cybil tried to talk into the mike it did feedback so loud everyone had to plug their ears. And people were shouting at them to play and Greg started hitting his drums and Matthew yelled at him to shut up. Cybil was getting really pissed and the whole fun of the first moment, of Cybil making her entrance, was already spoiled. And all the time I kept glancing toward the front to see where Todd was. And I kept touching my bare neck and sort of wiggling my head to feel my hair which was piled on my head like I was the Queen Of Siam.

Sins of Our Fathers played exactly one song and then the fire trucks arrived. And then the police came. And then more police came and they had riot gear and it was so weird because everyone just looked at them like,
what
? We were
watching all the commotion from the back hallway and then these two hands covered up my eyes and someone kissed my neck and I spun around and threw my arms around Todd and gave him the biggest kiss. And Todd was like the antidote to all the bad energy because as soon as he and Luke showed up everything was fun again. And the cops were talking in megaphones and telling people to clear the building and we all snuck up the steps and hid in the priests' bathroom. Todd sat in the sink and popped a zit on his chin and then we went back downstairs and started carrying out the amplifiers and when the cops asked us what we were doing Todd said, “We're leaving.”

And then outside this guy came up to Todd and said we could have the show at his farm. Todd was like, yeah? The guy said he would be honored. So everybody started whispering the directions to his farm. And then Todd started organizing everything and getting the equipment loaded and everyone helped and we did it really fast. And we all hopped in the Color Green van and everybody else got in their own cars and off we went. And when we got there it really was a farm with fields and tractors and everything. And the guy was there at the gate waving us in. And Todd drove the van into the barn and we all jumped out and unpacked the stuff. And it wasn't even dark yet and all these people showed up and Color Green set up their stuff and started playing. Right in the barn. It was so hilarious! We danced and jumped on the hay piles and Todd tried to sing his lyrics but there was no mike so you couldn't really hear. And then Matthew and Greg were jamming and Cybil played drums and some boys hit a washtub with a stick. And the guy who owned the farm was so happy because he had saved the day and all these people were having such a great time. And when it got dark he built a fire and people got beer and then we all sat around the campfire. And I had hay sticking out of my hairdo and Todd
ran around but whenever he walked by me he kissed the back of my neck. And then he took me in the van and he had a rubber and we did it really fast but it was still really sweet. And then we went back out and I was laughing so hard and skipping around and my dress was falling off and everybody was singing and it was such a blast!