Finding Faith (24 page)

“
Zeke, pack us a bowl, man. I’m
going to change. Some bitch poured her entire beer over me when I
went surfing,” I said as I went to the back of the bus.

We spent the rest of the night
bullshitting on the bus and getting high out of our minds. Zeke
kind of chilled on the side. I got it, being all domesticated and
shit, but it wasn’t for the rest of us. We playfully teased him
about it, but even though we didn’t believe in only one girl, we
understood and respected him.

A ton of shit had happened since
we’d been on the road. We practically lived on our bus or on a
plane, but home was a big-ass condo in California.

The next morning, I called my mom
to check on her. I called her at least twice a week no matter
what.

“
I’m good. Rick planted a garden
in the back yard and I was helping him. You should see how nice the
tomatoes came out.”

Mom was now settled down with her
new husband, Rick. He was a nice guy. He treated her good and took
good care of her. I couldn’t ask for more.

“
That sounds great, Mom. Listen,
we’ll be heading that way here soon. I miss you and was hoping we
could get together for a nice dinner or something.”

Even though she hated it and swore
she wouldn’t use it, I sent her a couple thousand dollars a month.
Needless to say, she didn’t live back in the old neighborhood or
drive that piece of shit Jeep anymore.

“
Of course, Jimmy! I can’t wait to
have you home for a little while. Y’all be careful out there with
all those crazy people. Be good and try not to get into any
trouble.”

I got the same speech every time I
called and I loved it. It was nice after being on the road with a
bunch of bitches that only cared about your wallet or your name to
have someone who actually gave a real shit about you. My mom would
always be the only woman in my life for those exact
reasons.

“
We will. I love you, Mom. See you
soon.”

We got a break in our tour a week
later and went back to California for some downtime before going on
the run again. Our lush condo was nice and decorated with some of
the most expensive shit our label could find. I remember the moment
we all stepped into the massive place and how we all flipped out
over how nice it was. None of us were used to living in such
splendor. We’d each came from the other side of town, living in
either a shitty little house, a fucked-up trailer, or the ghetto
apartments where all the single moms and meth heads
lived.

I threw my shit on my bed and went
into my bathroom for a shower. I didn’t even notice how nice our
place was anymore. After staying in some of the nicest hotels in
the world, I was accustomed to the best.

I stepped up to my shower and
turned the water on full blast before stripping down naked and
tossing my dirty clothes onto the floor. I’d called a temp agency
for a maid. We were a bunch of messy asses and none of us wanted to
clean when we were home from being on the road for so long. I could
tell by looking at the bathroom that she’d already started her job
and was damn good at it.

I turned around to grab a towel,
and when I did, I ran straight into the maid, who was holding a
large pile of fresh laundry in her arms. She screamed loudly before
dropping all the laundry to the floor. The smell of fabric softer
and washing detergent filled my senses as a thick white towel fell
over my face.

I pulled down the towel, ready to
see the shocked face on the maid when she realized that she’d just
walked in on her employer naked as the day he was born. My eyes
started at the top of her head and took in the long chocolate
locks. Big brown eyes stared back at me. I’d thought I’d shock her
with my nakedness, but instead, the shock was mine. I took in the
woman in front of me and my chest got tight. Faith stared back at
me with flushed, embarrassed cheeks. Her plump lips opened in a
gasp before she collapsed at my feet.

Nineteen

Faith

“
What do you mean I’m fired?” I
asked Jesse, my manager.

I couldn’t afford to lose my second
job. It was the only one that worked with my busy schedule and it
was the main reason I was able to keep us above water. I was
drowning and I hadn’t slept properly in four years, but my family
was taken care of and that was all that mattered to me.

“
I’m sorry, Faith, we can’t afford
to keep you, and the owner’s pretty pissed at you still for giving
away free gas,” Jesse said as he slid my final paycheck over the
counter to me.

“
But I paid for that out of my
pocket!”

“
I’m sorry.” He turned and walked
away from the counter, letting me know our conversation was
over.

The truth was I hated working in
the gas station after dark. Especially in that neighborhood, but
luckily some of the Spanish guys who lived in the trailer park
nearby kept watch over me after I gave them a free tank of gas one
day. But regardless of not being safe working there at night, it
paid well enough.

I hated searching for a new job.
With my day job at the grocery store by my apartment, it made it
hard to get away to find another job, and honestly, I couldn’t
afford to take a day off to search for another one.

After grabbing my final check, I
ran outside to catch my mom before she pulled away. Thankfully,
she’d needed gas before she went home. Otherwise, she would’ve been
long gone.

“
You aren’t working tonight?” she
asked, confused.

“
Nope. I got fired,” I said as I
climbed into the front seat and slammed the door behind
me.

She got into the driver’s seat and
cranked up the car. It was hard to believe Mom’s old Taurus was
still kicking. “I’m sorry, honey. I’ll start looking for something.
It’s not fair for you to be working two jobs when I could find
something.”

Mom had a stroke right after she
and my dad divorced, and I was determined that she wasn’t going to
have to work. I think it was the stress of the entire ordeal that
did her in. I’d been so shocked when Mom had come into the room
while Daddy was beating me and stood up to him. She’d done it once
before, but that last time had been different. It might have had
something to do with the fact that I was six months pregnant by
that point.

“
No, Mom, I got this.” I smiled
over at her.

“
Mommy, is work over?” Jimmy said
from the back seat as he rubbed his sleepy eyes.

He must’ve fallen asleep right
after I got out of the car. I turned around and ruffled his soft
brown curls. The last thing I wanted was for Jimmy to get upset
over me being upset.

“
Yes, baby, work’s over. I’m going
to take you home and we can watch your dinosaur movie until we fall
asleep. Does that sound fun?”

Mom and I laughed at his excitement
as we drove home, but still, I couldn’t help but feel stressed
about our situation.

Both Mom and I had always lived
under Daddy’s thumb. He worked and took care of us. When we first
started out on our own without him, we were both lost as to what to
do. Daddy no longer had anything to do with me since I’d shamed our
family, so it wasn’t like I could ask him for help even if I wanted
to, but we were making it. Barely, but we were making
it.

The next day, even though I hated
to do it, I took the day off. I spent the entire day job searching.
At the advice of my mom, I went to a local temp agency and applied,
even though I knew nothing would come of it. I’d only ever had four
jobs in my entire life and none of them required any real skill
since I didn’t get a chance to graduate from high
school.

Daddy forced me quit the minute
he’d found out I was pregnant, so I only made it to the end of my
junior year. I had dreams of going back and getting my diploma and
going to college. I wanted to make a life for Jimmy and me, but
that was hard to do when you had to work every minute of every day
just to make ends meet.

There were days when I thought
about contacting Finn. I’d followed his career even though it
killed me to do so. He was a big-time rock star now; he could
afford to pay some child support. But then I’d realize the error in
my thoughts. I hated Finn and Finn hated me. He had the money and
the ability to take Jimmy away from me, and I knew he would. I’d
die before I let anyone try to take my baby.

So instead, I pulled through and
did the single mom thing the only way I knew how—I worked my
fingers to the bone and slept when I could. I did, however, try my
hardest to always make time for Jimmy. Having a three-year-old boy
who loved me unconditionally was the best thing that had ever
happened to me, and I’d always make sure he knew he was the most
important thing in my life.

I was in a bad place emotionally
when I’d found out I was pregnant, and I thought for sure my world
was ending. I went through my pregnancy practically alone, with the
exception of my mom, who was dealing with health issues and a
divorce, but I’d done it and every day that I looked at that
precious boy with his daddy’s eyes and dimples, I knew that I
couldn’t give in to my depression. Not ever. Little Jimmy saved my
life in so many ways.

I got a call from the temp agency
exactly a week later. Even though I hated to do it and I needed the
money, I called in at the grocery store again so I could meet with
them to find out about other jobs. I dressed in my best pants and a
nice top. I hadn’t worn a long skirt in four years, and I swore I
never would again.

The blonde behind the front desk of
the temp agency reminded me of Amanda. There were a lot of blondes
in California and many of them reminded me of her. I was constantly
doing a double take even though I knew it was impossible for her to
be anywhere.

I missed Amanda so much. It was
hard to believe it had already been over four years since she died.
Not a day went by that I didn’t think about her. I remember crying
the day I delivered little Jimmy because I’d done it alone. Mom was
in the hospital at the same time as me. Amanda would’ve been there
for the entire thing. I know she would’ve. I would’ve had a baby
shower and she would’ve been there helping me push when it was
time.

Instead, I screamed my head off
since I’d gotten there too late for drugs, and the only people
who’d been in the room were the doctor who I was positive hated me
and a nurse that said I was acting like a baby. It was a good
memory and a bad one all wrapped in one.

I filled out some paperwork that
the blonde behind the desk gave me and then I was called back into
a tiny office with an older lady sitting behind a massive desk
covered in papers. She stood and smiled when I entered.

“
Hi, Faith, I’m Mrs. Cooper.” She
shook my hand. “Please, have a seat and let’s see what we can do
for you.”

I sat there silently as she went
through all of my papers and my application and tried her hardest
to find a job for me. It was hard considering I had limited
experience and no educational background. It stung when I told her
that I hadn’t graduated or gone to college.

“
It looks like I may have found
something,” she said in relief.

I appreciated her trying so hard
for me.

“
How do you feel about cleaning?
As in being a maid?”

“
What are the hours?” I
asked.

I had to make sure it either had
hours that worked with my grocery store job or paid enough that I
could work only the maid position.

“
Monday through Friday, and the
hours are as long as the job takes. If you go in early enough and
you get the job done right, I don’t see any reason why you’d have
to stay in the house. It’s not a live-in position.”

“
What does it pay?” I
asked.

She smiled over a piece of paper.
“Well, it seems the job pays six hundred and fifty dollars a week,
after taxes, of course. How does that sound?”

How did it sound? It sounded
amazing! I barely brought home four hundred after taxes from my two
jobs a week. That barely covered rent in our small two-bedroom
apartment, the bills, groceries, and everything else that went
along with living.