Finding Faith (18 page)

When he finally took me back to his
car, it was two in the morning. He opened the car door for me, but
before I got in, I turned and kissed him.

For someone who once thought
kissing was gross, I sure couldn’t get enough of it. He didn’t seem
to mind as he kissed me back. His fingers mingled in my hair and I
heard myself moan loudly. He pulled back and stared down at me—his
heavy breaths landing against my lips and cheeks.

“
What happened to sweet, innocent
Faith?” he asked with a grin that showed his dimples.

“
She had a taste of
Finn.”

A tiny growl sounded against my
mouth when he pressed his lips to mine. His kisses felt
different—harder and desperate. I didn’t push him away. I was
enjoying it too much.

I gasped in his mouth when I felt
his fingers against my stomach. He worked his hand up and rested it
on my ribs just below my bra. I was embarrassed that he could feel
my hard breathing against his hand, but when he moved it down and
gripped my bottom, pulling me closer, I no longer cared.

I moaned when his palm wrapped
around my upper thigh. His lips left mine and worked their way down
the side of my neck. I leaned my head to the side and gave him
working room, and then without realizing I was doing it, I grabbed
on to his shirt and pulled him closer.

“
Is this okay?” he asked as his
hand moved higher into my skirt.

The warmth from his hands mixed
with the cool beach breeze that was rushing up my skirt felt exotic
against my flesh.

“
Yes. Please don’t
stop.”

I couldn’t believe I’d even said
that. It didn’t even sound like me, but I was begging him and I
didn’t even know what I was begging him for. I just knew that
everything he was doing felt right and I wanted more.

My shoe left a line in the sand as
I slowly opened my legs for his hand. My skirt bunched up around my
thighs to accommodate my stance. I sighed loudly when his hand
moved up higher and I felt his knuckles brush my
panties.

“
You like that?” he asked as he
brushed his knuckles against me again.

My knees were starting to feel weak
and when I tried to answer him, no words would come out of my
mouth. Instead, a tiny humiliating whine slipped past my lips and
earned me another dimple-filled grin.

“
I love those sweet noises you
make,” he whispered against my lips.

And then he kissed me again, and
again his kisses were harder and more passionate. His tongue moved
against mine and tickled the top of my mouth. The noise that I made
when he slipped his finger in the side of my panties didn’t even
sound human.

I’d never known anything like his
touch, but while I was mentally clueless, my body seemed to
understand and moved on its own. My hips rolled for more of his
fingers. The dinging from his car door being held open sounded with
the throb of my body as I leaned my head back against the cold
rusted steel.

The next thing I knew, my legs were
no longer holding me up and somehow, instead of leaning against his
car, I was lying in the sand and he was above me. It was as if the
things he was doing to me were coming in flashes. The stars above
me twinkled with my excitement and the sound of the waves became
muffled.

His fingers moved against me in
ways I didn’t know were possible. My body was strung tight and my
breaths came out in pants. He kissed me until I was dizzy and then
when I thought I was about to lose my mind, his hands disappeared
from my body.

He leaned back and pushed my skirt
up more and I lay there needy and greedy for more of what he was
offering. In the back of my mind, I knew what we were doing was
wrong, but I couldn’t make myself stop. It felt too good, but once
he started to move down, my body I froze.

I could remember Amanda telling me
about what couples did to each other with their mouths and I
couldn’t fathom Finn doing that to me. I leaned up and grabbed him
around his shoulders to keep him from moving lower. He looked up at
me beneath his lashes and grinned.

“
Just relax. You’ll like this, I
promise.”

Still, I couldn’t make myself
relax. Things were moving too fast and I wasn’t so sure I was as
ready as I’d originally thought. He softly kissed my ribs and it
tickled. I pulled on his shirt again and tried to make him come
back up.

“
Finn?” The desperate question in
my voice was answered when he kissed me around my belly
button.

I had no idea what I was asking
for. My mind was telling me to stop him, but my body was begging
for him to keep going. I was so confused and scared. My body was so
tense with anxiety and the need for a release I didn’t know
existed.

“
Just relax, baby. It’s only fair.
I sang for you. Now lay back and I’ll make you sing for
me.”

When his mouth touched me, I gave
in and fell back. Sand collected under my nails as I dug my fingers
into beach around me. His hands and mouth were all over me, pushing
and pulling me over the edge of a line that I’d always been afraid
to cross.

My toes curled in my shoes and my
back lifted from the sand as my insides turned to
liquid.

“
Let go, Faith. I promise I’ll
catch you.”

His whisper floated in the wind
around me and then my body dissolved into the sand. I clutched my
cross, the blunt tips of it digging into my palm as I called out my
release and sang into the wind. Finn’s mouth never left my body,
and his fingers dug into my thighs, holding them to the earth as my
body trembled and bucked.

When I came down, the sound of the
waves was the first thing I heard. My arms and legs tingled and
felt heavy. Everything was so sensitive that even the cool breeze
felt too thick against my skin. In a daze, I stared at the stars
above me and tried to understand what had just happened.

Finn collected me in his arms and
kissed the top of my head. His warmth seeped into my skin and
spread throughout my body. I continued to clutch my cross. I fully
understood that what we had done was wrong—sinful—but what I
couldn’t understand was how something so beautiful could be
bad.

I began to question everything I’d
ever been told in my life. For the first time, I wondered if maybe
my dad didn’t know what he was talking about. I refused to believe
that Finn was bad. I wouldn’t accept the fact that my soul was in
danger with him. Not when I’d just been so close to heaven in his
arms.

This time when I closed my eyes, I
didn’t think about protecting my soul in my cross. There was no
need for it anymore. Finn had my soul, and I knew that no matter
what, he’d protect it.

Fourteen

Finn

I’d promised myself I’d wait until
she was ready, and I’d failed. That wasn’t surprising since I’d
spent most of my life fucking up. I hadn’t planned on going down on
Faith in the sand. I really had been trying to be romantic and take
her on an actual date. Walking the beach was supposed to be sweet,
but once she started kissing me and pressing against me, I was done
for.

I kept thinking that at least I
hadn’t taken her virginity. I wanted to. Damn, I’d never wanted to
so badly. The noises she made when she came almost did me in. I was
sure I was going unload right there in my jeans. The amount of
willpower it took to hold her afterward and not finish the job was
amazing. I had no idea I was capable of shit like that.

I wanted to show her how good I
could make her feel. I wanted to hear her say my name over and over
again like she had. It wanted it so badly for her, but at the same
time, I couldn’t help but feel like I’d pressured her into
it.

The last thing I wanted was for her
to clam up and never talk to me again out of fear. I never wanted
to scare her. She seemed okay when I dropped her off. I promised
her I’d come by the following night and that made her smile
happily, but I knew girls pretty well and I knew they reacted after
the fact. I just had to hope that the following day when I saw her,
she didn’t hate me.

When I got home, Reynolds was
waiting in my garage for me. His long legs were resting on the
coffee table in front of Mom’s old leather couch. He pulled at a
ripped piece, exposing more of the yellow sponge inside.

When I stepped in, he looked up at
me with hard eyes.

“
Where the fuck you been, man?
I’ve been waiting here all goddamn night.”

His eyes were dilated and he
couldn’t sit still. He crossed his leg over the other and shook his
foot so fast it started to blur. No doubt about it he was fucked on
the white wizard again.

The tiny bit of white power stuck
on the tip of his nose caught my attention and gave him away more
than his behavior. He’d been on the decline for a while, but I
hadn’t noticed how badly until I sobered up and stepped away.
Usually I was along for the party, but since I’d met Faith, I was
clean—minus a few beers every now again. That was yet another
reason I knew she was good for me. Even my mom had commented on my
changes.

“
I was out with my girl. What’s
up?” I asked as I fell onto the couch beside him.

It was late and I was exhausted. I
could still smell Faith on my skin, and I was determined to catch
some relief in my palm before hitting the sheets.

He reached into his pocket and
pulled out a blunt. The smell of lighter fluid swarmed around me
when he lit his Zippo. The tip of the blunt crackled as he hit it
hard and held it in.

“
Man, fuck that shit.
Relationships are for the birds and bitches. Don’t get yourself all
caught up. It’s bad for business.”

I had to force myself to remember
that he was fucked up. Otherwise, I would’ve punched him in the
mouth. Since I’d known Reynolds, I was always fighting his fights.
He had a mouth on him and never knew when to shut it. It also
didn’t help that he wasn’t afraid of anyone or anything. Whenever
he got in over his head, which was most of the time, I was always
there to pull him out.

He usually never pushed my buttons,
but something was up with him tonight. I was starting to worry that
he was on something much heavier than usual. He kept making shitty
remarks, but I ignored him and turned down the blunt when he held
it out to me. His arm hung suspended and he eyed me hard like he
was challenging me to smoke. Still, I shook my head no.

“
Nah, man, I’m good—high on life
and shit.” I tried to lighten the mood. “You need a ride home or
something? Looks like you’ve partied extra hard
tonight.”

I’d seen his car parked out front,
but if he needed a ride home, I’d take him. Whatever got him out of
my garage so I could get some sleep.

I was caught off guard when he
flicked the blunt at my face. I barely swatted it away quick
enough. “What the fuck, Reynolds?” I stood tall.

He stood, too, but I towered over
him. I tried to keep myself in check. He was pushing some serious
buttons and I was starting to get pissed off. I didn’t want to fly
off the handle and kick his ass and feel bad about it the next day
when he didn’t remember.

“
You don’t know shit about a party
anymore. Man, you’re supposed to be our front man. A real front man
doesn’t let himself get pussy whipped.”

I’d had enough. I pushed him. “Get
the fuck out of here. I’m done with your shit tonight.”

I walked away. At least I tried to,
but he had other plans. I didn’t see his fist coming, but it was
hard against the back of my head. The oil-covered concrete garage
floor dug into my cheek. My ears rang and the world around me
shifted for a few seconds. I blinked rapidly and gathered my wits.
Once I realized what happened, I was up and on top of him. I’d had
enough of Reynolds’s shit.

He blocked and fought back hard.
Punches were thrown and words were said. The drums sounded and the
cymbals clanged as we tumbled into them, knocking them
everywhere.

Once I had him on his back, I
continued to hit him. I told myself to stop, but I was so pissed
and disoriented from his initial hit that I no longer
cared.