Everything I Shouldn't / Everything I Need (51 page)

The only thing that I would change about today is right now. Jeremy's taking me home so I can get some sleep and go to school in the morning while I want nothing more than to stay with him. This morning, on his bed, I wanted nothing more than to stay there forever, but now he's treating me like I'm fragile, made of glass and about to shatter.

"SarahBeth?" He's staring at me, his brow furrowed in concern as his voice pulls me out of my thoughts. I realize I've been staring blankly out the car window, not even noticing we're now sitting in my driveway.

Still upset that he's taking me home, I avoid looking at him. Instead, I get out of the car and head up to the house, not telling him goodbye or really even acknowledging him. I know it's childish, but it feels like he's had his fun, he's made his explanations, now he's dropping me off so he can go back to his life without me...it hurts. I don't get very far before his hand grabs my arm just above my elbow, stopping me in my tracks so he can come around in front of me.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

Trying to pull my arm out of his grasp, I mutter, "Nothing. Just trying to get in the house so you can go back to doing whatever it is you do when I'm not around." Crap. Why did I just say that out loud? I didn't mean to, I don't want him to know how much it hurts that he's in such a hurry to get rid of me...damn hormones.

"Is that what you think?" This time I don't answer, even though I can hear the shock in his voice. I keep struggling, trying to get away from him, but he wraps his other arm around my waist to keep me still. Dropping my arm, he takes my chin in his hand, forcing me to look up at him. "Sarah, do you think I
want
to bring you home?" Jeremy says, shaking his head. "Baby, bringing you home is the last thing I want to do but I have some things I need to take care of. I need to make sure my mother's bullshit won't be able to touch you or the baby."

Well, when he puts it that way...yeah, I feel like an idiot. I didn't even consider that maybe he was trying to protect me or deal with things, I went straight to him not wanting me. Of course, considering the fact that he's already told me once that he did not in fact want me anymore, can anyone really blame me? We've been back together for less than twenty-four hours and it seemed like he was trying to get rid of me.

Embarrassed about jumping immediately to the wrong conclusion, I try to look away from him, but he doesn't let me. Closing my eyes instead so I don't see the disappointment I'm sure is in his own, I whisper, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Little Bit," he says, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "I'll earn your trust again, I promise." Opening my eyes, I look up at the sincerity burning in his and know that he means what he's saying.

Feeling like a special kind of idiot, I wrap my arms around his waist and lay my head on his chest letting him comfort me and trying to comfort him as well. Soon though, Jeremy makes me go inside, promising that he'll see me tomorrow after class, and leaving me with one final kiss. The house is quiet, and I think I'm alone at first; at least until I hear female voices coming from the kitchen. Stopping in the doorway, I watch Lyric's roommate Anna rummage through the pantry, walking back out with at least half the junk food Lyric's been sneaking in. David is all about healthy eating, but Lyric is more like me. She has an unhealthy addiction to all things sweet and she'll beat you if you take her chocolate. We've spent enough time together recently for me to know that when she sees Anna raiding her goodies, she's not going to be happy.

Sure enough, when Lyric walks back into the room, she screeches, "What are you
doing
? Put that stuff back Anna!"

"No way!" Anna exclaims, holding her haul closer to her chest and turning away from her friend. "If I'm having to hang out and watch vampires, I'm getting the good shit!" They both turn at my gasp, the guilty expressions on both faces almost identical. "Uh, hey SB," Anna says, trying to play it off, but failing miserably when she grimaces.

Lyric smacks her in the arm, saying, "You're an idiot," before walking over to hug me. "Hey," she says in a much gentler voice, "how are you doing?" My face flames as I remember this morning, and she grins as she releases me, stepping back before she says, "That good, huh? Good for Jeremy."

"Oooh," Anna starts, smirking at us both and clapping her hands with glee, "is it sex-with-Mr.-Pretentious detail time?" What. The. Hell? Well, I guess she has a point. Jeremy can be kinda snobby, and he's not a big fan of Lyric's friend. David tried to get Jeremy to go out with her once, and Jeremy refused, saying that there was no way he was going there...Anna was too wild for him. At the time, it made me extremely happy because I didn't want him dating
anyone
, but it also made me like her a lot less. I haven't seen her since everything happened, because Lyric says I'm not her favorite person and she didn't want Anna giving me shit when I was already dealing with enough. I'm guessing they weren't expecting me home tonight, and considering I didn't expect to be here either, I can't say much.

Thinking about Anna and Jeremy and the
almost
date makes my reply a little bitchier than it would normally be. "I don't think so." Realizing how bitchy I sound when Anna's eyes narrow, I try to play it off, "I wouldn't want to make you jealous." 

Her eyes widen, but after a second she grins, "Little sister has balls! Nice!" Her words break the tension and Lyric sighs in relief. I didn't even notice she was tense. Anna ignores her, asking, "We're having movie night and wine. Wanna join? We're watching some vampire movie that just came out." She glares over at Lyric, and I have to laugh at the sheepish expression on her face as she shrugs.

"What? I like vampire movies! And, Dimitri was hot in the books!" Lyric looks at both of us, waiting for us to agree before throwing her hands up in the air in irritation. "Gah! Do either of you ever read?"

Anna snickers before taunting her friend, "No honey, I don't have to
read
about sex, I get enough of the real thing." She winks, "Maybe I should have a talk with your man--"

"Ugh. Anna! Seriously?" Lyric shakes her head, "You are so not talking to David. He doesn't need any help, trust me." Oh gross. She did
not
just make a reference about my brother and sex in the same sentence. My disgust must show on my face because the both look at me and bust out laughing. "Sorry," Lyric says when she's able to get her giggles under control, "I'm sure you don't even want to think about that. I know I wouldn't want that image in my head." 

She shudders, but Anna gets a dreamy smile on her face. "Mmm...I don't know, I bet Phillip is pretty good. I can definitely see him being the bossy
do it now
kind of guy." It's Lyric's turn to look grossed out, and I smile over at her, raising an eyebrow to silently say "
See!
"

"Ew gross, Anna. Let's please just watch the movie, okay?" Anna agrees, rolling her eyes when Lyric jerks the junk food away from her before she picks up the wine and grabs some glasses. I snag a bottle of water from the fridge before following them into the den where they have everything set up.

Lyric and Anna sit together on the couch, leaving me to take one of the chairs. Curling my legs underneath me, I grab one of the pillows and wrap my arms around it, resting it on the arm of the chair before laying my head on it. The movie begins and Lyric almost immediately starts critiquing it...much like she has every movie we've watched lately that's been based on a book. She drives me crazy with her "That's not how it happened" and "Ohmigod, I can't believe they left that part out". Obviously, Anna feels the same way because she keeps pouring more wine and practically forcing Lyric to drink until she's slurring when she talks, telling Anna how much she loves her, how much she loves my brother, and shockingly, how much she loves me.

"Anna," she says, laying her head on Anna's shoulder while gesturing over to me with her wine glass, "I know you think she's a spoiled little brat, but SB's really not that bad." Uh, thanks? That's a ringing endorsement if I've ever heard one. Anna snorts, but Lyric cuts off whatever she's about to say. "No, really! I mean, she hurt me, and I thought David would hate me, but I can't be mad at her you know? How do you be mad at someone who's obviously hurting herself? Plus, I can't be mad at a pregnant girl..." she trails off, dropping her arm into her lap and staring dopily at the television screen.

Knowing Anna's staring at me, I turn to meet her gaze head on, but hers drops to my stomach before it widens. "Jesus Christ, you're pregnant?" she asks, her voice much higher than normal. Well, I think that's pretty much everyone I know now. I nod, and her eyes soften. "Well shit," she mutters. "I guess I can't be mad at you now either huh?" I shrug my shoulders, because really, what does me being pregnant have to do with anything? I look away from her, but Anna continues, "I'm a bitch, but I can't wish evil things on a pregnant chick. Oh well," she says lightly, "I guess I'll have to wait until you pop to curse you."

Startled, I look back over at her, but she's smiling, half drunk herself. She waves a hand at me, likes she's trying to shoo me away, saying, "Ah, who am I kidding? I won't even remember by then. Congrats, I guess. You're happy?"

"I guess. I am right now, anyway." It doesn't seem like I should be, things haven't really been resolved, but I'm in love, he loves me, and I'm carrying a part of both of us inside me.

Anna looks thoughtful for a second before she hugs Lyric closer. "I'm guessing you know about the crap d-bag Matt put her through?" I tell her yes, and she snorts, "Man, that guy is such a dick. Mr. Pretentious can be an asshole, but at least he's a steady one. And, it doesn't hurt that he looks at you like you hung the freaking moon."

Her words make me smile, knowing that people other than my brother and Lyric have seen Jeremy looking at me, and that other people think he'll stick around, that he'll be there for me. Anna finishes the bottle of wine, talking about her boss and what a jerk he is; both her and Lyric tell me stories about his assyness - Lyric's word, not mine...I'm not even sure I know what it means - until finally, they both pass out on the couch about half an hour before David gets home.

"What the hell?" he asks, staring at the mess that is now our den. There are empty candy wrappers, an open pack of crackers and a jar of peanut butter, an almost empty bowl of popcorn, and two wine bottles. I haven't had anything but water, but the horrified look on my clean freak brother's face has me giggling. He looks like he's about two seconds away from cleaning up after them, but then, his shoulders sag and he shakes his head with a sigh, "I knew this was going to happen. I should have told them to have movie night at Anna's."

That brings up what I wanted to ask him, so gathering my courage, I look up at him, "About that...is she moving in and no one told me?" He turns to face me, and I quickly say, "Not that I have a problem with her moving in, I was just wondering if it was official. It seems like she's here more than she's at her own place."

David shrugs, "Nah, I wouldn't move her in without asking if it was okay with you first. She hung out tonight because she didn't know if you were coming home and you didn't answer either of our texts. Lyric's been worrying about you since we left you last night, although Jeremy's phone call helped a lot with that. She just didn't want you coming home to an empty house if something happened." He smiles down at her as he crouches down in front of where she and Anna are asleep on the couch. "She kind of loves you, ya know?" I have no words, there's nothing I can say in return. I mean, I'm starting to love her too, but considering all the things I've done to her, I didn't think it would ever be possible for her to care about me...aside from the whole sister of her boyfriend who's going through something similar to what she went through thing.

"Hey darlin'," he says, stroking her hair and kissing her forehead as she wakes. "Time to go to bed, yeah?"

She smiles goofily up at him, "You're home." Throwing her arms around his neck she tells him, "I missed you. But, I got to hang out with Anna and SB. Next time we should invite her friend Livvie. We can all bond."

He chuckles, "Sure sweetheart, anytime." Turning to me, he asks, "Can you help Anna to the guest room? I'll get Lyric to bed."

"Yeah, sure." He pulls Lyric off the couch before waking Anna up, and as they walk by me, Lyric wraps her arms around me.

"Night sweetheart," she whispers, kissing my cheek. "See you in the morning." Still stunned over the she loves you revelation, I can't speak, afraid if I try, I'll end up sobbing. 

David finally gets Anna to wake up, telling me, "Never mind. She's way too out of it for you to help her. I'll be back to help her in a minute, I don't want you getting hurt. Go on to bed, Sarah. We can talk tomorrow."

"K." I reach up to kiss his cheek and give him a quick hug. "Night big brother. Sweet dreams." Heading upstairs, I don't even bother with pjs. I just pull Jeremy's sweats off and curl up in my bed, pulling the shirt up to my nose like I did this morning and inhaling the scent of his cologne. Checking my phone, I see a text from him sent earlier tonight that says...

Sweet dreams Little Bit. Call me when you're done with class and I'll come over. I love you...and the baby.

I fall asleep with my own goofy smile, my hand on my stomach, cradling the tiny life inside me and relishing in the fact that my life seems to be getting back on track. I can only hope that nothing happens to jeopardize things.