Everything I Shouldn't / Everything I Need (47 page)

I can't help but smile when I reassure my grandmother, "That's what I'm trying to do."

"Ah, nipote, you better. I'll let you get back to her. Ti amo."

"I love you too. I'll call you tomorrow." We say goodbye as I walk over to Sarah and put an arm around her waist to pull her into my side.

She stiffens at my touch, frowning up at me when she says, "Who was that?" Her reaction baffles me, she seems afraid of the answer, and I realize that she's worried I was talking to another woman. Doesn't she realize there hasn't been anyone for me but her for a long time? I have so much to make up for.

"Nonna. She says hello, and that I better take care of you." Choosing to keep things light instead of shaking her the way I want to for doubting me, even though I know she has plenty of reasons to do so, I drop a kiss on the top of her head before pulling her into the store with me.

Wandering through the store, there's plenty of wine to pair with my grandmother's manicotti. I know she prefers Pinot Noir, but SarahBeth isn't a huge fan of red wine. The couple times I bought wine, she's preferred sweet wines like Moscato. Turning to her, I hold up a bottle of both the Pinot and the Chianti, "Which would you rather?" Far be it for me to make a decision for her, I've made that mistake far to often lately.

"Um," SarahBeth bites her lip, not meeting my eyes. "Would you be mad if I said I don't want wine with dinner? I'd rather keep a clear head."

Hmm. The conversation with her brother is still going through my head, and the one thought I can't shake coupled with her discomfort and fearful demeanor has my heart pounding. I don't want to jump to conclusions, and I hope if what I'm thinking were true, she'd tell me immediately. "Okay," I say, drawing out the word as I try to figure her out. "What
would
you like?"

Sarah mumbles something I can't make out as I replace the Chianti, deciding that while she might not need the alcohol, I just might. Taking her hand in mine, I lead her to the front to pay for my choice, and as we walk towards the entrance, I notice another blonde head down an aisle.
Fuck
! It's
Candace
. Knowing that Candace meeting SarahBeth is the worst thing that can happen tonight, I maneuver her in front of me as we exit the store. I'm trying to keep one eye on Candace, hoping she doesn't see us and ruin any progress I've made with Sarah.

As soon as we're safely in the car, I exhale; relieved she didn't catch up to us, and hoping she didn't even see us. My relief is short-lived when Candace walks out, stands on the curb and glares daggers at me. I pull away quickly, not wanting SarahBeth to notice her and as we leave the parking lot, SarahBeth's phone chirps. She ignores it, but it chirps a second, then a third time. Sighing heavily, she finally takes it out of her bag; her entire body stiffens as she reads the messages.

"Everything okay?" I ask in concern, not liking the way her face falls, as the color leaves it.

She looks over at me, attempting to smile, though it doesn't reach her eyes. "It's fine...just a wrong number." Her voice finishes on barely a whisper, and turning away from me, she keeps her eyes trained on the passing buildings until we reach my apartment. Not giving me the chance to come around the car, she's out and walking quickly to wait at the tenant entrance for me to join her. We head up to my apartment in silence, but the sudden distance doesn't keep me from seeing the single tear she wipes away.

By the time we make it to my apartment, I want to ask her point blank what's going on. I know her well enough by now to
know
she's hiding something from me, but there's also a part of me that doesn't want to know, so I don't ask the questions going through my mind. There are so many possibilities, and the more I think about them, the more I worry. I'm trying to wait for her; I'm hoping it doesn't take her much longer to feel secure enough to tell me.

When we walk into the living room, I motion for her to take a seat before heading into the kitchen to put the food my grandmother brought over on plates. She left the oven on to keep the food warm, so it only takes a few minutes to get everything ready. SarahBeth isn't content to just wait for me in the living room, and when I turn around, she's sitting at the small breakfast bar. It's so reminiscent of all the times we ate at the bar in her parent's kitchen that it relaxes me a fraction. It doesn't take long to get everything plated, and I bring the wine over along with two glasses, just in case, over, and sit down carefully beside her.

She looks at the food nervously, so I'm quick to smile and reassure her, "Nonna made it, so you're safe. She was worried if I cooked I'd end up burning the building down, and we already know what happens when you cook." I can make some things, but Manicotti isn't one of them. I know it's one of the foods Sarah loves the most though, which is why I had my grandmother make it for tonight. I also picked up a movie starring a guy that I know she always fawns over, and at least the movie looks like it might be interesting enough to keep us both occupied.

"Shut up you jerk! You know my cooking isn't that bad anymore," she squeals before hitting me in the arm and picking up her fork.

Laughing at the indignant look on her face, I say, "That's true. You haven't left the giblets in the turkey in awhile."

"Oh my God! Shut Up!" she's so flustered, her cheeks turn a pretty pink, and I can't help but lean over and kiss one, breathing in the scent of her light perfume. She's worn the same one for as long as I can remember, a scent that I'll always associate with her. She sucks in a breath when my lips touch her skin; her body stiffens against me which prompts me to back off. I know we aren't where we used to be, but I can't
not
touch her...feeling her against me is the thing I miss the most. It's not the sex, although God knows my hand is getting more of a workout now than it ever has before, it's not even talking to her...it's just feeling her, having her in my arms, knowing she's here.
That
'
s
what I've been missing. Fuck, I sound like a woman.

We eat the rest of our dinner in silence aside from the tiny noises she makes as she devours my grandmother's cooking. Each sound travels straight to my dick, making sitting at the bar extremely uncomfortable. As soon as she finishes, I jump up to clear the dirty dishes, wanting to get away from her before I break every rule I made for tonight. If I don't get some distance from her, I'm going to end up attacking her, and I have a feeling that's going to push her away faster than even telling her about the shit with Candace.

Sarah tries to help clean up, but I shoo her into the living room, handing her the movie I got for tonight and telling her to go start it while I finish up. When she sees the guy on the cover, her eyes light up, and she smiles up at me mischievously. "Oooh," she taunts, "you're going to let me ogle Zac Efron tonight? I thought you hated him."

"I don't hate him," I mutter, "I just hate the way you fawn over him." It's true - I'm pretty sure I'm the only man in existence who can sing every one of the songs from those musicals..., and that's not something I want to admit to anyone.
Ever.

Knowing what I'm thinking about, SarahBeth laughs as she walks into the living room. "I wonder if he sings in this one too," she throws over her shoulder, and deciding that I'll clean up later, I growl out, "
Fuck
," before following her into the living room. I stalk into the room, watching her as her eyes widen, and she backs up, losing her balance as she hits the side of the couch. She starts to fall backwards, and I rush forward to grab her, hauling her up against my chest. My arms go around her waist automatically as she bites her lip, staring up at me, a myriad of emotions flitting through her eyes.

"Are you
trying
to drive me insane?" She shakes her head, but her smile is obvious even with her lip pulled between her teeth. "I think you are. Musicals aren't my thing, baby. You're going to pay for that one." Her sides are extremely ticklish, so as soon as she realizes what I'm going to do she starts squirming against me, fighting to get free. I use the tips of my fingers to lightly stroke her sides, causing her to squeal in laughter, fighting harder to get away, and the feel of her moving against me has the erection I calmed down in the kitchen hardening more than before. Sarah stiffens as soon as she feels me against her stomach, her eyes filling with her own arousal as she looks up at me. I'm about a second away from kissing her, something that will only end with me inside her and nothing settled, so I gently let her go, making sure she doesn't lose her balance, before turning her to face the TV. "Go start the movie, Little Bit."

SarahBeth

Holy crap
! What on earth just happened? Jeremy and I fell back into our old relationship so easily, him teasing me and me taunting him - so easy that it scares me. Hell, it
terrifies
me. Being back in his arms, feeling him pressing into my stomach, my emotions
and
my hormones are going crazy. At this point, I'm not sure if I'm glad he stopped things, or upset that he didn't continue, that he didn't kiss me the way I know he wanted to. Standing in front of the television, I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying desperately to calm my body down. Jeremy's touch has always meant more than anyone else's, that hasn't changed.

Once the movie starts, I walk slowly over to where Jeremy is sitting on the couch, watching me. He holds out a hand, prompting me to take it, and pulls me down beside him; I curl my feet underneath me as his arm goes around my shoulders to pull me close. I try to ignore the feel of him, the scent of his cologne, and attempt to concentrate on the movie and the yumminess that is Zac Efron, but it's almost impossible. Especially with Jeremy using the tips of his fingers to make tiny circles against my skin. It doesn't help that the movie is about three guys and their respective relationships...I mean, Zac's hot, and he's having all kinds of sex. I know Jeremy's trying to act unaffected, but we're both breathing faster than normal, and it's all I can do to keep still.

I went almost twenty-one years without knowing just how amazing sex is, and now that I know? Well, the combination of knowing just how good it can be, the insane hormones that come along with pregnancy and the fact that I'm sitting beside the only guy I've ever wanted have me wishing I'd brought a dry pair of panties with me tonight. Jeremy keeps his eyes trained on the television, studiously avoiding looking down at me. I know this because for the last ten minutes I've watched him barely blink, his jaw tensing tighter every minute as the tension between us grows thicker. I've only played the vixen once, and it ended with me pregnant...I don't have such a good track record. I know we need to move slowly, but jeez, I just want to kiss him. I want to feel his lips on mine again. I've been thinking about it since he dropped me off the first night after kissing me senseless.

Three-quarters of the way through the movie, Jeremy finally snaps. He turns to face me and catches me staring at him as he raises the hand that isn't around my shoulders to cup my cheek in his hand. His eyes are warm, but they squeeze shut at the look in my own. When they open again they're full of so much want that my breath catches in my throat. "
Fuck it
," he groans before crashing his mouth down on mine. His hand slides around to the back of my neck as his tongue runs along the seam of my lips, silently asking me to open to him. As soon as my lips part, Jeremy's tongue pushes into my mouth to tangle with my own. Gripping his shirt in my hand, I try to maneuver so that I'm kneeling on the couch, bringing us face to face as Jeremy's arm moves from my shoulders to my waist, pulling me up against him as he moans into my mouth.

It's not enough, not by a long shot. Pressing up against his side doesn't give me the relief I need, and even though I'm wearing a dress, I try to move so that I'm straddling his lap. I barely get my knee between his before Jeremy lifts me, settling me on his lap with my knees on either side of him and crushing my chest to his. My breasts are extremely sensitive, and even that much contact hurts enough that I whimper into his mouth.