Everything I Shouldn't / Everything I Need (25 page)

Jeremy sighs, obviously not happy with me for not saying we can tell him immediately, but I'm so preoccupied with ways to make Lyric keep this secret that I don't pay that much attention. He drops me off at Livvie's, promising that he'll see me tomorrow and I say goodbye like tonight never happened. I just want to pretend tonight. It's immature, but I'll deal with it all tomorrow.

SarahBeth

I
spent the night at Livvie's, just in case Lyric decides to tell David what she saw Jeremy and I doing. Since he hasn't called me, and Jeremy hasn't heard from him either, I have time for damage control. Walking out of Livvi'es to get in my car, I continue the phone conversation with Jeremy to make sure he's on the same page.

"We need to find out what David knows." My voice is clipped, and I know I sound like a calculating bitch, but I can't have him finding out like this. He'll never forgive us.

Jeremy sighs, and I can almost see him pinching the bridge of his nose in agitation, "SB," he starts, but my groan at the nickname cuts him off. "SarahBeth," he continues with a sigh, "how do you expect me to do that? I can't exactly walk up to David and ask him if his girlfriend has said anything strange about us. That'll send up all kinds of red flags."

"I know," I say, sounding defeated, "but we have to do something, Jer."

Jeremy starts to speak, but then hesitates. I frown, but before I can tell him to spit it out, he finally says, "Alright, tell me what you want me to do." He sounds resigned to whatever it is, whether he likes it or not. I shouldn't manipulate him this way, but I know he'll do anything to make me happy, even if he wants to tell my brother everything. I just can't allow that to happen.

"I'm pulling up to the house now, but David's car isn't here. I don't know if Lyric is here or not, but you need to find him and see if you can figure out what he knows. We need to find a way to discredit Lyric if she's told him anything. I can handle her, but I need you to put some doubt in his mind about her motivations. That way if she says anything about what she saw last night, he won't believe her." I'm floundering for options to minimize the potential damage Lyric catching us can cause, but in the back of my head I know this is a
bad
idea.

Jeremy doesn't like it either. "SarahBeth, that's not right. You want to make her look bad for telling the truth? Telling David some bullshit about Lyric when she's done nothing wrong isn't fair to either of them. You can't fuck with his emotions or his relationship with her just to keep ours a secret." He gets quiet for a moment before he says, "I should just come clean with your brother, tell him what's going on with us. If we keep waiting for the
perfect
time, he's going to find out on his own and then the shit is really going to hit the fan." I start to protest, but he cuts me off. "No. You know better, Little Bit. What do you think your brother will do if he finds out we've been going behind his back since February? Hell, if we're honest it's been a lot longer than that. Just let me talk to him, okay?"

"No!" I practically shout it into the phone as I come to an abrupt stop in the driveway. My heart is beating fast and I feel like I'm about to hyperventilate. I just know that if we tell my brother about us, it's going to be the end of everything. He's always been so overprotective, but it's actually gotten worse lately. Lyric's ex came into town, causing problems between the two of them, yet somehow David rolled that situation around to be about me! It made him act as if all guys but him were dangerous and I should avoid them altogether. I don't know what the deal is, but he went from overprotective to something I don't even have a name for! "Please Jeremy, you
can't
tell him." I'm pleading with him, not even caring how pathetic it makes me sound. We've just gotten to the point where things are good between us. There's no more fighting, no does he or doesn't he, I'm pretty sure he loves me, even though he hasn't said the words. "Telling David would ruin
everything
."

Jeremy's long suffering sigh, the one that talking to me always seems to bring out, comes through the phone. "Dammit Sarah! You do realize that we're going to have to tell him sometime. I'm thirty-one years old; I'm not going to hide forever. I'm too old for this childish drama and honestly, so are you. I don't think he'll react the way you think he will, but for now, if this is what you want, I'll do it." I exhale in relief, but it's short-lived. "You and I though, we are going to have a talk, baby, and it's going to be soon." His words are as ominous as his tone and a shiver travels down my spine.

"Fine," I mutter petulantly. I got what I wanted, but his last words fill me with so much dread that I can't even enjoy the feeling of having him wrapped around my little finger. He disconnects without saying goodbye, and my stomach sinks further. He's really not happy with me. I'm going to have to figure out a way to get back in his good graces. He's constantly threatening to spank me, so maybe I can use that to my advantage. With that thought in mind, I smile just a little as I walk into the house. It slides right off my face though when I see Lyric sitting at the bar in the kitchen.

"Where's my brother?" I need to know how long I have to make it clear that she needs to keep her mouth shut. If David's going to be back in a few minutes, I don't want him to hear our conversation.

She looks startled at the question, but answers. "He had some things to do at the bar before it opens tonight."

"Oh." Thank God. That means he won't be back anytime soon. "Well, good. I need to talk to you anyway." Leaning against the stove, I cross my arms and stare at her, hopefully giving her the look David always gives me when he's getting ready to scold me.

Lyric pushes her sandwich and what she's working on away from her before folding her hands together on top of the bar. "Alright then, let's talk."

"I know you saw Jeremy and I in the bathroom last night, so don't even try to play dumb," I say, narrowing my eyes at her. I have to start with an "I'm a bitch" approach if I have any hope of intimidating her.

She raises an eyebrow at me before snapping back, "Wasn't planning to." Well, okay then.

I take a deep breath before continuing, the words tumbling out so fast that I'm shocked she even understands them, "You can't tell David what you saw. He'll kill Jeremy, and he'll be so pissed at me."

"SB, what exactly is going on between you and Jeremy?" She's not being accusing, instead she sounds like she really is interested, like she's concerned about me, and it makes me feel like a complete jerk for what I'm about to do.

Suddenly uncomfortable, I uncross my arms and start to fidget, wringing my hands and twisting my fingers together while I move my weight from one foot to the other. I
have
to convince her not to say anything. David's been dating her for a while, but it's not like we're friends and I know her first loyalty is to him. That should make me happy, but right now it just pisses me off, so I lash out at her, something I know I'll feel awful about later. "I don't think that's really any of your business. You're just the girl my brother happens to be screwing."

Her eyes go wide and her back stiffens. Lyric drops her hands into her lap and just stares at me, anger flashing in her eyes before I see the sheen of tears.
Shit
. This is so not the person I want to be. All this keeping secrets is turning me into someone else, someone I
really
don't like. Gathering all my resolve, I step away from the stove and go stand beside her so she has to turn to face me. She's still taller than me, even sitting on the barstool.

"Are you going to tell David what you
think
you saw?" Maybe if I can make her doubt herself, she won't say anything to him.

Our gazes are locked when she asks, "Don't you think he deserves to know what's going on with the two of you? You're his sister SarahBeth, and Jeremy's his best friend. If you don't tell him, and he finds out, it's going to be ugly." Her voice is gentle, belying the anger I can see banked in her eyes. It's close to what Jeremy told me earlier, which just makes me more determined because I hate being wrong.

I narrow my eyes at her once more. "Wow, really? I'm sorry; I've known my brother for almost twenty-one years. You've known him what...? Three months tops...? I think I know a little better than you how he'll react to things." I stop to take a deep breath in an attempt to calm my nerves, but it doesn't help. I really can't believe that I'm doing this, that I'm essentially sabotaging my brothers relationship, and for what? Because I'm a selfish bitch who doesn't want her own relationship to crash and burn? Right now, I really do
hate
myself. But, I'm neck deep in this situation I've created and it's not like I can just stop and take back everything.

"Look, I know you care about my brother, but you need to realize something. He and I, we only have each other." I put a hand on my hip and give her what I hope is a smug look; even though smug is the
last
thing I'm feeling. "What do you think would happen to you if I told David I didn't like you?"

She's looking back at me in shock and it's all I can do to keep the nausea at bay. After staring at me, hurt and fear swimming in her eyes, she finally clears her throat to say, "You wouldn't. Would you really sabotage your brother's relationship just because I saw you doing something you didn't want anyone to see? That's messed up SB, really messed up." Lyric's right. It is messed up, but right now I feel like I have no other options.

"I'll do anything I have to do to protect my brother and the relationships he's had the longest. Think long and hard, Lyric, about what's most important to you - your relationship with my brother, or ratting me out. I won't even be lying when I tell him I hate you if you tell him what you saw last night." And there it is. I can't look at her anymore. If I do, I'm going to throw myself at her mercy and beg for forgiveness, promising not to do what I just threatened, which will leave me right back where I started.

Storming out of the kitchen, I run up the stairs to my room, hoping I can make it inside before I completely lose it. I'm so sick at the idea of what I just did that I barely make it to my bathroom before I lose everything in my stomach. I kneel on the floor in my bathroom, heaving until there's nothing left to throw up. I'm so drained, emotionally and physically that I stay there, on the floor, with my head on the toilet seat, praying I didn't just make an even bigger mistake than I think I did.

Jeremy

I'm sitting in David's office when I get a text from SarahBeth that says:

I talked 2 L. Did u talk to D?

Dammit. She's really just not going to let this go. This conversation with Dave is the absolute last fucking thing I want to do. I'm still trying to figure out what the hell I'm going to say when David walks in, nodding at me before he walks behind his desk and takes a seat.

"Hey man," he says, looking at me curiously. "You here to talk about the reno plans?"

Trying to stall for time, I tell him, "Yeah. We need to figure out how you want to do the stage area since we start it right after SarahBeth's birthday. There are still a few decisions that ned to be made and time is getting short." David nods and spreads out the plans we've been working on off and on for the past two years so we can discuss his options.

After telling me everything he wants and what he wants the finished stage to look like, he sits back in his chair, resting his elbows on the armrest and steepling his fingers as he watches me. I damn near squirm under his scrutiny and wish I could just tell him about my relationship with his sister. Telling him without warning her though would be disastrous because I really don't think she'd forgive me.

"Was there something else you wanted to talk about?" David's eyes are boring into me, and I feel like I'm about to be interrogated about what I actually
want
to tell him.