Everything I Shouldn't / Everything I Need (27 page)

Jeremy

Lyric is coming to dinner tonight. SarahBeth isn't happy about it, she doesn't want to experience the fallout from her actions...not that I can blame her. I'm not really looking forward to tonight either, but there isn't any way to tell David that without raising his suspicions.

We're sitting on the couch, waiting for her to come into the den. SarahBeth is fidgeting, worrying her fingers and moving back and forth so much you'd think she has an itch when Lyric finally enters the room. She narrows her eyes when she sees Lyric, and I elbow her in the side, shaking my head to let her know she needs to behave.

Lyric's eyes widen at the gesture, making me feel like an even bigger asshole than I already do. Before anyone can say anything, David comes down the stairs, grinning as he walks over to give her a kiss.

"Evening darlin'," he welcomes her.

She leans into his side, saying softly, "Hey."

David turns to SarahBeth and I to say, "Dinner's almost done." Then, he gives me a pointed look and says, "Try not to run Lyric off, alright?"

"No running people off, I got it D." I grimace, still feeling like a world class jerk for all the problems we're causing by keeping secrets. I fucking hate this. He leads her over to sit on the couch facing SarahBeth and I before heading back into the kitchen, leaving the three of us in an uncomfortable and very awkward silence. Trying to lessen the tension in the room, I ask, "So, uh, Lyric, how are things with you?"

She looks at me for just a second, obviously surprised that I'm even talking to her. "Fine," she finally says before falling quiet again. I only nod, because I know she wants to be here about as much as we do right now.

Turning to SarahBeth, I try to keep the conversation going. "How're classes going?"

"You already know how my classes are going Jer," she says, her voice full of snark. I'm frustrated by her inability to see how much we need to seize the opportunity to smooth things over with Lyric.

Leaning over, I reprimand her. "Why are you making this so difficult? Lyric didn't ask for any of this. We're the ones who weren't careful. Stop taking it out on her!" SarahBeth blushes bright pink at my admonishment and when I look over at Lyric, she's staring at me in shock. I smile at her in apology, hoping she'll realize that we aren't her enemies, no matter what previous events show.

When David hollers that dinner is ready, we all get up to go into the kitchen. SarahBeth walks behind us, leaving me alone with Lyric so I take the opportunity to to apologize. "I know I've been making things difficult, and I'm sorry. If you were truly like his ex, you would have run to him and told him exactly what you saw with no regard for his or SarahBeth's feelings. I just wanted you to know that I shouldn't have said what I did to David last week."

Lyric stops walking, but doesn't saying respond. When she gives a small nod in acknowledgment, I grab her hand to stop her because I have to ask, "Do you forgive me?" SarahBeth chooses that moment to walk past us with a huff, causing me to let out a sigh.

"What's going on?" We jerk apart at David's voice, both looking guilty I'm sure. His face shows first confusion, then suspicion, and a little anger.

I release her hand, backing away from them slowly, my hands in the air. "I was just apologizing to her for the shit that went down in your office last week. Calm down."

"You don't have to forgive him you know. In fact, I'm fine with you telling him to fuck off," he tells her, relaxing just a bit and grinning down at her.

She smiles back, telling him, "No, it's okay. I forgive him, I know he was just trying to be a good friend." Well, now I feel like a complete dick, because it wasn't about being a good friend at all. It was about trying to cover my own fucking ass.

Even though she's said she forgives me, dinner is a tense affair. David spends most of his time watching the three of us and as the night goes on, he looks more and more thoughtful. I know that it's just a matter of time before everything blows up in our faces. As soon as it's possible, SarahBeth gives me a look and we both excuse ourselves from the table, being very careful not to draw any attention to ourselves. I think we both know that David's starting to figure things out, but I know better than to try to convince SarahBeth to tell him now.

SarahBeth

T
his weekend marks five years since I lost my parents and my life changed forever. On top of that, my twenty-first birthday is tomorrow. Not a good way to remember it. I'm really missing my parents tonight, especially my mom, so I creep up to the attic, trying to make as little noise as possible because I don't want David to come check on me. I need to do this alone.

The attic is dark, and usually a scary place to be, especially at night. When I was little, I was convinced there were ghosts up here and I stayed far, far away. Now though, all of my parent's keepsakes are here. Their old clothes, my dad's victrola, this huge old record player my mom found at an antique store one of the many times she remodeled a room in the house and brought home for him, knowing how much he loved listening to records, and all of my mom's decorating things. There are boxes and boxes of wallpaper samples and her design scrapbooks, cataloging all the jobs she did, the houses and businesses she worked on, tangible moments of their lives, proof they were once alive. I could spend days up here just going through the boxes.

Opening yet another one, I freeze. On top of everything else is my mom's jewelry box. I spent so many rainy afternoons when I was little going through this box with her and trying on all her jewelry. Dad gave my mom jewelry on every conceivable occasion, when David and I were each born, anniversaries, holidays, birthdays. Not to mention all the "just because" presents. My hands are shaking when I reach in to pull the box out before sitting cross-legged on the floor and placing it in my lap. I can't open the box right away, instead I'm tracing the brass handle on top of the wooden cube. When I finally get up the courage to open the box, I realize it's locked, and I have no idea where the key is.

Placing the box on the attic floor, I get back up on my knees and begin searching through the rest of the box. After I've pawed through all the clothes, clothes I had no idea David had kept, I find the key in the very bottom of the box. It's a tiny key, attached to a corded tassel, like you would find attached to a curtain tie. Lifting it out of the box, I shove everything back inside, not bothering to fold it up nicely. I can't concentrate on anything other than the contents of my mother's jewelry box. Just the thought of what could be in there has my heart racing, my hands trembling, and my palms sweating.

Putting the small key in the lock, I open the jewelry box, pulling the two sides apart. The box has a section in the middle for her necklaces and then two drawers underneath that I know are full of rings and earrings. Each side has a place for a perfume bottle; the smell of my mother's favorite perfume fills the space around me. Tears drip down my face as I finger the chains I can remember my mother wearing. There's a silver chain with a topaz and an opal, mine and David's birthstones. It was a necklace my mother wore almost every day. I take it out of the box, placing the chain around my neck and clutching it tight, wishing my mother was here to give me advice.

We're telling David about our relationship on Sunday. I'm terrified of how he's going to react, and I know if my mom were here she'd be able to keep him calm, and help him understand. She'd want nothing more than for me to be happy, whereas David will see the whole thing as a betrayal. The truth is my love for Jeremy and his for me has nothing to do with David, but he won't be able to separate himself from it.

When I'm finished going through the jewelry box, I pick it up, taking it with me back to my bedroom. By the time I'm back in my room, it's after twelve and officially my birthday. I get dressed for bed, in clothes that aren't covered in attic dust, and lie in the dark thinking about how my life is going to change this weekend.

I toss and turn for almost an hour, but I know that what I really want is Jeremy. I want his arms around me; I want to lose myself in him. Opening my door once more, I tip toe down the stairs farthest from my brother's room, standing in front of Jeremy's door, I wonder if I should really do this. I don't want him to think I'm trying to use him to take away my pain, that's not it. I just want to be as close to him as I can tonight. I need comfort, and I need someone to love me. I need
Jeremy
to love me, and I know he does.

Pushing open the door, I step inside, closing it softly behind me. The only light in the room is the moonlight coming through the window that falls across his toned chest. I make my way over to the bed carefully, making sure not to trip over anything or make any noise, and when I get to his bed, I watch him sleep for a few minutes, loving how young he looks with his brow clear and his face relaxed. The longer we've been keeping our secret, the tenser he's become. His brow is constantly furrowed and he's been more frowny than usual.

Jeremy's laying on his back, one arm over his head and the other resting on his chest. He's so freaking handsome, this man I love. I pull the covers down slowly, smiling a little evilly when I see that he's sleeping naked. He usually does, so it's not much of a surprise, but it definitely makes my idea a little easier.

I climb up onto the bed and tentatively touch him. It's different seeing it now, when it's not already standing at attention for me. My touch is soft, and it doesn't take long for it to start growing. I know this has to happen, because I mean, obviously it usually looks a lot different, but when it starts to "grow", I still let out a squeak and I'm suddenly
very
glad Jeremy's still asleep.

The fact that I'm turning him on with just my hands is turning me on too. I watch him carefully as I gently stroke his cock, waiting for him to wake up, and getting frustrated when he doesn't. Shaking him awake at this point would be a little ridiculous - waking up to "hey, I want to have birthday sex" as I shake his arm is sooo not sexy. Deciding that the only way to do this is basically to
climb aboard
, I undress and straddle his legs. Positioning myself over his erection I start to lower myself slowly onto him.

This is the moment when I realize I have no idea what I'm doing because all of the other times we've done this, he's been in control. When he's fully inside me, I have to take a deep breath because he's feels even bigger in this position, hitting somewhere deep inside that feels amazing. I close my eyes as I try to adjust to the feeling, but they fly open and I jump when his hands land on my hips.

His eyes are glued to the spot where we're joined and he starts to move my hips for me, moving me in the rhythm that feels best to him, and
oh God
does it feel good to me too. I place my hands on top of his and he links our fingers together on my body, sliding me back and forth, up and down on his erection, thrusting up into me every time I come down.

Our movements get faster and he releases my left hand, trailing his right down my hip to the apex of my thighs. Using his thumb, he circles my clit in time to our movements, getting faster with each thrust up inside me and bringing me closer to the edge. We aren't talking, he's not saying dirty things the way he normally does. Instead, we're now staring into each other's eyes, like he knows that I need tender instead of naughty. The look in his eyes has me spiraling over the edge quickly, and I collapse on top of him as with a few deep thrusts, he groans, reaching his own orgasm moments after mine.

Jeremy rubs my back as my racing heart calms and my limbs start to feel heavy. "I love you, Little Bit. Happy Birthday," he murmurs as he places a kiss on the top of my head.

"Love...you," I mumble as I close my eyes, the emotional night and then the emotional sex takes its toll on me and drags me under. His soft chuckle is the last thing I hear before I start to dream.

Jeremy

I wake up, confused at first as to why SarahBeth is in my bed, then I remember her creeping into my room in the middle of the night. It was all I could do to keep my breathing slow and even...and my eyes closed, while she was "exploring" my body. I love that I'm the only man she's done anything remotely sexual with. Knowing that no one else has felt her hands on his body or been inside her tight little pussy other than me makes me want to beat my chest in satisfaction and shout it to the world. And, I'll be able to after tomorrow, providing David doesn't kill me.