Equivocal Death (41 page)

ended the sentence with a shake of her head. “I’m not sure what 21

I’m trying to say.”

22

Howell watched her across the rim of his mug. “It must be stress-23

ful working in a place where someone was recently killed.”

24

I don’t want to talk about that.
“So how long have you lived in Sag 25

Harbor?”

26

“Close to ten years.” If Howell noticed the change of subject, he 27

didn’t let it show.

28

“That must have been a big adjustment, moving out here from 29

Manhattan. Why did you make the leap?”

30

Howell didn’t respond right away. His eyes, more green than 31

gray now, seemed to be searching her face.

32

“Kate, I haven’t been entirely honest with you.”

33

She returned his gaze, the words not quite sinking in. “What do 34 sh

you mean?”

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1

“I didn’t just bump into you by chance. I followed you the other 2

day.”

3

Kate put down her mug hard. Hot coffee splashed on her knees.

4

The silence that had seemed so soothing was all too sinister now.

5

For an interminable second or two, Kate didn’t move. Then, heart 6

racing, she sprang to her feet.

7

“Kate, please. I can explain.” He held out his hands, entreating.

8

As she moved toward the door, Howell blocked her escape. Kate 9

stood there facing him, her breath emerging in short bursts.

10

“Look, I just want to leave now. Will you just let me leave?” She 11

could hear the trembling in her voice.

12

Howell reached out to grasp her shoulders. Even through her 13

sweater, she could feel the strength of his hands. “I’m not sure what 14

you’re thinking, but you’ve got it wrong. I’m not —”

15

But Kate barely heard the words. She wasn’t sure she could 16

make it. Still, she was going to try. With a surge of energy, she 17

whirled around, yanking herself from Howell’s grip. He stumbled 18

back against the wall. She could hear him struggling to regain his 19

balance as she raced toward the front door. Grabbing the knob, she 20

braced for an attack, but miraculously nothing happened. And 21

then she was free, in the open air, running as fast as she could.

22

23

24

Back in town, Main Street sparkled in the early dusk. Kate stood 25

on the sidewalk, panting, trying to sort out what went wrong.

26

Everything had happened so fast. One moment, she was sitting in 27

a warm, bright house, engaged in relaxed conversation. The next, 28

she was fleeing down a windblown street, running in fear for her life.

29

Now that she was standing still, Kate realized she’d forgotten 30

her coat. Her skin, damp from exertion, felt clammy and icy cold.

31

She needed to find some shelter. Luckily, she
had
grabbed her 32

leather backpack, which she’d carried in lieu of a purse. After some 33

searching, she found a coffee shop open for business. She walked ort 34

inside, ordered a cup of hot chocolate, and took a seat at a high reg 35

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Waiting for her drink to cool, Kate tried to make sense of what 1

had happened. Howell had said that he’d been following her, that’s 2

what had set her off. She’d been right to get out when she did. It 3

had been the only smart thing to do. Run first, think later. Still, re-4

viewing the day, she wasn’t sure she’d been in any danger. She 5

went back over Howell’s behavior, from the time she’d arrived that 6

morning. They’d been seen together in public, first at the restau-7

rant and then at the gallery. Howell had introduced her to Virginia 8

Cavanaugh. In the end, he’d let her go. These facts didn’t jibe with 9

a picture of someone who’d meant to hurt her.

10

But if Howell hadn’t meant to hurt her, what
had
he wanted from 11

her? Why had he bothered to track her down, to invite her out to 12

Sag Harbor? It could just be that he found her attractive, but that 13

didn’t make much sense. Howell was a handsome, successful man.

14

There were millions of women in New York. As fear continued to 15

ebb, curiosity settled in. But the more Kate thought about all that 16

had gone on, the more baffled she became. Why had Howell wanted 17

to talk to her? What had he wanted to say? Kate’s eyes drifted to a 18

phone on the counter. Should she give him a chance to explain?

19

Kate was still pondering this option when Howell walked 20

through the door. Their eyes locked. For several seconds, neither 21

spoke. Then Howell took a couple of tentative steps. Kate saw he 22

carried her coat.

23

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” Howell said, still keep-24

ing a careful distance. “Here. You forgot something.”

25

“Thanks.” Taking the coat from his extended hand, Kate felt a 26

little absurd. Howell looked so calm, so
normal.
Instead of demand-27

ing an explanation, she found herself offering one. “I’m sorry for 28

running out like that. But when you said you’d been following me, 29

it really freaked me out.”

30

Howell put out a hand to stop her. “It’s my fault,” he said. “I 31

shouldn’t have started like that. I don’t blame you for being afraid.”

32

He was still standing several feet away. After a moment of hesi-33

tation, Kate gestured at an empty stool. “You can sit down if you 34 sh

want,” she said.

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“Thanks.” He slid onto the seat, still watching her face. “Listen, 2

I have to explain. It’s important. It . . . it has something to do with 3

Madeleine’s death.”

4

Kate stared at him, confused. “Madeleine Waters?”

5

Howell bit his lip. “I should have told you right off. Madeleine 6

was my wife. My ex-wife, I should say.”

7

“Your ex-wife?” It was all Kate could do to repeat the words.

8

They simply wouldn’t sink in.

9

Now Howell was racing ahead, the words pouring out in a rush.

10

“I saw you at Madeleine’s funeral. I asked who you were. I knew 11

that I needed to meet you.”

12

“Madeleine was your
ex-wife?
” She’d never even heard that Mad-13

eleine had been married. Could Howell’s words possibly be true?

14

Then it came back, the photograph in Madeleine’s office. The 15

crashing waves against the rocks.
Of course.
No wonder Howell’s 16

work had seemed familiar.

17

“Look,” Howell said, “maybe I should start at the beginning.”

18

Kate met his eyes and nodded.

19

Sitting there on his stool, Howell seemed tired but determined.

20

“Madeleine and I went to college together in Chicago. We got 21

married right after graduation and moved to New York. Madeleine 22

was at Columbia, in law school. I was doing photography, trying to 23

start a career. Doing odd jobs to make money. Things were fine the 24

first couple of years. Then, after her second year of law school, 25

Madeleine took a summer job at Samson & Mills. She loved it 26

from the start, said she’d really found her niche. That fall, she 27

stayed on part-time. The hours were crazy, but I accepted that. I 28

was pretty busy myself.

29

“The following spring she finished school. That’s when she told 30

me she’d be moving out. I was completely astonished. I’d thought 31

we were doing fine. I didn’t hassle her about her hours. Was even 32

proud she was doing so well. Anyway, I demanded an explanation.

33

Demanded and later begged. But I never got much of an answer.

ort 34

Just vague words about growing apart. The next thing I knew, she reg 35

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was gone. We spoke only a few times after that. The divorce went 1

through a year later.

2

“Flash forward to last month. Out of nowhere, I get this letter. It 3

came in the regular mail. Addressed by hand. I recognized her writ-4

ing immediately. You can’t imagine how I felt, all the feelings that 5

came up. I didn’t open it right away. I took a long walk instead, try-6

ing to sort things out. I was afraid, I guess. Afraid of what the let-7

ter might say. Afraid of what might be left out. Confused, too. Did 8

I want her to say it was all a mistake, that she wanted to try again?

9

Not really. I couldn’t imagine that. What I wanted, I finally figured 10

out, was something I could never have. I didn’t want Madeleine 11

back. I wanted her not to have left.”

12

Kate stared down at her mug, tracing the rim with a finger.
I
13

wanted her not to have left.
He’s got it exactly right, she thought.

14

That’s exactly the way that you feel.

15

After a time, Kate looked up. “So why was she writing you now?”

16

“She wanted to apologize. She said she’d been thinking about 17

the past. And thought she owed me an explanation. That’s when I 18

found out about Mills. That they’d been having an affair. I knew 19

the name, of course. She’d talked about him all the time. Carter 20

this, Carter that. I’d tuned out most of it. You’d think I might have 21

had some suspicion. But, really, I had no idea.”

22

Hearing the pain in his voice, Kate felt a wave of empathy. And 23

with it, a jolt of apprehension. Was this what her own future held?

24

Ten years from now, would she still be thinking about Michael?

25

She tried to push the thought away.

26

“What did she want?”

27

“I don’t know exactly,” Howell said. “I never had a chance to 28

find out. We were supposed to have dinner, had actually set a date.

29

But she was killed before we could meet. All I know for sure is that 30

she was scared. She felt very isolated, very alone. She needed 31

someone to trust.”

32

Kate leaned toward Howell, electrified by what he’d just said.

33

“Did she mention anyone by name?”

34 sh

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Howell looked her squarely in the eye. “She was scared of Carter 2

Mills,” he said. “Of what Mills might do to her.”

3

“Of Carter Mills?” Kate eyed Howell doubtfully.

4

“I think she knew something about him. Something that would 5

hurt his career.”

6

Kate stared at Howell, disbelieving. She must have misunder-7

stood. “You don’t think that Carter killed her?”

8

“He wouldn’t have done it himself.”

9

“But you think he’s the one who arranged it?”

10

“Yes.”

11

“I’m sorry,” Kate said, shaking her head, “but it just doesn’t 12

make any sense. I mean, I
know
Carter Mills. I work for him. He’d 13

never —” Kate broke off midsentence, conscious of Howell’s stony 14

gaze. “Look, what did she say exactly? To make you think that 15

about Carter Mills?”

16

“I don’t remember precisely.” Howell’s voice had a sharper edge 17

now.

18

“But . . . you talked to the police about it?”

19

“Of course. They have a copy of the letter.”

20

“Well, then . . .” Kate looked at her watch. Saved by the bell.

21

“Wow, I’ve really got to get going. I’ve only got about ten min-22

utes.”

23

Standing up from her chair, she pulled on her coat and extended 24

a hand. “So . . . thanks.”

25

Howell gave her an ironic look.

26

“No, really,” Kate insisted. “It was great seeing your work.”

27

She was almost out the door when a sudden thought made her 28

turn back. “There’s one thing I still don’t get. That day you saw me 29

at the church. What made you want to talk to me?”

30

Howell studied her face. “Take off your glasses,” he said.

31

Kate had no idea what he was getting at. Still, she did as he’d 32

asked. Without her glasses, the room was a blur, an interplay of 33

light and dark. She couldn’t make out Howell’s features, though ort 34

she sensed him watching her. Then, from across the table, she reg 35

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heard his disembodied voice. “Didn’t you ever notice how much 1

you look like her?”

2

3

4

Kate gazed out the window, watching the outskirts of town give 5

way to endless winter fields. Traffic was light. Cold air seeped 6

through the window. She tried to think about the evening ahead, 7