Equivocal Death (39 page)

ference.
Yeah, right.
He gave her about a year. There was a ring on 24

her left hand. Soon, there’d be a baby and then she’d be gone.

25

That’s how it always ended.

26

He’d been staring out the window, ignoring her, when one sen-27

tence filtered through.
You only have one life,
she’d said.
You need to
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think about your goals.
Goals. It was something about that word.

29

He’d never thought much about the future. Never really seen the 30

point. Raise hell and die, that’s pretty much what he’d planned.

31

But maybe he’d been wrong. It was true what Screw-ellen was say-32

ing. He did only have one life. He’d thought about that for a while.

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And the plan began to take shape.

ort 34

reg 35

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Friday, January 15

1

2

“What’s it called again?”

3

“Ballet Slipper Pink.”

4

“I
really
like it.”

5

Kate picked at a tossed salad and tried to ignore the girl talk.

6

She rarely ate in the firm cafeteria, and she was beginning to re-7

member why. She’d chosen this table because Peyton was here, 8

and she’d hoped they’d be able to talk. But so far, he’d been occu-9

pied. Instead, she’d been stuck with Angela Taylor, now waving a 10

manicured hand. A basis for comparing the virtues of pink and 11

mauve? Or just another chance to show off that ring? Kate chewed 12

a piece of green pepper and contemplated a means of escape.

13

“So what are you wearing tomorrow?” Having exhausted the 14

subject of fingernails, Angela was moving on to clothes. The firm’s 15

annual cocktail party, to be precise. But what was the point of her 16

question? Everyone always wore black. Kate edged her seat to the 17 sh

left, hoping to find a new conversation.

18 re

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“So my wife’s standing in the elevator with Ryan beside her.”

2

Patrick Rittenhouse was talking about his toddler son. “Before she 3

even notices that he’s moved, he’s tapping this guy on the knee.

4

The guy looks down and my kid goes, ‘Will you be my daddy?’ ”

5

Guffaws broke out. Someone pounded the table. Only Kate 6

failed to crack a smile. A little boy missed his overworked father so 7

much that he set out on his own to replace him. Why was that a 8

funny story? With murmured excuses, she picked up her tray and 9

headed back to her office. She’d thought that it would cheer her 10

up, to share a meal with other people. But during the half hour 11

she’d spent upstairs, her depression had only deepened.

12

Back at her desk, Kate checked for messages. Still no word from 13

Carter Mills. Outside, an icy drizzle leaked from the sky. Every-14

thing seemed cold and bleak.

15

At a loss for what to do next, Kate picked up a stack of mail.

16

Languidly, she began to thumb through it. A heavy square enve-17

lope caught her eye, and she pulled it out from the pile. A Sag Har-18

bor return address. With a sense of anticipation, Kate ripped 19

through the flap and pulled out a flat white card.
Sam Howell: New
20

Work. Opening Reception December 10.
Below the printed text was 21

a scribbled note in a strong, sloping hand. “Enjoyed our talk.

22

You’ve missed the opening, but the work’s still there. I’d love to 23

give you the tour.” At the bottom of the card, he’d scrawled his 24

name and number.

25

As she read the words, Kate’s spirits lifted. The world seemed 26

suddenly larger. Over the past few years, she’d all but forgotten 27

many things she’d once cared about. Photography was one of her 28

hobbies, still listed on her résumé. Yet when had she last shot a roll 29

of film? When had she last seen a show?

30

Still holding the note in her hand, Kate turned to stare out the 31

window. The night before she’d met Sam Howell, she’d dreamed 32

about India. And then he’d shown up with those pictures.

33

Varanasi, the holy city. She wasn’t superstitious, of course. All the ort 34

same, it struck her as strange. In her mind’s eye, she saw the pho-reg 35

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swept over her, a desire to escape her life. She’d planned to work 1

tomorrow, but there was nothing that couldn’t wait. She could go 2

to Sag Harbor tomorrow morning and be back for the party that 3

night. Without pausing to reconsider, she picked up the phone and 4

dialed.

5

“H’llo!” The voice that answered the phone was sharp. She 6

must have caught him at a bad time; she began a rushed introduc-7

tion.

8

“This is Kate Paine. We met at the Mug. I —”

9

“Of course!” In an instant, his tone changed. “Good to hear 10

from you. How’ve you been?”

11

“Fine, I —”

12

“Did you get my invitation?”

13

“Actually, I did. I just opened it. And I was thinking . . . , I 14

know this is sudden, but I was thinking of coming out tomorrow.”

15

“Terrific.” He sounded surprised but pleased.

16

“I’d have to catch a morning bus. I need to be back in the city 17

by early evening.”

18

“That shouldn’t be a problem. Why don’t you check the sched-19

ule and get back to me? I’ll meet you at the other end.”

20

w

21

Sam Howell gently hung up the phone and returned to the clut-22

tered table. Through a wall of windows, he could see the bay, sunk 23

in a winter haze. But his eyes were focused on the table’s surface.

24

Boxes and boxes of photographs. Different images. Different years.

25

But the model was always the same.

26

Carefully, he slid an 8 x 10 print out of its plastic casing. He 27

studied the image critically. It was, he thought, very good. Clearly 28

articulated whites. Richly modulated blacks. Then he felt a surge 29

of disgust. How could he focus on the form itself, forget what he 30

was looking at? There was something monstrous about it, this abil-31

ity to detach. Especially now. It raised questions he didn’t want to 32

face. Such as whether he’d really loved her. Such as whether he 33

could love at all.

34 sh

Now he forced himself to look at the image, to actually see her 35 re

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there. It was years since he’d looked at this picture. Yet he still re-2

membered the day. A Saturday morning. Early fall. He’d gotten up 3

to make coffee, then gone back to the bedroom to get dressed.

4

She’d been lying there, still asleep. She’d looked like a goddess at 5

rest.

6

And now she was dead.
Now she was dead.
It was this fact he 7

couldn’t get over. He’d always believed that he’d see her again.

8

And now that would never happen. Time spread before him end-9

lessly. It was too much to contemplate. Then, with sudden hope-10

fulness, he thought of Kate. How young she was, how young and 11

unsuspecting. A surge of protectiveness rushed through him.

12

There were, after all, still reasons to live. His work, for one. And 13

Kate. She’d be here tomorrow, just hours from now.

14

It was almost like a second chance.

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w

16

Kate knew without checking that there wasn’t any food in the 17

kitchen, at least nothing that would do for dinner. She decided to 18

head for French Roast, a popular neighborhood bistro. Looking for 19

something to read while she waited, her eyes lit on Madeleine’s 20

book.
Sexual Harassment of Working Women.
After a moment’s 21

pause, she tossed it into her bag.

22

At the restaurant, Kate put her name on the waiting list. Then 23

she snagged a seat at the bar and ordered a glass of merlot. Next to 24

her, a couple was drinking frothy blue drinks out of oversized tulip 25

glasses. The man’s arm was draped casually across the woman’s 26

chair. Kate could almost feel the weight of the arm, the slight inti-27

macy with a promise of more to come.
Michael and I used to sit like
28

that. . . .

29

Looking away, Kate pulled out her book.

30

She was just starting to read when a clean-cut guy in his twen-31

ties edged up alongside her. She watched as he strained to catch 32

her book’s title. Probably trying to come up with a pickup line. But 33

as she glanced over in his direction, his head jerked up. His eyes ort 34

met hers. “A little light reading, huh?” The smile was cold, the reg 35

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words unmistakably hostile. Without waiting for a response, he 1

flagged down the bartender. “Hey! Two Stoli martinis straight up.”

2

Kate flushed. For an instant she saw herself through his eyes: a 3

woman with a chip on her shoulder. Someone who spent Friday 4

nights drinking alone at a bar, devouring feminist dogma. A woman 5

who had “issues” with men. Then, just as quickly, embarassment 6

gave way to anger. Who was he to judge her, to make her feel this 7

way? She gave him a cold stare before turning back to the book.

8

But somehow she couldn’t concentrate. Gazing at the black-9

and-white words, she kept thinking of other things. Images floated 10

through her mind’s eye, remembered moments from the past few 11

days. Carter Mills’s desolate expression the day after Madeleine 12

died. Madeleine’s hand on her shoulder, her glittering green-eyed 13

gaze. The way Chuck Thorpe had smiled at her when —

14

Chuck Thorpe.

15

There, he was back again. She’d managed to forget about 16

Thorpe for an hour or so, but now he was back full force. Anx-17

iously, Kate glanced around the room, as if assuring herself that he 18

wasn’t nearby. It was almost as if she credited Thorpe with super-19

natural properties, the ability to appear at will. She tried to be ra-20

tional. There was no way Thorpe knew where she was tonight.

21

And even if he
had
somehow managed to follow her here, she’d be 22

safe in this room full of people.

23

Again, she tried to read, but still the words wouldn’t sink in.

24

Now that her thoughts had moved to Thorpe, she felt powerless to 25

wrench them away.
You must be very careful.
It seemed so obvious 26

now. The book. The veiled warning. Everything fit together.

27

Thorpe had certainly known Madeleine’s schedule. And what bet-28

ter way to ward off suspicion than to claim that you’d been stood 29

up? Even if Thorpe had an alibi, that didn’t rule out his involve-30

ment. He could always have hired someone to do the job. In fact, 31

she would have expected that.

32

Staring blankly at Madeleine’s book, Kate chewed over this 33

thought. Then she forced her attention back to the text, to a 34 sh

35 re

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heavily underlined passage.
The decisively nontolerating woman must
2

suddenly be eliminated. Her mere presence becomes offensive; to be re-3

minded of her existence, unbearable.

4

The decisively nontolerating woman.
An interesting phrase, 5

though she wasn’t quite sure what it meant. Kate’s eyes retraced 6

the words. And stopped at the end of the line.

7

Must suddenly be eliminated.

8

The words seemed eerily portentous. As if Madeleine had pre-9

dicted her own demise. But that had to be a coincidence. If Mad-10

eleine had known she was in danger, wouldn’t she have done 11

something? Kate tried to put herself in Madeleine’s place. It was 12

difficult, since she knew so little about Madeleine’s life and next to 13

nothing about her dealings with Thorpe. But maybe the threat had 14

been much less clear than it appeared after the fact. Perhaps 15

Madeleine had sensed Thorpe’s violent streak without ever imag-16

ining its reach.

17

“Miss? You okay?”

18

Kate raised her head. It was the bartender, a freckle-faced guy 19

who didn’t look more than eighteen.

20

“I’m fine,” Kate said. “Just thinking.”

21

Kate’s eyes moved back to the book, lighting on another marked 22

passage.
Plainly, the wooden dichotomy between “real love,” which is
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supposed to be a matter of free choice, and coercion, which implies some
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