Equivocal Death (36 page)

wise again and again. Now, there were dozens of tiny squares.

32

Holding the ashtray alongside his desk, he swept the paper bits 33

into its hold. When he was finished, he returned the ashtray to his ort 34

desk. He pulled out a dark red book of matches with the logo of reg 35

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Café des Artistes. A match scraped across the igniter strip, and a 1

yellow flame leapt up.

2

Mills stared at the flame for an instant, then dropped it down on 3

the pile. But the match just lay there, smoldering, before silently 4

going out. Annoyed, he lit another match, held it to a shiny frag-5

ment. Again the tiny flare, followed by a puff of smoke. In quick 6

succession, he lit three more matches, tossed them into the ash-7

tray. One by one they hit the paper; in seconds all went dark.

8

It must be something in the photographic paper, some chemical 9

that wouldn’t light. Staring at the picture’s remains, he was con-10

scious of a growing rage. As if these pathetic scraps had intention-11

ally thwarted his will. He wanted to pick up the ashtray, to hurl it 12

across the room. He could almost hear the sound, the crash of 13

stone and wood. The ashtray gave up an acrid smell. He shoved it 14

across the desk. Then slowly, the anger subsided, and he was able 15

to think again. He found an envelope in his desk, and placed the 16

paper bits inside. Nothing to get upset about. He’d dispose of them 17

another way. Envelope in hand, he got up from his desk, on his way 18

to the restroom down the hall. Already, he was feeling better.

19

Everything would be just fine.

20

w

21

“I’m sorry, Ms. Paine. Mr. Mills has a full schedule today. I don’t 22

know what he was thinking. But you know —” Clara raised one 23

blue-veined hand in a gesture of philosophical acceptance.

24

“Are you
sure?
” Kate was on the verge of tears.

25

Clara studied Kate’s face for several seconds, then let out a re-26

signed sigh. “Look, why don’t you tell me what it is? I’ll try to run 27

it by him.”

28

Kate shook her head helplessly. “It’s sort of confidential,” she 29

said. “But could you tell him it’s really important?”

30

31

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Back in her office, Kate again tried to reach Andrea. Andrea’s sec-33

retary picked up the phone.

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“She’s out today,” said Suzanne. Kate could hear stifled laughter 2

in the background.

3

“All day?”

4

“Yeah, she’s got the flu or something.”

5

Kate was surprised. Except for vacations, Andrea had never 6

missed a day of work. But then, except for yesterday, neither had she.

7

“She was out yesterday, too,” said Suzanne, as if just remember-8

ing this fact.

9

Kate felt her spirits lift. No wonder Andrea hadn’t called her.

10

Here she’d been feeling bad that Andrea hadn’t checked in, while 11

Andrea was home sick, too. And probably wondering why Kate 12

wasn’t calling
her.

13

“So she’s at home?”

14

“Yeah. I guess.” Suzanne sounded as if she couldn’t care less.

15

“I’ll try her there, then. Thanks, Suzanne.”

16

But Andrea wasn’t at home. Or maybe she was just asleep. In 17

any case, she didn’t pick up. Disappointed, Kate left a message, 18

then turned back to her desk. It wasn’t as though she’d planned to 19

tell Andrea about Thorpe’s attack. At least not until she’d spoken 20

to Mills. But just the sound of Andrea’s voice would have cheered 21

her up, made her feel less alone.

22

So what now?

23

She could feel the tension in her body, running from her legs 24

through her neck. She scrunched up her shoulders and let them 25

drop, willing the stiffness to vanish. Then she had an idea. Why 26

not go to the gym? She’d been vowing to go for days, since that 27

night at the Harvard Club. Forty-five minutes of exercise would do 28

wonders for her mood. Just the thought of it cheered her up. In 29

minutes, she was out the door.

30

31

32

The locker room was sparsely populated with a motley assortment 33

of female body types. A massive woman in flowered cotton under-ort 34

pants leaned over to brush wet hair, folds of flesh bulging around reg 35

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her waist, pendulous brown-nippled breasts swinging back and 1

forth with the movements of her arm. A girl with well-toned 2

biceps rubbed cream into her legs before examining her body in a 3

mirror. Turning from side to side, she frowned, as if deciding 4

whether to make a purchase.

5

Kate dumped her gym bag on a bench and fiddled with her com-6

bination lock. 26-16-24. It was easy to remember. Her age now.

7

Her age 10 years ago. Her age the year Michael left her. She peeled 8

off her office clothes, careful not to snag her stockings, and hung 9

them on a hook inside a locker. Then she pulled on black spandex 10

leggings and a blue-and-white Samson T-shirt. She closed the 11

locker, grabbed her Sony Walkman, and headed for the workout 12

floor.

13

The Mercury Athletic Club was colorful and brightly lit, the 14

adult version of a day care center. The whir of machinery blended 15

with a backdrop of seventies rock. Kate located a vacant Stairmas-16

ter and climbed on. After punching in her weight — 110 last time 17

she checked — she set the timer for thirty minutes, adjusted the 18

earphones on her Walkman, and started the climb to nowhere.

19

The club walls were covered with mirrors. Gazing at her reflec-20

tion, Kate was amazed by her body’s discretion. How calm and self-21

possessed she looked! Just another young professional opting for 22

fitness over food.

23

Nothing at all like she felt.

24

Still looking into the mirror, she scanned the room behind her.

25

In the sea of faces, she saw several colleagues: Jim Beller, a gangly 26

corporate associate, red-faced and sweating on a stationary bike. A 27

first-year female associate whose name she didn’t know, struggling 28

with a set of free weights. What would they say, these lunchtime 29

athletes, if they knew what she’d just been through?

30

She still couldn’t believe that Carter Mills had cut her off. She 31

should have waited to discuss the photograph until after she’d 32

dealt with Thorpe. Funny how the things you worried about were 33

never the things that went wrong. She’d been worried that Mills 34 sh

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might not believe her. She’d been worried about staying com-2

posed. Not once had she worried that Mills wouldn’t hear her out.

3

But she’d come here to clear her mind. Glancing down at the 4

monitor, Kate punched up the speed a few notches and tried to 5

concentrate on the rhythmic movements of her legs.

6

Madonna’s voice pulsed through Kate’s earphones. The song 7

was “Material Girl.” It was a classic eighties anthem, a song she’d 8

first heard as a kid. But now, listening to the words, Kate was sur-9

prised by a sharp jolt of envy. There was a picture of Madonna on 10

the cassette jacket, all garters, black fishnets, and danger. Kate felt 11

a sudden urge to be like that: tough, sexual, and well-defended.

12

Someone who could take care of herself. Someone who would 13

have stopped Chuck Thorpe.

14

Before she knew it, her mind flashed back to that first moment 15

in her office. There had been a window of opportunity there. A 16

moment when she could have torn loose. If she’d been stronger, if 17

she’d been someone else, she would have instantly moved into ac-18

tion. But instead, she’d frozen. And then it had been too late.

19

As the scene ran through her mind, Kate felt a sickly churning 20

in her stomach. Once, when she was very young, she’d gotten hold 21

of a box of laundry detergent. She’d decided to make a snowstorm, 22

to cover her room with white flakes. It had been a challenging task 23

for a tiny child, tilting the heavy box at just the right angle. And 24

then her father had appeared. She’d looked up at him, surprised 25

and proud. But the eyes that looked back were cold. In that instant 26

she’d felt the same confusion, the same roiling sense of isolation, 27

that she felt right now.

28

Kate tried to focus on the music, on the steady rhythmic beat.

29

But just as her thoughts were receding, she caught sight of someone 30

she knew. Scraggly black hair. Jutting breasts. There on a treadmill 31

was Linda Morris. Hit by a wave of dizziness, Kate quickly dropped 32

her eyes. She’d come here in an effort to escape Chuck Thorpe, at 33

least for an hour or so. Now she felt as if she’d been followed.

ort 34

Kate looked hard at her legs, willing herself to stay calm. Then reg 35

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form. Except for the workout attire, she looked much as she had 1

before. The same heavy makeup, the same dark nails, the same 2

gold cross on a chain. Even from the distance, Kate detected mas-3

cara bleeding down her cheeks. She felt a rush of distaste. The 4

smeared makeup seemed to go to some deeper issue, to everything 5

wrong with Linda Morris. Her abstraction. Her slovenliness. Her 6

flagrant efforts to seduce. Kate pictured her in Epstein’s office, pag-7

ing through the draft complaint. The provocative clothing. The 8

little-girl voice. It all seemed to go together.

9

Moving her legs in time with the music, Kate tried to think of 10

other things.
But what was Morris doing here? WideWorld was way
11

across town.
Of course, it could just be a coincidence. Mercury was, 12

after all, a popular gym. And the fact that Morris was here midday?

13

That, too, could be explained. She might be taking a vacation. Or 14

some well-deserved comp time.

15

Another furtive glance at Morris; another surge of disgust. Puz-16

zled, Kate tried to figure out why she reacted to Morris so strongly.

17

It wasn’t just Morris’s ties to Thorpe, though certainly that played 18

a role. Was it just that she was a control freak? That she wanted 19

everyone to be like her? Or maybe it was some unconscious con-20

flict, a collision of opposites. Kate thought about an article Tara 21

had written about the concept of the human shadow. About how 22

people react most strongly to traits they reject in themselves. She 23

gave that idea a few seconds of thought before pushing it out of her 24

mind. She was nothing like Linda Morris.

25

Really, nothing at all.

26

27

28

Kate returned to her office balancing a cardboard tray. Her phone 29

was ringing. Jennifer was nowhere in sight. Lunging forward, Kate 30

grabbed the receiver.

31

“Kate? It’s Douglas. Douglas Macauley.”

32

“Oh . . . , hi!” Kate felt instantly guilty. The day of Madeleine’s 33

funeral, Douglas had left a message. She’d never returned his call.

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Happily, Douglas didn’t bring this up. As she unwrapped her 35 re

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tuna sandwich, he chatted amiably. He’d just finished a story about 2

some work project when the words abruptly stopped. “I’m going on 3

and on,” he said. “I always do that when I’m nervous. Anyway, I’ve 4

been thinking of you. How are you holding up?”

5

Kate opened her mouth, but no words came out. What could 6

she really say?
I was sort of raped two nights ago by a client, and I still
7

haven’t decided what to do. Some unknown person left a strange photo
8

on my desk that may be connected to a murder. My best friend from law
9

school has a new girlfriend, and I can’t seem to deal with it at all.

10

“Kate?”

11

“Oh . . . the usual,” she said lamely.

12

An awkward pause. Of course, Douglas knew about Madeleine’s 13

death. He knew Kate was shutting him out.

14

“So,” he finally said. “I was wondering if you’d like to get to-15

gether this weekend. Maybe we could —”

16

“I’m afraid I’m tied up.” Before Kate could think, the words were 17

out.

18

“That’s too bad. Well, maybe sometime early next week we 19