Counseling Through Your Bible Handbook (62 page)

R
epeated rejection can send self-worth sinking into ditches of dejection and desolation. When people are continually told they don’t measure up, or they’re consistently passed up for the smarter, prettier, or stronger, the collective message is that their lives have little or no value or significance. But nothing could be further from the truth. God dearly loves each person He creates and has a unique plan and purpose for each life. True self-worth always starts and ends with Him, and never depends on the perceptions of others. God forever established your worth (over 2,000 years ago) by one act: He gave His Son for you.

“The L
ORD
does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the L
ORD
looks at the heart”

(1 S
AMUEL
16:7).

To have self-worth is to believe your life has value and significance.

The term
self-esteem
actually has two different meanings that stand in opposition to each other:

— The first is an
objective regard of your value
, and is rooted in the recognition of your sin and your need for the Savior. It is also based on the fact that Christ established your worth by dying for you. The Bible refers to this self-esteem as humility. God says, “This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word” (Isaiah 66:2).

— The second is an
exaggerated regard of your value
, and is rooted in the idea that you are good enough and sufficient enough within yourself that you do not need to live dependently on the Savior. The Bible refers to this self-esteem as pride. Philippians 2:3 says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”

First Peter 5:5 presents God’s view of these two kinds of self-esteem in sharp contrast to one another: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

I accept
God’s Word that I was created in His image.

“God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them”

(G
ENESIS
1:27).

I accept
myself as acceptable to Christ.

“Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God”

(R
OMANS
15:7).

I accept
what I cannot change about myself.

“Who are you, O man, to talk back to God? ‘Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, “Why did you make me like this?”’ Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?”

(R
OMANS
9:20-21).

I accept
the fact that I will make mistakes.

“Not that I have…already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me”

(P
HILIPPIANS
3:12).

I accept
criticism and the responsibility for failure.

“I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the L
ORD
’—and you forgave the guilt of my sin”

(P
SALM
32:5).

I accept
the fact that I will not be liked or loved by everyone.

“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first…If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also”

(J
OHN
15:18,20).

I accept
the unchangeable circumstances in my life.

“I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances”

(P
HILIPPIANS
4:11).

Your self-image has been greatly shaped by the messages you’ve received and internalized from others, from your experiences, and from your self-talk. When you were a child, you did not have control over who influenced you, but that is no longer the case. You are now able to choose those with whom you associate, and you can certainly control your self-talk. Therefore, by pursuing these new paths, you can take an active part in changing the distorted view you have of yourself. The following will help you begin seeing yourself as God sees you—a perspective that will accelerate your journey along the Road to Transformation.

— Stop striving for perfection or trying to be like someone else.

— Realize that the Lord made you for a purpose, and He designed your personality and gave you the gifts and abilities you needed in order to accomplish His purpose for you.

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the L
ORD’S
purpose that prevails”

(P
ROVERBS
19:21).

— Acknowledge and praise God for the abilities He has given you and the things He has accomplished through you.

— Engage in biblically based, encouraging self-talk and mute the condemning critic inside your head.

“May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word”

(2 T
HESSALONIANS
2:16-17).

— To discount the positive comments of those who have heartfelt appreciation for you is to discount their opinions and their desire to express their gratitude to you.

— Practice graciously accepting compliments and turning them into praise to God for the affirmation that He is at work in you and producing good fruit through you.

“This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples”

(J
OHN
15:8).

— Refuse to dwell on negative things said or done to you in the past and release them to God.

— Embrace the work God is doing in your life now and cooperate with Him by focusing on Him and on His character. Trust in His promise to fulfill His purposes in you.

“It is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose”

(P
HILIPPIANS
2:13).

— God has extended forgiveness to you for all your sins (past, present, and future). Confess and repent of anything offensive to God. Do not set yourself up as a higher judge than God by refusing to forgive yourself.

— Lay harsh judgment of yourself aside and accept that you will not be made fully perfect and totally without sin until you stand in the presence of Christ and are fully conformed to His image.

“We are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure”

(1 J
OHN
3:2-3).

— Realize that you can learn from your mistakes, as well as from the mistakes of others, and decide to view mistakes as opportunities to learn needed lessons.

— Ask God what He wants to teach you from your mistakes. Listen to Him and learn from Him. Then move forward with a positive attitude and put into practice the insights you have gained.

“We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”

(R
OMANS
8:28).

— Realize that critical people are hurt people who project their own feelings of inadequacy onto others in an attempt to ease their own emotional pain.

— Minimize the time you spend with negative, critical people—whether family, friends, or coworkers—and seek out those who encourage and support you emotionally and spiritually.

“He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm”

(P
ROVERBS
13:20).

— Elicit the help of others to identify your strengths/weaknesses and the gifts God has given you, as well as the things you are persuaded God has called you to do.

— Prayerfully set some achievable goals that capitalize on your strengths and make a plan for how you will accomplish those goals.

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize”

(1 C
ORINTHIANS
9:24).

— Make a list of the things you have dreamed of doing but have never attempted for fear of failure or because you lack self-assurance.

— Share each desire with the Lord, asking Him to confirm which ones are from Him, and then lay out the steps you need to take in order to accomplish them.

“Delight yourself in the L
ORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart”

(P
SALM
37:4).

— Anticipate any obstacles to accomplishing your goals and desires and plan strategies for overcoming them.

— Think of yourself achieving each of your goals and doing the things God has put on your heart to do.

“May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed”

(P
SALM
20:4).

— Your feeling of self-worth and self-confidence will grow with the acknowledgment of each accomplishment.

— Rejoice with the Lord and the significant people in your life over the things God and you have done together. Affirm and celebrate your success.

“In the presence of the L
ORD
your God, you and your families shall eat and shall rejoice in everything you have put your hand to, because the L
ORD
your God has blessed you”

(D
EUTERONOMY
12:7).