Counseling Through Your Bible Handbook (59 page)

At times you will be rejected, but that doesn’t make you a reject. You have a God-given purpose.

— Rejection is refusing to accept or consider someone.

— To be rejected is to be cast aside, cast off, cast away—to be thrown away as having no value.
¹

Did you grow up in a home where you never measured up, where you were mistreated, where you were maligned and, as a result, you’re convinced God could never approve of you? Have you committed some hidden sin or harbored hatred in your heart such that you feel beyond the reach of God’s forgiveness? If you are thoroughly persuaded that God has rejected you, then claim this promise from God’s unchanging Word:

“The L
ORD
will not reject his people; he will never forsake his inheritance”

(P
SALM
94:14).

First John 4:8 says, “God is love.” And He Himself says to you, “I have loved you with an everlasting love” (Jeremiah 31:3).

God wants to adopt you into His family. First John 3:1 says, “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!”

God offers salvation to you (John 3:17).

God uses your suffering to hone your character and increase your hope (Romans 5:3-5).

“He extends compassion and comfort to you, which, in turn, you can give to others”

(2 C
ORINTHIANS
1:3-4).

When rejected, a chain reaction can occur that leads to more rejection. Through conscious choices, a cycle becomes a pattern that eventually becomes a way of life. Unless truth is embraced, the cycle broken, and the pattern replaced, rejection will continue to breed rejection.

When you are rejected, be aware of a tendency to overgeneralize, assuming that others will reject you, too. Fearing the worst, you may inadvertently push away your remaining friends to prevent further hurt. When they respond negatively, you will interpret their reaction as confirmation of your deepest fears. This vicious cycle will lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy and explains the saying, “Rejection breeds rejection.”

To stop feeling like a reject:

— don’t assume that one person’s opinion reflects everyone’s opinion.

— don’t let one person’s negative attitude toward you define you.

— realize because Jesus calls you “friend” (Luke 7:34), you can trust that His love will be with you always.

— nurture several friendships, focusing on God’s description of how true friends treat one another. A true friend will never reject you.

“A friend loves at all times”

(P
ROVERBS
17:17).

Just because someone withholds love from you doesn’t mean everyone will withhold love from you. God always listens and never withholds His love from you.

“Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!”

(P
SALM
66:20).

Just because someone doesn’t value you doesn’t mean that no one values you. God valued you enough to send Jesus to die for you so you can spend eternity with Him.

“God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life”

(J
OHN
3:16).

Just because someone has rejected you doesn’t mean you should condemn yourself. God will never condemn you because you are in Christ’s family.

“There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”

(R
OMANS
8:1).

Just because someone has rejected you doesn’t give you license to do what is wrong. God has given you the power to do what is right. Sin will not be your master!

“If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it”

(G
ENESIS
4:7).

All of us are created with three God-given inner needs—for love, significance, and security. We experience rejection from our earliest years when we are deprived of having someone who loves us unconditionally, someone who regards us as highly significant, or someone who welcomes us as part of a family. Because people fail people, it is essential not to let other people define who you are. Realize that rejection can quickly skew your view! Even though you may not see the path you should take, the Lord promises never to leave you.

“The L
ORD
himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged”

(D
EUTERONOMY
31:8).

“Because of being rejected, I feel so unloved, so insignificant, so unwanted. My life isn’t worth anything!”

“I do not like being rejected, but I know my worth isn’t based on whether or not others reject me but on the fact that the Lord accepts me. Jesus not only loved me enough to die for my sins, but He also lives inside me and will never leave me nor forsake me.”

“I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation”

(P
SALM
13:5).

Those in the ditch of rejection can rejoice because they are of utmost value to God and completely accepted by Him. Praise God as you walk triumphantly on the Road to Transformation in full recognition of the truth that you’ve been purchased with the priceless blood of Christ.

“I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them”

(I
SAIAH
42:16).

Admit the rejection of the past and acknowledge its pain
.

“I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall”

(L
AMENTATIONS
3:19).

—
Ask
God to bring to mind every rejection from your childhood to the present, and then consider the circumstances of each situation.

—
Acknowledge
the gamut of feelings of rejection you experienced with each past event. Release to God the pain and the person(s) involved.

—
Ask
God to heal the physical, emotional, and spiritual damage caused by each of these painful experiences of rejection.

Claim God’s acceptance and unconditional love
.

—
Confess
God’s love for you and the various ways He has shown you His love (for example, Christ dying for you).

—
Cite
Psalm 139:1-18 and praise God for orchestrating your conception, forming you in your mother’s womb, and planning each day of your life.

—
Convey
your appreciation to God for His love of you by loving Him with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. And love others as He loves you.

Choose to forgive those who rejected you
.

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you”

(C
OLOSSIANS
3:13).

—
Consider
all the hurt and anger you feel over your rejection.

—
Count
the cost of withholding forgiveness: a bitter spirit building up inside you, which will cause trouble and spread to those around you.

—
Commit
to forgiving those who rejected you just as Christ forgave those who rejected Him (including you). Write down their names, their offenses, and the pain caused you. Then release each person, offense, and pain into the loving hands of God.

Expect future rejection as natural in a fallen world
.

“Do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you”

(1 P
ETER
4:12).

—
Empty
yourself of the pride that drives your desire to be accepted by everyone. Since gaining everyone’s approval is impossible, commit yourself to pleasing God.

—
Empathize
with others who feel rejected by friends, family, employers, business associates, or anyone else important to them.

—
Embrace
, if you are a believer, the truth that according to the Bible sharing in the sufferings of Christ is a privilege. As a believer you
will
experience rejection, just as Jesus did. You are not exempt from being rejected in daily life. Jesus is rejected daily by those who refuse to turn to Him for salvation.

Plant Scripture in your mind to produce new thought patterns
.