Counseling Through Your Bible Handbook (57 page)

“I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O L
ORD
, make me dwell in safety”

(P
SALM
4:8).

The survivor views the incident with a balanced perspective…

— not trusting everyone, but selecting trustworthy friends.

“Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all men”

(J
OHN
2:24).

— not trusting circumstances, but trusting God, who is over all circumstances (Proverbs 3:5-6).

A
Assure your own safety (read Psalm 23)

— Move to a secure place of safety and wrap yourself in a warm blanket.

— Breathe very deeply to get more oxygen to the brain, so as not to become lightheaded or faint.

— Repeat positive affirmations, prayers, scripture—such as…

“The L
ORD
is my shepherd…I will fear no evil”

(P
SALM
23:1,4).

B
Begin a support system (Proverbs 23:12)

— Report incident to the police (don’t wash or shower—this will help preserve physical evidence).

— Ask a friend to take you to a medical care facility to check for injuries and STDs (sexually transmitted diseases).
⁵

— Seek legal advice to learn the rights of rape victims.

C
Call on others for emotional support (Proverbs 18:24)

— Call someone you trust.

— Call a rape crisis center.

— Seek professional counseling.

The path to recovery is long and steep, with deliberate steps needed to leave the ditch. But don’t languish in shame over something that wasn’t your fault. Gain emotional wholeness on the Road to Transformation, where hope and healing abound!

S
Seek God’s supernatural help to overcome the negative consequences of rape (1 John 5:14-15).

U
Understand that no one is protected from tragedy (Matthew 5:45).

F
Forgive the offender, and leave the revenge to God. Ask God for the power of Christ to do this in you—you cannot do it yourself (Romans 12:19).

F
Forgive others—family members and friends who have let you down (Colossians 3:13).

E
Exchange your old identity for your new identity in the person of Christ (Galatians 2:20).

R
Remember, the Lord is your Shepherd (Psalm 23:1-2).

I
Incorporate reading and meditating on Scripture along with listening to praise music as a daily habit (Psalm 119:50).

N
Notice and encourage others around you who are hurting. Your sensitivity and compassion for others will be a blessing to them and healing to you (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

G
Glorify Christ by allowing His splendor to be displayed through you (Isaiah 49:1-2).

Perhaps more than any other group of people, rape victims experience frequent defeat because of lies they believe in their ongoing battle with fear about themselves, the future, and God. The best way to combat lies is to replace fear with faith. Assess the lies believed, then every single day commit to believing God’s truth because “the truth will set you free” (John 8:32).

Fear
: “I can’t get through this.”

Faith
: The Lord your God will walk with you all the way through to the end.

(Isaiah 43:2)

Fear
: “I’ll never stop crying.”

Faith
: In time, weeping will wane, and joy will return to your heart.

(Psalm 30:5)

Fear
: “I will always feel dirty.”

Faith:
A dirty-minded person did something despicable to you, but you are not dirty! Every day, claim your true identity in Christ—you are holy in His sight.

(Colossians 1:22)

Fear
: “No good could ever come out of this.”

Faith
: God promises that what others do for evil, He will use for good. In time, you will see this promise fulfilled in your life.

(Romans 8:28)

Fear
: “No one will want to marry me.”

Faith
: Until the Lord brings a husband into your life, He promises to be your husband, provider, and protector.

(Isaiah 54:5)

Fear
: “I will never want sexual intimacy. My memories are too painful.”

Faith
: The Lord is able to heal all emotional hurt, no matter how severe the memories.

(Jeremiah 17:14)

Fear
: “I don’t have the strength to go on.”

Faith:
When you don’t have strength to live from day to day, the Lord Jesus will give you His strength (read Isaiah 40:28-31).

(Philippians 4:13)

Fear
: “I will always be consumed by fear.”

Faith:
All people experience fear when their lives are truly in danger—that is normal. But the Lord will deliver you from excessive fear because of His presence within you.

(Deuteronomy 31:8)

Fear
: “I have no hope for the future.”

Faith
: Because God is a God of hope, your future is safe in His hands.

(Jeremiah 29:11)

How you speak with a survivor makes a significant difference in the recovery process. Realize the healing power of your words. Proverbs 12:18 says, “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

—
Don’t
react with shock or horror.

Respond with compassion.

—
Don’t
suggest the victim could have avoided it.

Affirm that the victim is not at fault in any way.

—
Don’t
ask for details of the incident.

Suggest the victim write down details for authorities.

—
Don’t
offer quick and simplistic answers.

Encourage the victim with God’s unfailing love.

—
Don’t
press the victim to initiate immediate forgiveness.

Refer the victim to professional counseling.

—
Don’t
criticize choices or decisions made by the victim.

Strongly suggest the victim report the crime.

—
Don’t
infer that this was God’s chastisement for sin.

Encourage medical treatment.

—
Don’t
change the subject.

Urge the victim to write down her feelings.

—
Don’t
speak at all if you don’t know what to say.

Comfort with your presence.

In all that you say and do, “carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).

Realize, regardless of your suffering,
there are no hopeless situations,
only those who have grown hopeless.

Ecclesiastes 9:4 says,
“Anyone who is among the living has hope.”
Therefore, never, never, never give up hope!

—JH

Psalm 34:18

2 Corinthians 4:8-9

Psalm 119:28

Ecclesiastes 9:4

Romans 12:19

Proverbs 3:5-6

Psalm 37:7

Psalm 119:50

Isaiah 43:19

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

For additional guidance on this topic, see also
Abortion Recovery, Adultery, Anger, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Crisis Intervention, Dating, Decision Making, Depression, Domestic Violence, Evil and Suffering…Why?, Fear, Forgiveness, Grief Recovery, Homosexuality, Hope, Identity, Phobias, Pregnancy…Unplanned, Self-worth, Sexual Integrity, Stress Management, Suicide Prevention, Victimization, Worry
.

O
h, the pain of a relationship ripped apart—hurting hearts, needless loss.

Rocky relationships can relegate us to a ditch riddled with disagreements and disputes. Reconciliation leads to the Road to Transformation, where peace and harmony are restored.

—
Reconciliation
is the act of settling or restoring differences.
¹
While a relationship will not always be salvaged, the spirit of reconciliation will always reflect the heart of God. That’s why Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

—
Mediation
is the intervention between conflicting parties to promote reconciliation.
²
A mediator is an outside agent brought in to produce a change or compromise between opposing individuals.

Most people don’t know the
when
. But the Bible states two specific times, much like two sides of a coin:

— When you have wronged another