Counseling Through Your Bible Handbook (63 page)

At times do you feel inadequate, fearful, or insecure even when you know you shouldn’t feel that way? If so, you’re not alone. When God first spoke to Moses, he was a man filled with insecurity and fear. When the Lord instructed Moses to confront Pharaoh, Moses argued with God. He felt inadequate for the job; he thought he couldn’t speak well enough. But God wouldn’t hear that excuse. He told Moses,

“Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the L
ORD
? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say”

(E
XODUS
4:11-12).

—
If you say
, “I just can’t do anything right.”

The Lord says
, “I’ll give you My strength to do what is right.”

“I can do everything through him who gives me strength”

(P
HILIPPIANS
4:13).

—
If you say
, “I feel that I’m too weak.”

The Lord says
, “My power is perfect when you are weak.”

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”

(2 C
ORINTHIANS
12:9).

—
If you say
, “I feel I’m not able to measure up.”

The Lord says
, “Rely on Me. I am able.”

“God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work”

(2 C
ORINTHIANS
9:8).

—
If you say
, “I don’t feel that anyone loves me.”

The Lord says
, “I love you.”

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness”

(J
EREMIAH
31:3).

—
If you say
, “I can’t forgive myself.”

The Lord says
, “I can forgive you.”

“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more”

(I
SAIAH
43:25).

—
If you say
, “I wish I’d never been born.”

The Lord says
, “Since before you were born, I’ve had plans for you.”

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart”

(J
EREMIAH
1:5).

—
If you say
, “I feel my future is hopeless.”

The Lord says
, “I know the future I have for you.”

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the L
ORD
, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’”

(J
EREMIAH
29:11).

At an auction, how is an item’s worth determined? Only by the highest price paid. Jesus paid the highest price possible—He gave His life to give you life. This priceless sacrifice established your worth…forever!

—JH

1 John 1:9

1 John 3:1

Romans 5:8

Romans 8:1

Jeremiah 31:3

2 Corinthians 3:5

2 Corinthians 10:12

Ephesians 2:10

Psalm 139:15-16

Matthew 6:26

For additional guidance on this topic, see also
Childhood Sexual Abuse, Codependency, Critical Spirit, Depression, Domestic Violence, Dysfunctional Family, Evil and Suffering…Why?, Fear, Hope, Identity, Rejection, Singleness, Suicide Prevention, Verbal and Emotional Abuse, Victimization
.

D
o you continually find yourself entangled in a web of sexual addiction? Is there any hope for breaking free from the ditch of this debilitating lifestyle? The Bible assures us that with God, all things are possible, including the transformation of an immoral life into one marked by purity (Colossians 3:5).

—
Sexual addiction
is a compulsive, enslaving dependence on erotic excitement, resulting in detrimental patterns of thinking and behavior.

—
Sexual addiction
involves a wide array of outlets and items (magazines, movies, Internet, adult bookstores).

Is your sexual activity…

Secretive
, and not within godly boundaries?

— If so, then you are living a double life.

Hollow
, and not a passionate relationship with your spouse, but empty sex?

— If so, then you are prioritizing sexual passion over people.

Abusive
, and not uplifting to yourself or others, but degrading to both?

— If so, you are exploiting others and debasing yourself.

Mood-altering
, and not facing difficult feelings, but seeking an emotional quick fix?

— If so, you are using sexual passion for comfort or to avoid working through your pain.

Essential
, and not an option, suggesting you cannot live without sexual passion?

— If so, you are convincing yourself sex is the most important thing in life.

“For a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him”

(2 P
ETER
2:19).

—
Curiosity:
A seemingly harmless temptation to look at sexual objects (James 1:14).

—
Addiction:
A recurring stimulus in the brain. When a person experiences significant stimulation, the hormone epinephrine is secreted into the bloodstream by the adrenal gland. Epinephrine stamps emotional memories into the brain. These memories continue to surface regardless of the person’s desire to forget.

“A man reaps what he sows”

(G
ALATIANS
6:7).

—
Compulsive Masturbation:
A response of sexual self-comfort to relieve emotional discomfort. This act becomes part of a sexual ritual.

“I will not be mastered by anything”

(1 C
ORINTHIANS
6:12).

—
Escalation:
The need for more shocking and explicit sexuality to be stimulated (Ephesians 4:19).

—
Desensitization:
The shocking becomes acceptable and unstimulating (Jeremiah 6:15).

—
Acting Out:
A compulsion to act out what has been seen and imagined because the visual experience is no longer satisfying in itself (Galatians 5:19).

—
Despair:
Utter disgust over the behavior and utter hopelessness to change (Romans 7:15).

No one lives with more shame, isolation, and fear of alienation than the sex addict. Addicts believe they can’t help the way they are. Each time they surrender to sexual temptation, sin’s tenacious grip gets a stronger hold on their hearts. Sexual addicts believe the only solution to getting their love needs met and relieving their emotional pain is through sexual stimulation. Their minds and bodies are held captive to sexual passion.

(Romans 7:19)

“After desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death”

(J
AMES
1:15).

1. Sexual Fixation

An erotic, trancelike state in which obsessing on sex becomes a sedative for the addict’s emotional pain.

2. Sexual Compulsion

Compulsive, ritualistic routines heighten the excitement and intensify the addict’s sexual arousal (cruising, pornography, stalking).

3. Sexual Gratification

Feeling a total loss of self-control, the addict commits the actual sex act.

4. Self-Condemnation

Following on the heels of this intoxicating sexual experience comes shame, condemnation, and hopelessness. Left with self-contempt and self-loathing, the addict looks for relief, and the sexual cycle perpetuates itself by escaping into the mood-altering fixation on sex.