Counseling Through Your Bible Handbook (54 page)

— you can visit with your adopted child at specific, agreed upon times?

— adoption can be the highest expression of spiritual love? Adoption reflects the loving relationship of God with all who accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. Those who accept Christ are “adopted” into the family of God.

“He predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will”

(E
PHESIANS
1:5).

Note:
Your adoption facilitator can help you decide what is best for you.

Q:
How can a mother who loves her unborn baby give up the baby when the child is born?

A:
God the Father gave up His Son, Jesus, based on His sacrificial love (1 John 3:16). In a similar way, a birth mother allows her baby to be placed in another home based on her sacrificial love. She desires the child’s very best, and she has come to understand that she cannot provide what is best. Just as God’s actions were based on love, her actions are also based on love.

The pressure surrounding an unplanned pregnancy can seem overwhelming. But peace can govern your decision and disintegrate the ditch walls around you by your knowing God has a purpose and plan for your child. You may feel you must make a quick decision to resolve a difficult dilemma, but a bad quick decision will produce long-term grief. Making the best decision for both you and your unborn baby requires time, wisdom, and foresight (see Ecclesiastes 7:12). Here are some steps you can take to act with W-I-S-D-O-M:

W
Write down your thoughts and feelings, admitting your anxiety, confessing any guilt, and casting your cares on the Lord (1 Peter 5:6-7).

I
Imagine what life would be like for you and your baby in the short-term (next year) and in the long-term (ten years from now) if you followed each option (abortion, parenting, adoption) (Proverbs 14:8).

S
Sort through your options in terms of what God has revealed about your baby’s life and what is best for your child (Psalm 32:8).

D
Develop a support structure of family and friends (Proverbs 17:17).

O
Obtain counsel that lines up with what God says in His Word (Psalm 37:30).

M
Make a decision to entrust your future and your baby’s future into the hands of the Lord.

“Trust in the L
ORD
with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight”

(P
ROVERBS
3:5-6).

If your unborn baby was unplanned, soon you will see the precious plan of God… beyond what your mind can conceive.

—JH

Jeremiah 29:11

Isaiah 41:10

Psalm 103:10-12

Psalm 10:14

Psalm 138:8

Isaiah 43:18-19

Isaiah 54:5-6

2 Timothy 2:22

Ecclesiastes 3:11

2 Corinthians 5:17

For additional guidance on this topic, see also
Abortion Recovery, Adultery, Anger, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Dating, Decision Making, Depression, Dysfunctional Family, Fear, Guilt, Hope, Marriage, Parenting, Premarital Counseling, Rape Recovery, Self-worth, Sexual Addiction, Sexual Integrity, Stress Management, Worry
.

T
hose who look at others through the lens of prejudice have a mental blind spot that prevents them from seeing others accurately. Prejudiced people delve into a ditch that serves as a psychological fence, keeping them from seeing the God-given value in other relationships and confining them to their own “backyard” of bigotry. Isaiah 5:21 says, “Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes.”

Prejudice
is a preconceived opinion, usually unfavorable, formed without sufficient knowledge or just grounds.
¹
The word
prejudice
comes from the Latin word
praejudicium
, which means to “prejudge” (
prae
, “before”;
judicium
, “judgment”).
²

Prejudice is an irrational
attitude
based on an overgeneralized belief that is directed toward an individual, group, or race.
³

If you struggle with prejudice, pray to see others through God’s eyes so you will not be prideful or haughty. Proverbs 30:13 cautions against “those whose eyes are ever so haughty, whose glances are so disdainful.”

We tend to characterize people on the basis of the differences we observe—differences that place them in certain classes or groups. These characterizations tend to produce unfounded, negative attitudes toward others based on:
⁴

The Bible speaks against any kind of prejudice. James 2:9 says, “If you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers.”

Look honestly at your life and evaluate:

— Has a bad experience with one person led you to be prejudiced against an entire group of people?

— Have stereotypes of a certain group led you to prejudices against the entire group?

— Have negative images in the media of a particular group of people influenced your opinion against them?

— Has peer pressure persuaded you to adopt an intolerant attitude against a certain person or group?

— Has a misunderstanding of cultural values led to prejudice toward a particular group?

— Has belief in evolution—believing all humanity evolved—led you to believe one race is superior to another?

Those who are prejudiced have a mental slant. Although they see their position as right, they are wrong. Proverbs 26:12 gives this pointed warning: “Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.”

The primary problem with prejudice is that it goes against everything Jesus stands for. He poses a question: “Do you have eyes, but fail to see?” (Mark 8:18).

“Some people are created better than others, and so it is natural for me to see myself as superior.”

“Because God does not show favoritism toward anyone, when I have a heart of prejudice toward others, I am placing myself as a judge higher than God Himself. My needs for significance and security are met through a personal relationship and reliance on Christ, who loves me, died for me, and accepts me. I do not have the need or the right to feel superior to anyone or be prejudiced toward anyone.”

“Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God”

(R
OMANS
15:7).

How do you begin accepting others who are different from you? Examine your heart, examine your thoughts, examine your motives:

—
Don’t
judge the heart of another (Matthew 7:1).

Ask God to search your heart (Psalm 139:23-24).

—
Don’t
judge by outward appearances (1 Samuel 16:7).

See and seek to meet the needs of others (Philippians 2:4).

—
Don’t
assume you can’t change your attitudes (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Assume responsibility for changing your thinking (Romans 12:2).

—
Don’t
use derogatory names or terms (Titus 3:1-2).

Ask God to season your speech with His love (Ephesians 4:29).

—
Don’t
discriminate just because “everybody does it” (Proverbs 14:12).

Treat others the way you want to be treated (Matthew 7:12).

—
Don’t
laugh at the differences in others (Proverbs 11:12).

Instead, learn to value the differences that create the rich tapestry of God’s creation (Malachi 2:10).

—
Don’t
react when others are prejudiced against you (1 Peter 3:8-9).

Be prepared to suffer the painful effects of prejudice for the cause of Christ (Matthew 5:11-12).

What would happen if you saw yourself from God’s perspective? Initially, you would be ashamed and wouldn’t want to have even a hint of prejudice. Then you would want your heart to be “godly”—therefore, you would
insist
on changing because Romans 2:11 says, “God does not show favoritism.”

E-Q-U-A-L-I-T-Y in Your Heart

E
Express to others God’s perspective on the equality of all people.

— Ask God to express His love equally to others through you.

— Reach out with compassion equally to others.

“There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus”

(G
ALATIANS
3:28).

Q
Quit the tendency to stereotype any persons different from yourself.
⁵

— Be willing to set aside your preconceived notions.

— Learn to appreciate and enjoy cultural differences.

“Believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don’t show favoritism”

(J
AMES
2:1).

U
Understand the God-given worth of all human beings.

— Look at every person as being created in God’s image.

— Realize that every person God created was designed with His plan and purpose.

“God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them”

(G
ENESIS
1:27).

A
Acknowledge your need to be forgiven as well as your need to forgive.