Big is Beautiful (12 page)

"I will." I knew I'd never do it.

"Brittany!" Matt's voice boomed through the hallway, causing me to freeze. This couldn't get any worse. I didn't want to talk to him and wasn't sure if I could even look in at him.

"I'll see you later, okay?" I didn't wait for her to answer. Moving her aside, I ran down the hall and turned down the hallway toward my next class. I heard the quarterback's footsteps behind me. He was catching up.

Freaking out, I pushed through a double door and into the girls' restroom on the other side. Being lunch period, it was empty. Blissfully, empty.

"Brittany?" Matt knocked on the door, making me jump. Didn't he give up?

"Brittany? Come on. Open the door. I know you're in there." He sounded sincere. Part of me wanted to let him in. Part of me wanted to know where this sincere talk was in the cafeteria when everyone was laughing at me.

I stayed quiet, pretending I wasn't in there. Surely, he wouldn't come into a girls' bathroom.

"Brittany, we need to talk. Please…"

I needed to talk in the cafeteria, not here.

"Look, I'll see you in tutoring, okay? Please don't stay in there forever. I'm not upset."

I was, both at me for doing such a stupid thing and at him for not saying anything. To his credit, though, maybe he'd been in shock. He'd obviously been eating with Killer-body Kendra and suddenly hugged by Big Brittany. It had to be a bit of a shock.

Taking a deep breath, I hesitantly reached for the door handle. If he wanted to talk, maybe I should talk.

I leaned my ear against the door but didn't hear anything. After a few moments, I decided he'd left. Turning my back to the door, I let out a sigh. I'd gone from the high of my first ever one hundred on my geometry test to the horrible nightmare of making a fool of myself.

If ever there was an occasion for chocolate…

Pushing that thought aside, I walked to the beige colored sink and looked at myself in the mirror. Large red eyes met me with mascara running like streams down my cheeks. Great. I'd forgotten I had put a little on this morning to 'gussy up.' Who was I trying to look good for? Matt? Like that would ever happen.

Under my eyes were dark blue and purple circles. I knew they were there because I hadn't eaten much in two days. My legs felt the effects of not eating too, and I had to hold on to the sink to keep them from giving out.

"Get used to it, legs," I told my reflection. "I'm getting little no matter what. Enough of this laughing business."

Determined to not show my face until I had to, I hid in a stall. Right before time to go to fifth period, the bathroom door opened and footsteps marched in. By the number of clomps, I figured it was a group.

"I still can't believe she did that!" The familiar shrill echo of Kendra's voice scratched my ears. Of course it was Kendra. I rolled my eyes toward Heaven and mouthed,
Haven't I been through enough?

"I know! What a loser!" One of her groupies with a nasally voice added. I didn't know her name. They all looked the same to me.

"Matt's face was priceless." Kendra giggled. She sounded like she was at the mirrors. I pulled my legs up on the toilet seat and tried not to make any noises. I did not need them to know I was there.

"What was she thinking?" A different one with a voice that reminded me of a squeaky mouse asked.

"Clearly, she thinks she's too big for her britches. Ha, I made a joke." Kendra snickered, so the others did too. When God handed out beauty, he wasted it on them.

"And to think she asked to buy a ticket to the Red Ball." Kendra kept right on going.

"She didn't?" squealed someone who obviously had gotten to school late.

"Oh, she did," Kendra said.

"Priceless!" Late girl snickered. "Why does she want to go there? It's not like she'll fit in."

"Two words: Matt Taylor," Kendra explained it to the assembled, getting a smattering of 'ahhh's.' "He's her geometry tutor."

"Fat and stupid. Double threat," Nasally girl chimed in, clearly proud she had enough brain cells to come up with such big words.

I heard them head for the door. Thankfully, their commentary would be over soon.

Or so I thought. It was then that irony hit. My stomach decided to pay me back for neglecting it. It rumbled so loud I doubled over to keep it quiet.

It so didn't work.

"Did you hear that?" Kendra asked. I heard the door hinges squeak and a sound of the door shutting.

I was in deep water.

"Big, is that you?" she called, her voice sugary sweet. "Are you hiding in the bathroom?"

Jiggles and knocks from the other stalls rang in my ears. They'd find me, and then… what? Talk me to death?

"Big, we know you're here. We'd hide out too if we were you. Actually, personally, I'd beg my mom to homeschool me if I were you, so I wouldn't have to be seen in public." Kendra had a very misinformed view on homeschooling.

A loud bang on my door made me jump. "Big! Come on, girl. I just want to talk."

Fine. Just. Fine!

I dropped my feet from their perch on the toilet seat and jumped up. Good thing I hadn't been using it. Irritated, I opened the door and ran smack dab into Kendra's smug mug. "Big."

Slut.
"Kendra."

"Hiding?"

"Killing time."

She nodded like she understood. I mentally calculated how long it would take to run for the door.

"Your stomach's growling at me. Did you forget to eat lunch?"

She knew very well why I hadn't eaten lunch. What she didn't know was why I hadn't eaten breakfast or supper the day before.

"Not hungry."

She scoffed. "That's a first. Well, don't let me stop you. Wouldn't want you to be late for fifth period."

Kendra moved to the side so I could get out. She was nice enough to give me an extra five feet to make room for my girthy body. How kind of her.

The other three girls parted like the Red Sea as I made my way through the walk of shame to the door. I knew Kendra wouldn't let me get all the way out without saying something else. She didn't let me down. "So, tell me, why exactly did you feel the need to hug my boyfriend?"

I had a choice. Did I sulk away and hear them guffawing behind me, or did I spin around and give them as good as I got?

I chose to spin. "Your boyfriend? He told me he broke up with you."

Her eyes dilated slightly. "When did he tell you that? Oh, right. Stupid girl class."

Like anything she had to say could embarrass me more than I already had been. "Yeah, you should check it out. A class just for you." Zing.

Kendra smirked. "Wow, Big's got on her big girl underwear today. Oh wait, that's every day."

The other girls snickered. I felt my nose flare, but I refused to back down. "You know what? I wish you would leave me alone. How about you pick on her," I pointed to Nasally, "for her overbite?"

"I don't…" she said, putting her hand over her lips.

"Or Mousey there for the way one ear hangs lower than the other." She tried to wear earrings to cover it, but it was a known fact.

"Hey!" Mousey pulled on her ears.

"Or hey, how about they all gang up on you, Kendra, for your weasel voice and lopsided rack?" There, I said it. At times, her chest area did seem higher on one side.

She crossed her arms over the offending appendages. Her posture didn't say she was trying to cover them. In fact, she looked indifferent. "Matt didn't seem to care."

"He's a guy. He'd be happy touching anything." It kind of hurt thinking Matt had been to whatever base that was with Kendra. It shouldn't, but I'd pegged him as a guy who didn't do that. Like a lot of other times in my life, I appeared to be wrong.

"Except you. He sure didn't seem to like that much." Kendra looked pretty pleased with that come back.

The five minute bell rang, and I knew I could either stand there and swap barbs with ole Kennie, or I could go to class and try to avoid eye contact with anyone who was in the cafeteria earlier. I chose to take my chances in fifth period. Kendra-fighting was getting old.

For an added effect, I rolled my eyes at Kendra and opened the bathroom door.

"And for the record…" She just had to have the last word. "Matt's going to the Red Ball with me. Not you. So even if you do get a ticket, don't expect to have a date."

"Wouldn't dream of it."
Last word. Ha!
I let the door slam behind me and walked with my head held high to fifth period. Four more hours until I could go home. Ugh.

Chapter Eleven

It was hard watching those buses leave. I wanted to run there and jump on the back of one, though I'd probably make the front wheels lift off the road. Sad as it was, I wanted my mommy. I couldn't stand the thought of being in Geometry with Matt alone.

Since we'd had a test, we didn't have any homework to work on. I was sure Ms. Bennett had given Matt some sort of sheet for us to slave over, though. All of their hard work had resulted in an incredible one hundred… and an ill-advised hug.

Resigned to the fact that I had to get this over with, I forced myself through the front doors and down the dimly lit hallway. For the first time all week, I'd beat Matt there.

Part of me wondered if he was even coming. Part of me wished he wouldn't. It was lonely, but strangely nice. I had been in a crowd of loud, mocking voices all day. It was nice to just sit… be still… not think.

I laid my head on my desk and shut my eyes. Even more darkness… even more grateful for it.

What was I going to do? Not just about Matt, but about the Red Ball. Would he even want to still go to the dance with me now that I'd made a fool out of him? And what if he did keep his word like the guy I figured he was and offer to dance, what then?

If I couldn't get a ticket, then big whoop. I guess God answered for me and I didn't need to go. But a part of me, a big part, wanted to see what the fuss was all about and, yeah, spend time with Matt somewhere other than tutoring. He'd come to check on me after my horrible hugging decision, so maybe he didn't hate me. Then again, he wasn't at tutoring at his normal time either.

If I wanted to be truthful, one of the main reasons I wanted to go was to see the look on Kendra's face when she saw me dancing with
her
date. Oh, she'd make my life even more miserable for a while, but it would be worth it.

I felt pressure on my shoulder, and I jumped like I was shot. Matt backed up a step, clearly startled. That made two of us. "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you."

"You didn't."

He tilted his head to the side and gave me a look like
really?

"Okay fine. You scared me a little. I didn't hear you come in."

"Asleep?"

"Thinking."

"Ah." He turned the desk in front of me around and sat down facing me. His hair looked messier than usual, and for the first time, I noticed how good he smelled. It didn't smell like cologne. Probably from some manly soap, not the flowery kind that made my nose itch. Had he smelled like that before and I just missed it? How could I have missed it when I was zero inches from him in the cafeteria?

The cafeteria.

Food.

Growl.

"About what?"

"Huh?" I had forgotten what we were talking about. I desperately wanted some peanuts and a drink again.

He laughed a little, but not mean like I'd been laughed at since eleven o'clock. His eyes sparkled a little too. I liked it when he laughed. So far, it was never at me… that I knew of.
With
me was okay, but not
at
me. I'd had enough of that to last a lifetime. "Thinking. What were you thinking about?"

I didn't want to mention the Red Ball without getting the gigantic cloud between us lifted first. Biting my lip, I tried really hard to form words in my head that made sense so I wouldn't stutter.

"Look, I'm sorry for what I did in the cafeteria earlier. The hug," I added in case he didn't remember. There, the elephant in the room had been fed. I wished I had been.

"What hug?" he asked slyly and winked a little.

I groaned and laid my temple on my palm. "That hug I gave you in the middle of the cafeteria where everyone laughed, and I embarrassed myself and you."

"Oh, that hug. I tried to find you afterwards."

"I didn't want to be found." By him or Kendra either, though both had managed to track me down in the large school. How did they do that? I must have a tracking device implanted in a fat roll. "Anyway. I'm sorry."

"You have no reason to be sorry. I'm the one who should be sorry."

I decided to play coy as well. "You? For what?"

He sucked on his bottom lip before answering. "For not saying anything in the cafeteria. You just surprised me. I'm not used to girls throwing themselves at me."

I highly doubted that. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry about it. I won't do it again."

"Eh…" He shrugged. "I kind of enjoyed it."

Well, hello! That was unexpected. I felt a goofy expression contort my face. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, I mean, sure. It was unexpected, but I didn't hate it. You must have done well on your math test?"

"Oh, thank you, God." I sank in my desk and laid my head back. It was like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. "I'm so glad. I was afraid… I thought you hated me or something."

"Really?" He sounded surprised like being mad hadn't even crossed his mind.

"Well, yeah. I embarrassed you in front of your friends."
And Kendra
. "Then you weren't here when I got to tutoring."

"I had to take care of something first," he said cryptically, shifting in his seat. What in the world did that mean?

"Anyway, I'm glad you aren't mad."

"I wasn't mad. I thought you were excited and needed a hug. Plus, you did say you'd hug me if you made a good grade on your test."

"Actually, I said I'd kiss you if I got the bonus questions right…" Oh man, once the words were out, I regretted remembering that conversation. I was glad I hadn't remembered it in the cafeteria. If hugging him was embarrassing, I'd hate to know how kissing him would have been.