Big is Beautiful (8 page)

English went fine. More poets, only these were living, an unexpected change up. Got to second period Geometry and handed my homework to Ms. Bennett. As normal on a day before a test, Ms. Bennett graded our homework while we worked on a practice test by ourselves. With fifteen minutes left before the bell rang, she called me to her desk. It wasn't unusual for her to call people up there and go over their homework, answer questions, and have a one on one with us so we would be ready for our test. No one even batted an eye at me when I walked past. Well, Rodney did, but he could kiss my bottom. Wonder what payback he had in store for me for getting him in trouble the other day?

Ms. Bennett handed my homework to me and looked over the top of her black framed glasses. I took my paper and stared at the grade: 88.

Not too bad, but definitely not the hundred I had the day before.

"Care to explain?"

"It's better than my normal grades." And it was, but I could tell by the slow rise of her brow she expected more from me.

"Yes, it is, but with tutoring I expected at least an A."

"Matt's not a miracle worker, you know? He's doing his best." Okay, so he'd been totally preoccupied yesterday with Lori or Kendra or somebody, but he'd checked everything but the last problem. If I had everything right but that one, I should have at least made a 96.

Looking the paper over more, I saw a problem toward the middle that was completely wrong. I put the
a
variable in the
c
position. Stupid mistake, but not unusual for me. Unusual for Matt not to catch it though. Maybe he hadn't even checked my paper when I thought he had. He probably just pretended so he could get to Kendra quicker. I hoped Ms. Bennett didn't pay him to tutor. Not only the one problem, but I had little mistakes on three other problems that cost me a point each. Add that up, and I had an 88. Not bad, not good enough to keep me from failing.

She leaned closer like she didn't want the others to hear. Fine by me, because I didn't want them to hear either. "Brittany, you have to have at least an eighty or above on all three remaining tests this six-weeks
and
keep over an 85 average on your homework to pass. After that, you'll have to keep it up for the last two six-weeks and have a decent grade on your final to pass the class and not have to repeat."

Had it really been that bad? A few days ago, I would have jumped up and down and kissed a dog on the lips to have an 88 on homework. Now, Ms. Bennett expected more from me because of what, tutoring? Did she think that highly of Matt? I didn't want to fail, but what she had laid out made me wonder if maybe failing and going to summer school wasn't the best option for me. Clean slate.

"I'm not going to let you fail." She took the paper from me and laid it on her desk which came up to my elbow. The desk had a shiny black top and not an inch of clutter. "I'm going to talk to Matt and give you extra practice problems for the test tomorrow."

I must have groaned because she held her hand up to stop me. Funny how a little scrawny woman could make a person shut up just by raising her hand all authoritative. I'd have to learn that skill when I got older. "No complaining. I mean it, Brittany. I refuse to have you fail. I believe in you. You can do this. There's a mental block, but we'll break through it. It'll take hard work on your part, but I believe you can do it. Do you?"

I believed in the Easter Bunny and Santa, but I didn't believe in myself. No lie there. A confident woman would be a good goal to aspire to. Ms. Bennett seemed so confident, so sure I could do this. It almost made me believe. "Okay. I'll give it my best shot."

She smiled so broadly I could count her teeth. "Excellent! I'll stay today at tutoring if you think it'll help."

It didn't take long to think it over. Obviously Matt had others things on his mind besides me and my grades. I didn't want him to get in trouble with Ms. Bennett for not doing his tutoring duty, but I also needed a good grade on the test tomorrow. More than a good grade: I wanted an A. "Yeah, sure. I'll take all the help I can get."

She nodded and handed my homework back to me. "Correct the ones you missed and I'll count it as extra credit. Help your grade." She winked slyly like it was some big secret. It wasn't. Every teacher did extra credit, only to my knowledge, Ms. Bennett had never given it to anyone else in class. She really was as desperate as I was to get me a passing grade.

I worked on the sheet until the bell rang and took my time putting it in my backpack. When everyone cleared out, I told Ms. Bennett I'd see her later and headed to third period.

At lunch, Jillian had all sorts of things to tell me about her and Oliver. Friday after school, she was going dress shopping for the Red Ball and asked if I wanted to go with her. To be honest, it made me sad to think of dress shopping for a dance I'd never get to go to. Still, I did love looking at formal dresses. I'd never worn one, but I liked looking at them and daydreaming. Not daydreaming about my body being in one (that would be weird), but about what I'd look like in one if I were Kendra Moses's size.

I told her I'd go and was actually pretty excited about it. Her mom would drive, and we would do girl bonding stuff like singing off key and posting duck face pictures online. Okay, maybe not. My mom would have a cow over the duck pictures.

Jillian and I had a great lunch. I ate all of nothing and she never noticed. After last night, I didn't trust myself not to eat a huge helping of food. Throwing it up wasn't something I ever wanted to do again. Figuring it was better not to eat anything, I moved my salad around my plate so it looked eaten and drank some water. Jillian actually made it easy to not eat with her stories and big ideas about the Ball. She'd wear her hair down in sleek waves and have some sort of sparkly jewelry from her mom's collection. Her dress would be red, of course, and she wanted it to be a princess-style. Princess would be beautiful on her. Potato sack would be my dress of choice.

While she talked, Matt caught my eye from the other side of the room. He was eating earlier than usual. Across the cafeteria from me, he kept staring like I had something in my teeth, which was crazy since I hadn't eaten and he was too far away to see if I had anyway. Self-conscious, I looked back at Jillian and nodded a few times to agree with whatever she went on about. Every time I glanced at Matt, he was still staring at me. He had a warmth in his eyes, not a cold stalker stare. The moment came and went when one of his football buddies came up, smacked him on the shoulder, and led him and his tray toward the trashcan.

I watched every step he took, Jillian's voice easing further and further away. He emptied his tray at the trashcan two tables from me and put the tray in the kitchen window. With a smile and a quick nod in my direction, he walked out the door and disappeared down the hall.

"Brittany." Jillian snapped her fingers and waved them in front of my eyes. "Where'd ya go?"

I went with Matt. Why do you ask?
"Nowhere. I was listening. Promise."

With her tilted head and pursed lips, I could tell she didn't buy it. "What was the last thing I said?"

Yeah…
I
have
no idea.
"Look at the time. Gotta get to class. See ya later. Text me." I grinned from ear to ear, and she sputtered a laugh.

"Exactly. Wanna tell me which cutie you were scoping out?"

"Nope." I teased and threw my tray away. She'd get it out of me later, but for now I liked the confused look she had on her face.

Chapter Eight

I didn't even watch the buses leave today. After my last class, I headed down the long hallway to Geometry. Determined, I had a purpose. I wouldn't let my mom or Ms. Bennett down. I'd learn the Pythagorean Theorem and congruent triangles if it was the last thing I did. At this rate, it might be. Ms. Bennett would be there to help, so even if Matt was still on Kendra mode, I'd learn something.

Matt.

What in the world had been up with him in the cafeteria? Why had he stared me down like a three-headed dog? It made no sense. One didn't go from Kendra to a person like me in a day.

Not even slowing down when I got to the classroom, I barged in like I owned the place. Ms. Bennett would understand.

Only Ms. Bennett wasn't there.

Just Matt.

Good ole reliably strange Matt.

I turned to the right, but the back lights were off like normal. I turned to the left, but the clutter free desk had no papers, books, or purses on it. No. This was not good. She'd promised.

"Ms. Bennett had to leave." Matt faced me, but didn't get out of his desk.

Of course she did.
"Why? Is she sick?"

"Her mom is. Hospital called. Ambulance had to take her to the emergency room."

"Oh no." My fingers automatically went to my lips and I walked to Matt in two paces. "Is her mom all right? Can we do anything?"

"Ms. Bennett said she fell. They think she broke her hip."

"Oh." I sank into my seat and shook my head. "I hate that."

"Me too. She gave me the work we need to get finished today. She said you had a very big important test tomorrow and, in her words, I couldn't let you mess it up."

"That would be nice." I had the biggest tugging on my heart for Ms. Bennett and her mom. Normally, I would pray about situations like hers right when I found out. With Matt, I felt uneasy praying in front of him. What if he thought I was an even bigger loser that I was?

"What's wrong?" How did he always know when something ate at me?

The word
nothing
was on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't get it out. Something was wrong and I needed to deal with it. "I think I need to pray."

"Pray?"

"For Ms. Bennett and her mom." And here came the ramble. "Look, I know you might think it's stupid, but Ms. Bennett is my favorite teacher and I hate that she's hurting and I'd really like to help, but I can't help. Not really, and I just want… I feel like I need to pray since I can't do anything else—"

"Hold on." He held out his hands to stop me. Unlike Ms. Bennett's petite ones I'd seen earlier, Matt's were big and looked rough. For a split second, I imagined them caressing my face, the rough edges leaving warm trails where they touched.

Stop. It. Now.

"Pray if you need to. I won't stop you."

"You won't be… offended… or anything?"

"Why would I be offended? I go to church, ya know?"

No, I didn't know, but even the most faithful of church-goers had a hard time praying in front of others at times. Without another word, he laced his fingers together on his geometry book and lowered his head. Seconds ticked by and I just sat there. He actually meant for me to pray… out loud… in front of him…

Oh my…

"I can pray if you don't feel comfortable." Touching a live wire wouldn't have shocked me more.

"Sure. Okay. If you want."

"Well, I don't want, but one of us has to be brave." He flashed a dimple and bowed his head again. Slightly embarrassed, I did the same.

"God, thank you for today. Thank you for being with us, taking care of us, and bringing us together."

Hold the phone… we were
'together'? He meant in
special tutoring
terms, of course.

"But God, we are worried about Ms. Bennett and her mom. Please make sure she's all right and comfort her family. Let her mom's hip not be broken as badly as the doctors think. Heal her. We ask this in Jesus's name. Amen."

"Amen." I croaked out, in awe of his prayer. I never in a million years thought I'd be praying with a guy at school.

He took a deep breath and smiled at me. "Next time, you'll have to lead it."

"I'll keep that in mind." Mentally hoping there wouldn't be a next time. Oral prayers weren't my finest skills.

"So…" He opened his book and flipped a few pages until he got to the right one. "Ready to be a Pythagorean Theorem master?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." I bent over to get my book out of my bag, and everything started feeling funny. My vision tunneled and started turning black rapidly. Dizziness took me over, and I grabbed the desk to keep from toppling over.

"Hey." He fell to his knees beside me. "You okay?"

"Fine. Fine." I wasn't fine. Nowhere near fine. This wasn't the best feeling in the world. My heart fluttered, not in a good way, and the world spun like the spinning cup ride at the fair.

It killed me because I knew exactly what was wrong with me. I hadn't eaten since supper last night, except for the chips I threw up around three a.m. Now my body was making me pay.

I couldn't let Matt know.

My body trembled, and I felt so weak I didn't know if I could sit back up. My hair fell over my eyes and blocked my view of him. It was a good thing too, because I didn't want him to see me either. Green seemed a good color to describe how I felt.

Gently, I felt my hair sliding behind my ear and I felt exposed. Through blurry vision, my eyes cut to Matt kneeling beside me on the floor. He looked so concerned for me. It didn't seem real. "You're not fine. What's wrong?"

I couldn't make myself say anything. With my vision darkening further, his fingers put pressure under my chin and my head tilted up. With my limited sight, I couldn't see Matt's intense blue eyes staring at me. He shifted his head a few times to get a good look. "I'm getting some help."

He got up, but I couldn't let him go. Not over a little thing like this. With a death grip on his arm, I pleaded as convincingly as I could. "No. Don't. Don't go. I'm fine. I just haven't—" Did I really have to admit this? "I've not eaten in a while. Low blood sugar's all."

Matt stopped in his tracks and peered down at me. I felt like the lowliest ant on the hill. His gorgeous blue eyes hardened, and his jaw set in a rigid line I'd never seen on him before. He looked almost mad at me, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out why.

Looking up at him made the world spin faster, and I felt my head tilt back and my body sliding out of my seat.