A Love Like This (23 page)

A light tap on the door startled me out of
my thoughts, though I welcomed the distraction. All this wallowing
wasn’t getting me anywhere, and it sure as hell wasn’t
constructive.

“Come in!” I called, hoping I managed to
inject a little enthusiasm into my tone.

Andrea’s bright smile and brighter red head
popped around the corner of the half open door. “Want some
company?” I wondered what she was so happy about when I was so
miserable.

I threw the pen down on my desk and sat up
straighter in my chair. “Sure,” I said blandly.

“Gee, thanks, boss,” Andrea admonished with
a wrinkle of her nose, still not coming in and half-hiding behind
the door. “I love you, too.”

I guiltily waved her in. “I’m sorry. I’m
just not here today. What’s up?”

The door flew open wide, and to my surprise,
Jenna rushed in, laughing happily. Her cheeks were flushed a pretty
pink from the cold New York air, and she was dressed in a thick
blue parka and jeans.

“I’m what’s up!” she laughed as I jumped
from my chair in surprise, flashing a big smile as I rushed into
her embrace. “Or down, as the case may be.”

“Jenna! Why didn’t you tell me you were
coming?” We hugged each other tight. The familiar scent of her
perfume wafted gently around the room. “I’m so happy to see
you!”

“I wanted to surprise you!” She hugged me
again. “You look amazing…” She eyed me curiously, taking in the
finely tailored suit and mauve silk blouse I wore. “Aside from
those god-awful bags under your eyes.”

I laughed and grimaced simultaneously. I
could always count on Jenna’s brutal honesty to slap me in the
face. “Thanks. You look great, too; sans bags, of course. What are
you doing in New York?”

She plopped down in one of the upholstered
chairs opposite my desk, quickly undoing her coat and shoving it
off her shoulders to reveal a heavy, cream-colored turtleneck
sweater over dark jeans. “I need to shop. Aaron and I are staying
in Boston for Christmas and I have to get things shipped to the
families. You, too, right? Obviously, when Elyse and Gabe were
arranging it at the wedding, we should have known better.”

I wasn’t buying her excuse for making the
trek down to New York, but it didn’t matter, I was just glad she
was here.

“I guess.” My response was lackluster. This
Christmas didn’t feel much like I’d hope it would, considering this
would be Ryan’s and my first Christmas as a married couple; the
first Christmas one of us didn’t have to travel to be with the
other. I’d been looking forward to decorating, preparing and
shopping with him, but it wasn’t working out that way. I wanted it
to be so special, but our lack of time together along with added
crap like my derailed plans last night were putting a serious crimp
in things.

I shook myself out of my thoughts and smiled
at Jenna’s expectant face. “And there are no shops in Boston; none
what-so-ever. I remember now,” I teased, my brows lifted
mockingly.

Jenna rolled her eyes and screwed her face
up. “Whatever. I wanted to see you, so shoot me. I miss you and I
suh-pose
I miss that moody man of yours, but don’t you dare
tell him I said that! Is he working today?”

“Yes. Always working. Do you want some
coffee?”

“No, I want you to get you and your
Gucci-clad ass out of here!” Jenna grinned. “The day’s almost over
anyway, right?”

I looked guiltily at the work piled on my
desk. “Uh, yeah. It was pretty much a wash today, anyway.” I
flushed as I realized I’d just moved the conversation to a place
that it didn’t need to go.

She studied my face as I sat back down
behind my desk. “What’s going on?” she asked seriously.

“Probably nothing.” I offered a half-assed
shrug before continuing. “I don’t know.”

“Is Ryan okay? He’s fully recovered from his
injury, isn’t he? That was almost a month ago.”

Was it only a month ago? It seemed like
longer
. “He has a scar and sometimes that shoulder gets stiff,
but I think that’s just an excuse to get me to give him a massage.”
I tried to joke, but Jenna saw right through me.

She leaned forward in her chair. “Okay, I
never thought I’d ask this, but are you and Ryan okay?”

I slowly rose from my chair, taking the
layout back to the easel as I tried to look busy. “Yes. Of course,
we’re fine.”

Jenna wasn’t convinced. “Really,” she stated
flatly. Somehow it wasn’t a question.

“Yes. These bags under my eyes are because
we made love most of the night.”

She leaned back, her eyes scrutinizing. “Uh
huh,” she said, clearly disbelieving.

I wanted to word vomit all over the place
about Jane, but I knew Jenna would spill to Aaron, and I didn’t
want Ryan to know I was upset. He had enough to worry about, and I
felt petty and silly for even feeling the way I did.

“What?” I asked, trying to make it sound as
incredulous as possible. “We did! I’m tired.”

“Look, Julia, I thought we were closer now.
Ever since your car accident, I’ve thought of you as my
sister.”

“Me, too.”

“Right, so you can spill more than Ryan’s
and your bang-a-thon!”

I couldn’t help bursting out laughing at her
words. “Oh my God! Only you, Jenna! How romantic you make it
seem!”

“Okay, how’s this? All night hump-session?
Ryan poke-fest?” We both fell into fits of giggles for at least
sixty seconds. “Peen-o-rama?” Jenna continued without mercy.

Peals of more laughter ripped through me as
I planted my forehead down on my desk, my shoulders shaking. I was
laughing so hard, my sides ached, my face hurt, and my eyes were
beginning to tear. “Stop!” I managed to choke out.

Jenna was grinning from ear to ear when I
finally lifted my head.

“Really. What’s up?”

I sobered almost instantly and inhaled
deeply. Not only was I going to regret telling her, I was probably
going to sound insane.

“It’s probably all in my head.” I threw my
hands up and began to pace around the room. “I don’t want Ryan to
think I’m upset, and Aaron will tell him whatever I say, so I
should just zip it before I even get started.”

“I won’t tell Aaron, I promise, but I will
bet my ass that if you’re worried or upset about anything, Ryan
already knows. He is way too in tune with you, girl.”

“Lately, he’s so tired, he may be a little
tuned out. And, as I said, it’s really nothing.”

“Oh my God! Are you going to tell me or
what
?”

I bit my lip, hesitating, but I really did
need to talk it out. It was eating me alive. “Only if you promise
never to say a word to either one of the guys.”

“Oh, Jesus, Julia!” Her exasperation at my
stalling was barely kept in check. “I said I promise, didn’t
I?”

I ran a hand through my hair and sat down
again.

“And stop bouncing around! You’re giving me
a headache!”

“After that night in the ER, the woman who
got stabbed? She calls and texts Ryan constantly… last night I had
this big romantic dinner planned, but he called in the middle of
the afternoon informing me he’d invited Jane—her name’s Jane—” I
rambled, “and her invisible boyfriend to dinner.” I stood up again,
my nerves making it impossible to sit still, despite Jenna’s
disapproving look. “Sorry! I can’t help it! Then the boyfriend
bailed. God, I feel so guilty for even talking about her like this
after everything she’s been through.”

Jenna was silent, letting me ramble as she
took it all in. She didn’t tell me I was crazy, which was
unexpected.

“Invisible?”

“I’ve never met him. I wonder if he’s just
made up.”

“Ryan feels responsible, and like you, he is
probably full of guilt. You, of all people, know how compassionate
he is. He told Aaron how extensive her injuries were,” she stated
simply. “If you want to put it into perspective, she didn’t save
his life any more than he saved hers.”

“I know, but she wouldn’t have needed saving
if she hadn’t done what she did. That’s why I feel so horrible! I
should be bending over backwards for her, but I’m just so… damn
jealous! I’m married to him, and I know you’re right about
everything you just said,” I looked down at her, wringing my hands,
“but, I’m still so freaking jealous, I can’t see straight.”

Jenna smirked at me. “Jules, Ryan is so
Goddamn charming he can’t even help himself, and when he’s really
trying to be nice, any female within 100 yards falls down panting.
That poor thing doesn’t stand a chance in hell. You should feel
doubly sorry for her,” she said in her best deadpan.

Logically, I knew Jen was right, so why did
my heart feel like it was on fire? I folded one arm across my body
as I absently chewed the thumbnail of my other hand.

“Maybe she saved his life; maybe not. You
don’t know what would have happened.”

I looked away from the window, over my
shoulder at Jenna. “Oh, come on. I know that those thugs threatened
Ryan when he refused to stop trying to save that kid. There was a
scuffle, and one of them came at Ryan and Jane stepped in the way
and took the knife full in her gut.” I shivered just thinking about
it. “She had to have a hysterectomy. And, she’s young, Jenna. I
can’t imagine being faced without the prospect of babies.”

Jenna was leaning nonchalantly back in her
chair, but my words made her straighten up and her face to turn
serious. “Yeah, it sucks, Jules, but it wasn’t your fault and it
wasn’t Ryan’s, either. She made the choice to intercede.”

“I know, but Jenna, if I’d lost him…” I
could feel the burning as my eyes began to tear. “I
am
grateful, but I’m beginning to resent her, and I’m so pissed at
myself for that. This morning, just before Ryan left, she paged him
at six o’clock in the morning. Paged him! I just… I can’t help it!
We haven’t gone for coffee in a month,” I ranted, once again pacing
the room. “Our time together is so short, I don’t want to miss out
on a second of it. When we do see each other, most of our time is
spent in bed. I’m selfish, I guess.”

“You’re complaining because he’s making love
to you too much?”

“Of course not. I mean, it’s amazing, and
we’re so close in those moments, but I want to hear about his day,
spend time just being with him. I miss the best friend part of
us.”

“I guess you did spend four years
just
talking
. I can see that you’d be feeling like that. Have you
told Ryan any of this?” Jenna’s voice and eyes were rock
steady.

I huffed. “No. We don’t talk, as I said,
plus I feel like an idiot.”

“This is what I know. One: Ryan would want
to know how you feel; two: it’s not the first time some twit has
woven some baseless romantic fantasy around him which, by the way,
he never even
notices
; and, three: your ass is coming with
me! Nothing like some retail therapy to make you stop feeling sorry
for yourself.” She stood and began to shrug back into her coat.
When I didn’t move, she paused and looked at me. “What the hell are
you still standing there for? Get your coat and let’s go!”

I rubbed roughly at my right temple. “I
can’t. I have to work. I have too much to do.”

“Wrong answer.”

I stared blankly at her, the prospect of
shopping didn’t sound like a lot of fun since Ryan and I had
decided to take it easy on Christmas gifts, but if I was being
honest, there was no work getting done today. I shook my head,
shrugging. “Andrea!” I called.

“Yeah, boss?” Her perky red head popped
around the corner within seconds; a cheeky grin spread across her
face.

The door was still halfway open and she must
have been hovering just outside.

“That was fast.” I glared at her. “This
feels like an ambush.”

Jenna’s partner-in-crime bounced into the
room. “Yep. Your schedule’s been freed up. And, um…” she cleared
her throat, “I was hoping I could tag along?” she suggested
hopefully, tongue in cheek. I just stared at her, waiting for the
explanation I felt would soon tumble from her lips. I cocked an
eyebrow when she hemmed and hawed around. “When Jenna called, I
made sure to get everything finished. The guest list has been
approved, and I’ve placed the invitation order with the engravers.
The art department is expecting the layout on Monday. We can finish
it up tomorrow. So can we go?” Mischief sparkled in her dark blue
eyes as she retrieved the jacket to my black wool crepe suit and
passed it to me. Obediently, I shrugged my long cashmere coat on
without a word.

It was midnight when I finally dragged my ass
through the door to our apartment. My stomach rumbled
uncomfortably, and I hoped I’d find something to eat without making
too much noise. Surely, Julia would be asleep by now. It was
Thursday. I had Saturday off, and I’d taken an early shift tomorrow
so I could surprise Julia. I hoped to hell Jane wouldn’t find out.
I had pangs of guilt on both fronts. The past month, I’d barely
spoken to my wife.