A Love Like This (55 page)

~J

You’ll always have my soul…

Forever,

~R

I couldn’t help starting to cry and moved
over in the bed so Ryan could crawl in with me. He gathered me
close, and I held our son and love was like a tidal wave around us.
His head rested against mine, and I stared into his eyes. The
fingers of Ryan’s other hand curled around my wrist on top of the
bundle.

“Me, too. No getting around it. Even if I
didn’t want to love you, I would.”

“That works, ‘cause you’re stuck with me.”
He smiled a soft, teary smile. “I mean, us.”

Julia was luminous and took to motherhood
with an easy grace. Aidan would hush at the mere sound of her
voice, and it filled me with so much pride and love, I thought I’d
burst. I knew how he felt though. I was a slave to that voice, too.
His hair was dark like hers, but he was the spitting image of me.
The portrait that hung above the crib was an amazing likeness.

Our family and friends stayed in town until
Julia had been home for more than a week. With all of our bedrooms
spoken for, only Marin and Paul stayed with us and Ellie, Harris,
and my parents at Aaron and Jenna’s place. Everyone loved Aidan’s
name and the grandparents doted on him, even Aaron got a little
sappy when I’d told him how we decided on it. Everyone was happy to
see Ellie and Harris back together, especially Julia. Apparently,
Harris would only reconcile when she finally agreed to marry him,
and she was sporting a big rock.

About two weeks after the baby was born,
Julia made a beautiful brunch before everyone left with tearful
goodbyes and promises to come to visit soon. Our mothers were the
worst, both of them bawling their eyes out. My dad rolled his eyes
and smiled over my mother’s head, and he almost dragged her out the
door. Everyone planned on returning in December. Aiden would be
four months old, and there was nothing that would keep those
grandparents away from his first Christmas.

That was a month ago, and the time had flown
by in a blur. I couldn’t wait to get home from the hospital,
anxious to get my hands on my son. He was growing so fast, everyday
a little different, and I didn’t want to miss a second of it. I
glanced down at the baby in my wife’s arms, and Julia handed him to
me. “Time for bed, Daddy.” She gave me a warmed bottle of breast
milk and went to take a bath. I welcomed the task, because I loved
time alone with him.

He was a good baby and hardly ever cried. I
smiled down at the little face and patted his bottom. “You don’t
cry because Mommy and Daddy don’t let you cry, do we, Aidan?” The
baby version of my blue eyes looked up at me quietly, as if he
understood everything I said. Julia was an amazing mother and my
little man wanted for nothing. He was healthy as a horse and
happy.

I settled in the rocking chair with just one
small lamp casting a golden glow through the room. Aidan suckled
away at the bottle, his little eyes were closed, his skin
translucent, his tiny hand fisted and resting against mine. He was
fresh from his bath and I inhaled the scent of baby powder. I
kissed the top of his head, his mini-me dimples showing up as he
sucked. I grinned from ear to ear at the wonder that was my son.
Life was perfect. It wasn’t long before he’d finished his bottle
and was sleeping soundly all swaddled up in his crib.

I made sure the baby monitor was on and then
went to find Julia. It would be about three hours until our son
would need attention, but I’d take advantage of the time. It had
been a long six weeks without making love to her, and I ached to
have her. Our room had a soft glow of candles and smelled like
vanilla. Julia was under the covers waiting and watching me as I
wordlessly discarded my clothes, my eyes burning into hers.

The poem I’d written last Christmas hung
centered above the headboard, and the words reverberated in my head
as I peeled back the covers and gathered my naked wife close to me.
She welcomed me into her embrace wordlessly, and I came to settle
above her, into the cradle created by her body. I was hard before
I’d undressed, realizing she had the same intentions for the
evening as I did. I was hungry for her, but my movements were slow
as I gazed deeply into her eyes and let my mouth roam over her
cheekbone, her eyelids, and jaw. My need was great, but my love was
greater and I wanted Julia to feel it in every breath.

She sighed as my mouth moved lower, and
between kisses, I murmured the words that defined what she meant to
me. But even these words, that hurt so much they could have been
written in blood, could never be enough to describe how deeply she
affected me, how she filled my heart, how she gave meaning to my
very existence… and how every day, incredibly, impossibly, it was
always more…

Words cannot express…

All I feel for you.

As I search for explanation,

I am certain it is more than love…

A living thing,

Yet undefined by mere mortals…

Maybe even God,

You are my breath,

Yet you steal it away…

You are my heartbeat,

Yet you stop it with one brief glance…

Without you, I am lost.

I am nothing…

A bottomless abyss,

Empty and waiting

To be filled by you.

I ache to touch you,

To taste you,

To fulfill you,

To have you…

Our ecstasy is beyond imagining.

I consume you,

Yet am consumed by you…

Your beauty slays me.

Your touch unravels me.

I am humbled by these emotions,

Yet empowered, because you are mine.

I am you and you are me;

Never to be parted.

To lose you, would be to lose myself…

To cease to exist.

For there is nothing for me

Forever…

But you,

And this Mad, Mad Love…