A Love Like This (21 page)

“Julia?” Jane’s question brought me out of
my thoughts and I looked up from what I was doing and quickly
glanced over my shoulder.

“Yes?”

“I asked what you’re getting Ryan for
Christmas.”

“Well,” I began as I returned the now
beautifully dressed cheesecake to the fridge. I didn’t want to tell
her because it was so personal. I was working on a composite
portrait of both of our baby pictures. I hadn’t told anyone, not
even my family. I certainly didn’t want anyone spoiling it by
telling Ryan prematurely… plus our baby-making was a secret. “I’m
not sure yet. Maybe some better shoes for work, but he doesn’t want
anything. As I said, we’re on a budget, so we’ve agreed to keep it
minimal. Do you have something special in mind for Daniel?”

Jane fidgeted on her chair. “Um, he’s a
gamer. I’ll probably get him a new game he’s been wanting.”

How romantic.
“Wow, he really is a
computer nerd, huh?” I tried to lighten the awkward tension hanging
between us. Other than the time when she’d shown me to the doctor’s
lounge, Ryan had always been there when I’d seen Jane and she was
pushing me. I knew it. She knew it.

My eyes narrowed and hers got wider when she
nodded. “Yeah. I hate video games because he’s always got his head
in them. Do you have an Xbox?”

I poured us each a refill of the sparkling
water and glanced at the clock. Ryan should be home in thirty
minutes, and I wanted to freshen up. Despite my lack of enthusiasm
for having Ryan in the same room with this woman, I was longing for
him to hurry the fuck home.

“No. We don’t. We spend our time with movies
and music when one of us isn’t working on something or other. Life
is busy, so we tend to concentrate on each other when we’re
together.”

Jane pushed a strand of hair back and her
cheeks flushed uncomfortably. I could see her visibly swallow. This
was a good place to make my exit since it was all I could do not to
tell her that friendship was fine but she needed to remember Ryan
was mine.

“I’m just going to put on a little make-up,
if you don’t mind? Ryan should be home soon. You’re welcome to
watch TV and make yourself at home.”

The other woman nodded. “Yes, he’s scheduled
off at six.”

I inhaled until my lungs wouldn’t fill any
further and tried to smile as I left the room. “Yep.”

I was so pissed at myself. I’d wanted to get
home before Jane arrived to soothe Julia’s ruffled feathers, but
no, Jane had to show up early. I sighed as I walked through the
lobby of our building to the elevators, silently berating myself
for being pissed that I’d cheated myself out of time alone with my
wife. Jane needed my support and she’d earned it. A fact which I
reminded myself of at least five times a day. Every time my pager
went off.

When the elevator doors opened, I was
inundated with the wonderful smells I knew originated from our
apartment. I ran a hand through my hair. Obviously, Julia had
something planned for us, or she wouldn’t have sounded so upset on
the phone. I’d probably fucked myself big time. I was confident
that Julia would be gracious to our guests. No doubt in my mind,
but she might not be so agreeable after they left.

There was music playing softly in the
apartment and my eyes searched in the low light. I could see Jane
sitting on the couch, looking out the window. I’d never seen her
dressed in anything other than her scrubs, and I was slightly
shocked at how pretty she looked. I glanced toward the kitchen,
hoping I’d get a minute alone with Julia to test the waters, but
there was no sign of her.

“Hey, Jane,” I offered in greeting as I
kicked my shoes off and shoved them in the entryway closet along
with my parka. “Where’s Julia?”

A wide smile spread across Jane’s face. “I
think she wanted to freshen up a bit. How was work after I
left?”

“Pretty slow. We had four cases of the flu,
one broken arm, and a heart attack.” I glanced down the hall.
“Would you excuse me, Jane? I’d like to check on Jules.”

“I’m sure she’s fine, Ryan. She made a
beautiful dinner and just needed a minute. Let her be and pour me
some wine.”

“Where’s Daniel?” I asked, walking to the
kitchen and taking three wine glasses from the top shelf of the
cupboard nearest the sink.

“Working. Same story, different day.” Her
voice was flat.

The cork creaked as the corkscrew pulled it
from the bottle. I noted the extra bottle sitting on the counter
and looked forward to sharing it with Julia, alone. I didn’t get
why Jane put up with the bullshit this guy doled out. “Jane,
forgive me,” I began as the blood red wine filled two of the
glasses, leaving the other waiting for Julia. “But, I don’t get
it.”

I wanted to say more, to tell her the dude
was a total loser, but in light of the deluge of tears earlier and
her comments about being disfigured and not being wanted, I didn’t
want to open that can of worms. Maybe she felt no one else would
want her. I felt bad for her.

I turned, a glass in each hand, prepared to
make my way back into the living room, but Jane was standing two
feet from me. “Shit!” I exclaimed, startled. A little of the wine
sloshed over the rim of one of the glasses, and Jane took it from
me. “You surprised me.”

“Sorry, Ryan,” she said, holding up her
glass and licking the spilled wine from the edge. “What should we
toast to?”

I leaned back against the counter and
touched the rim of my glass to hers. “Good friends.”

“To friends,” she agreed, and we both lifted
our glasses to our lips to drink.

“Well, it looks like you started without
me.” The coolness in Julia’s voice snapped my head in her
direction. Her green eyes glanced from me to Jane, noticing the
glasses in our hands. I set mine down and reached for her hand. Her
fingers were stiff as I pulled her nearer, wanting to lean in and
kiss her. To my surprise, she turned her face so my lips landed on
her cheek. My jaw set. Obviously, she was pissed at me, but I
refused to let go of her hand and started to rub small circles on
top with my thumb.

She looked beautiful, but casual, in jeans
and a vibrant moss green sweater. It was modest, but the neckline
was low enough to offer up the creamy skin of her neck to just
below her collarbones, her hair flowing in a wavy mass down to the
middle of her back. Her dark hair and wine-colored lips were a
striking contrast to the sweater, which matched her eyes. Eyes that
right now told me she wasn’t pleased. “Dinner smells delicious.” I
smiled softly at her. “I’m starving.”

Julia pulled her hand away and walked behind
me to pour wine into the waiting glass. “Thanks,” she said
caustically, taking a large drink and refilling it.

Disappointment was written all over her
face. She refused to meet my eyes, and I was practically freezing
from the cold shoulder she was presenting me with. Jane might not
notice, but I knew her too well to be fooled by the stiff façade.
I’d have to work hard to soften her up. I put up a finger to Jane,
silently asking for moment. Jane nodded and turned into the living
room as I turned toward my wife, gently nudging her shoulder with
mine. I felt her soften, if only slightly.

“Hey,” I said softly, lifting the curtain of
hair to press my lips on the warm skin of her neck. She smelled so
sweet. Like coconut shampoo and her perfume, mixed with the scent
of her skin. I could feel her pulse beneath my lips and I opened
them to flick my tongue across her skin.

“Ryan. We have a guest. Stow the PDA.” She
twisted in my arms, trying to move away, but I refused to allow it.
Her eyes flashed anger and hurt, and instantly, I felt guilty for
trying to make light of our lost evening.

“Jules, don’t be mad at me, baby. I’ll make
it up to you, I promise,” I whispered in her ear and moved to place
a soft, lingering kiss across her cheekbone. I closed my eyes as I
breathed her in, suddenly as regretful as she that we weren’t
alone. “Don’t pull away from me. At least let me touch you.” I slid
my hand down her arm and entwined my fingers with hers, my eyes
beseeching for her understanding. “I still want to touch you.”

She looked at me then, setting the glass on
the counter and facing me, letting me hold her hand. “Then you
shouldn’t have invited guests,” she sulked. “What pisses me off the
most is that I’m full of resentment and I don’t want to be! I can’t
seem to help it. But I feel like slime.”

Her large green eyes, made even more
striking by the shade of her sweater, locked with mine. I felt my
heart slam into my chest wall. “I know, honey. Our time is
precious. I get it.” I reached out to cup the side of her face and
let my thumb pull at her bottom lip. “I want to kiss you so damn
bad.”

“Just a little one,” she smiled, her full
lips curving up just a fraction. I didn’t need to hear it twice; my
head swooped so my mouth could gently taste hers in a soft caress.
Julia responded, then pulled her lips from mine and pressed her
petal soft cheek against my scruffy one, her fingers caressing the
opposite jaw.

We stood there, barely touching, but I was
reluctant to move. “We have a guest,” Julia whispered. “Go on. I’ll
get dinner on the table.”

During the meal, my gaze was drawn to the
barren tree in the entryway, bereft of ornaments and looking as sad
as the mood. Jane was upset that Daniel didn’t show despite the
conversation about work and a Master’s in Nursing course she had
decided to take. I encouraged the course. It would keep her mind
off her problems and help her move past it. I’d told her twice
already today that Daniel didn’t deserve her, so I didn’t bring it
up again. The food was amazing, the table was set with Julia’s
grandmother’s antique bone china that we’d gotten for a wedding
gift from her mother, and the Waterford crystal wine and water
glasses sparkled with the votive candles at each place setting. The
crystal vase holding a small, budget-conscious arrangement of white
poinsettias and the cheap wine were the only telltale signs that we
were on a tight budget.

I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling stiff
after the twelve-hour shift in the ER. Julia was quiet for most of
the evening. Sitting to my right and across from Jane. The position
made it hard to look at her while Jane talked on and on, but I
reached underneath the table to touch her hand or squeeze her knee
several times. Her hand covering mine, assured me that she’d
forgiven me for changing the evening plans.

“That was incredible.” My stomach was so
full I thought I’d burst. I reached out to brush the back of my
knuckles across Julia’s cheek because I couldn’t help myself. She
was so good to me. I grinned. “What’s for lunch tomorrow? No
cafeteria crap, huh?” I asked hopefully.

Julia laughed and rose to begin clearing the
table. “No. I thought I’d make a cheesesteak sandwich and there’s
an extra potato for you to take.”

“I may have to make you share, Ryan,” Jane
interjected. “You’re a wonderful hostess, Julia. Thank you.”

“My pleasure. Who wants cheesecake?”

Dinner wound down with the delicious dessert
and coffee. I glanced at my watch. Jane was still chattering on,
but as I rubbed a hand over my jaw, I hoped she’d take the hint. It
was ten and I was anxious to have the evening end. Julia was
busying herself putting things away in the kitchen and I assumed
making my lunch for the next day. I longed to be alone with her, to
explain why I invited Jane and Daniel last minute, to hold her and
make sure she knew I was feeling as shitty about the change of
events as she did.

“Is Daniel picking you up, Jane?” Daniel;
that
asshole
. Jane didn’t seem as upset as I was that the
fucker didn’t show up.

She looked pensive and shook her head. “Oh,
no. I’m taking the subway.”

I scrubbed a hand down my face in barely
concealed exasperation. The twenty-four hours of beard growth had
begun to itch. I needed a shower and a shave before I crawled under
the sheets with Julia, but now, I had to take Jane home. I couldn’t
let her ride the subway alone at this time of night. “Can you call
him?”

She rose from the table, looking down at me.
“It’s fine. I’m fine on the subway.”

Without my knowing, sometime during the
conversation, Julia had walked up behind me, and she now slid a
hand over my shoulder. I reached up and grabbed it.

“Nonsense, Jane. We’ll take you, won’t we,
Ryan?”

I pulled gently on her hand as I rose from
my chair, then sliding my arm around her waist. She leaned into me
and I glanced down into her face. I could read her like a book, but
I was thankful she said we would take Jane home; we, as in both of
us. At least I’d get to spend time with her in the car.

“I’ll drive, if you’re too tired, hon.”

“I don’t want to put you both out.” Jane
scrambled to interject, looking flustered.