You're Not Crazy - It's Your Mother (20 page)

Thumb:
I am carrying the belief that I don’t deserve to be nurtured.

Index Finger:
I am carrying the belief that I don’t deserve to be looked after.

Middle Finger:
I am carrying the belief that my self-care needs are unimportant.

Ring Finger:
I am carrying the belief that it’s not right to nurture myself … that it’s not worth it … that I am not worth it.

Little Finger:
I am carrying the belief … ever since I was a child … ever since I was a little girl … that it’s not right to nurture myself.

Karate Chop
: Even though I learned as a girl that I did not deserve to be looked after, or nurtured, or minded, I choose to know now that that is a false belief. I came to the wrong conclusion and I have believed it ever since, but it was the wrong conclusion. I saw the evidence of my mother’s neglect, and I thought it was a flaw in me, but it was a flaw in her, and I know that rationally now, and I choose to know it in my body as well, and in my subconscious, I choose to relearn the truth.

Inner Eye:
I now release this belief that I don’t deserve to be looked after.

Outer Eye:
I now delete it and erase it.

Under Eye:
It’s not true, and it doesn’t serve me, so why carry it any more?

Nose:
I am carrying a little girl’s mistake ever since I made it.

Chin:
It was reasonable of that little girl to come to that wrong conclusion, but it was still a wrong conclusion, and I don’t want to carry it any more.

Collarbone:
I am asking my subconscious now, to delete and erase the belief that I don’t deserve nurturing or looking after.

Underarm:
I am asking my subconscious now to let that belief go. It’s not a true belief.

Thumb:
I am releasing the belief that I don’t deserve to be nurtured or looked after.

Index Finger:
I am releasing that belief now. It’s not true and it doesn’t serve me.

Middle Finger:
I am letting that belief go now.

Ring Finger:
Deleting and erasing that belief.

Little Finger:
Letting it go – letting it all go now.

Karate Chop:
I am letting every last bit of that belief go now.

Karate Chop:
Even though I had been carrying the belief … that I don’t deserve to be nurtured or looked after … I choose to let that belief go now … and I am installing the belief that I DO deserve …. to be nurtured and looked after.

Even though I was carrying this false belief … I am letting it all go now … I am deleting and erasing it … and I am choosing to know that I DO deserve to be nurtured and looked after … and that my self-care needs ARE important … and that it’s okay to look after myself.

Inner Eye:
I am now installing the belief … that it’s okay to look after myself.

Outer Eye:
That it’s more than okay to nurture myself.

Under Eye:
That I do deserve to be looked after.

Nose:
That I do deserve that my needs are met.

Chin:
That I do deserve … to find it easy … to look after my self-care needs.

Collarbone:
That I DO deserve to be looked after … and nurtured … especially by me.

Underarm:
I’m installing that belief now … in my body … and my subconscious.

Thumb:
I am installing the belief that I DO deserve to be nurtured.

Index Finger:
And I DO deserve to be looked after.

Middle Finger:
And I DO deserve to have my self-care needs met.

Ring Finger:
I do deserve to be looked after.

Little Finger:
I do deserve to be nurtured.

Karate Chop:
I do deserve to have my self-care needs met.

Karate Chop:
I choose to find it very easy to meet my self-care needs.

Inner Eye:
I choose to be amazed and delighted … at how easy I find it … to meet my self-care needs.

Outer Eye:
I choose to find it very easy … and effortless even … to meet my self-care needs.

Under Eye:
I choose to be amazed and delighted … how easy it is to meet my self-care needs.

Nose:
I choose to experience … that every day … it is easier and easier … to meet my self-care needs.

Chin:
I choose to find … that it becomes more and more effortless … to meet my self-care needs.

Collarbone:
I choose to find that every day … it is easier … for me to meet my self-care needs … and to nurture myself … and to look after myself …

Underarm:
I choose to find that I even enjoy meeting my self-care needs … and nurturing myself.

Thumb:
I choose to find it easy … effortless … and enjoyable … to meet my self-care needs.

Index Finger:
I choose to find that it is easy … effortless … and enjoyable to meet my self-care needs.

Middle Finger:
I choose to find that it is easy … enjoyable … and effortless to meet my self-care needs.

Ring Finger:
I choose to find that it is easy … effortless … and enjoyable … to meet my self-care needs.

Little Finger:
I choose to be amazed and delighted … how in every day … it gets easier and easier … and more and more effortless … to nurture myself … and look after myself … and meet my self-care needs.

TAP AWAY THE USELESS HOPE SHE’LL CHANGE

Karate Chop:
Even though I know that this hope that my mother will love me, and be the kind, loving, interested, nurturing mother that I so want, need, and deserve … even though that hope is a vain one, and I know it’s a vain one, it’s too hard to let it go. The alternative is accepting that I will never, ever have a mother, and that’s too hard for me to face.

Even though I just cannot let go of this hope – no matter that I know it would free me – I love and accept myself anyway.

Even though I keep clinging to this hope, despite everything, despite all the evidence, and I know it’s not doing me any favours, I love and accept myself anyway.

Inner Eye:
I’m clinging to this hope.

Outer Eye:
I can’t let go the hope she’ll change …

Under Eye:
…because what will I be left with then?

Nose:
I’ll be left with no mother.

Chin:
And I know that’s what I have now, even with the hope …

Collarbone:
… but I’ll have to face the fact that I never will have a mother.

Underarm:
I don’t want to let go of the hope. It means giving up. I’m not ready to do that, even though I know it would free me.

Thumb:
I keep clinging to this hope.

Index Finger:
I cannot let go of the hope. .

Middle Finger:
I need the hope … even though I know it costs me so much.

Ring Finger:
I need the hope … even though it keeps be banging against a locked door … crying to be let in. Maybe the door will open

sometime if I bang long enough, or loud enough.

Little Finger:
I cannot let go of this hope. It means accepting that I will never have a mother

Karate Chop:
Even though I need to cling to this hope, I love and accept myself anyway.

Even though I’m clinging to the hope, but I know there’s no hope really, I love and accept myself anyway.

Even though I keep clinging to this hope, despite all the evidence, hoping that she will become the loving mother I need, I love and

accept myself anyway.

Inner Eye:
I have to cling to the hope.

Outer Eye:
I need to keep hoping.

Under Eye:
I cannot give up.

Nose:
Some day I might find the magic words, or the right phrase, or the right level of passion, or whatever it takes, to get through to her.

Chin:
Some day it might all work out, if I keep trying. If I give up hope, it’ll never work out. I’ll never have the mother I need, want and

deserve.

Collarbone:
Rationally I know that I will never have that mother anyway, whether I keep hoping or not. She is not capable of being that

mother.

Underarm:
All the hope does is to keep me trapped.

Thumb:
It keeps me banging against a locked door.

Index Finger:
Or like a bird constantly banging against a window, trying to get out.

Middle Finger:
What I tried before did not work. But if I try it harder, or again,
this
time it might work. That is the hope.

Ring Finger:
But no matter how hard, or consistently, that bird bangs against the window, it will never open.

Little Finger:
The only source of freedom for that bird is to find another way out, to look for the open window or the open doorway.

Karate Chop:
And maybe that applies to me too. I’m looking for love from my mother in order to be happy, but maybe I need to find my

happiness somewhere else.

Inner Eye
: By constantly going to an empty well, I’m using a lot of energy and focus, and time, that could be spent looking for happiness

elsewhere.

Outer Eye:
Even, looking for happiness within. Maybe I could be my own mother.

Under Eye:
Maybe I could let go of this hope now. It really is not serving me.

Nose:
I would like to be free. Free of the treadmill of looking for her approval and her love and her respect and her kindness.

Chin:
But I know those things don’t even exist. She cannot give me what she does not have.

Collarbone:
So maybe I could let go of the hope. It is not doing me any favours. It is trapping me.

Underarm:
Maybe I could accept the truth, and the truth will set me free, like a bird who has finally found the open window.

Thumb:
Maybe I could let go of the hope. It is a false hope.  It is a useless hope. It is trapping me.

Index Finger:
Maybe I could accept that she will never be the mother I need, she will never be the mother I want. She will never, ever, be the

mother I deserve.

Middle Finger:
I can wish that weren’t so. I do wish it weren’t so. But it is reality.

Ring Finger:
And there is no point arguing with reality.

Little Finger
:  Maybe I could give up the hope, and the truth shall set me free.

**Take a deep breath here. And as you exhale, visualise the stale useless hope flooding out of you as you breathe out**

Karate Chop:
Even though I’m still carrying this hope, I’d like to let it go now. It does not serve me. It is not my friend.

Even though I’m still carrying this left-over hope – I’ve done it for so long, it feels comfortable. It will feel strange without the hope.

But I’d like to let it go anyway. I’ll get used to being without it and it will be fun and exciting to explore all the different ways I

can be without being trapped in this false hope.

Even though I am still holding onto this hope, I’m choosing to let it go now – it is not my friend, it is keeping me trapped. I will be

far better off without it.

Inner Eye:
Releasing this hope now.

Outer Eye:
Letting the hope go now.

Under Eye:
Letting that old, stale, putrid, gone-off hope go now.

Nose:
Freeing myself from that false hope.

Chin:
Freeing myself from this hope that will never come true.

Collarbone:
Choosing to accept the reality that she will never be the mother I want, need, and deserve. Yes, that hurts. But banging against that

window, banging against that locked door, has hurt so much too.