Wishes and Tears (29 page)

‘I'm so sorry for what I said, but you see I was really worried.' Paula sat down and tears began to stream down her cheeks.

Janet sat beside her. ‘What about? Is it Trevor?'

Paula shook her head.

Janet gave her a tissue and Paula blew her nose.

‘Please tell me what's wrong.'

‘I was just being silly. You see, I've got this lump, and well, I thought it was getting bigger.'

‘Where?' asked Janet in alarm.

Paula pointed to her left breast.

Janet sat stunned. ‘Have you told your doctor?'

Paula nodded. ‘I went to see him today.'

‘What did he say?'

‘Said it was nothing to worry about. It was probably my milk ducts.'

‘He could be right.'

‘I know. But somehow ... I'm very worried about it.'

‘How long have you felt it?'

‘About six weeks now.'

‘Six weeks!' screamed Janet. ‘And you've kept it to yourself ?'

She nodded. ‘At first I didn't see any point in making a fuss. But it is getting bigger.'

‘No wonder you've been a bit sharp. Paula, you should have said something.'

‘I didn't want to make a fuss.'

‘Can you get tomorrow off work?'

‘If need be. Why?'

‘I'll try and have a word with Dr Parker.'

‘What will he do?'

‘He'll have a look and confirm what your doctor has told you.'

‘Is he a mother and baby doctor?'

‘No. But he's very patient and good at sorting out things.'

‘What kind of things?'

‘He looks at all sorts of lumps and bumps.'

Paula sat very still and quietly asked, ‘Is he a cancer doctor?'

‘No. Well, in a way, yes.'

‘Is that what you think it might be?'

‘No, I don't,' said Janet forcefully. ‘But that's what you're thinking, isn't it?'

Paula nodded.

‘Well, in that case we had better make sure you can put that idea right out of your mind.'

‘But what if ... ?'

‘I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.'

Paula put her arm round Janet. ‘I'm so glad I've got you to talk to. I feel awful about last night. I didn't think you'd want to see me again.'

Janet smiled. ‘If you think one little outburst is going to put me off, then you don't really know me.' Janet held her close. She was fighting back her tears. ‘Now, what about this coffee?'

 

It was well into the night before Janet reluctantly left. All the way home her mind was going over and over the evening. What torment had Paula been going through? Why had she kept this to herself for so long? At least now she was able to share her anxieties.

Janet would go in to work early tomorrow and see Dr Parker before he started his rounds. He was a very busy man but she knew she could get him to see Paula, who had decided to go to work and wait for Janet's call, just in case the doctor couldn't see her right away.

They had to know for sure.

Janet's mind was in a muddle. All kinds of thoughts kept coming into it and she tried to banish them away. God couldn't be that cruel to take ...

‘Please,' she said out loud. ‘Please don't let it be ...' She couldn't say the word.

Danny looked at his watch: six o'clock. Mondays were always dead, and he'd promised Tina he'd try to get home early. It was hot and he felt tetchy. He'd been dealing with a difficult supplier all day and still hadn't got the part he wanted.

He was just locking the office door when a car drew into the courtyard. He cursed under his breath. He didn't want anybody wasting time looking over cars they had no intention of buying.

The driver got out and for a moment he stood looking at Danny. Then the man, who was slightly greying at the temples, came up and shook Danny's hand. Danny was speechless.

‘Hi there, me old mate. Long time no see,' he said with a slight Canadian twang.

‘Mark! What the bloody hell are you doing here?'

‘That is just the sort of welcome I'd expect from you.' To Mark the years just fell away; it was as though he had never left. ‘So, you still own this place then?'

Danny threw his arms round Mark's shoulders and held him close. ‘It's good to see you, me old mucker. Why didn't you let me know? How're you doing then?' Danny was pumping his arm up and down.

‘Not bad. Not bad at all.'

‘So what you doing over here, and why ain't you ever written?'

‘It's a long, long story.'

‘Where are you staying? Can you spare the time to come and have a drink?'

‘I thought you'd never ask.'

‘Look, I'll just go and phone the wife.'

Mark grinned. ‘So you're married then? Who's the lucky girl?'

‘Tina, you don't know her. Come in the office.' Danny opened the door.

‘I must say you've certainly tarted the place up a bit since I was here last,' said Mark, looking around. ‘Wasn't sure you'd still be here; thought you'd be in the nick by now.'

‘Thanks. I might tell you I'm a respectable trader now.'

Mark laughed. ‘Wasn't sure I was at the right place. Even the office looks smart.'

‘I had to get a new one; the last one was falling down.'

‘You've got some pretty good cars out there.'

‘Gone a bit upmarket.'

‘I can see that. Got a partner yet?'

‘Na. Rather go it alone. You're looking good, Mark.'

‘So are you.'

‘Getting a bit grey round the edges now.'

‘Aren't we both?' Mark ran his fingers over his hair. ‘Still, you look very prosperous.'

‘I mustn't grumble.' He picked up the phone and dialled. ‘Hello, love, it's me. Look, I'll probably be home late tonight. Yes, I know I did but something's come up. Do you remember Mark? Janet's Mark.' Danny noted Mark's head shot up at Janet's name. ‘Yes, that's the one. Well, he's here, bold as brass and twice as handsome. We're going for a drink.' There was a long pause. ‘That's none of our business,' he said, turning his back on Mark. ‘Yes, I'll get a cab. Kiss Jason good night for me. Bye.' He replaced the phone and turned to Mark. ‘Right, that's settled.'

‘You've got kids?' asked Mark.

‘Two, a boy and a girl.' He proudly handed Mark one of the pictures on his desk. ‘That's Jason - he's six - and that's Emma. She's fourteen now and a right little madam.'

‘They look great kids and your wife is certainly a stunner. How did you manage to get one as good-looking as that?'

Danny laughed. ‘It's me charm and you can keep your eyes off her.'

‘Well, I never pictured you as a family man.'

‘What about you, you got any kids?'

‘No.' Mark's reply was short. ‘Now, how about this drink?'

‘Leave your car here. We can walk round the corner. Where're you staying tonight?'

‘Don't know yet.'

‘Why don't you come back to my place?'

‘I can't do that.'

‘Why not?'

‘Your wife might not like it.'

‘She won't mind. I' 11 give her a ring later and tell her.'

When they were finally seated in the pub with their drinks, Danny began asking questions.

‘Anyway, what you doing back here?'

‘I came over this time for my dad's funeral.'

‘You've been back before this then?'

‘Once or twice.'

‘I'm sorry to hear about your dad.'

Mark shrugged. ‘It happens to us all. Anyway, I thought that after all these years I'd bury the hatchet and come and look you up. Not that I really thought you'd still be at the same place.'

‘Well, I'll be buggered, after all this time. I never thought I'd see you again after the to-do we had when you left here. By the way, that bloke didn't have a driving licence; he couldn't drive. He got sent down.'

‘I was a bit hasty over that.'

‘And leaving Jan. That was a rotten thing to do.'

‘You know about that?' Mark looked surprised.

‘She did tell me.'

‘I never thought I' d ever hear of her again. She left Stowford and nobody knew where she'd gone.' He looked into his glass and gently swirled the beer round.

‘Did you try to find her then?'

He nodded. ‘I made a few enquiries some years back.'

‘Well, it's all water under the bridge now.' Danny decided he had better not pursue that line of conversation and quickly said, ‘So, are you married? Have you brought the missis over here?'

‘No, I'm not married now. I was, but it didn't work out.'

‘Sorry to hear about that.'

‘I've got a good job, though.'

‘Still in the car game?'

‘Yes. I'm a manager of a big firm, leasing and that sort of thing. They've got branches in the States. We do a lot of business down there.'

‘So, how long you over here for?'

‘About six weeks all told.'

‘Blimey, that must be a good firm. With pay?'

Mark nodded. ‘I had a lot of holidays due, and at this time of the year when the weather starts to turn, that's when I normally go to the States for them. This year they didn't mind me coming back over here first.'

Danny noted he didn't say home. ‘Where're you living then?'

‘Toronto.'

‘Is it all right?'

‘It's great. Don't think I could live back here, not now. How long have you been hitched then?'

‘A few years.'

‘Still living in the same house?' ‘Yer. Had quite a bit of work done on it, had an extension added, and a swimming pool.'

Mark gave a low whistle. ‘A pool, now that has to be something. Is it indoors?'

‘No, worse luck, but I might see if I can get a dome or something over it so we can use it all year round. What's your place like?'

‘Just a town house, but I've got a cabin in the mountains that I use at weekends. It's great in the summer and good for skiing in the winter.'

‘Sounds good.'

‘You'll have to come over sometime. The cabin's by a lake and in the summer the swimming and the fishing's fantastic.'

As the evening wore on the drinks set them off reminiscing. They talked about their days way back in the army where they met, and then when Danny first started his car business.

‘You had some right old heaps in those days,' said Mark.

Danny laughed. ‘It paid off, though.'

‘And what about the grotty flat?'

‘You should have seen it when Jan lived there.'

‘Jan lived in it? She came to London?' Mark had been deliberately avoiding asking about her. ‘Do you still see her?'

‘We're good mates.'

‘How is she?'

‘Very well. She never married.'

Mark looked into his glass. ‘Where is she now?'

‘Not far away. Got a nice little house and she works at the hospital. Her and Paula come over quite a bit.'

‘Do you know why I went away?'

‘It was over the car thing and Jan looking for her daughter, wasn't it?'

‘You knew she had a daughter?'

‘Not till you went off.'

‘She told you?' Mark put his drink down in surprise.

‘You were a bastard over that and she needed a shoulder to cry on. She came up here to live and work and to track down Paula. It took her a long time.'

‘She found her?' His voice was full of astonishment.

‘It took years, but yes, she found her. Jan is a very determined lady.'

‘Is she keeping well?' he asked softly.

Danny smiled. ‘I should say so. She still looks good and she's gonner be a granny. Look, why don't you stay up here for a day or two, then I can get her to meet you somewhere?'

‘No. No, I can't. I don't want to intrude on her life, not after all this time.'

‘Don't be daft. She'll be pleased to see you, and I'm sure she don't hold any grudges. Jan's not like that.'

‘You seem to know her pretty well.' Mark drained his glass.

‘As I said, I was there when she needed a shoulder to cry on. I've got a very soft spot for Jan, and I would have married her at one time if she'd given me half a chance.'

‘What does your wife think of that?'

‘She loves Jan, and Paula. All the family do. I still think Jan's carrying a torch for you.'

‘Don't talk daft. After all these years?'

‘She never married. She's a smashing person.'

‘You sound as if you're carrying the torch.'

‘I did for a good many years, before Tina came on the scene, but no, not now. Look, I'll phone Tina and we can go home and finish our drinking there.'

When Danny went to the phone Mark sat and thought about Janet. What did she look like now? She would no longer be that slim young girl he knew and had loved. Danny had said she was going to be a granny. Had her daughter been pleased to see her? Did her son-in-law approve of what she had done all those years ago? Was she still angry with him after the way he had treated her? His mother had told him that she had left Stowford the day after he did and nobody had heard a word from her since. Did she know her father had passed away? Had she lived in London all this time? He would like to see her again, but did she want to see him?