Waiting for Him (Waiting Series Book 3) (9 page)

      “He’s so little,” He says. “I’ve never seen a newborn before.”

      “He weighs eight pounds five ounces, so he’s a pretty good sized baby. If she had carried him for two more weeks, he might have weighed over nine pounds.”

      Shelby slowly begins to wake up and when she sees Jeff, her whole face lights up with a beaming smile aimed in his direction. I can’t help but feel jealous that she’s so happy to see him. I only want her to be that way with me. Jeff looks equally ecstatic to see her and he takes her gently into his arms, holding her close. He’s tenderly stroking her hair and I can tell how much he still loves Shelby, just by the way he is with her. Then again, who wouldn’t fall in love with her? She’s one of a kind and after being away from her for three plus years, I know this better than anyone.

      Jeff remains at the hospital for another hour and then he takes a cab back to his friend Lee’s apartment, where he’s staying. I settle into the uncomfortable recliner for the night, in spite of Shelby urging me to go home. I know that Liam’s going to wake up at some point and I don’t want her to have to get out of bed to get him from his bassinet. I know she’s in horrible pain, even with the Percocet they’re giving her. There isn’t anything that can make the pain of having your organs rearranged, go away.

      Liam wakes up twice during the night and both times I helped Shelby get him situated in her arms so he could nurse. The sight of our baby at her breast made me fall even more in love with her…if that’s even possible. I’m so far gone now, I’ll never come back from this if she continues to push me away. I can’t handle her moving on again and spending her life with someone else. I’ve begun to feel a sense of hope since Jeff moved to Florida and he’s no longer in the picture. I think even if he hadn’t moved, Shelby was done with him. Once she found out he was responsible for breaking us up, she wrote him off as anything more than a friend. Honesty is very important to her and he broke her trust in the worst way. Some betrayals are so hurtful that you can never come back from them. Although I’d forgive Shelby for just about anything if it meant, I got to spend the rest of my life with her and Liam.

Chapter Fourteen

Shelby

     
Liam and I spent three nights in the hospital and then we were released on Monday morning. Jeff had to fly back to Florida on Sunday night so Garrett is the one who takes us home. He made sure that I had everything I needed for Liam to be discharged. He even had the car seat base installed at the police department by a friend of his to make sure that it was fastened correctly; which I think is so sweet. He’s going to be a great dad if Liam is indeed his. Both guys gave DNA samples for the paternity test and we’re supposed to have the results by the end of this week. My dad knows someone that put a rush on the test for him. It’s strange to me that I find myself hoping that Jeff isn’t Liam’s father. After the last three years, we spent together and how happy we were, this makes me feel a certain sense of guilt. I feel like he deserves better than this from me. I have no control over what my heart wants and it appears to want Garrett to be the one to raise Liam with me. It’s not just because Jeff is now living in Florida and I don’t want to have to move there. Maybe it’s because part of me resents him for his manipulative behavior. It could be any number of reasons, but the main one is that I have never gotten over Garrett and I probably never will. I’m hopeful that Liam is his son and then I’ll always have a piece of him. I want to be connected to him for the rest of my life, but I’m too scared to put myself out there again. Instead, I’ll settle for sharing custody of Liam and working together to raise him.

      When we first get to my apartment, I decide to feed Liam and get him down for his nap. Once I take care of both of those things, I lay down on the couch and turn the television on. My eyes are already feeling heavy and we just got home.
What the hell?
I’m not used to being this exhausted all the time. Apparently, having major surgery takes a lot out of you.

      Garrett soon covers me with a blanket and sits down on the couch, carefully placing my feet in his lap. He begins rubbing my arches in a circular motion, with his thumbs and I groan from how wonderful it feels.

      “That feels amazing and it’s just what I needed. Please don’t stop.” It’s only a few more minutes before I drift off to sleep, my feet still in his lap.

      When I wake up, I find Garrett asleep with his head tilted back on the edge of the couch. His neck is pushed forward at such an awkward angle, he’s sure to be sore from sleeping in this position. My feet are still resting in his lap and his hands are resting on my bare calves. The skin on my legs feels warm and tingly from his touch and it brings back memories of other times his hands were on my naked body. I feel flushed just thinking about it and I’m sure the fact that my hormones are completely out of whack isn’t helping any. I slide my legs off of him and slowly roll to my side before pushing myself up with both of my arms. I’m still extremely sore from the surgery, so all the movements I make are slow and careful.

Garrett wakes up as soon as I stand up from the couch.    

      “Where are you going?’ He asks me, his voice still husky from sleep.

      “I need to check on Liam, and I’m going to make a grocery list. I know I’m out of a lot of things.”

      “I gave Greyson a list of stuff to buy when you were in the hospital and he went grocery shopping for you. He came over and filled up the fridge and freezer with tons of food. You should be all set for a while.”

      “Wow, thank you. That was really sweet and thoughtful of you. I’ll have to thank Grey when I see him.” I walk away from the couch and head into Liam’s room to make sure he’s fine and I find him lying there wide awake. I’m shocked that he’s not crying with hunger and that he’s content to just hang out in his bassinet. I hope this is a sign that he’ll be a good natured baby. I reach down and scoop him up gently, cooing to him.

      “Hello, beautiful boy. Do you know how much your mommy loves you?” He looks up at me and repeatedly blinks as if he’s trying to focus his eyes. I lay him on the changing table and make quick work of putting on a new diaper. I wrap him up in his blanket, cuddling him close as I sit down in my new glider to breastfeed him.

***

      Garrett made us sandwiches for dinner and we ate them on the couch while watching mindless television. The pain medication I’m taking is kicking my ass, so before I fall asleep on the couch, I decide to turn in for the night. Liam is fed and already asleep. I know I probably only have a few hours if I’m lucky before he’s crying with hunger.

      “Thanks for all your help, Garrett. Will you lock the door when you leave?” He looks at me like what I’m saying is crazy.

“Shelby, I’m not leaving. I’m staying here with you guys for the time being. You just had major surgery and you should be taking it easy.” I shake my head knowing this is a bad idea.

      “You’re being silly. Go home, I’ve got this. I don’t need you to stay here and babysit me. I’m fine. You’re welcome to come over whenever you want, but I certainly don’t need twenty-four hour a day help.” Nor do I want it. He can’t spend that much time here because then I’ll get used to it and come to depend on him. It’ll make me long for things with him that I don’t want to and then when he leaves, I’ll be crushed, all over again. As much as I love the idea of him staying here, I have to protect my heart from further damage.

      “Shelby, I’m not leaving. You just got out of the hospital and I want to make sure you’re fine before I go home. I’m at least staying here for this first week and then we can play it by ear from that point on.” I open my mouth to argue with him and he holds up his hand to stop me.

“I’m not leaving. I’m done talking about this with you. Say thank you and goodnight like a good girl and go get some sleep.” I scowl with anger at his last remark and I bite my tongue because I want to flip out on him for being a condescending asshole. Instead, I walk away and leave him to fend for himself.

      The next few days pass much the same and it’s now Friday. Garrett is still here and he doesn’t seem like he’s planning to go home anytime soon. He only leaves my apartment to run errands for me or to get more clothes for himself. As much as it pains me to admit this having him here has been a huge help. If I hadn’t delivered Liam by C-section, then I wouldn’t need his assistance, but my stomach is still sore, so every little bit he does is greatly appreciated.

      Today is our appointment to find out the paternity of Liam. I’m trying not to think about it, even though it’s very much on my mind. I know that I have no control over the results and I’m wasting my time and energy thinking about it. Whatever will be, will be. I have to look on the bright side of all of this. At least, Jeff and Garrett are both fantastic guys. Liam is lucky to have either one of them as a father.

***

      Garrett and I are sitting in my obstetrician’s office. He was the doctor that ordered the paternity test for us so we had to come here for the results.  I’m gnawing on my fingernail and my right leg is bouncing up and down with nervous energy. Garrett places his hand on my thigh and gently squeezes my leg. I look over at him, my eyes big and filled with worry.

      “Hey, calm down. No matter what happens with the results, everything will be okay. I’m not going to disappear if I’m not Liam’s father.” He caresses my cheek so whisper soft with his fingertips, it’s as if I’ve imagined his touch.

      The doctor chooses that exact moment to knock on the door. I think it’s funny that he’s knocking on his own office door and a tiny giggle leaves me. Garrett looks at me questioningly, but it’s too much work to explain what goes on in my crazy mind.

      “Good afternoon Shelby, Garrett.” He says, nodding in each of our direction. “I’m sure you guys are anxious to get right to the reason for this visit so I won’t waste any of your time. I’m going to give you guys the results so you can look them over for a few minutes while I step out and take care of another matter. When I come back, I can answer any questions that you may have.” He hands me a white envelope and my hand shakes as I accept it. It’s your basic plain white business envelope; it looks deceivingly harmless from the outside, but the inside controls so much of Liam and my future. I sit and stare at it as the doctor leaves the room. Garrett finally breaks me from my frozen state.

      “Shelby, do you want me to open it?” His brow is raised as he affectionately rubs my arm and waits for my answer.

      “No, I’ll do it,” I say as I tear open the envelope. I open the trifold piece of paper and read the most important sentence.
The father of Liam Tyler is Garrett Hanlon.
I look at Garrett with tears welling in my eyes and hand him the page, before throwing my arms around him.

      “What’s going on Shelby?” I start to sob uncontrollably in his arms and he holds me close, still clinging to the piece of paper.

      “You’re…Liam’s……father.” I manage to choke out as I cry copious amounts of tears all over his blue polo shirt. His arms squeeze me impossibly tight, almost to the point of pain before he says anything.

      “Oh my God, I am?” He laughs with total happiness before pushing me away. He cups my wet cheeks with both of his palms and studies my face for a moment.

“I can’t believe he’s mine.” He shakes his head, a small, contemplative smile on his lips. “I felt it in my heart, but I was so afraid to let myself believe it. I’m so happy he’s mine.” Tears start to fall from his eyes as he pulls me in for another hug. “Can we go home now? I just want to hold our son.”

      When we get back to the apartment, Liam is being cuddled in Hailey’s arms and she’s wearing a contented smile on her lips. She looks disappointed that we’re back so soon and her greeting confirms it.

      “What are you guys doing home already? I wanted more time with my nephew.” She pouts. I smile at her and take in how natural she looks holding a baby. I wonder when she and Cory will decide to have one of their own?

      “Well, sorry to disappoint you, but we wanted to come home and see our son,” I say, using Garrett’s same words. It sounds amazing to my ears and Hailey’s eyes open wide when she realizes what it means. She pauses and looks to me as if she wants to make sure I’m happy with the way things turned out. I smile at her and nod my head to let her know it’s all good.

      “Congratulations Garrett. You must be ecstatic.” She flashes a smile at him and he nods his head.

      “I am; I can’t believe it’s true. I mean I hoped it was, but I didn’t dare think about it too much…just in case, I wasn’t. I don’t want to be a jerk and steal him from you, but I’d really like to hold my son, right now.” He tells Hailey, a sheepish smile on his face. She stands up with Liam in her arms and smoothly transfers him over to Garrett. She walks over and gives me a hug, squeezing me close.

      “I’m happy for you guys. Now stop being such a stubborn ass and get your man.” She whispers in my ear. I don’t answer her. I know she means well, but now isn’t the time for us to get into it.

***

      Garrett and I spend the rest of the afternoon with Liam, and neither one of us can get enough of him. When he finally goes down for the night, I know that I have to call Jeff and give him the news. I don’t want to have to make this call. I’m not sure how he’s going to take what I have to tell him.

      He answers his cell immediately and I feel as though I’m going to throw up.

      “Hey baby, how did it go today?” He asks, giving me the perfect opening to break his heart.

      “Hey, it went fine.” I pause for a moment and then I just blurt it out. “Garrett is Liam’s father. I’m sorry, Jeff.” I bite my lip and wait for him to say something and end this awkward silence. I can hear his breathing on the line, but that’s all.

“Jeff, say something please.” I plead.

      “What do you want me to say? I’m devastated. I really thought that Liam was mine and that somehow all of this would work out in our favor.”

      “Jeff, I’m so sorry. I wish there were something that I could say to make this better for you.”

      “So what does this mean for us, Shelby? Have you given any thought to moving down here with me?”
Shit, shit, shit.
I don’t want to have to get into this with him right now, but I guess I have no choice.

      “I can’t move down there. My life is here, Jeff. You know that. I’ve never been anything but honest about not wanting to move to Florida.”

      “Okay, well then I guess this is the end of any future you and I might’ve had. I have no plans to move back there and you don’t want to come here so let’s just call it a wash. I think I need some time before we talk again. This is all a lot for me to deal with. I love you and I always will, but we can’t be in contact if I hope to ever get over you. If we talk, it’ll just hurt me more. I need a clean break from you...from us.” His tone is harsh and matter of fact, nothing like the way my J talks to me
. He’s not yours anymore.
I have to remind myself that we were through before today, he just didn’t want to admit that we were.

      “I understand J, and I hope that in time, we can be friends again. I’m always going to love you. I wish things had gone differently for us…I trail off, not knowing what to say.