Unraveling of Avery Snow, The (13 page)

Chapter Twenty-One

Celebration

We arrived early, and even before some of the guests. We stayed in the car and waited before we got out. I watched some of the guests who stood around talking about how beautiful the ceremony was. Landon’s phone buzzed; he checked it. A text. I couldn’t read who it was from but when he glared at me I knew. Dallas.

“Did you and Dal get in a fight?” he asked me. I shrugged. I didn’t feel like getting into it
, especially not now. We were supposed to be having a good time, not talking about things like this.

“Avery, he is upset. You should call him.”

“Why do you care so much?” I asked firmly. “You have no idea how he spoke to me. So stop taking his side.”

He leaned over and
looked me in the eyes before he responded. “What did he say?”

“He is talking to that girl
Sarah about our relationship. And he says that I am not being supportive. I just don’t think New York is a good idea, that’s all.”

“Do you think it’s not a good idea because you don’t want to lose him? Or because you’re looking out for his best interest?” I tried to respond but my voice didn’t seem to work. I knew the answer. I didn’t want to lose him. Maybe I wasn’t being 100% supportive. Perhaps my
selfishness clouded my judgment.

“He shouldn’t be talking to a stranger about our relationship,” I mumbled.

“Yes, you’re right about that, but you have nothing to worry about there. That girl is super strange.” So he thought the same about her that Ianni did. This girl was mysterious, that was for sure.

“Look, I am not the best person to talk to about relationships
, but I do know Dallas.  He wants this for all the right reasons; he is ready.” He looked out his window. “He is ready to expand his future. Maybe he isn’t being the best boyfriend though.” Finally he saw what I did. Dallas had changed.

“I get that he is ready for this
, but him loving me isn’t the only thing I want in him right now. I need him to be an active partner. Does that make sense?” He nodded. He understood me, finally. And I was relieved that he saw it my way. He wasn’t taking his side because they were family. He was seeing what I was seeing, because maybe he was feeling the same way about him. They used to be closer and I could see that their relationship had changed.

“We better get inside. The others are here,” he said as he got out and left me in the car alone. I pulled my cell out of my purse and turned it on. Seven missed calls and even m
ore texts. The last one reading:

‘
Princess, I was wrong. I see that now. I just want what’s best for me. I never meant to hurt you. I have to do what I need to for my future.
’

What the hell did that mean? Does that mean that he is breaking up with me? He wanted what was best for him. A lump formed in my throat
as I fought the tears. I text back, ‘What does that mean?’ I waited for a response but it never came.




Ianni
stood waiting for me with Beau on her arm. He looked dashing beside her, they looked great together. So what if Dallas wasn’t here! I was going to celebrate with my friends.

They announced us as we walked in and
we took our seats at the head table. Then Kerri and Justin were announced as ‘Mr. and Mrs. White.’ This was a time for festivity, not worry. I was elated to be here as her Maid of Honor.

The music began
and they started their first dance as husband and wife. Then we all took our places on the dance floor and we danced. Jeff sadly stepped on my toes every chance he got. “I’m sorry,” he apologized. I swayed to the music and prayed for a fast song so I could be away from toe-stepper over here. Finally the music changed and I broke free from Jeff and found Kerri and Ianni and we danced to the beats. I noticed Landon had latched himself on Astrid. They moved along with each other, making the green monster come show his face within me. I looked away and focused on Kerri.

By the end of the night my feet ached so badly that I ditched my shoes. I found
Ianni and Beau making out in a corner so I let them be. Kerri and Justin had left for their honeymoon to Hawaii. We had sent them off after Jeff and I decorated the car with cans and paint. I cried when she left. Only tears of happiness. I couldn’t find Landon or Astrid. I figured they took off together to go practice making those blonde babies.

I was stuck here with the leftovers of food and I started to stuff my miserable face.

“Beautiful wedding, wasn’t it?” Sue asked, catching me mid-bite. I nodded because my mouth was too full to talk. She smiled at me and cocked her head to the side.

“Your aura has changed. It’s not blue any longer,” she said.

“Oh yeah? What color is it now?”

“Dark, because you’re not very happy
, are you?” I shook my head. There was no sense in lying to her. She would know. Heck, anyone could see I was miserable as I shoveled food in my mouth. I set down the puff pastries and sat in a chair next to her.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Sure, anything,” I said.

“When you were with that boy Landon your
auras were one in the same. They were different colors, yours blue, his bright orange, but they burned the same way,” she paused. “They were like twin flames. He is not just a friend, is he?”

Shocked
, I didn’t have the words for her question.

“You don’t have to answer. I know you are akin to what I am saying. You’re both meant for each other, yet you don’t do anything about it. Why?” She sure could talk. This woman was very smart and I knew she was onto us. She could tell we were twin souls.

“I know what he is to me.” I looked away and saw the crowd had dwindled down. I was now stuck here without a car. Everyone was leaving.

“You’re a lucky woman to have found him,
so don’t let him leave your side,” she told me. “Ah, I am getting another reading from you.” Her eyes closed and she held her head. I watched in anticipation, waiting for her to tell me something. I hoped that maybe it was a message from my mother.

“Do you
know why you kept reawakening?”

“Reawakening?” I didn’t recognize the term.

“Yes, it means why you left Heaven to come back here. Do you know why you continued to do it?”

“No,
I don’t know why. I only assumed it was because I wanted a different life, one without him,” I admitted. She laughed and shook her head.

“No
, my dear, it’s not because of him at all. It’s because of you,” she said as she placed her hand in mine. “You wanted to change yourself. You wanted to be with him, but you would look back upon yourself and you wanted to change.”

“I don’t understand,” I admitted. Why would I change
myself? When I looked back on my lives I wasn’t that bad. Was I?

“You didn’t live the life you wanted. When you were Claire you were selfish and undeserving. Then when you were Emily, you
hurt someone; someone who killed himself.” As she said it chills went up my spine. “As Elsie you didn’t have any children and you died of cancer. You wanted to change your path.”

“So wait,” I said. I wanted to clarify what she was saying to me. “You’re saying that it was about me, not about him?” She nodded and
squeezed my hands.

“It was never about him. You were always happy with him. And you forever will be. Now live the life you set out to live!”

“What life would that be?” I asked.

“One that focuses on you
and has nothing to do with all of this despair you carry around. Find Avery, and let go of the past. Then, and only then, will you be truly happy.”

It was all so clear to me now. I never wanted to be without Henry, Cooper
, or Adam. I was happy with them. I wasn’t happy with myself. I wanted to live a different life for me. I wanted to better the way I treated others and myself. When I think back on this life I have neglected myself.

I have carried the weight of losing my mother around on my shoulders. I have had a hard time having fun. Letting go of my past has seemed impossible.

It was time to focus on me. And time to let me become who I am meant to be. But there was only one problem.

How do I do that?

Sue got up and left me sitting there as I pondered this question. I was thankful that she finally answered my questions, but now I was stuck trying to figure out how to make myself happy.

I got up and looked for
Ianni, but she had left. Everyone had left. I was alone in the Inn with my thoughts and doubts. They had all left me here alone. I curled up in a soft, plush chair as the lights dimmed and the cleaning crew came in to clean up.

I’ll close
my eyes for just a few minutes,
I thought to myself.

I walked along the beach collecting shells. Some were iridescent and some were white. No matter the color, they were all beautiful. I placed them in my pockets. I looked up to watch the sea rolling in and out amongst the shoreline. The rhythm of it taking over all of my senses. I closed my hands around the shells inside my pockets feeling the smooth surface.

“So you know now,” Amanda said to me. I nodded
, but kept my eyes closed.

“You were a good soul. You still are. You never needed to come back and start over, not really. But you’re too tough on yourself.”

“I suppose so,” I said, turning to look at her. Her white wings raised above her, letting some feathers fall into the sand by her feet. “But I think I understand that I need to concentrate on myself. All this year, and last, I was focusing on Landon and Dallas. Who to choose. Who not to hurt.” I walked again up the beach as she followed. “But never once did I think about me. About what I want.”

“That is the truth. This life is about you, Avery. Something
Ianni failed to remind you.”

“Yes
, that is true, but she couldn’t exactly tell me why she wanted me to live a life without Landon. Now I see why she wanted me to,” I said, picking up another shell.

“Why is that?”

“Because she wanted me to be happy with myself instead of worrying about him and making him feel whole again. It had nothing to do with being without him at all. “

“You can be with whoever you choose to be with Avery
, just as long as you are happy this time.” I saw that now. I saw that I could be with him or with Dallas. But I needed to be happy. I wasn’t exactly happy anymore. Not really.

I was struggling with the past that I now remembered. I had to let that go and focus on my future.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Decision

I woke up when the vacuum started. I jumped out of the chair
, feeling foolish for actually falling asleep in it. I was sort of mad that everyone had left me here. I walked out of the Inn into the dark night. When I glanced at my phone I noticed that it was early morning.
Who do I call?
I thought. Ianni was finally with Beau and who knows what I would be interrupting. I didn’t want to bother her.

I searched for a taxi number in my phone. I found one and dialed
the number. It rang and rang, but no one answered. I was so far from home. I walked along the road with my shoes in my hands. This sucked.

I saw a car come rolling up behind me. Great! A serial killer was following me and this was my fate.

“You need a ride?” It was Landon. I laughed about my serial killer thoughts and nodded. He didn’t leave me, but he was here way too late. I opened the door expecting to see Astrid in the passenger seat, but it was empty.

“Where’s Astrid?” I asked before I got in.

“I dropped her off at her hotel room. Then came back to get you,” he said with smiling eyes. “You didn’t think I would leave you here, did you?”

“Well, actually yes
, I did. I was left here alone.” I placed my hands on my hips.

“Get in Avery.” I did as he said and we took off towards home.




I woke up the next morning on the couch. My head ached slightly from too much champagne. I couldn’t sl
eep in Dallas’ bed last night, not without knowing where we stood. I remember Landon helping me in the house and then he helped me get changed. I blushed at the thought of him helping me into my pajamas. But he didn’t try anything.

Pulling
the blanket away from my body, I walked into the kitchen for juice. I looked outside at the beautiful day. Landon was in the pool swimming laps. I walked out to watch him and say good morning. He saw me and waved, “Coming in?” he asked.

“Nah, I think I am going to head back to my apartment for the day. I need some time to think.”

He got out of the pool, wrapped a towel around himself, and shook the beads of water off his head. He was a beautiful man. I didn’t trust myself around him. I felt like any moment I could fall into his arms. It was a struggle not to do that right now.

“Do what you need to,” he told me. “Dallas comes home today. I think you both
need to talk tonight.” I agreed, but for now I needed to be alone with my thoughts.

I packed a small bag of clothes
, not knowing how long I would be at my place. Ianni didn’t come home yet, but I knew she was with Beau. I sent her a text telling her where I would be in case she wondered. I told Landon goodbye as he stood in the doorway watching me drive away. May and I left the driveway and headed home.

Once I pulled into my place an overwhelming sense of peace came over me. I was home.
Where I needed to be. Staying with Dallas wasn’t what I truly wanted. Not now.

I opened my door and immediately opened all my windows
, letting in light. I made a waffle while the coffee was brewing. Once they were done, I sat on my balcony and watched the bay. This was where I was happy. It was my home.

I stayed on the balcony, watching
the storm roll in. A storm that came fierce and hard. When the rain started pouring hard I left, soaking May.

Pulling her in, I
dried her off with a towel. Suddenly I heard the doorbell ring.

“Who’s here
, May?” I asked her as I dried her little face. Opening the door I saw Dallas, who stood before me soaking wet, his hair plastered to his face. I was so happy to see him. Yes I needed space, but with him standing here, I was ready to work out our argument.

“Come on in,” I told him. I reached up to hug him
, but he pushed me back slightly.

“Avery
, we need to talk,” he said as he took my hand in his. Never in the history of the world have those words ever had a good outcome. I stood with him as he hung his head. My hands trembled slightly and my heart pounded.

“I think that you know why I need to talk to you
, right? I mean, you have noticed that our relationship has changed immensely, haven’t you?” I nodded only to appease him. Yes our relationship had changed, but not in a way where we couldn’t work it out.

“Did you meet someone else?
Is it Sarah?” I asked. It was the only way to explain his aloof behavior.

He shook his head.
“No, not at all. This has nothing to do with someone. It has to do with how I feel about our relationship.” The one person who made me feel complete and held together was now threatening to tear me apart with his words. I stood still, looking shocked.

“I think there are a lot of factors at play here, but ma
inly the fact that we rushed into this relationship is the biggest.” It was like a zipper was holding me together and he was slowly unzipping it. I shivered slightly.

“We have known each other
for a good two years now, Dallas,” I argued. I had been going in La Costa for the longest time. Every time I was there it was him I spoke to. “Sure, we were only acquaintances, but doesn’t that count? I mean we fell in love, right?” His face changed. The loving Dallas looked hard and stern in front of me now.

“No, it doesn’t. I met you and as soon as I did I was thrown into this crazy world of angels and past lives. I didn’t ask for it.” He dropped my hand and it fell against me like a brick. I stared at it
, as it was empty, and felt a hole form inside of me. He was breaking up with me. Fear spread threw me first. Fear of being without him. Could I handle this?

“We were rushed into this whirl
wind romance. Where I fell in love with you so fast that when time slowed down I realized, we hardly know each other.” Another hit. I backed away from him. “No, don’t run away from me.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me back. I was confused now. First he was pushing me away and now he was pulling me back. Anger set in next.

“I never made you stay with me through all of my stuff,” I said through clenched teeth. “If you remember correctly
, I wanted to take things slow, but you wanted to break down my so called
wall
.” He noticed the venom in my voice and stroked my hand, which I then pulled back.

“I did fall in love with you. I do still love you
. But, well, I’ll be completely honest with you. I found out who I am and it changed things. I know what I want for my future and you can’t support that.”

My mouth hit the floor. I started stuttering
, trying to pretend somehow that this wasn’t happening. “No, no, it’s not, no—”

“Stop!” he yelled. “Stop trying to hide it. I knew something was going on.
You’re always treating me like a care package. I don’t need your protection, Avery.” Guilt now replaced anger. It was true. I should have told him from the start. As soon as I found out. I didn’t though. I lied and hid the truth from him, hoping that he wouldn’t ever find out.

“How do you know?” I dared to ask.

“I had a dream. I was visited by a Spirit Guide. She told me that I was Garrison Whitaker and I killed myself in my past life. I was so upset at what you and Landon did to me that I killed myself.” He looked too upset. He didn’t even look me in the eye. “She also told me that you knew about it. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to hurt you,
” I said softly.

“Again
, treating me like a child.”

“No
, not like a child. Like someone who didn’t need to know his past,” I argued. Why would he need to know? Why did this guide tell him anyway? “Why did you need to know this?” I asked.

“Apparently I am not following my path. Do you know what happens to humans who take their own life?” I shuddered at the thought.
Ianni had once told me a little about it, but I never wanted to know anymore.

“No.”
             

“
Let me fill you in,” he said angrily. “They put you in a sort of coma and make you sleep until your mind gets over the trauma of it all. Then you endure years of therapy. Finally, if they think that you can live again and survive, they let you. But here I am with the woman who betrayed me in my past life.”

I was
that
girl now. The one that broke his heart even though he didn’t remember it. I did, but I tried to forget it every day.

“I try to make it up to you by being there for you. I don’t even know what to say.
I love you, Dallas, and only you.” He shook his head and dropped my hand forcefully now.

“No you don’t. Don’t lie to me to spare my feelings,” he spat. “I see you watching him while he swims. I see how you look at his girlfriends and how
you judge them. You love him.”

“I care about him. I don’t want him with some girl who is going to hurt him.”

“That’s another lie. You’re not mine and you have never been mine. You’re his.” Tears flowed now from my eyes and I couldn’t see straight. “The two of you are getting closer every day and he doesn’t even remember his past anymore. But that doesn’t matter; you are meant to be together.” It almost sounded sincere, like he really believed it.

“He
isn’t the one for me, you are,” I told him through sobs.

“No I’m not.”

“How do you know, huh? Because you had a dream?” I couldn’t believe that his guide would tell him all of this in a dream. Why would she do this to him?

“I asked her
. She told me you were not my destined path. She confirmed who I was, and told me that if I stayed on this path it would lead to more heartbreak.” Anger again filled me boiling to the top.

“She
isn’t supposed to tell you your future, only your past.” It was a law they abided by. A very sacred law.

“She didn’t tell me my future. She only told me my past and present,” he chided. “And you
are my present. I have to do this. I can’t sit by and watch you and Landon fall deeper in love. I have to let you go to him so that I can be okay with that.”

Heartbreak.
Terrible, angry, fearful heartbreak. As I cried he came closer and held me in his arms. The rain outside fell in sheets against the window. I felt like my tears would rain forever. He was leaving me and I loved him. I wanted to have space to get to know myself better, but I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to end our relationship.

“I have to do this
, Avery. I can’t let my heart get broken and do what I did to myself again. I can’t kill myself over you again.” Hearing him say it like that only made me cry harder, but it made sense. I didn’t want to lose him to that. But I chose him, not Landon.

“I want to be with you. I
won’t hurt you. Do you not trust me?” I asked through hiccups.

“I trust you. I do,”
he pulled away and looked into my eyes, “but I also know that you love him. Some part of you does and I thought I could live with that. But I can’t. You’re not my future, Avery.” He kissed the top of my head and turned to leave.

“Wait,”
I yelled. He kept walking without even looking back. Like a zipper, we were now separated. He unraveled our relationship in only mere minutes. We were no longer bound together. We were apart; I felt alone and cold. I fell to the ground, sobbing until I couldn’t anymore. I couldn’t move my body; I was frozen to my cold floor.