Unraveling of Avery Snow, The (8 page)

Chapter Eleven

Desolate

As I lay in my bed, with the phone to my ear, nerves rumbled inside of me. I was calling Dallas. I had to tell him I was here with his cousin. Yes, it was innocent. But knowing our history, it was suspicious. Damn it! Why didn’t that angel make both of us forget? Or all of us? Why leave me punished? To forever have to live this life of proving to everyone that I wasn’t going to hurt Dallas. That I would not leave him. Not like I did before.

This life was a constant struggle. It was like being punished for being an Affinity. It wasn’t my fault God made me so perfect. Heck
, I wasn’t perfect! That is such a lie. I wondered in what way we were perfect? Landon and me. I also wondered if we could ever really be friends. Friends that could go out and hang without everyone thinking we were having a love affair. Damn Lillith for coming here!

“So you went, and you took Landon.” It wasn’t a question.
Dallas’ voice was calm and composed, but he didn’t answer the phone with a polite, hello.

“Yes, let me explain,” I started. I had this whole speech made up. It was rather perfect if I do say so myself.

“No need. Really, I am glad you took him.”

“What?” I asked. I
didn’t need the speech after all. How shockingly weird for Dallas to feel this way. Maybe he trusted me that much. I knew I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him, so maybe he was the only one who knew it to be true.

“Avery, I am so
, so very sorry for what I said today. I have no idea why I said it.” It was heartfelt. “I apologized to Ianni, too. I should never have said that about her.”

“Dallas, couples argue. Sometimes they are known to spout things they don’t mean.” It was true. I should not have put him in that position. I should not have brought up V-Day. Comparing this to that day wasn’t fair.

“I know you have to work. I know you do it for us. It wasn’t fair for me to get so angry at that.” Our talk afterwards was just as normal as ever. I think every couple must fight in order to get the anger out. It’s a way of release.

I told Dallas what the hotel was like and how sweet our room was. He seemed envious that he wasn’t in the bed with me,
but that was his loss. When we hung up I rolled over and closed my eyes. All I could see was Landon’s face as he laughed earlier and how happy he looked at dinner when we were making jokes about the people around us. To relieve tension we would pick a couple and try to come up with ideas of what they could be talking about. I chose a couple who seemed to be arguing. I guessed they were fighting because he said the waitress was cute. Which she was and he kept his eyes on her the whole night.

It was fun until Landon came upon a young couple who seemed to be celebrating something important. He joked that it was the first time they had done the deed and she was extremely please
d. He went on and on until the guy dropped to his knees in front of everyone and pulled out a ring. He proposed to her and she cried as she fell into his arms. The whole restaurant exploded into applause. When I turned to face Landon his expression seemed almost melancholy again.

“What’s wrong?” I asked him.
When he turned to face me, I could swear I saw a small tear escape his eye. “Nothing, I have to go to the bathroom.”

I couldn’t help but feel that maybe he wanted a love like that for h
imself. I knew he would find it, I just had to believe he wouldn’t end up alone. No one deserved a desolate heart. Especially Landon, because he was too damn good for that.

I felt my feet drag upon the hardwood floor as I walked slowly to the balcony of our house. I could hear the waves calling to me all the way from the bedroom. I had to try to walk by myself. No more help from nurses or from Adam. This was my body and I would control it. Screw this cancer for what it did to me! I pulled my feet along with the rest of me, my legs growing ever so weak. I felt a wave of nausea pull me almost to my knees. ‘Keep it together. Just until you reach the doors,’ I told myself. I had to make this walk all by myself.

Finally I made it to the French doors that led to the veranda. I longed to breathe in the ocean air. I had been cooped up in that bedroom for weeks. Sure
, Adam left a window open for me, but it wasn’t the same breeze that blew in from this side of the house. It was not the ocean breeze.

I pulled the doors open, my arms stronger than my legs for some reason. The breeze hit my face and I threw up right on the deck. I instantly
felt better, letting the poison out of my body. It was killing me. I knew it. I could feel it.

I stayed hunched over for a few seconds before I stood up to a semi-standing position. I could see Adam on the water from here. He was surfing. I watched him catch a wave
, and to see him fly through the water left me jealous as hell. I longed to touch it once more. The air, salty and stinging, made me decide that I didn’t want to die in the summer. I wanted to die with the snow falling around the house. The snow ... the snow at our other house was where I wanted to die. As much as I loved this home I wanted to pass on in Vermont. I wanted to stay here for a little longer and let Adam surf on his mornings. No need to have the cancer punishing us both.

He sat on his board now and looked up at me from the waves. I waved and the poison caught up with me again. I had to try to shuffle back to my bed. Yes
, the days of our ocean home were over. It was then that I said my parting goodbye to it.

“Wake up sleepy head!” Landon’s voice pulled me from my deep slumber. I opened my eyes to see him standing in my doorway wearing nothing except boxer briefs. They were black; his body was lean and muscular. The muscles of this man’s body were absolutely perfect. They went on forever. His blonde hair fell in his eyes once again, but this time they were wet. I pulled myself up and rubbed my eyes. I had to try not to think of him in that way. Ever!

“We have
massages and mani pedi’s today,” he said, trying to resemble a girl’s voice but not pulling it off. “Come on, girl. Brush your hair and teeth.”

I pulled on a pair of yoga pants and a simple black t-shirt. I looked at my cell. Five missed calls,
all from Ianni and Kerri. Knowing them, they thought I ran off to be with Landon. Ugh. Friends can so be dramatic.

I
called Kerri knowing she would no doubt be with Ianni. She picked up on the first ring. After her long winded speech of how I left and didn’t call her, and asking what I was thinking for bringing Landon, I calmly explained my reasons and she was a lot cooler afterwards. This seemed to appease her.

“A
h. Okay, well good,” she remarked calmly. “You know there is a great advantage to bringing him.”

“Oh
, and what is that?” I asked curiously.

“We
ll you can set him up with Astrid. She needs a date for the wedding.” Oh man. I didn’t think I could do that. Astrid seemed like a good person. Sure, she had her head on straight, and from pictures I saw of her, she was drop dead gorgeous. Like Kerri, she was exotic looking.

“Are they walking together down the aisle?” I asked. Since he was
also in the wedding party, it would make sense. He could hook himself up if he was interested.

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that. It’s just
that she needs a date. She is worried she won’t have anyone to dance with.”

I assured her that Landon would throw himself at her if he liked her.
She didn’t need to worry about that. Landon would find her attractive. I had to end this call since it was killing my mood.

“Listen, Ker, I have a massage with my name o
n it. I don’t want to be late.”

“Avery, have fun. You deserve it!” she said. Okay
, so maybe having friends wasn’t always drama.

My masseuse was a medium height blonde
, with brown eyes that took your breath away, but she wasn’t male. I had sort of hoped for a male. Don’t all women wish for some Swedish masseuse? But my girl, Desiree, was nice and had a calming voice. She heated the oils and started on my neck.

“You hold a lot of tension here. Have you been sleeping well?” she asked.

“Yeah, I guess.” She continued to massage me as calming music played in the background. I couldn’t help but watch her as she did. She was the sort of girl Landon would like. Very attractive and she had a great smile. He would probably like her if she were massaging him. Why did I constantly do that? Why was I looking at women and thinking if Landon would like them? It wasn’t natural.

After she left the room and my massage was over, I felt the tension leave and myself calm.
I thought about the dream I had and why I had it. Why was I dreaming of my life as Elsie? This was a reason to have a Spirit Guide around to talk to, but my new guide didn’t think that was important.

I closed my eyes for a moment
, hoping she would come to me and give me the answers I needed. She didn’t.

I met Landon out in the
hall; he was wrapped in the same fluffy robe as me. He looked drained. I was sure I did as well. I would love to find a nice couch and take a nap.

“Well, how was it?” I asked as he tried to fix his messy hair.

“Exhausting,” he replied. I laughed and he flopped down onto a chair. “What’s next?”

“Mani
pedi’s!”

We were brought into the nail salon and were met with two ladies who went to work right away
, starting with our feet. Landon giggled as his girl scrubbed his feet. I loved seeing him like this; so out of his element yet he was embracing it.

“This feels amazing. It’s been so long since I had this done,” I admitted. My poor feet needed this treatment.

After our feet they went on to our nails and I picked a hot pink, which Landon assured me would look good. I went with it.

“Now what?”
Landon asked as we went to get dressed. Our spa day was over but I had a nice little surprise for myself booked.

“I have one more thing I have to do. You can go get that nap you wanted,” I suggested as I opened the changing room door.

“What are you going to do?” he asked with curiosity. “You’re not going to tell me?” Shaking my head, I entered the room.




About an hour or so later I walked into the hotel room and found Landon spread out on my bed.
He looked so comfortable I didn’t have the heart to wake him. I was a little upset he decided to take my bed, but I was sure it was a lot better than the couch. I went out to the deck and looked out over the view again. Today the ocean wasn’t as clear as yesterday, it had a hazy glow to it and looked like a storm was coming in.

“Oh my
God, your hair!” Landon said behind me.  I turned and showed him my new haircut. I hadn’t cut my hair in years; I left it long and never dyed. I had decided on a change, and cut it into a layered bob that ended at the tops of my shoulders. I also had the hairdresser add some blonde highlights, which he said would bring out my lighter side. My hair was now dark and light blonde. When he spun me around to see my new look I was in love, and proud of myself for going through with this. It was a huge step. Unfortunately Landon’s face killed my mood. He looked shocked, and maybe disappointed.

“You hate it
, don’t you?”

“Hate it? Are you kidding me, i
t’s awesome.” He came closer, took a better look, and spun me around again. “It reminds me of someone. Someone I used to know ...” he broke off and turned towards the ocean view. I lost him somewhere. He was here and happy and then he was gone. He looked like he was remembering that girl that he used to know. I wondered if she was important to him.

“Did you love her?” I asked silently.

“Yeah, a lot. But she didn’t love me back. So I had to let her go.” His words blended together, flowing like a sad song. He kept his eyes on the water, not turning to face me. “She was my first love.”

“Sorry, I’ll go and let you be alone.” I turned to walk inside
, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back.

“Don’t leave, please?”
His voice was now full of longing and sadness. I wondered if he dreamt of her just now and woke to me with hair like hers. We stood together for a long while, neither of us saying a word about his first love that he let go.

Chapter Twelve

Important

Our last night at the beach and we were quiet, all due to my haircut. I had thrown Landon back into the depressive stupor. He left and didn’t come back until late. I ordered dinner, eating Chinese in the hotel room. I missed Dallas so I called him, only to talk for five minutes. His famous food critic was due there any moment. I told him I had a surprise for him and I don’t think he even heard me. “Yeah, okay,” was all he said. I fell asleep with the T.V. on and my Chinese food lying on the bed. When I heard the door slam, I sat up with a shock. At first I wasn’t sure where I was. Then, once I got my bearings, I walked to my closed door. I cracked it a bit and saw Landon standing in the kitchen. I watched him for a moment; he seemed to be talking to himself. But once I saw the brunette sit on the counter in front of him I knew he wasn’t alone. Heat surged through my veins. How dare he bring a girl back to the room! I was here and he was going to do … what? Have sex with her in the kitchen? I watched for a few more minutes trying to decide what to do.

I thought he was a good person,
and now he pulls this. I saw her take off her shirt and he leaned in to kiss her. It wasn’t a kiss like any I had ever seen. In fact, it was a kiss I had felt before. It looked like how he had kissed me the night I first met him in this life. He pulled me to him and kissed me like there was life within me that he desperately needed. It was the kind of kiss that leaves your lips stinging and numb.

I watched as she raked her hands through his hair. He pulled her closer to him and kissed her deeper. God! How far was this going to go? She pulled away and I noticed she was the girl at the desk, the girl who gave
me
the look of disgust when we checked in. Now she was in my room with him, practically naked on the counter. Just when I was going to announce myself, Landon pushed her away. She threw her hands up. “What’s wrong? You don’t want me?” Ugh, she was pathetic.

“No,
it’s not that. You’re beautiful, but I can’t do this,” he said as he handed her back her shirt.

“Why
, because your friend is in there?” she asked him. She hopped down from the counter and stared right into his eyes. “I can be really quiet.”

“You can be as quiet as you like, but please leave.” He crossed his arms boldly. “You’re a nice girl, but you’re not who I want. I can’t make this mi
stake anymore.”

When she left
she wasn’t quiet at all. She slammed the door so loud it vibrated the walls. Now was my cue to go back to bed, but I had been spotted.

“Sorry
, Avery, did I wake you?” He knew he did, but he asked out of respect I suppose. He sounded drunk, and maybe he was, but it wasn’t my business. After all, he wasn’t my boyfriend.

“Yeah, sort of.”
That was the best I could come up with. “Who was that?”

“She was no one. That’s who she was.” He fell onto the couch. “I
made a mistake; I shouldn’t have brought her here. Forgive me?”

“Of course.
I have to admit I am glad she left. It would be awkward to have to hear that.” He laughed and I sat next to him. He was drunk; the smell of beer was very strong. I had not been a big drinker lately, but I would have gone out with him.

“Why did you leave?” He looked me in the eyes
, searching for an answer to give me.

“I had to.
” Then he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

I was standing on the balcony of the hotel when I felt the soothing warmth of a hand on my back. I turned slowly and met Amanda’s blue eyes. She smiled and looked happy to see me. I didn’t know how I felt about seeing her. I know that I felt happy in my life, so why was she coming to me?

“How are you doing, Avery?”

“Fine,” I answered shortly. What did she want me to say?

“I am just checking in with you. Standard procedure,” she began, “
but I also wanted to let you know that John has been watching you, as always. He is also watching the dark one to make sure she stays a safe distance from you. So far all is well.”

I
sighed; I didn’t really want my dreams to be interrupted anymore. I was happy to see Amanda, but I didn’t need to be stressing about Sarafe. Whoever this chick was she didn’t seem to be bothering me. She had plenty of time to attack, so why didn’t she get it over with already?

“I came here to talk about you seeing
your first child.” I had almost forgotten, trying not to think about it too much. It hurt more than anything, and I didn’t need to be reminded of that reunion.

“She is a very happy little girl. Her parents are wonderful,
so you need not worry,” she confirmed. I had wondered what kind of parents she had this time around.

“It was painful to see her
. Physically, I mean.”

“Oh yes, well that is a very nasty side effect
, isn’t it?” Amanda laughed. “I don’t mean to be insensitive, but it is so rare. You are so rare, Avery. You are very important.”

Yeah
, yeah, yeah, this nonsense again. How important I was and how Landon and I were pretty much famous in Heaven. I didn’t care about all of that. I just wanted a normal life. Maybe one day I would tell Amanda that. But I couldn’t do that, not with Sarafe out there somewhere. What if I told her to back off and then needed her?

“I
must go, you are about to wake. Be safe, Avery,” she said.

My eyes popped open and I heard music in the living room. Landon was listening to his laptop while drinking coffee and reading the paper. It was such a normal human thing, but to see him do it seemed so sexy. I had to fight to keep my eyes off of him.

“Good morning!” he called. “Coffee is fresh, want some?
” I nodded and he made me a cup while I shuffled off to the balcony. He joined me a few minutes later. The view was clear and the sky was a stunning blue. “Everything okay?” he asked. Everything was perfect; I was just enjoying the comfortable silence between two friends. Yes, two friends. That’s what we were.

“Do you remember last
night?” I asked to change the subject. He laughed and coffee came out of his nose, his cheeks flush with embarrassment.

“I am so sorry for that, really.”

“No big deal. I was only giving you a hard time.” I was really trying to forget the scene that happened in the kitchen. I think I decided to sit outside so I didn’t have to have coffee where the slutty girl’s butt had been. Yuck! The thought of that made me sick.

“Oh wow, do you see that?” Landon asked as he shot out of his chair.  I followed his gaze out to the ocean where
a spray of water shot up.

“A gray whale!”
I shouted. I loved whales, especially the California Gray Whale. They were majestic. They traveled all the way up the coast to Alaska, and many times had their babies with them. The mothers usually starved during this trek. To me it was the ultimate sacrifice for your child. I watched as mother and her baby, which had now come into my vision, swam around playfully.

“Wow, that’s so cool. I love whales,” he said to my surprise.

“You do?”

“Yeah, they are so big that it
’s almost a miracle they exist. Don’t you think?” I stared at him in awe, never having figured Landon as a whale watcher. Each day that passed I learned more and more about this once complicated man. We watched the whales in silence and then returned to our coffee as they moved out of sight.

“That made the trip right there. Seeing that was my favorite part,” I
told him.

“What, you mean our
mani pedi’s weren’t your favorite part?” he joked.

Laughing at him,
I got up and grabbed the menu. I really needed to fill my belly for the drive home. I ordered the eggs and bacon and got the same for Landon.

“I think you like this type of life,” he observed.

“What type would that be?” I put my hands on my hips, not sure what he meant.

“I think that you like living like this, with this ocean scene. It makes you
happy; I can see it in your eyes.”

It was
true; the ocean was making me elated.

“I could live here, but I plan on living in Washington in a few years.”
Filling up his coffee and then mine, he handed it to me and then sat down. He went on, “I went there a few years ago, I needed to think. Ya know?” I nodded and sipped my coffee. “I flew into Seattle, drove up to the HOH Rainforest, and camped there for a week. If you ever need a place to think and to clear your mind, go there.”

“I will remember that.” I couldn’t imagine dapper Lando
n camping. The thought made me chuckle. I had been camping with Aunt Paul many times and it is not easy.

“What are
you laughing at?” he asked, poking me in the ribs.

“You
camping. It sounds like an oxymoron. I just cannot picture you in the wilderness,” I admitted.

“I am so hurt that you don’t think I could ca
mp. I’ll have you know I was a Boy Scout for ten years.” I dropped it since Boy Scout Landon was not to be messed with. Although I still couldn’t picture it.

Breakfast came and we ate it quick
ly so that we would have time for check out. We both showered and hit the road. The drive home was actually fun. Landon told me stories about his travels and more on camping in Washington. He also told me about his hiking and his love of rock climbing. I had no idea he was such an outdoorsmen. It was intriguing to learn more about him and to see him in this light. He wasn’t as mysterious as I had first thought. I remembered when I first met him, I thought he was different. Different in a good way, of course. It was true, he was much more complex than anyone I had ever known.

Before I knew it I was pulling into Dallas’ driveway. His truck was gone and I knew he wasn’t here. I felt sad
, but I was so tired from the drive that it was best to catch up after I had rested.

“Thanks for the trip!” Landon said as he pulled his bag from the backseat.

“Don’t thank me, thank your cousin,” I reminded him. I was glad I brought him, he looked so much happier than he had only a few days earlier. I could honestly say Landon was a happy guy and we were now friends.

“Ah
, I get to thank him now, I guess,” Landon said as he motioned towards Dallas’ truck pulling up behind me. He was here.

I got out and once I saw him emerge from the truck, I realized I had missed him more than I thought. His face looked tired and worn. He was no doubt over working himself. He slammed his truck door and hung his
head as he walked towards me with a slow stroll. When we reached each other I slung my arms around his neck and he nuzzled mine. He smelled like garlic and herbs, and I didn’t care one bit. His lips slowly met mine and his kiss was soft and apologetic. I could feel the sincerity in the way he had said he was sorry on the phone.

“To say I missed you would be a lie,” he said as he pulled away from me, “I think I died a little inside without you here.”
Gah! How do I respond to that?

“I missed you
, too. Although I honestly didn’t know how much until you pulled in,” I replied. His smile faltered a little. I could tell he didn’t like my response very much, but it was the honest truth. 

“Stay the night?” he asked as h
is smile found his lips again.

“Not tonight, I am to
o tired from the drive. But I will come in for a cup of coffee,” I offered.

Sipping coffee a short while later,
he caught me up on the last few days. I could tell he was trying to not talk about work as much. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to talk about it, I just didn’t feel up to listening to it 24/7, especially after our fight. He told me he met Kerri and Justin for lunch and Ianni came as well. I was happy to hear she was getting out. I missed her most of all. I had not talked to her much.

Landon had disappeared into his room once Dallas pulled up. It seemed like he was never around when we were together.
He had commented that he loved my new hair, saying it suited me, which made me sigh happily. To be honest I had been worried he wouldn’t like it. But with Dallas, he pretty much loved everything about me.

“So how was Landon?
A perfect gentlemen, I hope,” Dallas inquired. I did detect a tad bit of jealousy in his voice. I set my coffee down and nodded. “Good. I know he would never try anything, I just want to make sure is all.”

“Dallas, you have nothing to worry about
. You know the reason I took him—” He put his fingers on my lips to stop me mid-sentence.

“I know
, Avery, and I owe you for it. He hasn’t been the same since, well, since the incident.” I wasn’t aware that’s what we were calling it. He meant the fact that an angel shaved his memories. I thought he could have called it something else. I didn’t really feel the word did it justice. It was more than an incident, more than a single event. I almost died that night, for God’s sake. But we never talked about that.

“Avery, where did you go?”