Unraveling of Avery Snow, The (15 page)

Chapter Twenty-Five

For All The Reasons

Of course the day I left California it was sunny and beautiful. I left on the perfect day to sit in a beach chair. And where was I headed? Rainy Washington state, the dreariest state in the country, and I was going there to cheer up. It was sort of funny when you thought about it.

I had everything packed and my car filled to the brim when my phone rang. I almost let it go to voicemail, but
at the last minute I decided to pick it up.

“This is Avery,” I answered.

“It’s me,” Dallas said quietly. “I heard you’re moving.” Just hearing his voice on the line made that hole grow a few more inches.

“I’m not moving
. I am only going away for a few months. Who told you?” I had my guesses, the best one being Ianni. I knew he would find out anyway, I just didn’t want him calling me on the day I left. It made this move even harder.

“Why?”

“Why am I going away?
Really
?” He had some nerve to ask me this, but I took a deep breath and composed myself. “I need some time to myself. Nothing more. Nothing less.” There, an honest answer.

“Well, I just called to tell you I got the New York building. I am leaving
, too.” He sighed into the phone. “I am sorry that things happened the way they did. I … I wish you luck, Avery.”

As I picked my jaw off the pavement I tried to think of a response. Now thinking back I could think of so many great things to say back. But I only said, “Thanks
. Good luck to you, too.” The lamest thing I could think to say. It was something you said to a complete stranger. Not someone you loved.

He hung up and that was it. It was done. I was alone and he was leaving too. He was slipping through my fingers only a few months ago and now he was gone.

I let the tears fall where they wanted as I put May in her dog crate. She was coming with me on my new adventure; I was not about to leave her behind. We were venturing together to see what we could find in the Northwest.




Ianni
and I had our last cup of coffee together that day before I left. She hated saying goodbye, I could tell. I hated it more.

“
Lillith is here,” she said looking past me. I turned to see Lillith walking up to us in the street. Her wings were hidden from view since people were out and about today. They were all enjoying the sunshine. Lillith actually looked sad to see me go. But knowing her she would drop in on me anywhere I went.

“So
, ditching the Cali scene, huh?” she joked.

“Yeah, I suppose I am.
For now, anyway.”

“W
ell, I will watch Ianni for you,” Lillith reassured me.

“Hey!”
Ianni said. “I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Not anymore, but you did at first,”
Lillith informed her. We all laughed and it almost, for a second, felt like leaving was a mistake. But there were so many reasons I was going. Not just because of Dallas, but for everything that had happened to me lately. I was leaving behind the darkness and hoping to find some light in Washington.

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Once I hit the
interstate I could relax and let the windows down. May fell asleep in her crate and I sped along the highway towards Sequim. I listened to all the songs on my iPod and then switched over to the radio once I reached the Oregon line. The trip would take me over 10 hours just to get me to Washington. I had a lot of driving to do. I made a few stops along the way to eat and see some of the sights. I stopped in Eugene, Oregon to sleep. I found a hotel near the 101 that seemed nice enough for the night.

Just being in Eugene was a nice break from California. I could have stayed there
, with its lush green hills and friendly people, but I had to keep moving. So after breakfast May and I hit the road. I did a lot of thinking just on the drive alone. I could write a book on the experiences I had in my puny little life. It was so bizarre. I wondered where Landon would be living, too. I had been thinking about him lately, especially on the drive. When you drive you tend to think about everything you shouldn’t. Landon hadn’t called me since my breakup so I guess we were no longer friends. I wondered what life would be like without him in it anymore.

I had seen the sign for
Interstate 5 and was entering Washington.

“We made it
, May!” I had turned to talking to my dog, but she let out a little bark and I knew she was happy to be with me as I took this new path.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Light

Sequim, Washington was the most beautiful place I had ever seen in my life. I had seen beauty in California. With the redwoods, the ocean, Dallas’ eyes, and my future life with him, I had seen splendor and touched it. I lived it and now I was ready to let the beauty of my past go. I found my new place that night and settled in just fine. Once the day had come I woke up to a different world out my window. I still had a patio to watch the sunrise, but seeing it rise over the trees here wasn’t so bad. I didn’t once miss the bay. I did miss my friends though. I Skyped with Ianni as soon as I could and showed her my new place. She was ready to come visit me. She was jealous of my new surroundings. We talked and caught up on life in California even though only one day had passed. She seemed to feel it necessary to tell me all the gossip around.

“Beau and I are going out to dinner tonight,” she said.

“That’s good, where is he taking you?” I asked as I sipped my coffee.

“He won’t tell me, but he says it’s
an hour drive. I can’t wait!” She smiled and did a little dance. Seeing her on Skype was just as good as sitting with her at the kitchen table. We ended the call with lots of tears and kisses blown. I knew she would be fine; she was in good hands.




I took a walk that morning and checked ou
t the town. On the way in I saw a herd of Elk. I froze and was in awe of their massive size. I had never seen one this up close and personal. There were definitely possibilities here in this place. The lavender farm was where Astrid met me that day. We talked about everything except my paranormal life. She told me she had broken up with someone recently, too. I quickly learned that it was a woman named Holly. Astrid was a lesbian and I was the first friend she had told. She hadn’t even told Kerri. Turns out she was afraid of what everyone would think. I felt for her; she was holding onto a secret that she was dying to let go of.

“You need to tell her,” I told Astrid as she chewed her fingernails. “She will not judge you.”

“You’re right. I am super happy you’re here, Avery. You’re going to love it.” I knew then that what she said was true. I would love it. We made plans on taking a drive to the HOH River Trail. She told me it was the best place to get over someone. “Once you have hiked that trail, and let out all of that negative energy, you will reach the top and be over him.” I hoped she was right. I needed to do the hike.

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I had moved her
e on a Saturday and started work at my new job that Monday. It wasn’t like Sunrise Estates at all. The feel was all wrong. The residents were now patients. They were not treated like people. They didn’t have their freedom like they should. I decided to stick it out and see how it went. I didn’t want to stay here long term, but I did need a paycheck. So until I found something better, I had to stay.

That night as I was eating dinner and looking for a job in the local paper, I saw a familiar car
pull into my driveway.

“Hey, Astrid,” I called to her as I opened the
front door. “What are you doing here?”

“Came to plan our hike.
” She came in and set down a bottle of wine on my kitchen table. “Man, you need to decorate in here.” She was commenting on my bare walls and plain house. I didn’t feel the need to hang anything up or paint the walls. If I did that would mean that I planned on staying here longer. I only wanted to use this place for a temporary home.

“I think it’s perfect for
me,” I admitted, grabbing the wine and getting the
opener out. “It sort of explains my mood now.”

“What
, dull and boring?” she joked. I threw the cork at her and laughed.

“No. I
feel empty.” Her smile faded as she helped me with the glasses.

“
Which is why we need to go to the HOH. Once you go there you will come out a different woman, I promise.”

“When did you go there?” Now I was curious what the HOH Rainforest did to change her life. I poured the wine and we sat on the couch.

“Well, it’s sort of a boring story, but I wasn’t happy in a relationship I was in,” she paused. “With a man.”

“Oh.”
             

“Yeah
, so I went on the hike and came out of the forest sweaty and tired. And I realized it was time to literally ‘come out’ and let my parents know that I was gay.” I smiled and lifted my glass.

“Cheers to you
for embracing who you are,” I said. We clinked glasses and we drank her wine. She was a good person and she wanted to help me find myself. I was in desperate need for it, too.

“Okay
, how about tomorrow? You’re off work and so am I, so let’s go!”

“Yes
, let’s do it!”




The drive to the HOH Rainforest was foggy and mysterious. A few times I would look down
, out the passenger side of Astrid’s car, and see the drop below us. We were going up a seriously steep mountainside. As we went in deeper the moss on the trees started to get thicker and thicker. I could see why it was called the ‘Rainforest’. It resembled the real rainforest with its huge canopies that draped the trees above. We stopped a few times to look at some of the rivers that ran through the state forest. It was like being in heaven here.

We finally reached the busy trail site that was bustling with tourists. I didn’t
realize this place was so popular, but it was. People from all over came to see this river trail that I was about to embark on. Maybe they also wanted to achieve something. I thought about what I wanted to get out of today; to let go of Dallas just like he let me go, to let go of my past lives, to strive to focus on my future.

I also wanted
to forgive my dad for leaving me, and my mom for dying. I didn’t want to feel this way about them anymore.

“Here it is, the HOH River Trail. Are you ready?” Astrid asked as she tightened her backpack around her shoulders. I checked mine as well and nodded. I was ready to start my new life, one step at a time.

The trail started out slippery and wet, but as we walked deeper in it became dry. The canopy above us acted as an umbrella, shielding us from the rain. I had walked my first mile when I started really thinking about Dallas. I wasn’t mad at him for breaking up with me. I only wanted what was best for him because I loved him. He and I had a great relationship that started fast and furious, but we had burnt out too quickly. He was right when he said we fell in love too soon. We did. We should have dated longer before getting so serious.

By mile three I didn’t think about him any longer. I was now thinking about
Dedrick and Benjamin. I thought about how they were so miserable in the most peaceful, loving, and blissful place. Heaven. If they couldn’t be happy there then they couldn’t be anywhere. I decided it was time to forgive their miserable souls because they were not going to hurt me anymore. Neither would Sarafe. I sort of pitied her. I felt bad that she found love in someone like Dedrick, and now she had to go around making everyone pay. She got my pity and nothing more.

By the fourth mile I thought I was going to die. My whole body ached and my feet were screaming at me to stop
, but I pushed on and up into the forest. I knew we would eventually come out to a waterfall. I wanted to see it and feel the spray on my face. We came across other hikers on their way down the steep hill. They had smiles plastered to their faces. I wanted to look and feel that elated when I was done with this hike.

“This is the hard part here
, Avery, but you need to keep pushing,” Astrid said as she hiked higher in front of me. Pretty soon she was so far ahead I lost sight of her.

I was alone in this forest. It reminded me of the day Landon took me for our walk. As I walke
d through the dense forest I was thinking of the one back home; being with him in the cool water, holding his hand. I could see his smile now in my mind. He had a great smile.

Finally
, by mile five, I could hear the falls. The loud echo of the water played through the forest. It would be extraordinary to bring Landon here. He would love this place, but he probably had been here before. He said he came out here once. He probably stepped on the same steps I was now.

“Come on
, Avery, just a little further,” I heard Astrid call back to me. I walked painfully up a small path that if I fell off of, I would hurdle to my death below. I watched my footing, and once I was on the other side, I saw it. The waterfall was enormous. It started so high in the mountain I couldn’t see the top of it. But the flow ran into a stream that was under my feet. I stood on a small bridge and looked into the clear water below me. I had done it.

“It’s breathtaking,” I told Astrid as I tried to regain my breath.

She clapped me on the back and asked, “How do you feel?”

“I feel over it all!” I yelled to the forest around me
, but the sound of the waterfall behind me drowned it out completely.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Believing

I left the forest that day a different woman. I no longer held guilt about what my love with Cooper did to Garrison. I no longer hated anyone.

And most of all I let everything that ate me alive go.
All of my past was now gone. Of course I remember it, but I didn’t try to anymore. I didn’t hate my dad for leaving me when I was a kid. I loved him and it didn’t matter to me at all.

My mom, I knew I would see her again. I couldn’t be mad that she died. How selfish was I to blame her for something she didn’t control
?

But there was one person I couldn’t get out of my head. He was everywhere I went. He wasn’t a distant memory to me
; he was clear. His face was rich in my head. I could remember all of his many facial expressions. And I missed him. I wished he would have been the one to call me that day before I left. But he didn’t. He let me go because to him, I wasn’t anyone. Landon was going to move on in his life and be happy without me in it.
It was for the best I suppose. We couldn’t be together in every life. That wouldn’t be fair. But coming out of the forest I knew that my feelings for him would never change. Not like they did for Dallas.

I started to get used to t
he rain by my second month in Sequim. It was a nuisance, but it was just part of my life now. With rainy days came fresh clean starts. That was how I viewed it. The rain washed everything away.

I had found another job, thank goodness. My new job was a little more like Sunrise Estates, but instead of elderly
, I helped kids. It was a daycare and I loved it. Kids were something I never thought of in my future. I had never before thought that I would want them, at least not until I was around them. Every little face reminded me of my childhood. How good my mom was at making the best of everything. The only way she knew how was to be fun. I wanted to be a fun mom someday.




I had gotten up early the morning that
Ianni and Kerri had flown in to see me. I cleaned my house and made sure everything looked tidy and welcoming. I had finally painted the walls and hung pictures. The pictures were from my HOH trip. I didn’t ever want to forget what I left up there. The memories and feelings that now surrounded the trees had somehow left my mind. My favorite picture was of me standing in the water. It was cold, but it woke me up enough to walk back down to the car that day.

A soft knock came to the door and they were here. I opened the door and they both rushed in and grabbed me, almost knocking me over.

“Oh my God, look at you!” Kerri said as she twirled me around. “Washington suits you. You look terrific.” I hadn’t noticed what I looked like, but I did know I felt happier here.

“Thanks. You look like you’re glowing,” I remarked. Kerri did look different
, but I couldn’t place it. She looked at Ianni and gave her a sly smile. They were hiding something.

“Tell her,”
Ianni pressed. Kerri stepped forward and held my hands.

“You’re going to be an aunt. I’m having a baby,” she confessed.

“What? That’s wonderful. Congratulations,” I said as I hugged her. “When?”

“When did we conceive?”

“No, silly, she wants to know when the baby is due,” Ianni said with a laugh.

“Oh, sorry.
March,” Kerri replied. I was beyond happy for her. With summer ending it would be something to keep me busy in the winter. Shopping for my new niece or nephew. After we celebrated, and Kerri filled me in on morning sickness, I got them settled in the guest bedroom. Ianni was already looking around my kitchen for the coffeemaker. I felt complete. My friends were here and I couldn’t be any happier.

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The next day I got them
up early to go hiking. I had to take them to Merrymere Falls. Kerri was pumped, but Ianni wasn’t. She was afraid she didn’t have the right shoes. She didn’t. That girl did not know how to pack for a trip yet. She brought boots with heels and flip flops. So I gave her a new pair of sneakers. She looked absolutely disgusted as she put them on, but she would thank me later.