Unraveling of Avery Snow, The (11 page)

Chapter Seventeen

Clear

The dream from the night before nagged at me all morning. I walked to the café to meet my dad and all I could do was think about it. It wasn’t a vision or a memory, so what was it? I couldn’t think about it any longer. I would have to deal with it later, along with the fact that I still hadn’t heard from Dallas.

Ianni
said she would be fine alone, but I had asked Kerri to come hang out with her anyway. She had the day off and was glad to help. Plus, they had wedding details to attend to. I only had the morning off, and then I had to work that afternoon. I officially was not going to call Dallas today. My mind was made up that if he didn’t call, neither would I.

“Avery,” D
ad called to me as I spotted him in the café. Standing up, he grabbed me in a tight hug when I reached him. He looked older somehow, the gray turning white in his hair. Since when did my dad turn into an old man?

“You look tired,” he commented. I shrugged and smiled. My dad knew what I ha
d gone through last year. He only wanted to make sure I was getting along well. I couldn’t tell him anything yet, not unless I needed to involve him. One thing we did have in common was we were both Affinity’s. Like me, he was a twin soul; his twin was my mother. They were drawn to each other like I am to Landon. They tried with all their hearts to make it work, but for some Affinity’s it can be very hard to be with each other due to the fact that you share a soul. It’s like dealing with yourself all the time.

Needless to say
, it didn’t work despite their efforts. He knew what it was like for me to be around Landon and to share a past with him. He loved my mom all of his life and he still does. Actually, I think he mourns her more than I do. His mourning is that of a lost chance at love. When I look at it that way, I think to myself,
Will I be like this without Landon? Will I wish I chose him instead?

I tr
ied to push thoughts like this out of my head as fast as I could. They only haunt me and make me weak, like the dream last night. That dream made me feeble.

“More coffee
, hun?” the waitress asked, holding the steaming carafe over my cup.

“Oh
, yes please.” I had to focus on my father. He had been talking this whole time while my head was in the clouds.

“So what do you think?” he asked. Uh oh, I needed to answer him and I had no idea on what.

I smiled and nodded my head. “Sounds good to me.”

“Great, I can’t wait to start on the project. I think the house would look good with
a bit of color.”

Thankfully it wasn’t a life altering decision I had helped him make. It was only about painting his new house.

“So how is Dallas? You two need to come by more often.”

“Yeah
, I know. I hardly see him anymore myself,” I admitted. I clenched my jaw, wishing I had not let that slip. For some reason I wanted my dad to think that my relationship was perfect, even though it wasn’t.

“Avery, I want to tell you something. Something I haven’t t
old anyone. Ever,” he admitted as he held my hand.

“Okay,” I mumbled. I was afraid he was letting me in on some horrible secret.

He sat back in his chair and released my hands. He took a sip of water and began, “Right after I left you and your mom, things seemed to be going perfectly fine with Rachel. We got along great and we were in love. Now this is hard to tell you because I don’t want you to think that I didn’t love your mother.” He paused, waiting for my approval to go on.

“I understand, D
ad. You can tell me,” I said. I had no idea where this was going, but he wanted to tell me, so I sat back and let him.

“Being with Rachel was different than being with your mom
. Rachel freed me almost. She was fun and wanted to travel; basically she wanted to spend my money.” I laughed abruptly at his terrible joke. It wasn’t funny that she stole from him, but the way he could kid around about it now seemed somehow hilarious.

“One night Rachel and I had been fighting about money
, as weird as that seems now. Such a trivial thing to fight about nowadays, but every couple fights about it.

She wanted to spend it and I wanted to save it. So we had a terrible argument and I left.” The way he spoke about this was almost like he was there at the time and place
, reliving it and giving me all the nasty details. “I went to a bar and drank away my sorrows. I was too drunk to drive so I called the only person I knew who would come get me; your mother.” I sat up straight, listening with more intent. “You were at a sleep over, so she came and got me. As I stumbled in the parking lot she helped me into her car. She drove me home to Rachel, but I didn’t want to go home to her. I begged your mother to give me another chance. I promised her that I would never make that terrible mistake again.

“I missed you and her so bad
ly that I ached at night to be in your home and to sleep in your mother’s arms, not Rachel’s. Do you know what your mother told me?”

I shook my head because I had no clue. I know what I would have done if he came to m
e and asked to come back as my daddy. I would have jumped into his arms and never let him go again.

“She told me no. Sh
e said that I had to stay with Rachel because I would only end up hurting her again. Your mother told me that my leaving her had killed her heart and she couldn’t handle that kind of hurt ever again.” His voice quivered, and he was close to tears while he talked. I saw his eyes turn red and he looked away for a moment, just long enough to wipe a tear away without me seeing. But I saw his hurt.

“I begged her to change her mind. I had sobered up a little by now and I knew what I was asking. I wanted to be with you
both again. I wanted her to forgive me. She said, ‘Richard, I forgive you for what you did to Avery and me.’ I felt so free and elated that she forgave me. I thought she would take me back but she told me to get out and go home.”

“I don’t understand why?” I was angry that we had a chance at getting my dad back and my mom turned him down. I could have had my dad in my life instead of living all those years without him. When she died he could have been the one to catch my tears.

“Well, I will tell you why I left the car that night. The only reason I got out was because she made me promise to leave town and never come back. She said that I had to stay away from her, and you.”

“What did you say?” I asked
, now on the edge of my seat.

“I told her no way
, but she retaliated and told me that if I didn’t she would tell you horrible lies about me. Lies so putrid that you would never want to get to know me.” My mouth fell open. Why would my mom do something like that to him? Why me? “I didn’t know what to say. I sat there in shock. She was going to tell you lies about me and make you hate me forever if I didn’t move away. She was going to ruin my chance at getting to know you later in life. Not to punish me, but to keep you safe, Avery. She didn’t want me to try to come back to you and her. She thought I would mess up again. Your mother couldn’t handle me hurting you again. At this point you were healing and living a normal life without me.” He reached across the table and took my trembling hands in his once more. “So I promised her I would stay away for good so that you would never have to be hurt again. Even though when she drove away from me that night I knew I wouldn’t have ever left you guys again. I made that mistake once. I fell to my knees and cried. I didn’t want to live without her and I didn’t want to live with Rachel either. I was stuck.”

“So what did you do?” I asked him.

“I moved to Laguna Beach and focused my life on work. I married Rachel and we had Cora. But not one day went by that I did not regret my life’s decisions.”
     “That’s horrible, Dad. You could have come back and she wouldn’t let you.” I was now feeling terrible things for my mom.

“I know why she did it. She did it to protect you both. I found out
that she died, but by then I was such a coward that I didn’t want to fight for custody of you. Your mother made it known in her will that Pauline was to raise you. So I didn’t fight for you, and I am so sorry.” Now the tears let loose and he let them fall on our bound hands. I had never known the truth about it. All these years and I was always thinking that he didn’t love me.

“She never spoke
bad about you, Dad. Not ever,” I admitted.

“I knew
she didn’t, but if I had tried to get her back, she would have.”

“Why did you tell me all of that?” I asked curiously. All t
his time and he never told me, so why now?

“Most people only meet their soul-mates once in their life.
Sometimes never. But you have met him four times. That’s exceptional love, Avery. I met mine and I let her fall between my fingers.”

“It’s not like that
, Dad. For some reason I wanted to be without him, I still don’t know why. But Ianni told me that I chose to reincarnate and try to live without him.” I had never told him that before. I felt like if he shared with me I would share as well. “I feel a bond to him, and it’s hard to ignore. But I love Dallas and I couldn’t hurt him again.”

“Avery, I thought the grass was greener
, and let me tell you, it wasn’t. It was full of weeds that tore me up and left me for dead. Don’t think with your heart. Think with your soul.” Never before has my head been so clear. It was like my dad opened up my past and let all the secrets out from my childhood. He answered all of the questions that haunted me about him for years. But when it came to my love life, I was a mess.

“You give good advice
, Dad, but Dallas is special. He isn’t like Rachel.” I felt a need to stick up for him, even though all he was doing was telling me to trust myself and have confidence in my decisions.

“This is your life
, Avery. Dallas is a wonderful young man, but Landon is your soul’s mate. You will never know a greater love than that.”

Chapter Eighteen

Moving

I hugged my dad goodbye after breakfast. On the walk back to my place I took a detour to the park again. For some reason I wanted to always be here, surrounded by the beautiful trees and the bright blue sky above.

I settled at a large oak and let the sun warm my face as I thought about
my dad’s words of advice. I didn’t know the truth about my own decisions that brought me back to Earth all the time. Why would I leave Home and come back here? Were my lives with Landon that terrible? No. I knew that answer because I had the memories of our pasts. I also had all the visions between us. We were as much in love as anyone could ever hope to be, if not more. Our love had spanned lifetimes and continued to grow. So much of our love made him powerful enough that he never forgot me, no matter how many times he was re-born.

So why did I leave him behind? I only punished him and forced him to look for me again.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Lillith said, landing beside me. I didn’t even jump from her intrusion. I was actually happy to see her. Her timing couldn’t have been better.

“Why
are you always here?” I asked.

“
I could ask you the same thing.”

“Come on
, Lillith, why is it? Are you spying on me?” I picked up one of her loose red feathers and twirled it. They were so soft and downy, and I couldn’t help but miss Ianni with them.

“I am watching Landon. He is over at the lake
, feeding the ducks,” she said with a laugh. It seemed like such an elderly thing to do. A single man who sits and feeds wildlife.

“I think he likes to sit in peace. He is
so confused lately,” Lillith admitted.

“Why?” I asked.

“His life is like a jigsaw puzzle, and because his memory was shaved, he is missing too many of his pieces. He isn’t complete and he doesn’t understand why.” Wow, it was such a good analogy that I could almost relate. Although, I still had my memories.

Too many puzzle pieces was my problem. So many that they didn’t have any place to fit in.

“Do you think he will ever remember?” I asked her as I searched the lake for him.

“I don’t know, to be honest.” She seemed so melancholy today. Not the same spunky Lillith that we all knew and hated. Finally I spotted him, throwing the rest of his bread in the water. He stood up and left.

“Do you think he might someday remember a little bit?” I asked
Lillith but she was gone. I looked down at my buzzing phone; Dallas was finally calling.




“Careful with that box
! It’s fragile,” I told Dallas as he helped me move the stuff I needed. I was moving in with him today. Ianni had already moved in two days prior and was settling in nicely. I had a harder time leaving behind my place. It wouldn’t be the same watching the sunrise; I wouldn’t be seeing it over the bay. I would be seeing it rise over the forest. It would already be high in the sky by the time I saw it. The trees would block my true view.

    
“Is this the last box?” Dallas asked as he balanced it on his hip. I nodded and grabbed the box. It was goodbye for now, but not forever. I would be back, this I somehow knew in my heart. I closed the door behind me and followed Dallas down the stairs.

We put the last of the boxes in the truck and he opened my door for me. I jumped up in the passenger side and he climbed
up. He gently kissed me on the cheek. “This will all be okay, I promise.”

“Such a thing to promise,” I blurted out. He looked at me quizzically for a moment then shut the door on me.
Rounding the truck, he got in on his side and we drove off in silence.

“What did you
mean by that?” Dallas asked as we pulled into his driveway. It had been a quiet drive here since I had pretty much shut down. I didn’t feel like moving in with him was the right thing to do. But when you do something and regret it right away, how do you take it back? How would I say that I didn’t want to move in without hurting him? I had already told him I would. I could feel myself turning from a strong, independent woman to the meek and mild Avery I had started out as when I first met him. I thought when you fell in love you grew stronger in your relationship, not weaker.

“What I meant was you can’t promise that she won’t come after me. You couldn’t promise that
Dedrick wouldn’t.” I opened the door and got out. Ianni met me in the driveway and helped me unpack my things.

Once we were upstairs she gave me a hug
. I hadn’t realized how much I had needed it from her. I knew she only moved in here for me. If she would’ve thought of herself she would still be back at the apartment, spending quality time with Beau.

“It’s going to work out the best it can. You
can’t take it all out on him,” she whispered. She was right. It wasn’t Dallas’ fault that I was in this situation, but I was taking it out on him.

“I know, b
ut I don’t see how she is going to just leave me alone now.”

“She
won’t until John takes care of her. I saw him last night,” she told me with a huge smile.

“Where?”
             

“He came here,” she began. “He is watching you and he said it’s
for the best that we are all together. Especially if she is after all of us. He can better protect us if we are all in one spot.”

“I can’t tell you how much better I feel now,” I admitted. I felt like a weight had been lifted off of me. Knowing John was here somewhere watching was a relief.

She left me alone so I could unpack my clothes. I pulled out my bridesmaid’s dress and placed it in the closet carefully. Next weekend was the wedding. I had a busy week ahead of me as I filled the role of Maid of Honor. I had to make sure the flowers were ready on the day of the wedding. I also had to keep the bride cool, calm, and beautiful. I heard the door open and I turned to see Dallas behind me. He held a glass of iced tea. A peace offering, perhaps?

“Avery, I know
it’s strange to you, but I will try my best to make you feel at home,” he said as he handed it to me.

“Dallas
, it’s not that staying here is strange. It’s being scared out of my own home by an evil darkness. I just want a normal life, I suppose.”

He caressed my shoulder and I leaned into him. He was solid,
as he always was, but for some odd reason he didn’t feel the same as he always had. He had felt like my future, but now it was like he was drifting away from me. I couldn’t stop it. Again, like so many times before, I felt like we were coming apart at the seams.

We held onto each other for so long that night
, grasping onto what we had within each other. Holding on for dear life to our relationship. While his trip to New York hung between us like an axe, ready to cut the tie that bound us together.

So much pressure can be put onto a couple. Would we succumb to it or
push through?




The next morning I walked down
stairs and left Dallas asleep in bed. I found everything I needed in the kitchen and made breakfast for the house. I did need to go shopping though. How these men lived in a house with such a bare fridge was beyond me. Once it was done I yelled upstairs, “Breakfast!” I set the table and poured the grapefruit juice into my cup. The only one to join me at the table was Landon. His hair was neatly brushed back and his face clean-shaven. He smelled like the salty sea air at the beach. I moved uncomfortably in my chair.

“Good m
orning, roomie,” he said as he dove into the breakfast. “Nice job, taste’s good.”

“Thanks. Where is everyone else?” I looked to the stairs, but no one came down.

“Sleeping. Dallas sleeps late. Didn’t you know that? I’m the early riser here and Ianni is also a late sleeper I learned. That girl can sleep.”

I did know that she liked to sleep
, but I felt stupid that I made breakfast for everyone and only he came down.

“
Whatcha’ got going on today?” he asked as he practically licked the plate clean. 

“I have to go to the flower shop and check on Kerri’s flowers,” I answered. He jumped up and put
saran wrap on the other plates. When I finished up he took my plate and washed it. I watched him wash the dishes and clean up my mess. He was so tidy, like me. It was odd to see your twin soul like this. I recognized the similarities.

Finishing, he
dried his hands on a towel then said, “Okay I’m ready.”

“Sorry
, ready for what?” I asked lamely.

“To
go look at flowers. You have at least another three hours before those sleepy heads get up,” he grabbed his shoes. “And I will drive you to the florist.”

I was dumbstruck. He didn’t really ask
, instead he just invited himself. As annoying as that was, it was sort of cute at the same time.

“Okay, let me get my shoes.” I ran upstairs and threw on some sandals. I walked over to Dallas’ sleepy head and kissed it. He didn’t even stir.