Touched (10 page)

“Well, there’ll be press, probably pictures taken and most likely things will be written that aren’t true or that exaggerate the truth. I’m sorry. I really have no way to stop them and sometimes they show up at the utmost unbelievable times and…” His eyes are looking down at our hands, his grip tightening the more he speaks, and he’s so tense. I tug on his hand, and his eyes move to mine. They get lighter, and I feel his hand relax. “Sorry. Here I’m trying to warn you on what a madhouse my life can be and I can’t even get used to it. It makes me crazy sometimes.” He chuckles, and I smile.

“Well, if we’re together when it happens we’ll just plaster on our fake smiles, nod a lot and not speak to anyone and be on our merry way, now won’t we.” I release his hand and take a big bite of the chicken, closing my eyes at the scrumptious taste that hits my mouth. “Damn, a God that can cook too. I’m in heaven.”

He sets his fork down on his plate without taking a bite. “Ok, another damper.” He takes my hand back, his thumb rubbing over the top in soft circling motions. “Jade, I hope you realize I only want what’s best for you and for you to be happy.”
Ok, this doesn’t sound good. What’s he leading up to?
I just give him a small smile, and he continues. “I’m sorry how I delved into your past and I’m not even sure I figured out everything but I want you to know you can talk to me. Anytime. And if you’re not comfortable talking to me yet, I do know some people I’ve used that you can talk to and they are exceptionally good.” I swallow hard at the thought of talking to him or anyone else, and I’m sure he can see the look of horror on my face. His other hand reaches over and covers ours. “It’s just talking, Jade, nothing major. Just talking. Getting things out to someone you don’t know, who doesn’t know you. They can really help give suggestions to help you deal with things or just put things in the past where they belong. Just think about it. Okay?”

I finally swallow that huge lump and feel all the caring and possibly love that’s flowing through me. They’re strange but wonderful feelings, but yet confusing. “Knox, I love how much you want me to be happy and trying to help me. I really do. I… I’ve never had anyone do that before and I don’t…”

“Hey, it’s ok. I know from experience how hard it is to put things to rest that are in your past. Believe me. I’m still working on mine.” I tilt my head, my brows lower as I consider what he’s said. Does he have a bad past too? Will he ever share it with me? I hope so, I need him to. I want to know everything about him. “Ok, that’s enough gloom.” He winks at me and gives me his sexy grin. “Let’s finish eating and watch a movie.” Yep, he’s hiding it and doesn’t want to tell me. I’ll get it out of him one way or another. After all, he wants me to open up to him so turnaround is fair play.

My stomach is stuffed, but I’m so happy. I helped clean up the kitchen even though he fussed about it the whole time, then we went into the living room and settled on the couch and watched a movie. I remember parts of it, but my eyes got heavy so fast. I seem to tire easily as I’m still healing.

“Stop. I’ll be good, I promise. Please! Please! Stop!”

My brain is foggy when I feel the bed shaking like an earthquake and when I open my eyes, Knox is thrashing around on the bed beside me. His body all tangled up with his legs in the sheets. He’s lying on his stomach, his fists clenching his pillow and his face wet with his tears. I don’t even remember how I got into bed, but he’s scaring me with his apparent nightmare.

“Ow! I won’t tell him! I’ll be good! Please, no more!” His screaming is loud, echoing in the room.

I’m almost afraid to touch him. Are you supposed to wake someone up from a nightmare or let them ride it out? Shit! I don’t know what to do. Finally, I can’t take it anymore. To see him in such agony is ripping my heart apart, so I turn, put my hands on his shoulders and shake. Nothing. He’s still thrashing and screaming. I shake him harder and harder and scream his name. “KNOX! KNOX WAKE UP, HONEY!” He bolts from the bed, his chest heaving with his rapid breaths. His hands up in front of him like he’s trying to stop something from getting close, and his face white as a ghost with sweat beaded all over his body, even his pajama pants look damp. I crawl to his side of the bed, finding the sheets damp, and I know the look on my face is showing my fear. He looks as if his head is clearing as he looks around the room. His eyes blinking, then they close for a brief moment and then open again, and our eyes meet. His are wide with fear, and mine soften as if trying to help an injured animal.

I reach my hand out to him, and he looks at me skeptically but finally, he takes my hand, and I lead him to me. He sits on the bed and puts his arms around me immediately, holding me so tight I can’t breathe, but I don’t care. His body shakes and I can feel the moistness from his tears as he buries his face into my neck. Rubbing his back soothingly and trying to comfort him, I feel so out of my element, but I’ll do anything to try to help take away his fears. We sit there for what seems like hours, but his head finally lifts and his eyes search mine for something. I’m not sure what.

“My father divorced my mother when I was three, we never heard from her after that, not that she was really around during their marriage anyway. She always blamed me for almost dying while delivering me and never got over it. My stepmother wasn’t any better, actually much worse. She resented me because I was just there, jealous because of my father’s attention. Father worked a lot and when he was home she was sweet to me, almost caring, but as soon as he’d leave, sometimes traveling for days at a time, she’d find ways to beat me, normally with one of his belts.” He looks down at our entwined hands as he speaks, and I gasp, pulling one of my hands from his and covering my mouth. Oh, my God! No wonder he tried to kill that disgusting man who was beating me with his belt. I can’t imagine beating a little boy, not loving him, not caring for him and helping him to be the man he should be. I’m so surprised that Knox isn’t a violent person living with that as a young boy.

“Where’s your father now? Why didn’t he try to stop her? Why… How could he let this happen?”

“Don’t…” His pleading eyes move up to mine. “Don’t feel sorry for me, I couldn’t take it. I… I just want you to know this because… Well, I haven’t had nightmares in years but with everything that’s happened recently it’s made me remember things. Things I thought I had buried deep but… But after seeing you the other night being…” His hands unclasp from mine and wrap around me, bringing me close to him. My arms and hands move around his neck and I now feel my own tears sliding down my face. “When I saw that vile man’s belt hit against your skin I wanted to kill him. I wanted to… I would have killed for you. I would have gone to prison for you. I… I love you, Jade.”

My fingers stop twisting in his hair and my entire body stills. Did he just say he loved me? I knew Amber said he was falling fast, and I could feel it too but isn’t this too soon? We both seem like we have so many past issues to deal with, are we even right for each other? My head is swimming in confusion as he grasps my upper arms and pushes me back just enough to look at me closely. I open my mouth to say – something, but nothing comes out. I don’t know what to say, more or less think right now. He brushes some of my long hair away from my face and smiles. “You don’t have to say anything, Angel. Just know that I love you and I’ll never stop loving you. I can’t help it. You’re burned in my mind, heart and soul now. I don’t expect you to say it back. I can feel how you feel about me and I’m happy with whatever you’ll give me.” He catches a single tear of mine on his finger as his lips softly touch mine. “My father? He wasn’t much better but she would do those horrible things when he wasn’t around, when he was away working. She said… She said she would hurt Tabbie if I told him. I couldn’t… I couldn’t let her hurt my sister. I…”

Trying to lighten the mood, I stand and take a deep breath. “Hey! Why don’t I change the sheets while you go take a quick shower?” His mouth perks up on one side as he stands and takes my hands. His shaking gone and he seems much calmer now.

“Why don’t we change the sheets and then go take a shower together.” His eyebrows waggle and I let out a surprise giggle.

“Hmmm, I think we’ve had enough excitement tonight.” He squeezes my hands, gives my lips a peck and then starts to walk to the closet.

“Spoil sport,” he laughs. After walking into the huge closet, he comes out with sheets and hands them to me. “I won’t be long.” He kisses me again, a little longer this time, then turns away to head to the bathroom but yells over his shoulder. “I expect cuddling when I return.”

I watch his fine ass in his pajama pants until he’s almost to the door. “That I can do!” I yell back and watch when his head turns my way, he gives me a wink and his sexy smile that I love so much and then enters the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

What in the hell have I gotten myself into this time? Pulling the clean fragranced sheets up to my chest I sigh, then my lips turn into a huge smile. I can do cuddling.

§ § § §

I couldn’t take a shower fast enough, but as soon as I stood under the water my thoughts ran wild. What was I thinking telling her that so soon? What am I, crazy? Yes, crazy in love. I hope I didn’t just ruin everything and push her away. She froze after I said it. Froze solid. Damn! She’s probably going to run for the hills now, and I’ll never find her again. I smack my forehead with my hand, the water spraying me in the face. Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! What a fucking fool I am. When will I ever learn to keep my mouth shut? I shut the water off, dry myself with a towel and run a comb through my hair. When I flip off the light and walk into the room I stop short. There she is, in my bed. She’d changed the sheets and is under the covers sound asleep, but turned the covers down on my side for me. The moonlight from the window is hitting just right on the bed, and she looks like an angel, her face glowing. Her hair fanned all around the pillow, and she almost looks like she’s praying with her hands pressed together under her beautiful face.

Walking softly across the room, I slip into bed, pull up the covers, and before I can get settled, I lift up my arm as she rolls over next to me, her head laying on my chest, her arm slung over my waist, so I pull my arm around her, and she snuggles even closer, sighing softly. This is heaven. This is what I’ve been missing in my life. Raising my head, I kiss the top of hers and then lay back on the pillow, looking at the ceiling. Now I can’t sleep. I don’t want to miss a single second of our cuddling. Why have I waited so long to be with someone, someone who means something? It’s because I hadn’t found her yet. My heart stops when she moans softly but then burrows her face into my neck and stills again so my arm tightens around her, and my heart is full of love.

You know that state where you’re not fully asleep, but you’re not really awake either? That’s where I am, only I’m having the best dream, so real I can actually feel it. “Ungh!” Damn! My eyes open slowly and look down my body until they land on Jade. She’s in between my legs, her full lips encasing my cock, then she slides them up and her tongue peeks out and licks the tip. I almost came right then. My hands find the top of her head, my fingers twisting into her soft hair as she sucks and when her hand starts fondling my balls and kneading them some of my liquid squirts into her mouth. “Jade.” Her eyes look up at me, her mouth turning into a smile, but quickly she goes back to work. Between her luscious mouth and her magical hands, I lose it completely in a matter of minutes. “ANGEL!” My moan comes out in a force as I cum harder than ever before. My body is numb, and I feel beads of perspiration on my forehead. My eyes close but what is really killing me is the need to be inside her. But I know she’s not ready for that, so I release all I have into her mouth, trying to calm my heartbeat and breathing.

I open my eyes as she crawls up my body until she’s close enough to crush her lips to mine. My arms wrap around her and hold her tight. “Good morning,” she whispers against my mouth. I lean my head up a bit and attach to her warm and moist mouth, tasting a little of myself on her tongue. My hands slide down until they’re cupping her cute bottom, but careful of the left one, since it’s not completely healed yet.

“Mmmmm, morning.” Our kissing becomes heated again, I roll us over until I’m half on top of her, with my hand finding her left breast, tweaking the nipple with my finger and thumb then squeezing softly. My cock starts to come to life again, so I’m thinking I need to end this, or I’ll be inside her before I have a chance to stop it. “Let me make you breakfast, Angel.” She kisses me again, harder, and I can feel her racing heartbeat against my chest. My mouth breaks free, and I look into her eyes. “I won’t be able to stop, Jade.” Her bottom lip jets out, her lips turning in the cutest pout, and I move off her, take her hand and pull her off the bed with me. “You’re gonna be the death of me.”

She laughs and as we start to walk out the door, she rises on her tiptoes, kisses me quickly and turns towards the bathroom. “Oh, but what a way to go.” I smile as I watch her enter through the bathroom doorway, turning her head at me and winks. “I’ll be there in a few minutes. Don’t start without me.” And with that she closes the door.

I feel happy, like I can walk on air, like everything’s right with the world and nothing can stop it. So this is what love feels like. My phone is ringing in the kitchen, so I step up my pace and answer quickly.

“Bro! What’s shakin’?” Tabitha’s voice shrills into my ear, and I laugh. That used to make me crazy, but this morning it just makes me laugh. “Knox. KNOX!” My laughter dies down to a chuckle. “Are you ok? Are you high or something?”