To Be With You (19 page)

Sean knew Justin was right. He set his palm to his forehead. He’d been so clueless. He saw Nicole emerge through the bathroom door, smiling and laughing with the other girls, and wanted to kick himself. Had he really allowed himself to think he was superior in some way? He really hadn’t meant that she was damaged. Perhaps all he’d really been trying to say was that she was wounded, and he didn’t want to add to those wounds. He was scared to death he would. And he’d be so much guiltier than other men for doing so, because he would have known how much it would hurt her.

“I saw that look in your eye,” Justin said. “You don’t want to hurt her. Well newsflash buddy: we hurt each other. She’s hurt you for years. And she’s not as fragile as you think. Whatever she told you she’s been through, or whatever you think she’s been through, she survived it. What makes you think she couldn’t survive you?”

Sean laughed, letting out all the air that had felt like it had been trapped in his chest since he first saw them come into the club together.

“You’re right,” he said. “And she’s right.” He waved to Nicole who was settling back on the chair but looking over at them with a hesitant smile. “She doesn’t need me.”

“But it looks like she does want you,” Justin said. “At least, right now it looks like she wants us over there with her buffering against Ben.”

Sean smiled, genuinely, softly, at her back after she turned. Right as she did, Ben looked over at them. He caught Sean’s stare, and winked at him.

Oh dear, Sean thought. I’m going to kill him.

He picked up several cups and Justin did the same, and they walked over to the girls and Ben. As they did, Sean took several slow breaths. Justin’s reminder that Nicole wasn’t so easily broken had really helped lower the urgency of the situation for him. It also made him look at Justin a little differently, because while Sean wasn’t the most observant of people, even he had to notice that Justin was just a little too intense when talking about people who have been through things. Just one of those things you sort of file away about a person.

As they sat they handed the girls the glasses. Ben and Nicole turned theirs down. Sean sank into the couch and thought about Justin’s words and the last couple weeks.

He remembered Nicole’s hurt expression and wide eyes when he’d called her damaged. He winced. He remembered that she often said something about wanting to change, to like better men, to be more normal. Was that to be liked or to be loved? And was it for a man she wanted, or was it so that she could like the right man? Sean figured the latter. When Cheri moved to sit on him, he scooted to the arm of the chair, smiling at her.

“Sorry Cheri, if you’re in my lap I just can’t focus on the other guests as well.”

She pouted.

“But I’ll be right here, closest to you and we can still tell secrets and laugh about people.” He gave her what he thought equated to a charming smile, and she returned it.

He realized he should probably be paying more attention to the group. Ben had become pretty wrapped up in talking to Justin. Nicole looked between them nervously. He tuned in. He noticed that Nicole was now in the chair and Ben was on the arm. That was a little more gentlemanly at least.

“Stop it,” Nicole said quietly to Ben.

“No,” Ben said. “I want to know.”

Nicole shook her head. She felt even more trapped now that Ben had pushed her into the chair and taken the arm. She didn’t want to sit and watch while Ben tried to figure out if Justin was gay. Why, oh why, did they come in tonight? Was she five-years-old? Trying to play damsel in distress just to see Sean act the hero.

“I’m just saying, I wouldn’t judge if you were,” Ben said, holding his hands out. “But you’re here without a date, hanging out with all these girls. And you, well, you have kind of a girly face.”

“How many drinks did he have at dinner?” Justin said, raising an eyebrow at Nicole.

“One or two,” Nicole said, wishing it was more and that her date wasn’t just a natural pain in the butt. “I’m sorry Justin. We’ll just go.” She started to stand again but was pushed down again a little less gently than before.

Justin narrowed his eyes on Ben’s hand on her shoulder. She looked over to Sean, but he seemed a bit glazed over. Who knew what went on in that brain? She wondered if she should get his attention, but it wasn’t his fault they were in this situation, it was hers.

“I’m not leaving,” Ben said. “You dragged me here and now we’re here. I paid for your dinner and we’re going to have a date.”

“Nicole should be able to leave if she wants to,” Justin said. “Right Sean?”

Sean seemed to snap out of his daze at that. “Yes. What?” His eyes took in the scene.

“So you’re gay right?” Ben kept on, keeping his voice somewhat low.

“Why, you interested?” Justin asked. Nicole felt Ben’s fingers curl into her.

“Interested in beating your—.”

“Try it,” Justin interrupted, bored.

“No.” Ben said. “There are better things to do here.” He turned and put a hand on either side of Nicole’s chair, caging her off.

“Stop it Ben,” she muttered. “You are making a fool of yourself.” She hoped Sean wasn’t watching. She’d wanted him to be jealous, but now that something was actually happening, she just wanted to sink into the floor and disappear.

“In case you didn’t notice, there are a lot of women here. Not that many men. Maybe you’d better treat your date nicer, or I’ll go talk to one of them.”

“Ugh. I wouldn’t inflict that on any of them.” She folded her arms, determined to let him harass her. No one else should have to bear the brunt of her stupidity.

Sean felt his neck grow hot as Ben turned to lean over Nicole, blocking her from his view. He could see Nicole’s legs squirm underneath. But he had no excuse to interfere. Not unless she said something. Not unless she asked for help. He’d told her she’d have to ask him if she wanted him to protect her again.

But what if she didn’t remember? Ben turned around and grinned at him, and Sean nearly jumped on him right there. He didn’t know if he was necking Nicole or just intimidating her, he just knew he didn’t deserve to do it, whatever it was. Why was she letting Ben do this? Maybe Justin was wrong. Maybe she didn’t like Sean. Why would she let this guy touch her?

He looked at Justin, who was watching the scene with an angry expression. It wasn’t appropriate for the club, and other women were starting to notice.

Nicole let out something like a grunt, or a cough, and Sean looked at Justin, and Justin stood. Sean probably thought that was best. Maybe they could avoid a fight. Maybe they could just put it behind them and all go home with no one going to jail.

Nicole wiggled and cringed away from Ben, hating the smell of his sweat, the smell of his cologne. She wished it was Sean, wondered if she wouldn’t find the man smell disgusting then.

“Oh come on, I bought dinner, I’ve taken you out twice. You had to know we’d do something.”

“Not here.”

“You brought me here.”

“I regret it,” Nicole said, dodging his slimy tongue. “Why do you keep looking at him?”

“That’s the friend you told me about, right?” he said. “Bet he’s jealous now.”

“You’re going to make him beat you up.” She pushed at his chest.

He licked her ear. “He couldn’t beat me up.”

“Yes he could,” she said. “He trains in Tae Kwon Do.”

“Yeah well, I do MMA with my buddies,” he said. “And we beat the crap out of Tae Kwon dopes.”

Nicole flushed, remembering what Sean had said about TKD being more for sport than practicality. It seemed like she had probably made a huge mistake in calculating who was going to beat whom tonight. Oh, the only thing worse than Sean not doing anything about this would be Sean failing when he tried.

As she ignored Ben’s hands and words, she wished she’d never been so damaged. She wished that she had been protected when she was younger, rather than used. Maybe then she wouldn’t be in this situation.

Having a man fight for you wasn’t romantic, though she may have imagined it, back when she was with her stepdad, with the other men who’d used her. She’d loved to think that someone, maybe it had always been Sean, would fly in and pull them off and make everything okay. A tan hand reached over Ben’s shoulder and pulled him back.

“Okay, time to go,” Justin said, pulling him off.

“Get off me fag.” Ben pushed him away, turned back to Nicole.

“That word isn’t welcome here,” Justin said. “And I’m not gay.” He grabbed Ben by the shoulder and yanked him off. Ben stumbled and landed on his butt. Nicole couldn’t help it, her nervousness erupted in giggles.

That drew Sean’s attention. No, she realized, he’d been watching all along, with little creases of concern around his eyes and mouth, while Cheri tried unsuccessfully to draw back his attention. Cheri then noticed the scene and went quiet, as did several of the girls in the group.

Before they had much time to watch Ben simmer on the floor, they heard a loud crack and saw Justin hit the floor, clutching his leg where it had been swept. Ben jumped up and delivered a nasty kick to Justin’s ribs, Justin just grunted and tried to reach for Ben’s leg. So unfair, Justin hadn’t been trying to fight at all. So dirty. She saw Sean jump up, run to Justin. Nicole tried to do the same but was shoved back onto the chair.

“Now that the fag is out of the way let’s get back to torturing the big dumb-”

She closed her eyes and wished she’d had self-defense training. She tried to imagine that this wasn’t so bad, so that Sean wouldn’t think she was in trouble and would take care of Justin, probably call the police. But she felt Ben pulling away and looked up to see another hand on his shoulder. A larger, darker one than Justin’s.

“No!” She said, reaching to pull Ben back. “Don’t. Just call the police, take care of—”

“Justin is fine.” He pulled Ben up to face him.

Nicole jumped out of the chair and went over to Justin. There wasn’t really a need, because while he’d been trying to stand, muttering something about ‘dirty cheat,’ several women had been fawning over him. Now they all looked up at Sean, where he stood facing Ben.

“Now you’ve done it. Didn’t you see what happened to the last guy?”

Sean just glared, arms folded. “You need to go.”

“Oh? Jealous?” Ben reached for Nicole’s arm and tried to drag her back to the chair but Sean stepped between them.

Ben put his fists up. Nicole gasped. The room felt silent, like things were in slow motion. She was going to see her best friend hurt. It was all her fault. She couldn’t just sit still and do nothing. She pulled out her phone, dialed 911 and handed it to Cheri, telling her to call the police. Then, still in slow-mo, saw Ben launch a punch at Sean.

She ran towards the men, feeling she couldn’t have been slower if she’d been wading in mud, wishing she could intercept the fist. She heard a smack of contact and stopped. But no one hit the ground.

“You child.”

Sean caught Ben’s fist, and applied force to it and twisted. Ben cringed and whined.

“So you want to bully women, start fights?” Sean threw Ben’s fist back at him. He could feel adrenaline surging, powering his muscles, and making him feel shakier, but faster, calm. Like he was breathing caffeine. He’d earned this by what he’d been doing over Nicole. Like a beast. Like every man who’d used her own size and decency against her. When this was over, he was going to teach her self-defense.

It was time for reckoning. The man had already assaulted two people. He cracked his knuckles. It wasn’t like a movie, or a video game, where the hero says catchy lines and the crowd cheers. It was simply the right thing to do, and it didn’t make him feel heroic. And it was something he’d done so many times for her, in his own head. And fighting was no problem. He’d been in hundreds of fights, could apply force without violent intent, and could keep control even when his nerves were on fire.

He released Ben’s hand and Ben stumbled, nearly hitting Nicole, who’d been rushing up to them. To protect Ben? Or himself? Nicole answered his question by dodging Ben and running to Sean.

“It’s not worth it. Let’s wait for the police,” she said, holding his arm.

Sean shook his head. “Go get the other girls, go over to the couch,” he said.

She nodded and went to grab the girls with Justin.

Ben watched her with narrowed eyes, looking like he’d rather fight her than Sean. Sean didn’t blame him.

“Alright,” Ben said, putting his hands up. “I’m leaving.”

“No,” Sean said. “You’ve assaulted two people.” He moved in front of Ben to block the door. “You’re going to wait for the police.”

Ben shook his head, trying to pass. Sean grabbed his hand, twisted the wrist and caught his elbow with his other hand, spinning the man into a chicken wing hold. Ben yelped, but couldn’t move without risking his wrist or elbow breaking. Sean pushed him to the ground, maintaining the hold.

Justin had managed to pull himself into the armchair, and though he was favoring his leg, he looked more angry than hurt. The girls watched from the couch. Ben tried to spin out of the hold. Sean liked the way his eyes bulged, the way his sweat made his hair look even thinner. He pushed him back down and sat on his back to wait for the cops. He smiled up at Nicole, completely satisfied with the night’s outcome.

She smiled back. Ben wriggled beneath him and Sean almost felt grateful to the little punk. There would be a lot to talk about later tonight, and he knew Nicole felt the same. He could feel it in the intangible current between them.

T
hey walked out on the beach. The sky was beautiful, monochromatic blue, from lighter at the horizon to darker at the top, where the moon hid behind the clouds, lighting them with silver and gray.

“I’m glad the cops can use this in his other case,” she said, looking out at the ocean, which rolled in navy and silver. “The one with the restraining order.”

“Yeah,” Sean said. “Me too.” He tried not to stare at Nicole’s face. He’d been addicted to doing so since he’d first locked eyes with her after sitting on Ben. She’d never looked at him that way before. It was addictive.