Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck (3 page)

Pay. Fucking. Attention
.

When you are measuring ingredients, double-check that shit. There’s a big difference between ½ teaspoon of salt and ½ tablespoon. One is going to complete a dope dinner and the other is going to end with a plate of regret. And yeah, sometimes your measuring cups are dirty and you’re tempted to eyeball measurements out of laziness. Here is a cheat sheet of what equals what so you can just use another tool instead of fucking shit up:

And did you know that liquid measurements aren’t the same as dry measurements? Fucking ridiculous, right? If you try to
measure out 1 cup of water in that scoop you measure flour in, it will come up short because you can’t go all the way to the top without spilling. Grab one of those glass measuring cups for liquids at the store and handle your shit right. Keep the liquid stuff in the liquid measure and the dry stuff in the dry measure and you’re good to fucking go.

You Do You

Now that you’ve got your measurements on point, you should know that recipes are just a guide. Ha. But for real, we wrote this shit so a stranger could get down on what is being served up, but you know what the fuck you like. Taste while you’re cooking, not right before you are about to serve it when it’s too late to change shit. If you think it needs more spices, add more spices. If it needs more salt, add some more. Shake in some hot sauce or a little pepper. You know how you like your food. Trust yourself. Just go easy because you can’t take seasoning out once you add it, but you can always add more. Make these recipes your own; make notes if you need to. We don’t give a shit. It’s your book. GET FUCKING WILD.

Recipe Remix

In a bunch of places in the book we offer ideas for substitutions in case you can’t find one of the ingredients, or don’t want to go all the way to the store for just one fucking item. These are the most common swaps we could think of, but the options are endless. Feel free to try and mix shit up on your own, but use some goddamn sense. Out of tomato sauce? Not a problem, just...PUT THE FUCKING KETCHUP BACK. NO. NOT THE SAME THING....Like we were saying, just throw some diced tomatoes in a blender. Think about that shit. When you are switching things out, consider how some ingredients have different cooking times, or contain more or less liquid—which can change the whole dish’s taste or consistency. Also think of what role a food you’re switching out plays in the dish. Is it the main ingredient? Is it a seasoning? Is it filler?
Thinking that shit through, you’ll realize you can’t substitute basil for spinach in a salad because spinach is a main ingredient, but you can add spinach in place of some basil when you are making pesto because that is just one flavor component. Just slow down and use some goddamn sense.

Venturing into the Unknown Unknowns

If you don’t like an ingredient, say mushrooms, then don’t try a recipe where the main ingredient is a motherfucking mushroom. And don’t go thinking you can just leave out some core ingredient like that and the dish will still work out. That shit is not going to fly in any recipe. EVER. Either try to live your life without making that dish (be strong), or substitute something else and accept the risks. If you’re going to trail-blaze, then own your mistakes as much as your triumphs. Don’t fucking email us when you try switching bananas out for bell peppers and you’re disappointed with how it tasted.

And write it down so you never fucking repeat it.

With all that said, cooking isn’t fucking rocket science. You eat food every day. You should know what the fuck is going on. Just pay attention when you’re cooking, trust your taste buds, don’t trying adding weird shit without thinking, and you’ll be fine. After you have been doing this a bit, you won’t have to work so hard and dinner will take no time at all. Future you will crush it in the kitchen.

So you’re ready to cook, but when you open your cupboard there’s nothing but an assortment of small condiment packets collected from nearly every fast-food restaurant within a delivery radius of your place. We’re going to fix that shit. Let the ketchup and soy sauce packets go now. You won’t be needing them.

Basic Tools for Kitchen Domination

You need some simple tools to get the job done at dinner, but it doesn’t have to be a bunch of expensive bullshit.
Oh, I need to spend 80 dollars on this Japanese ice mold because drinks taste better with round ice?
Fuck off, unnamed pricey kitchen shop. We’re not buying your fuckery. Hell, you could even get a lot of the stuff on this list at a yard sale or at a dollar store. Who the fuck needs an avocado slicer? A person without any goddamn sense, that’s who. Stick to this basic list and you will be set for almost anything.

Give yourself some time and eventually you’ll get all this shit. Don’t stress if your kitchen doesn’t look right after a month. It took us a couple years to get our kitchen cabinets on point. You will be turning out dope food in no time, even if you just have a knife, a spoon, and a bowl. We know you; you’re scrappy as fuck.

Staple Ingredients on Lock

You don’t need to run out and blow a whole paycheck on this shit right now. Yeah it looks like a lot, but you will build up your pantry as you cook new recipes and buy a bunch of staple ingredients. The more you cook using these items, the cheaper your meals will get. Sure, you have to drop 3 dollars on a jar of ground cumin now, but you will use that shit for months and months before you have to buy it again. Look over the list below and keep it in the back of your mind for when these fuckers go on sale.