Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck (8 page)

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But for real, you can use whatever flour you use to bake—brown rice, all-purpose . . . it won’t make a difference
.

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Almond milk is always advised but use what you got
.

MAPLE BERRY GRITS

Grits don’t get enough love at breakfast. They are creamy, slightly sweet, and full of fiber. you’ve had enough oatmeal; it’s about damn time to try something new.

MAKES ENOUGH FOR 4, OR A SOLID SOLO BREAKFAST FOR 4 DAYS

2 cups water

2 cups almond or other nondairy milk

1 cup stoneground grits*

¼ to ½ teaspoon salt

1 to 2 teaspoons maple syrup or your favorite liquid sweetener

Your favorite jam

Fresh berries

1
Grab a medium saucepan and bring the water and milk to a boil over medium heat. Gently whisk in the grits and ¼ teaspoon salt. Don’t just dump it all in and spill water everywhere—show some fucking care, man. Bring it all to a boil and then reduce that heat to low. Cover the pot and then let that deliciousness simmer for 20 minutes. Stir the fucker on occasion while you sip your coffee and troll the Internet, ’cause you don’t want anything sticking to the bottom.

2
When the grits have absorbed most of the liquid and are tender, turn that flame off and add 1 teaspoon of maple syrup. Taste and add the rest of the salt and syrup if you think it needs it. That’s on you. Serve with a small scoop of your favorite jam on top and some fresh berries so it looks all classy as fuck.

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Not that instant bullshit
.

BAKED OKRA
AND
POTATO HASH

It’s a damn shame if you haven’t tried okra and potatoes together for breakfast. Hurry the fuck up and right this wrong.

MAKES ENOUGH FOR 2 TO 3 AS A SIDE

Cooking spray

1 pound yellow or red potatoes

½ yellow onion

1 pound okra

2 teaspoons olive oil

2 tablespoons cornmeal

Dash of ground pepper

¼ teaspoon salt

½ teaspoon paprika

2 cloves garlic, minced

1½ teaspoons minced fresh rosemary

1 tablespoon lemon juice

Hot sauce, for serving

1
Crank your oven to 425°F. Lightly coat a large rimmed baking sheet with cooking spray.

2
Chop the potatoes into pieces about the size of a nickel (skins and all if you can hang), chop up the onion, and slice the okra into ¼-inch pieces. Okra can be kinda slimy when you cut it up. Just deal with it and fucking move on. In a medium bowl, toss together 1 teaspoon of the olive oil and the sliced okra. Mix well. Add the cornmeal, pepper, and
1
⁄
8
teaspoon of the salt and mix again. The cornmeal will make the okra less slimy; trust. Pour all that onto half of the baking sheet.

3
Throw the potato and onion into the bowl that just held the okra. Add the last 1 teaspoon oil, the paprika, and last
1
⁄
8
teaspoon salt and mix it up. Pour this onto the other half of the baking sheet and put that motherfucker in the oven. After about 20 minutes, add the garlic and rosemary to the potato side of the sheet and stir that up. Stir the okra around too and put that fucker right back in the oven to finish cooking. Bake until the okra starts to brown and crisp up, another 20 to 25 minutes.

4
When the okra is crispy and the potatoes are browned and tender, take it out of the oven and sprinkle the lemon juice over the entire dish. Mix the potatoes and okra together and serve immediately with your favorite hot sauce.

FRUIT SALAD
SMOOTHIE

You could also make this a parfait to crank up the fiber and fullness factor: Sprinkle a layer of ground flaxseeds and rolled oats for every cup of smoothie you pour in the glass. eat with a spoon or grab a big-ass straw.

MAKES 1 SMOOTHIE

2 cups fresh spinach

5 pieces frozen bananas, each about 1½ inches long (roughly 1½ bananas)

1 cup tap or coconut water

½ cup orange juice

½ rounded cup frozen strawberries

¼ cup frozen blueberries

Throw all that in a blender and let it do its thing. Taste and add more of whatever you want. If you want it thicker, add more banana. This is obviously the kind of thing you eat right away so slam it down as soon as it’s ready.

SPICED CHICKPEA WRAPS
WITH TAHINI DRESSING

This captures the smoky flavor of a falafel without all the fucking work.

MAKES 4 BIG WRAPS

TAHINI DRESSING

¼ cup tahini*

3 tablespoons warm water

1½ tablespoons lemon juice

1 tablespoon rice vinegar

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 teaspoon soy sauce or tamari

2 cloves garlic, minced

SPICED CHICKPEAS

1 tablespoon olive oil

3 cups cooked chickpeas**

2 tablespoons lemon juice

1 teaspoon maple syrup

1 teaspoon soy sauce or tamari

2 teaspoons smoked paprika

2 teaspoons ground cumin

1 teaspoon garlic powder

¼ to ½ teaspoon cayenne pepper

4 large wraps or flour tortillas

Spinach

Cucumber sticks

Carrot sticks

1
To make the dressing, mix all that shit together in a small glass until it is smooth and creamy. Set it in the fridge.

2
Now get the chickpeas going. Heat up the olive oil in a large skillet or wok over medium-high heat. Add the chickpeas and fry them until they start to turn gold and pop around a bit. You’ll see what the fuck we mean. This will take 3 to 5 minutes. In a small glass, mix together the lemon juice, maple syrup, and soy sauce. When the chickpeas are lookin’ right, pour the lemon juice mixture over them and stir. Let that shit evaporate for about 30 seconds and then add all the spices. Stir and let them all fry together for another 30 seconds and then turn off the heat.

3
Serve these spiced sons of bitches in a wrap with some spinach leaves and thinly sliced carrot and cucumber sticks. Drizzle some dressing over it and wrap that shit up.

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This is like peanut butter but made out of sesame seeds. It will be near the nut butters or falafel mix at the store
.

**
Two 15-ounce cans if you aren’t simmering that shit yourself