Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck (10 page)

MOROCCAN
SPICED COUSCOUS

Couscous? Oranges? Cinnamon? In a savory dish? Go on, try that shit. We fucking dare you.

MAKES ENOUGH FOR 2 TO 4 AS A SIDE

1½ cups couscous

¼ teaspoon salt

½ teaspoon ground cinnamon

½ teaspoon paprika

1
⁄
8
teaspoon ground cumin

1½ cups boiling water

1½ tablespoons olive oil

2½ tablespoons rice vinegar

2 to 3 cups spinach*

1 cup chopped orange segments**

1
Mix the couscous, salt, and spices in a medium saucepot with a tight-fitting lid. Add the boiling water to the couscous mix without splashing it around and burning the fuck out of your hand. Stir everything up and quickly put on the lid. Let it rest for at least 8 minutes. The couscous should absorb all the water while you wait and it should be tender when you take off the lid. Easy shit.

2
While your ass is waiting, mix together the olive oil and rice vinegar in a small glass. Chop up the spinach into thick ribbons.

3
When the couscous is ready, stir it around with a fork to fluff it up, add the dressing to it, and stir it up some more until it is mixed. Gently fold in the orange pieces and spinach. Season to your fucking taste . Serve cold or at room temperature.

*
Shredded kale would be cool too
.

**
It takes about 5 small oranges to get there but if you have bigger oranges it should only take 1 or 2
.

ROASTED BROCCOLI
AND MILLET
PILAF

Millet might look like birdseed, but it packs a shitton of heart-healthy magnesium and it’s cheap as hell. Try something new and give your heart a chance to get broken instead of attacked.

MAKES ENOUGH FOR 4 AS A SIDE

1 crown broccoli

1 teaspoon plus 1 tablespoon olive oil

1 cup uncooked
millet

2 cups water

Salt and ground pepper

5 cloves
roasted garlic

1 tablespoon lemon juice

1
Crank your oven to 400°F. Grab a rimmed baking sheet.

2
Cut the broccoli into chunks no bigger than your thumb. Toss the broccoli with 1 teaspoon of the oil, pour it in one layer on the baking sheet, and roast the broccoli until it looks a little charred, about 20 minutes.

3
While the broccoli is roasting, make the millet. Grab a medium saucepan and throw it over a medium heat, no oil needed. Add the millet and stir it around until it smells toasted or until you’re over it, about 2 minutes. This helps the millet taste nuttier and more awesome, but if you don’t give a damn about depth of flavor, you could just move the fuck on. Pour in the water and a pinch of salt and bring this all to a boil. Now turn down the heat so that the pot is at a simmer, cover it, and let it go until the millet is tender, about 25 minutes.

4
You should have a couple minutes to make the sauce before all that finishes up. Grab a glass and smash the roasted garlic cloves around in the bottom of it until a paste forms. Add the lemon juice, remaining 1 tablespoon olive oil, and ¼ teaspoon salt until it looks like a really thick sauce/paste hybrid. Done.

5
When the millet is ready, pour it into a large bowl and add the roasted garlic sauce. Stir everything around really well and then fold in the broccoli. Taste and add more salt, pepper, or lemon juice to suit your tastes. Serve this simple side dish warm or at room temperature.

LEMON-MINT QUINOA

Show people you know that mint isn’t just a flavor of gum.

MAKES ENOUGH FOR 4 AS A SIDE

1 teaspoon plus 2 tablespoons olive oil

1½ cups quinoa*

2¾ cups water

¼ teaspoon salt

½ teaspoon grated lemon zest**

2 tablespoons lemon juice

1½ tablespoons rice vinegar

1
⁄
3
cup chopped fresh mint

2 tablespoons minced green onions

½ cup slivered almonds, toasted (optional)***

1
Grab a medium saucepan with a lid and heat 1 teaspoon of the oil over medium heat. Add the quinoa and sauté it around until it starts to smell a little nutty, about 2 minutes. Add the water and salt and bring it to a boil. Cover, reduce the heat, and let that simmer until the quinoa is tender, 15 to 18 minutes. If the quinoa is ready but there is water left at the bottom, just drain it in your mesh strainer, return it to the pot, and cover it with a towel while you get your other shit in order.

2
Mix together the lemon zest, lemon juice, vinegar, and remaining 2 tablespoons olive oil in a small glass. After the quinoa has cooled for a couple of minutes, add the lemon dressing, mint, and green onions to it. Toss well and fold in the almonds. Taste to see if you want more salt, mint, or whatthefuckever. Serve at room temperature or cold.

*
Rinse it under some cool water to make sure it isn’t bitter as fuck when you cook it
.

**
Just use the smallest side on your box grater to grate the zest. You don’t need any fancy equipment
.

***
The almonds are optional but add a fucking crunch you won’t regret
.

ROASTED POTATO SALAD
WITH FRESH HERBS

Level up your next potluck with this spud salad. The fresh herbs will make you forget all about that nasty mayo-covered crap you are used to choking down at picnics.

MAKES ENOUGH FOR 4 AS A SIDE

1 pound small white or yellow potatoes, unpeeled

1 tablespoon olive oil

½ teaspoon smoked paprika (optional)*

¼ teaspoon salt

FRESH HERB SAUCE

½ cup diced fresh parsley

½ cup sliced green onions

1 clove garlic, minced

2 tablespoons olive oil

2 tablespoons red wine vinegar

1 tablespoon water

1 teaspoon lemon juice

1
Crank your oven to 400°F.

2
Slice the potatoes in half lengthwise. If for some reason your little potatoes are not bite-size, then cut those fuckers into quarters instead and throw them in a bowl. Toss the potatoes with the olive oil, paprika, and salt until they all look covered. Pour them onto a rimmed baking sheet in a single layer and roast the hell outta them for 25 minutes, flipping them over halfway through.

3
While the potatoes are roasting, make that herb sauce. You can throw all the ingredients into a food processor and let it rip until everything is minced and mixed together, or you could just mince and mix by hand if you don’t want to create another dirty dish.

4
When the potatoes are tender, let them cool for about 10 minutes. Pour them into a large bowl and cover them with the herb sauce, making sure every spud gets some love. Taste and add some salt and pepper until it’s howeverthefuck you like it. Stick it in the fridge for at least 1 hour so that the potatoes can absorb all that flavor and the garlic can mellow the fuck out. Serve cold or at room temperature.

*
Optional but dope

BRAISED WINTER CABBAGE
AND POTATOES

This side dish is some simple shit. chop. Pour. roast. Flip. Done. it’s great in the middle of winter when all the other veggies in the store are looking sad. GIVE CABBAGE A CHANCE.

MAKES ENOUGH FOR 4 TO 6 AS A SIDE

1 small head of green cabbage (about 1 pound)

½ yellow onion

3 carrots

1 cup vegetable broth

2 tablespoons olive oil

½ pound small white or golden potatoes

3 cloves garlic, minced

1 tablespoon chopped fresh rosemary

Salt and ground pepper

1 tablespoon lemon juice

1
Heat your oven to 350°F.

2
Chop the cabbage in half and slice into wedges no thicker than 2 inches. If it has an extra thick core, chop that fucker right out. Roughly chop the onion and carrots. Big chunks are fine because they are going to have time to cook all the way through.

3
Grab a 9 x 13-inch baking dish and lay the cabbage pieces all down in one layer. Throw the chopped onion and carrots all around them and then pour in the broth and oil. Cover with foil and stick in the oven for 40 minutes.

4
While that cabbage business is braising, slice the small potatoes in half. You want chunks about the size of the head of a soup spoon. When 40 minutes have gone by, take the cabbage out of the oven and turn the wedges over. Next, add the potatoes all over those motherfuckers and sprinkle in the garlic, rosemary, and ¼ teaspoon salt. Stir the potatoes around so that they kinda get some of the remaining broth on them, but don’t spend a lot of time on this. It’s not worth a bunch of trouble. Cover that fucker back up and let it bake for 40 more minutes, then take off the foil, and let it go for 10 more minutes.

5
When all that time has passed, take that heavy-ass dish out of the oven, drizzle the lemon juice over it, and add salt and pepper to taste. Serve warm. Some vinegary hot sauce on those potatoes wouldn’t be the worst idea.

ROASTED BEET
AND
QUINOA SALAD

When beets are bad, they are really fucking gross. But roasted, these mother fuckers get sweet and delicious. Trust.