Through The Lens (27 page)

“Jessa, you have to
know I’m sorry,” he pleaded, giving me the most sorrowful look I’d ever seen.

Sighing, I gave up on
my combination because my mind wasn’t working.  What to say to make him leave?
“Josh, for what it’s worth, I don’t think you are a bad guy.  And maybe you
never set out to hurt me, but you did.  And I’m not up to this right now.”

His hand reached up,
maybe to stroke my face, but another hand slapped it away. “You need to go.
Now,” Ethan said, looking like a bear protecting his den.  Ethan’s pointer
finger was almost touching Josh’s face.

Taking Ethan’s hand
away, I linked his fingers with mine.  And Josh missed none of it. “So you’re
really with him now.”

Pulling my hand back
because this was exactly what I didn’t want.  I could see this breakup turning
around in the rumor mill as being my fault.  Not that I cared, but Ethan was
new.  He had enough crap in his world for people to blame him for. He didn’t
need the blame for why everyone’s darling, Josh, was broken up with his
girlfriend. “Josh, don’t even try it. You did this.  Don’t blame anyone else.”
I spouted off at the mouth.

“And you didn’t even
give me a chance to explain,” he said, resoundingly.

Ethan looked ready to
pounce.  I took his forearm in my hand, trying to hold him back. “Chances,
really?” I asked. “I gave you several.  And you messed up each time.”

Tipping his head in
Ethan’s direction, Josh said, “Do you know what they say about what he did?”

“Stop, Josh. This isn’t
about Ethan.  Please,” I paused. “Just go.”

“Yeah, Macon, leave,”
Ethan said.

Josh was vibrating with
anger. “What did you say to her to poison her against me?”

“I didn’t have to say
anything.  You buried yourself,” Ethan said, rising to Josh’s bait.

“Please,” I said,
backing up Ethan.

Josh said, “Just let me
just talk to you for one minute.”

“Not today, okay?” I
said, weary of the people standing in the halls.  I so hoped this confrontation
didn’t end up on YouTube.

“I’ll call you,” Josh
said and backed off.   With him walking away, I said nothing, letting him have
the last word.  There was just no point otherwise.

Ethan pressed his
shoulder against the adjoining locker to mine. I went back to trying to
remember my combination. When it clicked, I opened it and quickly switched out
books getting ready for first period.

“I don’t blame him,”
Ethan rattled out.  Closing my locker with a twang, I looked at him. Seeing
that I was confused by his statement, he added, “I would fight to keep you,
too.  He didn’t know what a good thing he had until it was gone.”

His words had a calming
effect on me.  The sly grin on his face only added to my teasing him.  I said,
“So cliché, Mr. Hart.”

“But true,” he said,
his eyes seemingly growing dark.  The desire to kiss me was plain on his face.

Playfully, I stepped
back.  Out of his reach, I said, “See you later, Mr. Hart,” and headed off to
class.

All thoughts of my
confrontation with Josh gone, I couldn’t stop smiling as Ethan did his best to
get my attention later in our third period class.  Thankfully, I was able to
ignore him mostly.

Walking into lunch,
Madison waved me over like she was air traffic control.  All she needed was the
orange cones and blinking lights.  “Can you be any more obvious?” I chided.  I
wasn’t mad, but attention isn’t what I was looking for.

“Josh cornered me
earlier,” she began. “He’s begging me to talk to you.  The boy’s got it bad.”

“The boy has it wrong. 
He called me Jenna, and then I caught him kissing her.  I can’t do it,” I
protested.

“Okay, okay,” she said.
“Don’t shoot the messenger.”

Bradley walked over
with purpose. “I don’t mean to be the bearer of bad news, but Josh and Ethan
got in a fight.”

“What?” I demanded. 
Before Bradley could answer, I got a text on my phone.

Going home.  Come over
later.
  It read. 

Closing my mouth, I
didn’t know how to react.  I never had two boys fight over me.  Jenna walked
into the lunchroom and gave me a clear “I hate you” glare.  My sister and I had
fought before.  But it was always something stupid.  This was different.  Part
of me ached to go to her and work things out. But the rational side of my brain
said that she needed to be the one to try and work things out with me.

“You have to admit,”
Bradley started talking.  With the full force of my attention back on him, he
continued, “Now that you, um…” Gesturing with his hand wildly up and down in
front of me, I think I got what he was trying to say. “Um…”

He was failing, and I
gave him a life raft, “Lost weight,” I said flatly, not amused with the
direction of this conversation.

“Yeah, well, you and
Jenna do look a lot more alike,” he finished.

Looking over at
Madison, she looked down, up, and to the side, anything other than meeting my
gaze.  So she agreed with him. “So, I should forgive him.  Is that what you
both are saying?”

They shook their
collective heads.  Pissed as I was, I managed not to yell, “Good, because for a
moment I thought maybe you guys were on his side.”

Madison shot Bradley a
look, then said, “We just want the best for you.  And I mean, how much do you
really know about Ethan?”

“Not you, too,” I
sighed. “How much do I know about Josh other than he likes my sister more than me? 
Ethan has been nothing but a good friend.  And I really like him.  I hope you
guys will support me.”

They nodded together. 
We ate the rest of lunch in silence.  The rest of the day, I spent lost in
thought while trying to pay attention in class.  Art class was weird with Ethan
missing.  I heard the murmurs of students about the fight I missed.  I didn’t
listen because who knew how the story had changed from the actual events by
now.  I would get the full story from Ethan tonight.

When class was over,
Mr. Miller asked me to stay. Thinking he was going to ask me about Ethan, I
braced myself.  “I hope you don’t mind,” he said. “But Ethan showed me some of
your pictures.”

Surprise was an
understatement. “Really?” I said.

“Don’t be mad at him. 
He thought you were really good and wanted my opinion, and I have to agree. He
told me how you guys developed the film yourselves.  I have to say, I’m
impressed.  Technology the way it is, it is much simpler to use a digital
camera and manipulate the prints the way you want.  To see raw film that isn’t
perfected through photo editing is really good.  I wondered if you would mind
if I submit your picture on your behalf in a couple of contests.”

Stupefied that my
teacher was giving me such a compliment, I nodded and said, “Sure. That sounds
great.”

“Good, once I submit,
I’ll copy you on the confirmation.  There may be some in which you may have to
submit yourself.  For those, I’ll bring you the contest information, and you
can decide if you want to enter.”

“Okay,” I said. 

However my day didn’t
end that way.  After getting the books I would need for studying and homework,
I saw Lucy standing with her pouty mouth turned upside down.  Knowing what was
coming, I braced myself.

“I never thought of you
as a slut, but Jessa, you’ve really outdone yourself.  Dumping Josh for Ethan
was a mistake.  Josh probably really liked you, but Ethan will only use you
until I take him back,” she said with hands on her hips.

“Is that so?” I said annoyed.

“Yes. If I were you, I wouldn’t
get feelings for him. He’ll run, and you’ll be left heartbroken,” she said,
before rolling her eyes and stalking off.

Of course, I didn’t
believe a word she said.  However, it did spark some curiosity about what went
on between Ethan and her.  I’d have to ask him about it.

On the way home, I
asked Bradley to make a pit stop.  Still feeling bad about lunch, he didn’t
give me any flack.

Alone in my house, I
still closed the door to the bathroom.  Studying myself, I saw what my friends
saw, Jenna.  And I knew it was time for a drastic change.  The box on the
counter of non-permanent hair color would give me a chance to try a new path.

I’d already studied the
instructions, googled them and was pretty sure what I was getting into.  An
hour later, I looked at myself and smiled.  For the first time, I wasn’t a
version of Jenna.  It was interesting how much hair color can change your
appearance. 

Hearing my sister bang
through the hallway and into her room, I slipped out with my keys in hand.  I’d
already talked to my Mom and told her I wouldn’t be home for dinner. 
Thankfully, my parents hadn’t made it home yet.  I wouldn’t have to explain my
now brunette hair color. 

Feeling freed, I wasn’t
a total wreck wondering how Ethan would react.  I didn’t think he would mind. 
Parking in front of his house, I picked up my camera.  I wanted pictures of
this moment.

When he opened the
door, we both stood shocked.  His cheek was red and slightly swollen.  “Your
hair,” he said.

“Your face,” I
retorted.

His hand touched my
hair in disbelief. My hand lightly brushed his cheek. It was cool to the touch.
“Have you been icing it?”

“Yes,” he answered.
“Don’t get me wrong, I would think you are beautiful even if your hair was
green.  But why?”

Shrugging, I said,
“Just needed a change.”

Tugging me in the door,
he closed it by pressing me against it.  His lips were warm despite the
coolness wafting off his cheek. “I’ve wanted to do that all day,” he admitted.

 When he looked at me,
he made me feel pretty.  I wanted to drown in the blue pools of his eyes, but I
needed an answer to a question. “Why did you fight him?”

His eyes danced to the
ground, before he took a step back. Shifting on his feet, he started to walk
away. “He called me a murderer and you my next victim.”

Catching the rage on
his face by just recalling Josh’s words, I had to wonder if that was all that
was said.  Following him to the kitchen, I wrapped my arms around his waist and
pressed my face against his back. “It doesn’t matter what they think.”

Taking one of my
wrists, he spun me to face him.  Leaning down and looking directly in my eyes,
he said, “Do you believe I’m capable of that?”

If I’d been honest, I
would have told him he was scaring me right now.  The pressure on my wrist made
me want to wince.  Then again, Ethan didn’t deserve this.  If he was culpable,
wouldn’t the police have caught him?  Plus, I’ve been alone with him plenty of
times and never once did he take advantage.  He was pissed right now, and I
couldn’t blame him.  Because of me, people were questioning his integrity. 
He’d left his old school, no doubt because of all the rumors.

“No, I don’t believe
that,” I said, honestly.

Letting go of me, he
wrapped me in his embrace. His anger burned off so quickly, I was left a little
bit mystified.  It only took a moment for me to take in the state of his home
for me to soften to him again.  Ethan needed someone constant in his life who
trusted him.  It was probably unexplainable, but I did.  Stepping back from me,
he said, “I have two questions for you.”

“Okay,” I said,
hesitantly because the way he spoke was ominous.

“Would you go with me
to homecoming?”

Most girls dreamed of
this moment.  I was no different.  In all my years of school, no boy had ever
asked me to a dance.  It was bipolar of me, but I felt like doing a happy
dance.  Outwardly, I quietly said, “Yes.”

Funny enough, he looked
relieved like I might say no.  “Good,” he sighed.  Then he grew pensive. With
an undercurrent of anxiety, he said, “Would you go with me somewhere on
Saturday?” he asked.

His demeanor said that
this was really important.  “Sure,” I answered, without any idea of where would
be going.  But I suspected he needed my confidence and decided I wouldn’t ask
where. “Would you mind taking a picture of me?” I asked.

That got a smile out of
him. Picking up my camera from where I deposited on the counter, I handed it to
him.  “We should go outside while the sun is still out,” he said.  The mood
changed, and things were light again.  I wanted to ask about Allie and Lucy,
but decided to wait.

Following him, we ended
up out back in the tall golden grass. Even though the film was black and white,
the outdoor light gave the shades of grey intensity.  After clicking off the
final shots of the roll, he said, “Stay right there.”  He dropped into our
hidey hole.  When he came back up, he loaded my camera with film.  Lifting the
camera, he took the first shot.  “Smile,” he said.  And I did.  The clicking of
the camera made me bold.  I started to act silly and blow kisses at him.  “Now
run like you want me to catch you.”  Turning, I ran but turned back smiling a
few times.  The next time I turned, he wasn’t there. 

Stopping, I looked
around.  When I spun and landed, he was right there.  His hands brushed the
bare skin of my arms, and it was electric.  He circled my waist, pulling me
close.  Closing my eyes, I tilted my head to meet his.  When he didn’t kiss me,
I opened my eyes, feeling slightly foolish to meet his deep stare.  “I never
thought I could feel this way,” he said. Biting my lips, I let a tiny smile
curl my lips. “You’re just the first real thing in my life.  You’re not a
dream. You are here right now.”