Through The Lens (29 page)

With that problem well on
its way to being solved, I shifted my stance.  With a twinkle in my eye, I took
in my gorgeous boyfriend and made my way over to him.

The rest of the week went by much like
old times.  Madison and Bradley were talking, but she hadn’t progressed back to
hand-holding.  I left it alone, not wanting to influence either of them.  They
were both my best friends.  We even did a movie night at Madison’s house. 
Ethan was there.  I’d forewarned him of their rocky relationship at the moment,
so we didn’t give them any PDAs.

It was the next day
that proved to be more interesting.  Despite the late hour we left Madison’s
house, Ethan showed up at my house that next morning a little before ten.  I’d
gotten up late, yet I still did an abbreviated run.  I wasn’t sure what to
wear.  When I looked at him, I gauged his dress and ran back to my room to
change into one of the two outfits I had laid out.  He wasn’t quite dressed up,
but he was wearing nice slacks and a button-down shirt.  So I opted for what
I’d like to call a Sunday dress.  Something you could wear to church or an
event with family.  It was the kind of dress that wasn’t shapeless, but being a
bit more conservative landed just above the knee.  The blue color was just a
tad more vibrant than navy.

Coming down the stairs,
I saw Ethan’s slight smile and wondered if I’d chosen wrong.  Then, he took my
hand and said, “You look lovely.”

His mood didn’t improve
much, and the long drive made me long for yoga pants.  Still, I wasn’t sure
where we were going.  Music played in the background filling the void of lack
of conversation, and Ethan looked lost in his thoughts.  I found the change
from highway to small town life a sign that maybe we were reaching our
destination.  When he parked, I had my hand on the door when, having moved
quicker, he opened it for me. Taking his hand, I let him help me out of the car
like a Victorian lady from a romance novel.  I stretched, having spent nearly
two hours in the confines of a car with no conversation.

Lacing his fingers with
mine, we walked down a quiet street with other pedestrians passing us by, but
not in a busy street way.  Traffic was steady but light.  When we walked up the
stairs to a red brick building, I almost mistook it for a church.  It didn’t
have a steeple, but it had a church kind of feel.  This small town was old yet
well maintained.  The name etched into the glass of the front doors revealed
that we were in fact at a restaurant.

Happy for my dress, we
walked in and were greeted immediately by a hostess wearing a genuine smile. 
Ethan gave her his name, and we were seated.  It appeared this was the type of
place where you needed a reservation.  This was a first for me.  The dining
room was small, and every table was occupied.  The crisp white linen table
covers loomed ominously at me.  What if I spilled something?  Everyone would
see. 

We were seated at a
two-person table next to a wall about halfway into the dining room.  Ethan
looked better than he had all day.  I was hoping this would be the change in
the tide.  “Don’t look so nervous?” he teased.

“You might be nervous
if you had no idea what this day had in store,” I said before I could check my
words.

“You’re right.  I’m
sorry.  We still have a bit of a drive ahead of us, and I thought I would take
you to lunch, breaking up the long drive.  I’ve never had the chance to take
you out.  I thought the first time should be something really nice,” he
confessed.

“I’m sorry.  It’s
okay.  I’ve just never eaten anywhere this fancy before,” I said, shyly.

My hand that I’d placed
on top of the menu was covered by his. “Thank you for coming with me today,” he
said.  Still he gave no clue what our final destination was.

Our waiter walked up
then offering us a choice of distilled or sparkling water.  This was when I
really knew I was out of my depth. Not certain what distilled water meant, I
went with sparkling.  My mother would probably chide me with that thought
because somewhere in my memory I’m sure she’s given me the knowledge. 

Opening the menu, I was
greeted with how much lunch would cost.  That amount was more than my whole
outfit.  I listened to some of Ethan’s suggestions and ordered accordingly.  He
came alive as the meal was served, looking like something out of one of Mom’s
restaurant magazines.  The portions were uncommonly small, but oh so good.  And
we talked and giggled and tasted each other’s selections.  This would turn out
to be the highlight of the day.

After lunch, like Ethan
forewarned, we drove a couple hours more.  What I wasn’t expecting was to arrived
in front of a basic cottage-style house in the middle of nowhere.  It was mid afternoon,
and I had no idea why we were here.  It didn’t take long for me to figure it
out.  After parking, we didn’t walk in the house.  Instead we walked to the
back, and everything was clear.

When Ethan let go of my
hand, after gripping it to a numb state, I stopped and let him continue his
journey alone.  I would wait, and if he needed me, I would go to him.  Still I
was close enough to read the grave marker of his father who had died a year ago
today.

I’d seen many of
Ethan’s emotions, happy, playful, solemn, pissed, drunk, and silly.  Mostly,
I’d seen him strong.  With all the crap in his life, he’d seemed strong even
when he’d been drunk, he still had it together.  So when he collapsed to his
knees and his body shook, my tears spilled for a man I never met.  My tears
fell for the guy my heart was falling for.

With emotion ruling me,
I moved forward and embraced him.  Not in a motherly way, I didn’t think that
was what he needed.  I wrapped myself in his arms like I was the one that
needed to be held.  And he held me for a very long time.  When we finally
moved, my legs were cramped, and the sun was making its disappearance. 

“Can you get your
camera?” he asked, his voice rough from not speaking for so long.

Handing me his keys, I
walked to the car, figuring he needed a moment alone.  I took my time going and
coming back.  With my camera in hand, I rounded the corner to see Ethan
standing.  He’d dusted off his pants because I could discern no dust or dirt. 
Holding a hand out to me, he said, “Come on,” with a gentle bending of his head
in the opposite direction.

What I saw next took my
breath away.  We’d driven up and down mountains to get here.  And looking over
the valley below, I understood that feeling of being on top of the world.  The
view was stunning.  The sun dipping low, and the fog that rolled in.  The sky
was a mixture of pinks, golds, and twilight blue.  The camera came up.  Click,
click, click.  I turned and took pictures at every angle.   I even caught him
in a few.  His profile was amazing. Click, click, click. 

Finding I was focusing
on him, he turned and gave me a vulnerable smile.  Moving towards me, I dropped
my camera when his face was but an eyeball in the viewfinder.  With spread
fingers, his hand slid to the middle of my back just as his mouth descended on
mine.  There was a need in the crushing kiss that I opened myself to. 
Breathless, he asked, “Would you stay here with me tonight?”

“I, I.” Stammering for
a response was all I could manage.

With his hand he
scrubbed over his face, he cursed, “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have asked.  Of
course, I’ll take you home.”

The desperation he
tried to hide wasn’t lost on me.  His eyes pleaded with me, contradicting his
words. “Yes,” I heard myself say.  What was I thinking?  Lying to my parents
wasn’t me.  Yet, how could I say no to that face.

Turning, I walked
towards the car. “Where are you going?” he called after me.

Continuing forward, I
said over my shoulder, “I’m going to get my phone.”

Minutes later, I was
listening to an exasperated Madison. “You owe me big, huge,” she said drawing
out the last word to let me know to what extent I’d have to pay her back.

“I know,” I said.

“Fine, don’t get
caught.  And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” she said.

“And what might that
be?” I teased.

“You are so wrong,” she
laughed.

Taking in a deep
breath, I counted my heartbeats in double time with the ringing of the phone.
“Hello,” the voice on the other line said.

“Mom.”

“Jessa.”

“Yeah, I’m going to
stay over with Madison tonight. Is that okay?”

“Sure, did you take
clothes?” she asked.

“Uh, no. I’ll borrow
something from her,” I replied.

“Okay, see you
tomorrow,” she answered, ever trusting. I’d never given them any reason not
to.  I closed my eye when the call ended. 

When I opened them,
Ethan stood there. “I can still take you home.”

Shaking my head and
biting my lip, I said, “I want to stay with you.”

The place was sparsely
furnished and reminded me of his house.  There wasn’t anything to eat in the
kitchen, so we ended up driving several miles to the first fast food restaurant
we came across.  The place had a play area for kids.  Thus the place was packed
with families.  We ate there, but I watched Ethan casually looking at the
families.  I didn’t ask him about it.

“My Dad died one year
ago today,” he said in an offhanded way while we were dumping our trash.  We
had to move single file to clear the doors for all the new incoming patrons. 
That took me off the hook from finding something to say.

On the way back to the
cottage, silently he put his hand palm up in between us.  Without pause, I
placed my hand on his, weaving our fingers.  Squeezing once, I let him know how
I felt.

Pulling to the driveway
of the cottage, in the face of darkness, I really got a look at the place.  The
color of it was light, as it reflected the moonlight instead of absorbing it. 
There were four windows on the lower half with the front door in the middle and
two dormer windows on top.  We pulled into a carport to the right of the
house.  We entered through a side covered entrance.  The white walls bounced
the moonlight all throughout.  The dark stained wood floors didn’t creak when
we made our way into the living room. 

Ethan flipped a switch,
and the fireplace came to life. 

“Nice,” I said.

Grinning, he said, “It
gets cold here at night.”  He collapsed on the sofa that faced the blaze. 
Moving, I sat next to him.  My dress rode up my leg, reminding me I didn’t have
anything to wear.

Two empty chairs sat
empty on either side of the fireplace.  I couldn’t help but think how easily my
family could have settled in here. My thoughts were replaced with the turn of
my chin by his hand and his lips on mine, this time in a gentle kiss.  The glow
from the fireplace and the moonlight were the only illumination in the house. 
It was enough to cast light on the desire that rose in his eyes.

One moment his hands
were in my hair, the next I was lying on the couch underneath him without a
clue how that happened.  His hands made their way up the side of my dress,
which let me know I still had it on, thank goodness.  Obviously, I’d lost all
reason.  Taking inventory of myself, my damp skin was surely from the heat of
the room.  With a sudden urge, I felt the desire to undress just to cool off,
of course.

That is about the time
that my brain woke up. “Ethan,” I said when his hand touched my stocking clad
thigh.

Raising himself up to a
seated position, he said, “Sorry.”  His breathing was labored above my own.  I
wasn’t sure I was asking him to stop, but thought it best to let it be for
now.  Wiggling my elbows underneath me, I hoisted myself up.  Seeing what I was
trying to do, he lifted up, so I could swing my legs to get myself seated.

“Are you tired?” he asked,
not looking at me.

The awkwardness created
a third person in the room.  I felt like the lamest of the lame.  Ethan was
most likely used to a girl freely giving him anything and everything he wanted.
“A little,” I said meekly.

“So bedrooms are just
up the stairs.  The first door on the left is the bathroom,” he said, pointing
to the right where the spindly staircase was bathed in moonlight.

Looking down on myself,
I wasn’t sure how to proceed.  I had no other clothes.  And the way the house
looked more like a basic model home, I didn’t guess there would be any spare
clothes.

“Oh,” he said before
unbuttoning his shirt.  Looking away, I didn’t want to guess wrong at his
meaning, so I worried on my lower lip instead.  With more rustling, his hand
proffered a tee shirt to me.  I had to look now.  There he sat in all his glory,
chiseled muscular abs, skin bare to me. 

Opening and closing my
mouth, I took the shirt with nothing else to do.  I moved to stand when he
caught my wrist. “I’m not mad,” he said.

Nodding was easier than
speaking.  Letting me go, I stood and my words, found themselves.  “I bet
you’re regretting getting involved with me.”  Insecurity grew an ugly head and
formed my words.

Getting to his feet
swiftly, he blocked my path.  “It’s because of your worth that I’m willing to
wait forever if I have to.” Then he kissed my forehead, like I was a child.  My
heart sank.  But his kiss moved lower to the tip of my nose.  I sighed in
relief.  Then softly, he kissed my lips, and all was forgotten.  The heat was
back, and at the cool touch of his hand on my arm I began to wonder if I was
having my own personal summer.  The phrase, I’d learned from my Mom when she
complained often that she was hot when the rest of us were fine.