This Regret (45 page)

His words send my body into shock.
Am I hearing things?
"But . . ." I stop myself not wanting to question him in case I heard wrong. "Take me home then," I breathe.

"To your home or mine?"

I look up and sigh, "To your home."

It's quiet for a second before Kellan whispers, "My home can be your home."

Now my heart is really going crazy. Maybe it's just me. "What do you mean?"

He places his finger to my lip, hushing me before grabbing my hand to help me up. The look on his face is as if he's just said something he didn't expect. If it was unexpected to him just imagine how I feel. "Let's take a look at this beauty and see what you think." He walks me over to the mirror on the back wall between his and Tyler's stations. He holds my arm up and looks down at the tattoo with a look of pride. "Wow! It's stunning. Adric was the most talented person I knew."

Pulling my eyes away from his, I look into the mirror and tears spring to my eyes. It's the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen in my life. The colors really make it pop and Kellan is unbelievably talented with the tattoo gun. I glance up at him teary-eyed. "You
are
the most talented person I
know.
This is better than I could have ever dreamed of." I place my hand to my mouth and sob. I don't mean to, but I can't help it. Seeing Adric's work on me, done by his best friend and the man I know without a doubt I love, sends my emotions into overdrive. I'm a wreck.

A tear slides down Kellan's cheek and he does nothing to hide it. He just wraps his arms around me and pulls me as close as he possibly can. We both stay like this for as long as we can. This moment is special to the both of us.

* * *

Kellan gives me no option but to go back to his house. He pulls his truck into the garage and quickly shuts it behind him as if he's worried someone is watching us.

"Are you all right?" My voice is soft as I watch him struggle with his seat belt.

He releases his belt and reaches over to unbuckle mine. "I'm fine. I just can't wait to get you inside. I missed you, that's all. I want to be close to you."

He jumps out of the truck and I whisper, "I missed you too." But it's too late for him to hear. He's already on my side of the truck opening the door and pulling me out of the seat.

He holds me against him while struggling with his other hand to stick the key into the lock. "Shit!" he growls. "Stupid key."

I gently take the key from him and slide it into the door. I look up and he's looking down at me with his eyebrows raised. "There we go." I smile.

He kisses me hard, while turning the key to let us in. As soon as we get inside, he pulls away from the kiss and types some code into his alarm system. Then he tosses his keys down and stands in front of me, breathing heavily. "I want you so bad it fucking hurts."

"I want you too."

Rayne runs over to Kellan's side and I half expect her to growl at me again, but instead she nudges my leg with her head as if she wants me to pet her.

Kellan laughs and bends down to pat her head and her butt. "That's a good girl." He kisses the scar behind her ears and smiles. "You know what's precious to daddy, don't you?"

I'm still standing here, just watching them interact. She seems so different from the dog I met last night. She's not quite as intimidating. Then I shake my head out of the daze I'm in and bend down next to him to pet her. "Hi there, Rayne." I smile.

Kellan stands back up and pulls me up with him. "Rayne doesn't usually take to people. Especially females. She must be able to sense how much I care about you."

I swallow hard as he backs me into the counter and kisses my neck. "Now that I have you alone. I'm going to take care of you. I'm going to do everything in my power to please you. You're not going to want anyone else when I'm through with you." If only he knew that was already true.

He picks me up, throws me over his shoulder and carries me into his room. He stops when he reaches the bed and gently lays me down. "Stay right there. I'll be right back."

Five minutes pass, but it feels more like twenty. I'm so anxious for him to come back that I can't sit still. I can hear the water running in the bathroom and I wonder if he's filling the tub. The thought gets me excited. Being in a hot bath with Kellan has always been one of my fantasies. Ever since I found him floating around the pool naked. The thought of his naked body
lying in a pool of water, confined to a small space with me completely turns me on. I would picture him walking me naked to the tub and stepping inside, placing me between his legs. Too bad I was too young back then.

I stand up as Kellan walks back into the room, shirtless. His jeans ride low on his waist and his erection is poking hard against his zipper.
Oh how bad I want to release it.

"You ready to fall in love with me? Because I can't stand the thought of you loving anyone else." Before I can respond, he scoops me up in his arms, presses my body against his chest and carries me into the bathroom.

Once inside he sets me down on the edge of the tub and tangles his fingers through my hair. "My body is yours. It belongs to you. As long as I can have you, you will be the only one to take these jeans off." He places my hands against his tight stomach and runs them down his body, stopping at his belt. "Show me how much you want me."

With my heart beating in my ears, hardly able to focus, I somehow undo his belt, sliding it through the loops and toss it to the ground. I bring my eyes up, looking at him as he watches me unbutton his jeans and slide his pants down his legs. "Oh shit, Kellan. How do you do this to me? I want every part of you. Do you know that? I've never wanted sex before and now I want it every day. What have you done to me? I'll never be the same now."

He grabs my hands, hooks them into his boxers and exhales as I pull them off. "I know. And it's all yours. I'm all yours. I've never given myself to anyone this way." He kisses my forehead and pulls me to my feet. "This is a big step for me. I've never cared about a woman this way. You do something to me and it scares the hell out of me."

He kisses my lips and steps out of his jeans. Then he reaches for my d
ress and pulls it over my head. "I want to make love to you," he whispers. "I want to make you happy. This is the only way I can show you how I feel."

Within seconds we are both completely naked. He gets ready to pull me into the water, but stops. "Fuck!"

I squeeze his arm as he sets me back on the ground. "What's wrong?"

He steps away from the tub and gently picks me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. "I forgot about the tattoo. You can't go in the water." He looks me in the eye as if he's afraid he hurt me. He kisses my nose when I squeeze him with my legs. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I just wanted to make you happy."

I grab his neck and pull his face against mine so we're nose to nose. "Shut up and make love to me, Kellan. I know you would never physically hurt me."

With one long look into my eyes, his legs start moving as his lips meet mine. He guides me back onto his bed, lips still pressed together and spreads my legs with his free hand.

I open them freely to let his body lay between them, his hard muscles flexing above me. His head pokes my entrance and my whole body quivers at the brief contact. He takes hold of his shaft and rubs the tip up and down the slickness, spreading the wetness from my pussy to my clit.
Fuck!
He feels so good and it hasn't even made its way inside. All I can think about is having it inside of me. All of it.

Gripping the back of his neck, I rock my hips up until the tip pushes inside of me. He moans against my lips and let's go of himself as he grips my thigh, squeezing it. "Oh shit, you're so tight and wet. I can't wait any longer."

Wrapping his arm behind my neck and gripping my hip with his other hand, he slams his lips against mine and slides all the way in. I can feel him filling me and I cry out and shake in pleasure. He stops for a second, worried that he's hurt me, but I bite his shoulder and dig my nails into his back.

"Don't stop, Kellan."

Realizing he hasn't hurt me, he pulls out all the way before slowly pushing his way back in and sucking on my bottom lip. His speed starts out slow and intimate, both of us holding each other as tightly as we can before it slowly picks up, both of us fighting for air as we moan into each other’s mouths. Our bodies continue to glide together, him rocking into me as he slowly kisses me everywhere his mouth can reach, neither of us wanting to let go of the other. He grabs hold of one breast, kissing my nipple. The tip of his tongue slithers through his lips, touching my sensitized nipple. As he swirls his wet tongue in a circle he looks up at me. Him watching me as he does it is the sexiest thing I've ever seen. As he thrusts, I can see his abs tighten. I can't pull my eyes away.

This feeling is better than any feeling in the world. I could lay beneath this man, in his arms forever and be happy. I love him. I love him so fucking much. Too bad I have some questions for him later. I have a feeling they could change everything.

Chapter Twenty-One

Phoenix

I awaken before Kellan does with my face pressed against his warm skin. At least, I think he's still asleep. I pull my head away from his bare chest and lean up to look at his face. His eyes are still closed and the arm he has wrapped around me is so firm, I couldn't get away from him even if I tried. Not that I would. I could lay like this forever.

Again, we spent the whole night naked, maki
ng love and talking in between, any attempt to catch our breath. Of course, he kept bringing me food and demanding me to eat to get my energy up. I did so too, knowing that afterward, we would make love again. The night was so beautiful I barely even worried about the pain from my fresh tattoo. He cleaned it for me a few times and placed some kind of tattoo stuff on it to keep it moist. He took care of me just as he did the other night.

Last night was different though. He didn't want to leave my side for a second. He held onto me as if he would never see me again. Something in witnessing that, caused my
heart to ache. I was happy he wanted to be close to me, but worried about what that meant for us. I'm still worried, but I have to keep it together long enough to ask him about that night. I can't wait any longer. He could be gone in the blink of an eye and then I'll never know. It's something that has eaten at me for eight years. I need to know. I need that closure.

Looking around the room, my eyes settle on Adric's old guitar. My fingers lightly brush Kellan's chest as I stare at it. I had no idea what happened to that guitar and it scared me. I felt as if I had lost Adric all together and everything he loved. Then when Kellan said he
took it after Adric died.

. . .
Wait a minute.

He said he took both the guitar and binder after Adric died. How was that possible? He left after that and no one ever saw him again. How did he take his stuff after he died? I mean, I assumed he heard the news traveling around town and left, but the rest makes no sense to me. Why haven't I questioned this before?

I push my way out of Kellan's tight grip and slam my back against the headboard, placing my hand over my mouth. The thoughts racing around in my head is causing me to panic. What the hell hasn't he told me?

Kellan jumps up, when he notices my absence and reaches for my face. "What's wrong? Did someone hurt you?" He looks around the room as if he's afraid someone else is in the room with us. When he sees we're alone he relaxes. "Shit! Don't scare me like that, baby. I thought I was going to have to kill someone. Are you okay?"

I shake my head and take a deep breath. "Kellan, we need to talk." I jump out of bed and reach for Kellan's shirt, pulling it on to cover my naked body. I can't be exposed to him right now. It makes me feel too vulnerable.

Kellan watches me in alarm as he sits up and runs his hands through his hair, gripping it between his fingers. "Phoenix . . ."

My eyes land on Adric's guitar and then back on Kellan. His face turns to stone as he sees the question in my stare. He's definitely hiding something from me. The question is, what? "How did you get Adric's guitar after he died? I never saw you come to the house. No one saw you, Kellan. How did you get it? That and the binder. How did you get them?"

Standing up, he walks over to me and rubs his hands up and down my arms, soothing me. "Calm down please. It's hard to explain. You know I will never lie to you so please don't ask. Just don't. I need you to trust me."

I yank my arms away from his and back away, holding my arm out to keep distance between us. "Calm down? Are you kidding me? I'm tired of being left in the dark about my brother. Don't you dare pull the trust card on me! No, this time I will not stop. Tell me how, Kellan. His guitar was missing as soon as I stepped into that room and saw him lying on the ground. The paramedics said he had not been dead long. It was gone. That means you were there. Did you say it backwards? Did you get the guitar before he died? Please tell me I heard wrong and I'm just confused."

He shakes his head, flares his nostrils and leans his head back in guilt. I want with everything in me not to be mad at him right now, but I can't help it. I have to know. I can't keep it in, bottled up, any longer. "No. I got the guitar, binder
and
motorcycle after he died." He takes a deep breath and reaches for his jeans, sliding them up over his naked body. "After he died," he repeats.