Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls (18 page)

Option 3: When you're actually
having
one of those hard days, work this diagram. I'm serious.

I created this diagram and process while teaching students how to prepare to become a CRSS. It was an exceptionally rough day, and I made an executive decision to use the shitty day as a learning experience and ditched the lesson plan altogether. The thing we learned that day in class (and that I always try to remember) is that we already have ALL the answers, and we
can
find solutions all on our own; it's just a matter of asking ourselves the right questions. This process borrows from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and will hopefully help the next time you have a day full of not-awesome.

Use a whiteboard, use a scrap of paper, whatever you need. Here is how it goes:

  
1.
  
Write an “I feel” statement. Yes, write. It's so amazing what the commitment to paper (or whiteboard) can do for problem solving. WRITE LIKE YOU MEAN IT. That day I felt “like shit.” Yes, I really wrote that in class, and it was well received; we all
feel that way sometimes. My “I feel” was simple and straightforward. That's it. Done!

  
2.
  
Underneath it, describe what that looks like: symptoms, adjectives, emotions—things you want to shout aloud. I felt tired, but not sleepy. Like I
should
(ugh, don't ever
should
on yourself!) be happy but instead I just felt heavy. I felt apathetic and fed up with my fucked-up brain for not giving me a break, and for just plain cramping my style. FUCK YOU, NEURONS!!!

  
3.
  
Identify the core influencers of your life. The big things, the items that most affect the way you feel. Many people have a list of ten-plus things, and that's totally cool. That day I focused on the major areas: medication, nutrition/food, family, exercise, sleep, and work. Get it down. This is what you're going to work through in the next part, so make them thorough.

  
4.
  
Assess those motherfuckers. Examine the components you listed in step 3. Are you caring for each area properly? Can you improve? What role are these areas playing in your day-to-day—positive or negative? Is there something that needs to be tweaked? Answer these honestly. On that particular shitty day I hadn't taken my medication in two days (that was a DUH, YOURE NOT FEELING WELL factor). I was eating “well enough,” but not superdeeduper great. I could have used a high dose of exercise that day. I wasn't sleeping. At all. My eighty-six-hour work weeks had me fucking burned out. So there. I was basically needing improvement in all areas. No wonder I felt like shit!

             
Now, there
is
the potential that some of your core items are going well (others had partners, house maintenance, creative outlets, that were helping them), AND THAT'S AMAZING. KEEP THAT SHIT UP (and note it)! And then proceed to number 5.

  
5.
  
Solution-ize. What can you do TODAY (you're feeling crappy
today
, aren't you?) to rectify some of those core issues? Be reasonable, and gentle with yourself. Do NOT try and overhaul
your life right now; that will be ineffective and will inevitably cause more overwhelm. Instead, create a simple and doable action plan, steps you can take to improve things, and if you can't do them all today, put a select few in the immediate future! Having positive steps to look forward to taking can ease some of the immediate stress.

             
That day I decided to leave the class right then and there and take my medication. This step was critical to my well-being, and if I didn't do it then I'd likely forget. So, check! I was already making progress. Nutrition: I needed more greens. A trip to the juice bar across the street during lunch was in order. I also needed an endorphin boost, bad; I decided to go to a dance class that night, one I don't normally attend, and fix that shit STAT.

             
Also, I wasn't sleeping. And when I don't sleep I am easily overwhelmed, angered, grumpy, and depressed. STOP NOT SLEEPING, JES, IT'S SMOTHERING YOUR FIRE. Okay, Self. I promise to be in bed by midnight, come hell or high water. And lastly . . . work. Sigh. The work days leading up to class had zapped my energy and glossed over my eyes. Though my work was positive, I needed to take a break from it all that night. My new plan was dance class and then a movie night with cheap wine and a friend. The piles of
to-do
's would be there tomorrow! Be as detailed as possible in your solution-izing (I wrote down when I was going to do those things, even put that my dance class was at seven o'clock).

             
Now literally circle those motherfuckers; you're winning at life!

  
6.
  
Put them all in order. Whenever we're in any sort of crisis stage, we revert back to a toddler mentality. True story. We need things to be clearly outlined, in order, and easy to follow. Use this diagram to give yourself organized instructions to make it through. Because you were
so detailed
in your solution stage (riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight?), it should be a snap to organize your solutions into an action plan starting right now! THEN you can execute
them without hurting your brain or feeling overwhelmed or wondering what you should do next. I KNOW it sounds so basic it hurts, but it's really important, and you'd be surprised how often we forget to do this.

I'm not exaggerating when I say that after completing my diagram I felt immediately better. Something about facing issues head on, having an action plan to follow, and knowing there were reasons for why I felt the way I did really helped solidify my core. I also assisted three students with this process—their diagrams were all drastically different, but they all had the same positive outcomes. Now, a year later, comments and emails from around the world confirm the same. Kick-ass to say the least. Keep this one in your back pocket!

Option 4: Treat your brain like a car.

My friend Allison, who is my “brain buddy”—we have long conversations about mental health issues, and I can call her in the middle of the night when I'm in crisis—has one of the most brilliant analogies for mental self-care that I've ever heard.

She says our brains are like cars: Some people are born with a 2015 Lexus and some are born with a 1978 Yugo. Me? I was born with a car that has lots of quirks that breaks down… a
lot
. These “special cars” need extra care, and require forethought before taking them on long trips. It's not bad, it's not good; it just is what it is. Okay, fine, it might be a little inconvenient. But since we have no choice about which car we were born with, the only thing we can do for ourselves is learn the best way to take care of them so those babies stay on the road lookin' fly.

But this still begs the question: What do we do when we take care of it just so, and it STILL breaks down on the side of the road? Well, we go through the following checklist and find out what we need to get it back up and running.

THE CAR CARE (A.K.A. BRAIN CARE) CHECKLIST

   
  
Be sure you have enough gas.
Our bodies are definitely machines, and they need fuel at all times. It sounds basic, but sometimes I forget that. One of the first questions Allison often asks me is, “When was the last time you ate?” I also like to check in with myself about
what
I've been eating, making sure I'm eating the right things to keep me going.

   
  
Recharge your battery.
Another unappreciated self-care item: SLEEP. It's something that many of us who teach recovery strategies harp on often, er . . . I mean, strongly suggest. We must must
must
let ourselves reset and recover from our days. As someone who is accustomed to eighty-hour weeks, I have to remind myself of this often.