Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls (17 page)

100% of humans have brains: mental health support is for everyone
100% of humans have brains: mental health support is for everyone

[ CHAPTER EIGHT ]
[ CHAPTER EIGHT ]

F
act: 100% of humans have brains.

I know I'm seriously stating the most obvious thing right now, but bear with me. There's more to this than meets the eye. I promise.

In the U.S., the new common statistic is that one in five adults—about 61.5 million Americans—experiences mental illness in a given year.
¹
That's 20 percent of us who are dealing with some sort of brain disorder. If you and I and everyone else who reads this book were all sitting in a group and I count off, pointing to each of us in turn, it goes: One, two, three, four, you. One, two, three, four, you. That's A LOT of people! And those are just the mental illnesses that are diagnosed; that leaves out all the others who (1) don't know what mental illness is or looks like, (2) are afraid to seek help because of the enormous stigma attached to it, or (3) don't know how to access or navigate the support available.

Well, here's my statistic (and that of many other professionals):
One hundred percent of adults have brains, and zero percent of them work perfectly.
Therefore, while it's commonly thought that only the 20 percent of people (those who are clinically diagnosed) are in need of mental health resources and help, I propose that 100 percent of us could use mental health support and assistance.

And
there's nothing wrong with that
.

That's a fact, not just opinion.

Before we delve any further, I'm sure you're wondering why the fuck I feel so comfortable talking about all of this. To give you a frame of reference, I've worked in several roles in the behavioral health/mental health world: as a psych-social rehabilitation specialist, a behavioral health technician (or BHT), a certified recovery support specialist (CRSS), and a mental health educator.

As a
psych-social rehabilitation specialist,
I coached those with serious mental illnesses through their recovery in a real work environment so they could ultimately gain independent employment.

A
BHT
works with individuals with a mental illness in various settings. This person has at least four years of experience through work or school and applies this knowledge wherever they are employed.

A
CRSS
is someone who is trained and certified to coach people with mental illnesses and has been diagnosed with a mental illness or substance use disorder themselves. These specialists are also known as peer mentors or peer navigators. Recovery support specialists are highly sought after and have been ever since researchers discovered that one of the most successful forms of rehabilitation available is working with someone who has also gone through recovery. This is changing the way we view individuals with diagnoses, and it's fucking rad.

As a
mental health educator
, I worked for an agency that supported me in creating and implementing a state-funded curriculum designed to train adults with mental illness on how to prepare to become CRSSs/peer mentors.

I left behavioral health recently after juggling full-time work, my
blog, speaking engagements, conference planning, and a book deadline, all of which led to complete and total burnout (it was brutal!). Will I go back? Perhaps someday. But only time will tell.

But for now, when it comes to this book, I'd like to be clear: I am not a psychiatrist, therapist, or any other licensed professional. Eventually, perhaps, but for now I'm speaking to you as someone who has lived a lot, seen a lot, taught a lot, read a lot, and trained a lot, and I want to share some real brain talk with you.

Because real brain talk is the best kind.

This book is mostly about bodies, but if we talk about bodies and social impact we gotta also talk about brains. Pretending that the body and the brain are not inextricably connected is kind of silly.

By living in a world that constantly tries to squash our self-esteem, all the while telling us to rise up and defeat the odds, we're put in a position that severely impacts our mental health. This takes a SIGNIFICANT toll on our self-esteem and mental coping skills. Combine that pressure with the fact that our brains are never 100 percent perfect, and, well . . . we all need some brain support, and there is nothing wrong with that, no matter what anyone else says.

Now, I've done a LOT of personal recovery work over the years. What has that meant for me? It has meant being in intensive therapy since 2008. Trying
a lot
of medications in order to find the ones that work perfectly for me. Building a support system that is balanced. Finding the foods that feed my brain appropriately. Finding a physical outlet that I don't hate (besides sex, wink wink). All that and developing coping mechanisms I can use every day. My recovery plan is pretty airtight and has allowed me to be a successful, productive, and busy lady, but does that mean mental issues never surface? HELLLLLLLLL. NO.

I still have days in which I (seemingly for no reason) crash and fucking burn. It's part of the human condition, and even though I hate it, my brain has the capability to break down as all of our brains occasionally do. Which has led me to ask myself,
What to do, Jes, when things get too hard?

I have some simple suggestions for you (and me) that can make daily brain issues—which are different from serious mental illnesses—a little bit easier to deal with.

Option 1: Create a “five-legged support system.”

In my CRSS training, I learned that the best support system is like a five-legged stool. If you have just one “leg” of support, your recovery topples. Same with two. Three can balance, but if one breaks you're SOL. Four is pretty stable, but again, lose a couple and you're flat on your ass. Five legs allow you to remain stable even if a leg or two were to disappear. So what do these “legs” look like? They can be anything that supports you. For me, many of the legs are people. My mom. My boy. Close friends. My therapist. And sometimes support legs can be actions like dance class. There is no shame in this game; we all need support to get through this tough thing called life. So find those five or more legs that work for you, and then
lean
on them.

Other potential legs of support: Creating art. Calling a crisis line. Writing. Making music. Reading inspirational books. Making a list of things you're grateful for. Your favorite form of exercise. Cooking a delicious meal. And perhaps some of the actions listed in number 2.

Option 2: Make a “hard-day plan”
before
you have a hard day.

It's really useful to create a list of things that make you instantly feel better for those days where you're in a downward spiral. The idea being: When you can't function, go to your already-made list, pick one thing, and just do it. Ideally, after doing one (or three) of these items, your brain feels a little better and allows you to continue on with life. The best part? Lots of them can be totally free. Here are some that work for me:

  
•
   
Ride my bicycle around downtown.
I hate a lot of forms of
exercise, but bicycling is an exception. Endorphins are magic. This gets them going instantly.

  
•
   
Get coffee at a local cafe and sit on the outside patio.
Twinkle lights and peppermint iced tea soothe my soul.

  
•
   
Turn on music and dance with my cats.
They hate it, but it does wonders for me.

  
•
   
Take myself on a movie theater date.
Yep. This.

  
•
   
Shower.
As simple as that. A physical reset button.

  
•
   
Call Mom.
It could be anyone for you, whoever is part of your support system.

  
•
   
Peruse Tumblr.
For some reason, my Tumblr feed is the perfect blend of empowering and fucking hilarious.

  
•
   
Give myself a makeovah.
I rarely take the time to put makeup on, do up my hair, and preen like I did when I was younger, but I still love it. “Victory rolls,” falsies, red lipstick . . . the whole gamut.

  
•
   
Have a salad bar hour.
This actually gives me several forms of self-care: both the get-out-of-the-house part
and
the nutritional-boost part. I love going to the co-op and buying an eclectic basketful of spinach salad ingredients. I follow it up by going home and making a point to be mindful and enjoy creating my masterpiece. And then I devour it with garlic bread, of course.

  
•
   
Write.
Whatever, wherever. Get it out of your body and brain and onto paper. The act of writing got me through college (Xanga, anyone?) and still continues to be a cathartic release for me.

  
•
   
Make a gratitude list.
I can actually demonstrate this one right now:

             
I'm grateful for being born into many opportunities. I'm grateful for my three fluffy roommates. I'm grateful for my education. I'm grateful to have a body that heals itself and lets me pursue my dreams. I'm grateful for Bath and Body Works
lotions. I'm grateful that I live in the same city as my family. I'm grateful that I write online. I'm grateful for bagels. I'm grateful for ending up on a path that allows me to love myself. I'm grateful for polka dots and stripes. I'm grateful for blooming orange trees. I'm grateful for air conditioning. I'm grateful for free speech. I'm grateful for being loved.

             
Making a gratitude list helps me every time.

  
•
   
Spend the day browsing at a bookstore.
Get on the bus, get in your car, or walk to a bookstore so you can grab a stack of books and read. Preferably forever.

  
•
   
Have a greasy-spoon breakfast and read the newspaper
. I don't know what it is about this combination that makes life worth living . . . but I'm not going to fuck with it. It's perfect.

  
•
   
Have sex
. With your fingers, with your shower head, with your vibrator, with your partner, with a lover . . . get those good vibes going, stat!

I would suggest you make your own list . . . right now. Like
now
now. Take the hard part of thinking about what to do out of the equation when you're next in a rut. Write it down or print it out and put it on your fridge or in your journal—wherever it's visible and easy to find. And the next time you feel like shit and all looks dismal, peek at your sheet and force yourself to try just one. You are your own best resource, baby. Put yourself to good use.